"You didn't loved me"
Crush At First Sight
5:00 PM
You are walking down the road, feeling the crisp air as it lingers through your delicate skin. Numerous strange people are starting to bump into you as you walk into a crowd of pedestrians who are trying to walk away from something. As you inspect what is keeping them from bracing the streets, a young beggar meets your eyes. She keeps on begging people for food, but all she received was slight kicks, glares, and ‘ew’s. You slowly opened your wallet, inside, you saw Junhyung’s photo. You froze with the thought that you still care for him, you still needed him in your life, and you’re the reason why the two of you fought, not him. In the photo, he looks very happy, but ever since that fight, the cheerful Junhyung disappeared. And you’re blaming yourself for that.
“Are you just gonna stare at that photo or are you going to help that kid?” a voice said.
You felt weird. The voice is familiar but you can’t detect who it is. Maybe you’re too focused on Junhyung’s photo to even think about that. You faced the owner of the voice, and saw a guy with sparkling eyes, big yet attractive ears, nose that you don’t imagine sniffing your scent anymore, cute cheeks, luscious lips, and spiked hair, just like before. But something has changed, that characteristics doesn’t attract you anymore like before.
“Yoseob oppa…” you mumbled.
He just swift passed you. You followed him using your eyes. He looks like an angel without wings as he gave the child a few pieces of his favourite flavoured lollipop. When he returned back at you, you slap him lightly on his arm and said
“Her teeth might rot!”
“At least I gave her something, not like others who just froze with the sight of their bestfriend’s photo and completely forget about the world.” He chuckled.
“I’m s-saving so… maybe a rice cake?” you asked Yoseob.
“Why are you asking me?” his brows meet each other.
“Whatever.” You mumbled and went straight towards the nearest store which sells rice cakes.
After giving the rice cakes you bought to the little girl, Yoseob invited you to his house. His parents are both working so in the meantime, the two of you are alone.
“Wow… your house is huge… it must be scary at night…” you said in amazement, eyeing the whole structure of Yoseob’s house.
“Not really, I’m already used to it.” He said, putting down his things at the couch.
“I really want to live in a house like this with my family when I was a child…” you whispered, smiling like an idiot, still dazed by the explicit view.
“You will, when we got married.” Yoseob joked.
Your smile turned into a worried frown. Yoseob noticed it and he faced you, cupped your cheeks with his hands, and sighed.
“Why? You don’t like that? I thought you like me…” he whispered, rubbing your face with his thumb.
“Yes, I think so… I like you but, not love. I was just confused with my feelings… the first time I saw you, I was attracted and… when you confessed to me, I’m so flattered. I felt wanted, liked, appreciated, admired, and loved. But… now… I don’t know anymore…” you said looking down, tears forming in your eyes.
“There’s only one way to know…” he whispered.
Yoseob touched your chin using his index finger and he lift up your face. He pressed his lips into yours, causing you to froze in your position. Yoseob went deeper in his kisses, hanging his arms on your shoulder. He bit your lower lip, and his tongue entered your mouth without permission, making you cry more. His tongue explored your mouth expertly tasting every corners of it.When he didn’t get any response, he distanced the interval between the two of you. Yoseob wiped your tears and looked at your shocked face carefully.
“You… d-didn’t… love m-me… right? You also… didn’t l-like me… it’s just y-your imagination, fooling y-you… guess w-what? I w-was… f-fooled t-too…” Yoseob stammered, trying to control his sobs.
“I’m s-sorry… I’m so sorry… I r-really am…” you stuttered.
“That’s not what I wanted to hear, answer my question!” he yelled at your face.
“Seobbie… I –I didn’t…” you whispered weakly.
“Thank you for being honest.” He said and walked away.
YOSEOB’S POV
-Flashback-
“You wanna know if a girl likes you? Kiss her. If she kisses back, she does. If she blushed after the kiss, she likes you. Remember that okay?” Junhyung said and patted my back.
“What if she didn’t responded or blushed?” I asked.
“That’s so obvious Seobbie. It’s up to you whether to accept it or not. Hug her and say it’s okay, or walk away. We always have our own options in life. Your only task is to find those options.” He said and walked away.
-End of Flashback-
I just let my feet lead me. I don’t have a particular place to go. Right now, I feel alone, weak, unwanted, disliked, crestfallen, lost, and miserable. I can’t think of anyone to turn to. The person who makes me happy, alive, and cheerful is now the reason of my downfall. How am I supposed to get over this?
So this is the feeling of being heartbroken… it really is painful.
I don’t know who to blame, is it me or Eunmi? Or that’s just how life functions… I know I already have the options I need. Will I accept the fact and try again? Or hate her throughout my life? Both choices are painful, but I need to choose.
Just then, Junhyung’s face popped in my mind.
Of course! He can help me!
YOUR POV
“Thank you for being honest.” Yoseob said with a broken voice, and walked out of his house.
He’s really trying hard not to cry, and I can’t comprehend how did he managed to keep his feelings by himself. If I were him, I’d faint.
I tried to follow him, but my knees are shaking, it’s a sign that I shouldn’t follow him. I hate myself for creating such a mess. I’ve hurt many people. First, Hyunseung, I claimed that I am his girlfriend, and because of that, he expected that I love him, which is clearly not true. Second, Junhyung, I got mad at him because he didn’t helped me, but he just did that so I will learn from my mistakes, it’s not even his fault. Lastly, Yoseob, I let him think that I like him, but in the end, he knew the truth, that it’s just lust. I didn’t mean to hurt them, things just go complicated and I get stuck with the situation. I’m a stupid ego-maniac and everyone should hate me right now. Just then, I realized that it’s already evening. I went back at Yoseob’s house and I gathered my things. When I checked my phone, my eyes ached with the count of messages and missed calls on the screen.
2 texts and 4 missed calls from Gikwang, 6 messages and 7 missed calls from Dongwoon, 2 messages and 3 missed calls from Doojoon, 7 messages and 4 missed calls from Riyoung, 1 message and 11 missed calls from Hyunseung and 3 messages from Junhyung.
Tears flow down my cheeks, thankful that there are still people that care for me.
Wait; did Junhyung just sent a text to me?
I clicked on his message, and it made me guiltier than ever.
I’m sorry forwhat I’ve done. I know it’s my fault. I’m really sorry.
“. Why are you apologizing? Stupid.” I whispered to myself as I wiped my tears.
I clicked on Hyunseung’s message.
Hey, where are you? Everyone’s worried about you. Be careful in the streets. Do you want me to fetch you?
I am now sobbing more and more, crying like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone’s being kind to me today after I lied to them, and even though I hurt some of them. I was about to reply on Hyunseung’s message but I got a call, I answered it quickly not even looking on the screen to know who it is.
“Hello??” you said excitedly.
But no one answered.
JUNHYUNG’S POV
Should I text her?
It’s been a week since we’ve stopped talking to each other. I can’t take this anymore. I shouldn’t have acted that way I should apologize right? I stared at my phone’s screen, making sure that I have typed the words correctly. I am hesitating in sending it at first, but due to the shaking of my fingers, I accidentally sent it. I let me head rest on my hands as I lay on my bed.
6:06 PM (still Junhyung’s POV)
I wake up by the sound of boiling water and a loud sound of clashing utensils. I headed towards the kitchen, expecting an unexpected guest. I didn’t even pick up any weapon; I can just use my fist to knock down the trespasser. I tiptoed silently, and peeked inside the kitchen.
“Yoseob?? What are you doing here?” I asked. Yoseob is wearing an apron and he’s cooking something.
“Why? Is it bad to go visit my bestfriend?” he asked back, chopping carrots.
“You didn’t even called me.” I mumbled.
“I did. You’re asleep that’s why you didn’t answered. Too good I have my duplicate key.” Yoseob said and look at me.
I noticed that his eyes are swelling and somewhat red-ish.
“Did you cry? Wait, what happened? Tell me.” I asked worriedly, offering a seat to him.
He explained everything, from helping the beggar, until the part where he walked out his house.
I chuckled.
“Why did you leave her at your house? If I were her, I’d be awkward, thinking ‘omo, should I close the door?’ ‘What if a burglar comes in?’” I joked.
He just looked down, not amused by the way I’m talking.
I cleared my throat.
“Seobbie, I know how much you love her. But I think it’s not enough. Maybe, like her, you were confused with your feelings. Crush, yes, but love? Maybe it’s a bit too fast.” I said, trying to help him with his problem.
“But, I want to make Eunmi happy for the rest of her life. I want to be with her. I want to be the father of her kids. I want to wake up with her on my sight. I want to be the one who takes care of her when she’s sick. I just want to be with her each and everyday.” Yoseob sighed.
“Wow. That’s huge. I think you should start from the beginning?” I suggested.
“What?” he asked, his facial expression clearly says that he don’t understand what I mean.
“You know… get over with the heartbreak, start anew, talk to her saying it’s okay, and maybe introduce to her your new self, the brand new Yoseob who bravely got over the painful heartbreak. Maybe she’ll notice your courage with that.” I expertly advised.
How come I can advise people easily? Yet I can’t do the same with myself.
“Thanks… Junnie…” Yoseob yawned and finally slept on the table, he must be tired from all the stress.
I carried Yoseob bridal style towards my room.
“Aish, and you want to be Eunmi’s kid’s father? You don’t even know where the right place to sleep is. That would be bad for her.” I whispered at his ears.
“Junnie… you really are a good bestfriend… to me and Eunmi…” Yoseob mumbled in his sleep.
I giggled.
“Thanks. But, if you want to have Eunmi, you still need to win against me. Goodluck.”
I went outside and I noticed that my phone is ringing.
Riyoung?
I quickly answered the phone and Riyoung is just panting, no words coming out from .
“Yah, why did you call?” I asked worriedly.
“Eunmi, is she at your house? Hyunseung called me saying she hasn’t got home. It’s already dark and she won’t answer her phone.” Riyoung said in one breath.
“How did Hyunseung knew that Eunmi haven’t got home?” I asked out of curiosity.
“You didn’t know? Hyunseung lives at Eunmi’s house! Enough with this. Is she there with you?” Riyoung asked again.
“No. Where not in a good condition right now… I mean, she’s mad at me. I’ll… help in finding her.” I said as I hang up the phone.
YOUR POV
“Hello?” I asked excitedly.
There was a scary silence on the other line.
“H-Hello? W-Who is this?” I asked again.
“Eun…Eunmi!! This is Chanmi, I know you’re thinking where did I get the guts to call you but this is an emergency! Sora is being violent and she’s starting to flash a knife to us, her friends. You’re the first person that popped in my mind, can you please help us? Bring anybody, or you can go alone because you need to hurry! We’re at the park near the school. Please go here as soon as you can!!” after that, all I heard was a long beep.
Should I go alone? If I tagged more people along, I may run out of time. Chanmi sounds so scared. I should get going now.
I hurried to the park where Chanmi instructed me to go. I searched for them but I can’t find anyone.
Is there any park near our school other than this park?
Just then, someone tugged me and Sora with her other four friends walked in front of me. I looked at the two men holding my arms. Their faces look familiar. Must be some students at our school.
I glared at Chanmi as I tried to escape from the grip of these two muscular guys. I guess I can’t do this.
“You should learn not to trust strangers, Eunmi-ssi~.” Sora cooed.
“But, Chanmi isn’t a stranger for me. We’ve been classmates once. That’s why I trust her.” I said, making sure to emphasize the last three words.
“Oh, is that so? Well, our Chanmi here already changed. Bad luck for you eh?” Sora said as she signalled a girl, I think that’s Minji, I always see her looking at Doojoon.
Minji gave Sora a baseball bat, which made me widened my eyes as gasp.
No. This can’t be happening.
Sora pulled my hair strongly and whispered at my ear
“You really think you can have any boys you want? Dream on.”
“With my eyes closed.” I snapped.
She slapped me with all the strength she have. And damn, it does hurt. The sound echoed around. Unfortunately, no one is around that time. I wonder why? My cheeks hurt everytime I moved my face. Sora looks like she’s still not fulfilled. She slapped me again, but now, it’s on the other side. I can’t even breathe on my mouth because her slap hurts damn much. I want to cry hard but I can’t let her see my weak side.
Oh no… not the baseball bat!
I panicked and pulled my arm as hard as I can but it was no use. I don’t know how is she gonna hit me with that thing but now is not the time to think about that. Sora swayed the baseball bat and with great force, she threw it to me, hitting my stomach.
“You should’ve known by now that you’ve picked the wrong enemy.” Sora smirked.
Blood. I see blood on the ground. Is… is that my blood. I… hate bloods… ugh…
I blocked out.
JUNHYUNG’S POV
Where the heck am I suppose to find her? Favourite place? Oh she has so many favourite places. Maybe she’s still at the school? I do hope so.
I went inside my car and I started the engine. I took the shortcut to our school which I don’t normally use. When I reached our school, I greeted the guard and asked if there were still students inside. He said that all of the students already got home. And he’s sure about that.
At the park? Maybe.
I ran quickly even though it’s dark there, a girl lying on the grass caught my sight.
“Eunmi?!” I yelled.
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*a bloody update!! lol comment please? :3
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