a/n: as promised here's the last chapter...

O.o i can't believe it's finished...

anyways, here's one more shot of drama before i move on...

---

Kai's POV

“Wow, Jongin. It’s the third time this week.” Kris-hyung smirked(?). He might be smiling but I really can’t tell his smiles from smirks or scoffs or…uh, get the picture? With his face, I can’t really tell.

“Uh, third time?” what does he mean?

“Yeah, third time using the doorbell this week.” he smirked (of this I’m sure now) before ushering me into their house. “Hey, Lia! Your boyfriend is here!” he hollered.

“Hyung! S-stop it! I’m not his b-boyfriend.” I hushed him. My face feel hot.

Kris-hyung rolled his eyes. “You’ve been going on dates for almost everyday of the week, and you tell me you’re not her boyfriend? Sure! And I’m a dragon!”

“Hyung, really! We are not…you know…like that.” I said. “And it’s not a date per se… Sehun is always with us so…”

Yep, we’ve been going on ‘dates’ ever since I’ve admitted my feelings. But we’re taking it slow. Lia is still reluctant about being in a relationship, not because she doesn’t like me or anything, but because she doesn’t want to tie me down with her when she doesn’t even remember who I used to be in her life.

She said that there’ll might come a day when I will get tired of waiting and she doesn’t want me to feel obligated to stay with her because of her amnesia. I repeatedly assured her that if  that day ever come (I don’t think it ever will), I would still stay by her side not because I pity her for her amnesia but because I love her as a friend.

“What’s taking so long, then? You act all lovey-dovey and she’s not your girlfriend? Please don’t tell me that you’re playing around with her because I would cut your head and feed it to your dogs.” Kris-hyung warned.

“No! I’m not, hyung!” I defended. “She…she said that we should not rush things. Not when she barely remember me!”

Kris-hyung clucked his tongue. “She’s such a weirdo.”

“You’re the weirdo. Stay out of our lives, Kris.” Lia huffed as she walked down the stairs.

I looked at her and I think my heart just died and went to heaven. How do you explain the feeling when your heart just seem to fly and everything is sparkly and shimmers and perfect? When you forget everything but this person who is standing before you?

“Hello, Kai.” she greeted with that smile that never fail to make me feel warm inside.

“Hi.” I replied, and I hope I don’t look like a lovestruck fool that I feel I am.

Time seems to be in a standstill as we look at each other. It might sound so cheesy but when she’s looking at me, everything seems to not matter at all. The world might be in chaos outside and I won’t even notice. Not when she’s got my attention, my whole world, held with that soft brown eyes.

Kris-hyung rolled his eyes and faked a shiver, making a beeline for the couch. “All this sap is ridiculous.” he muttered.

“Uh…” I scratched my head a bit. “Should we go?”

Her smiled didn’t disappear as she stopped in front of me. My face feels like it’s going to break but I couldn’t help smiling at her.

“How about Sehun? Are we going to pick him up?” she asked.

“Uh, no. He said he’s got some other things to do. So it’s just the two of us.”

The truth is: I forced Sehun that he’s got something to do. Bubble tea made the perfect bribe.

“Oh.” she nodded understandingly. “Where are we going then? I hope it’s somewhere fun like the last time. I think I’m starting to remember things about the places we frequent to during high school.” she beamed.

Well, that’s a good thing. I just hope that she would remember more, not only about the laces and events in her life, but more especially about the people in her life. I can wait, I promised I can wait, and for Lia, I will. But I just hope that fate won’t be a and keep me waiting forever.

“Well, Sehun suggested we go to the old movie theater we used to go to. They play old movies though so if you don’t want to it’s okay. We can go to the newer ones.” I suggested.

“And you say you’re not dating.” Kris-hyung muttered loudly.

Lia’s face went pink and  she avoided my eyes. “We are not.” she hissed.

She’s so cute when she’s flustered like this. She looked at me, “Let’s go, Kai.” she said and went for the door.

I followed her and helped her to the car. We made our way to the theater with a comfortable silence, Lia flipping through my CDs and picking one to play.

As the song played, her brows furrowed slightly. I could tell that she’s listening intently to the slightly upbeat music.

“It sound familiar.” she stated. “I’ve heard this before.”

“Of course you did. It’s your music. I had it remixed way back in high school.” I replied.

“Oh. So that’s why.” she nodded and listened more.

The traffic is blocked and we’re slowing down. There’s a little accident in front so we are forced to halt and wait it out.

I turned to Lia for small talk to pass the time and I noticed that she’s holding her head, her expression morphed into a grimace.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “Is the pain that bad? Do you need some painkillers? Should we drop at the hospital? Lia? Should we turn around and go home?” panic is rising in my chest. I remember that day on the park, she had the same pain-stricken look on her face and she turned pale as a ghost, she almost fell to the ground if I hadn’t catch her.

Relax, Kim Jongin. Take a deep breath. In and out. In and out.

“I’m…okay, Kai.” Lia muttered, still holding her head and her eyes clenched shut tightly. “It’s just one of those headaches.” she leaned back on the seat, sweat slightly covering her forehead. “I’ll be fine in as minute.”

The traffic was still going slow as a turtle and if I didn’t mind before, I do now. When is it going to move? I need to bring Lia to some hospital or clinic or something!

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. The pain is subsiding now…”she said, the look on her face finally relaxing.

I held her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, silently telling her that I’m here for her. She squeezed back, a smile forming on her face, her eyes still closed.
“Kai…I remember the song.”

“What? What song?”

“That song. My song.” she kept smiling with her eyes closed as if she’s seeing something fantastic behind her eyelids.

I could stare at her face all day but the traffic started to move so begrudgingly let her hand go and started driving.

“You used it on your first real competition. And you won. You and Sehun were so happy.” she stated.

“Yeah. We did use it. I remember you smack me afterwards because I didn’t tell you I was going to use the song.” I smiled at the memory. Ah, high school is really one of the best parts of our lives.

“I did?” she asked, looking at me with surprise.

I nodded, glancing at her for a second with a teasing smile. “You’re a bit of a sadist and Sehun and I were always your victims. I don’t why other people didn’t see that side of you though. They think you’re an angel! But in truth, you make my and Sehun’s life a pain!”

“What? I do not!” she retorted, slapping my shoulder.

“See what I mean?” I teased ever more, laughing at her pout.

She scoffed playfully, knowing full well that I’m just teasing her. Looks like the pain is gone. Good.

She settled on her seat. “I’m sorry.”

Huh?

“What? Sorry? What do you mean?” I asked.

“I’m sorry if I hit you a lot. I remember some of those, actually. But just short glimpses. I don’t recall everything and it might take a long time but I just want to tell you that I’m sorry about those times I hit you.”

Her sincere tone makes my heart flutter. “Don’t. Even if you hit me a lot back then, I deserve most of them and the rest… let’s just say that it’s just how you show your love.” I grinned.

“Wow. I must love you so much then.” she giggled.

Then everything is awkward.

The situation was saved when the old theater came to view.

“We’re here.” I announced and parked the car. I went out and got to her door to help her out. I noticed that she was struggling with the belt so I leaned in to help.

“Sorry. It does that sometimes. I haven’t got around to having it fixed.”

When I finally managed to free her from the belt, I turned to smile at her. Only to have her face nearly colliding with mine.

She’s so near I could count her lashed. Her eyes are wide with surprise as she looked directly into mine. Her scent is all over me, her warm breath caressing my face, and I just can’t pull away. My heart is racing and my mind seems to go blank as time seemed to have halted.

My head tells me that I should be backing up now and avoid making everything more awkward, but my heart tells me that everything’s alright. That this moment is bound to happen and…

Her lips are just so inviting.

“Kai…”

My name on her lips is the last straw and I threw caution to the wind. Forget about the awkwardness, I’ll deal with it later!

“Kai?” a soft, familiar voice called.

I mentally cursed, groaning silently. This is the third time! The third time!!!

I stepped back and gave Lia some room. Her face is flushed and she took her time getting out of the car, avoiding looking at me at the whole time.

I turned around to confront the culprit of sabotaging my third attempt to kiss Lia. Well, actually it’s the fourth, as I have learned recently.

“Hello, Kai!”

“Eunhee.”

Eunhee smiled at me. I never expected to see her in this place. Forget about expecting to see her, I haven’t really thought about her in past few months, not since Lia’s accident.

I can’t believe how my feelings for had dramatically changed in just over a few months. I no longer think of getting her back. That feeling is replaced by just wanting to be her friend instead. We did have good memories between us.

“I haven’t heard from you in a long time.” Eunhee said as she walked towards me.

“Yeah… sorry about that. I’ve been… busy.”

Lia closed the door behind her and stood beside me. Despite the awkwardness between us, she managed to smile at Eunhee.

“I see. You’ve been busy…” Eunhee trailed, a familiar playful smile gracing her lips as she looked at Lia. “Hello, Lia.”

Lia turned to me, a little confused. She didn’t say anything but I could see the question in her eyes.

“She’s Cha Eunhee, Lia. We went to the same high school together and she was our senior. You might not remember her that much because she was only their on our first year then she moved abroad.” I explained.

Lia nodded her head and turned back to Eunhee with a smile. “Hello, Cha Eunhae-sunbae.”

Eunhee’s teasing smile is replaced by a sympathetic one. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean…I just thought that you might have remembered me. I did hear about the accident. I’m sorry.”

Lia shook her head, “It’s okay. I’m starting to recall my memories and honestly, you look familiar.”

Eunhee looked at me pointedly, “You didn’t tell her about me, didn’t you?”

“I… uh…” I hesitated. Of course I haven’t told Lia about Eunhee. How do you tell someone you love that you used to love someone else and broke her heart because of it?

Lia kept looking at me and Eunhee curiously. “He didn’t mention you…” she trailed.

Eunhee clucked her tongue. “How could you not mention me to her, Kai? I’m hurt!” she pouted.

“I didn’t mean to! It just… I didn’t come around to telling her everything…”

“I’m one of you sunbaes at the music club back then, Lia.” Eunhee smiled. “I must tell you that I love your music. I’m not particularly good at singing or composing like you are but I love music all the same.” Eunhee beamed, giving me an understanding smile.

I thanked her mentally.

“Well, are you going somewhere?” Eunhee asked, “A date perhaps?” she giggled.

“We…we’re not on a date.” I replied, glancing at Lia and seeing the embarrassed blush on her face. “We’re here to see some old movie. I’m helping Lia in remembering…”

“Oh. I see.” Eunhee just nodded her head.

Just then, a familiar figure came running towards us. It’s Hyukjae-hyung.

“Sorry, hon. Donghae called. We’re you waiting that long?” Hyukjae-hyung said as he slip an arm around her waist.

“No. I ran into Kai and Lia.” Eunhee answered.

Hyukjae-hyung must have been blind to everything around him but for Eunhee, because he gave a surprised look at me and Lia as if he had just noticed us. “Uh… Kai. Long time no see.” he sort of looked at his hand on Eunhee’s waist.

“Yeah. It’s fine, hyung.” I smiled at him and he relaxed, getting the message that I’m absolutely okay with him and Eunhee.

“Well, since we haven’t seem each other for long, how about we catch up? Want some coffee with us?”

I smiled in agreement, and soon we found ourselves laughing and chatting on one of the cafes near the old theater. I found out Hyukjae-hyung and Eunhee had been dating a few weeks after she had came back, meeting on one of those arranged meetings/dates by their parents. Apparently Hyukjae-hyung’s family and Eunhee’s had been company colleagues for two generations and they decided to finally further link their families through marriage. Lucky, those two. They were forced into an arranged marriage but ended up liking the other.

As we caught up with each other’s lives, telling Lia about her past in the process, which she appreciated happily, Hyukjae-hyung got another call from Donghae-hyung. They were best friends since they were in diapers and when both of them graduated from college, they set up a dance school for all ages. That’s what was keeping them busy all the time.

Hyukjae-hyung excused himself, apologizing profusely while Eunhee admonished him teasingly, being the understanding girlfriend she is, before she shooed him off. Lia excused herself to the washroom and then there’s only me and Eunhee left on the table.

There’s a silence between us, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Maybe because everything between us is finally settled. I no longer look at her in a romantic light, and she’s no longer keeping her distance from me because of it. We’re just a couple of friends catching up with the loves of our lives beside us.

“You finally found out.” Eunhee said with a smile. “You finally listened to your heart.”

I gave her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

She gave me that smile that had her eyes glowing with wisdom. “I’ve always known that you love her, Kai. Even when we were together, I’ve known that I will never have your heart. Because Lia had always been inside it that it never opened up for someone else.”

“I’m sorry.” what else can I say? I want to tell her that I did love her but it would mean nothing now since things had already happened.

“Don’t be.” she reassured me. “It hurt, of course. But it was not anyone’s fault. You didn’t mean to hurt me. And you were a bit foolish even back then that I have to make the move on ending it between us before we truly hurt each other. You are first my friend, Kai, and I can’t let hurtful feelings get in between us if it all ended badly.”

“Why are you always so understanding? I would honestly feel better if you get angry at me now.”

She laughed softly at that. “Loving someone should never be wrong. Like I said, you were a bit foolish.” she sighed contentedly. “I understand now why you dated me.”

“What?”

“You dated me because you see Lia in me. And since you couldn’t lose your friendship with her, you asked me out. I was someone you have nothing to lose with. At least not as important as your friendship with Lia.”

“No. I… I did love you.” I looked at her seriously. “I loved you, Eunhee.”

“I know. But it was only because you see Lia in me. When you look at me, you could see the traces of Lia in me, that’s what drew you to me in the first place. But deep inside you, you knew that there was no other girl that would capture your heart. Even if you dated every girl on school after we broke up, you still didn’t give your heart to anyone because someone already has it.”

She’s right.

I was stupid not see it and hurt this girl who genuinely loved me.

I reached out and held her hand with mine.

“I’m sorry.” I told her sincerely. “And thank you.”

A serene smile from her and my heart feels lighter. “You’re welcome. Jongin.”

Everything in my life is finally going on the right track.

---

“How was your finals?” Sehun asked as he slumped on the seat next to me.

“Hell.” I replied. “Yours?”

“Worse.” he groaned. “I fried my brain 10 times on American History.”

“I feel you.” I said. “Anyways, have you seen Luhan-hyung lately? Kris-hyung said he’s being a pain at work.”

Luhan-hyung became an intern at the same place Kris-hyung works. Kris-hyung came home the other week practically cursing his luck.

“Last time he called, he said everything was fun.” Sehun shrugged. "Uh… why are we hanging out here anyways? Isn’t Lia out with her parents?”

We were at Lia's place, lounging on the living room as if the place is ours. It's nothing new to me, and Sehun had been here before. But I guess he'll never be as comfortable as I do when i'm here even if the pwners are not.

“My sisters have their boyfriends are over.” I reasoned, flipping channels on the television.

“So? It’s not as if Lia had not been over at your place.” Sehun retorted, taking the bowl of popcorn from my lap. “Can you go make some more?” he told me as he propped a feet on a knee, getting comfortable. (I guess i'm wrong about him not being that comfortable)

“Weren’t you just a little anxious earlier about staying on someone else’s house without the owners home?” I scoffed. “And for the record, Lia’s not my girlfriend. So it’s not the same as having those obnoxious jerks on my house.”

Sehun rolled his eyes on me. “Yeah, yeah.” I gave him a smack. “Ah! Stop that and go make the popcorn!” he swatted my hand away and pushed my towards the kitchen using his foot, practically kicking my .

“Yah, you little brat! I’m not your maid!”

“I know. But if someone should go and burn the house down, it wouldn’t be me. I’m a guest!” he pouted, “And you’re the hyung. Go make me some food…hyung.”

This kid! He only call me hyung when he wants something!

But even so, I went to the kitchen to make some popcorn. As I wait for the popcorn, some random paper caught my eyes. It was lying on the counter, along with some mails and brochures. Out of curiosity, and simply boredom from waiting for those kernels to pop, I picked it up.

I shouldn’t have.

It’s the letter from Berkeley. It’s dated just a couple weeks ago. It says that  Lia’s spot is still available, but with the new semester coming, slots are being taken fast. The school is adamant for Lia’s reply if she was still interested in applying.

Why hadn’t Lia mentioned this to me?

“What’s taking the popcorn that long, maid?” Sehun came thumping me on the back, hard enough to knock me off my feet. I dropped the letter.

“What the hell, Sehun?” I snapped and he raised his hands in the air as an apology.  I pickd up the letter and put it back on the pile.

“What was that?” Sehun asked, looking at the letter and noticing the school logo on the envelop. “Hey, it’s from Berkeley.”

“I know.” I replied and went to get the popcorn when the microwave let out a small ‘ding.’ “I wonder why she didn’t tell me about it.”

“Don’t sulk, Jongin. I told you before that she’d be reluctant to leave because of you. You should have seen this coming.” Sehun replied, trying to lighten up the mood.

I remember the message she had sent me before that accident. She said that God makes up for  the things he doesn’t give you. Back then I know she meant that God had given her the dream she always had since she was little. Since she thought I’d never love her back.

But how about now?

Now that everything between us is what we want it to be, she’s giving up her other dream.

“But it’s been what she’s been wanting to achieve ever since.”

“I know, Jongin. But she’s happy now. She’s with you.” Sehun reassured me.

“But will she be happy later? Won’t she regret it?”

“Jongin, she made her choice. And her choice is you.”

But I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve her. She deserves so much better.

---

“I think…we should stop.” I told her.

It’s one of those lazy afternoons that we spend walking around the neighborhood. The weather is a little humid and I can sense rain coming, but my mind is too occupied with these thoughts in my head.

“What?” she asked, looking at me as I stop.

I can’t look at her. Not when I know I’m going to break her heart one more time.

I promise this is the last time that I’ll ever do.

“I said… we should stop.”

“Stop what? What are you talking about, Kai?”

I could feel the panic in her voice. It’s making my heart clench.

I should stop. Tell her this is just some joke.

But I shouldn’t. I’m going to do it.

The rain is starting with a chilly drizzle.

“I’m talking about…this.” I say as I motioned on the space around us. “About…us. Whatever we are.”

My own words disgust me. We might not label our relationship but we both know it’s something we cherish. It’s something more than just being labeled as another couple dating.

“Why?” she ask, her choked voice making me beat myself up inwardly.

Because you deserve something more than spending your life on me: someone who hurt you over and over again.

The words didn’t leave my mouth.

“Why do you want to stop?” she asked. I saw the telltale signs of her tears but she looked down.

She‘s never one to show her sadness even if it‘s killing her. She always try to act as if she‘s okay even if she‘s not. Because she doesn’t want anyone to worry.
I love and hate her for that. How can she be this selfless?

My resolve to let her go just strengthens.

I‘ll never cut your wings and hold you back, Lia.

“It’s just I don’t think we are going anywhere.” I sighed, wishing that she won’t hear my heart breaking with every word I say. “I’ve got my life going for me. You’ve got yours. I just don’t think we are going on the same way. So we should just… stop.”

“I have my life?” she spat, looking at me. There’s resentment in her eyes, but the confusion and hurt is more evident. “If you haven’t noticed, I don’t even remember half of what my life used to be! How can you say that I have it going for me?!”

“You may not remember the past but that’s not what’s really important! What’s important is you have a future ahead of you.” I made sure that I sound as cold as I could, if I waver now, she’ll never go.

“I don’t really see myself being in your future.” I said. “Maybe…maybe all the things that happened before, Eunhee, the accident…, maybe they are signs that…we are not meant to be together…”

The rain started its downpour.

I turned around to leave.

 

 

 

My heart is heavy, its choking me. It’s hard to breath, and the urge to just turn around and beg her to forgive me for my words is so huge my feet felt like they were rooted to the ground, stopping me from taking a single step away from her.

If I take a step, it would be goodbye. A step and everything is over.

Can I handle it? Can I handle to finally give up?

Kai would act selfish and force Lia to stay with him. Jongin loves her enough to let her go.

I took that dreaded last step. This is it. Goodbye, Lia.

A hand caught my wrist.

My tears fall like the rain soaking through my shirt.

“Please…” she choked out. “Can’t we…not care about the signs?”

My heart is aching for her pleas.

But I need to leave. She’s better off chasing something more worthy. It’s her dream.

“I don’t remember my life…” she sobbed, her hold on my wrist tightening. I want to leave but I don’t want her to let go. I pray for her not to let me go. “But for the rest of it…can you be there?”

The rain continued drenching us and there’s only one thing I could say.

“I’m sorry, Lia.”

And she cried even harder. “Jongin…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turned around and enveloped her in my arms. She circled her hands on my waist as she sobbed.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I muttered over and over.

In the end, Kai’s selfishness and Jongin’s weakness will strap Lia down and stop her from chasing  her dream.

“Please, don’t leave me.” she beg.  “Please…”

I embraced her towards me. I’m afraid to let go. I can’t let go. I don’t ever want to.

“I’m sorry, Lia. I just thought… I want you to go for your dreams. I don’t want to hold you back… I’m sorry.” I said through my own tears.

She started slapping me slightly. “You’re such an idiot…how could you…how could you push me away? I’m really scared, you know?” she sobbed.

“I don’t want you to regret, Lia… I want you to be happy.”

“Idiot.” she muttered, “I am happy.”

She pushed me sway gently and looked up at me. I can’t look at her in the eyes. I’m ashamed of my own weakness. I felt her hands cupping my face. They were warm despite the both of us dripping wet.

“Look at me... Jongin…” she cooed, and I looked at her loving eyes, shining from tears and the rain. “I love you.”

She tiptoed and pressed her lips onto mine.

And it’s heaven.

---

A few weeks after…

Third Person’s POV
 

The bustling people all around is fun to watch. They are of all ages, of many races. She observed them as they walked to and fro, talking animatedly, some with furrowed brows as they looked around for the right directions.

She watched as some kids run around and chased each other, their parents and guardians calling out after them to be careful and not to make a ruckus. There were couples and groups here and there, talking, some were laughing, some with tears in their eyes.

Ah, life is really different for everyone.

A woman’s velvety voice sounded around the place, announcing the same notice twice before the busy chatter all around took over again.

“Hey, it’s the last call for your flight! Let’s go and get you settled.” Kris said as he got up and drag Lia’s luggage away.

“Eager to get rid of me, aren’t we?” she punched him playfully and he retorted with a mocked stern look on his face.

She followed him, taking her steps slow, feeling a presence fell onto a step beside her.

She’s a bit sad. She can’t help but to think about being selfish and staying. But they had talked about it. They are still young and if they're meant to be together, then they'll find their way back.

"Please don't let me hold you back. I don't want to be the reason for you to lose the first thing you've ever love."

"But I..."

"Please. I want you be happy. With all the things we've been through, you deserve to be happy. And if it means I have to wait for forever, then so be it."

"But I'm already happy with you."

"And so am I. But until when? I don't want to hear you someday wondering what would have happened if you went after your dreams. Our happy ending can still wait."

And they had agreed over things. Even if she doesn't want to, and even if he doesn't like it either, it’s for the better.

Though some part of her wants to question how it would be for the better when she’s pretty sure that if she take the flight, her heart would break.

“You’re quiet. Nervous?” Kai asked, purposely bumping his hands on hers.

“I’ve been all over the world since I was young, how can I be nervous, silly?” Lia teased, but her voice doesn’t reflect the cheerfulness she wished to project.

There was silence between them.

The lady announced the flight’s departure for the last time over the speakers.

Kai slipped his hands on her and held tightly, turning her gently so they were facing each other.

“I’m going to miss you.” I’ll be waiting for you.

“Me too.” I don’t want to go.

“Take good care of yourself.” Don’t forget about me.

“You too.” I’ll leave my heart with you.

There was silence again as they stared at each other, not seeing anything else but for the person standing in front of them. There are no words, but words aren’t really needed. Not when your heart and soul are connected.

“I love you.”

---

a/n: a short epilogue is in order...

(bawls) T^T I can't believe I ended it like this! I didn't know i'm that bitter until i find myself typing the last lines...

before you murder me though, please read the last epilogue. it's a really short one! and i hope it would lighten up your mood because i clearly dampen it wiht this ending...

(goes to find more tissues because this is the first ever fic that i've finished... and it turned out like this!)