Siwon's P.O.V. 

The Lying Game

The atmosphere weighed down the moment Donghae walked in the living room last night with a heavy look on his face. I rose to my feet and tensed as soon as I realized there was something off with him. For a second, I thought that he just didn’t like the Thai food I prepared for him. But then I picked up that it was something deeper than that. 

Without saying a word, Hae stormed to the bathroom and locked himself in. I was blown out. I didn't know what to do. I questioned myself if I did something that might have caused him to walk out of the room like that, but I was out of reasons.

I followed him and knocked on the door repeatedly, asking him to come out and talk to me. He refused and insisted that he was fine. But I was sure he wasn't, because I could hear sniffs and sobs from the door. And it was frustrating to just stand there while he struggles on the other side and he wouldn't even let me help him. 

I didn't succeed convincing him to talk to me, so I decided to just give him time and wait till he's ready. The sobs quieted down so I thought he was probably starting to calm himself. I sat back on the small couch in our room and flipped through the channels on the TV while I waited for him to come out. 

After a few minutes, the bathroom door opened and Hae slowly stepped out. He was looking down but I could see that his eyes were all puffy and his face looked swollen and red, a proof that he really was crying.

My heart sank by just looking at him in this state. All I wanted to do was grab him and hold his delicate body in my arms, while I brush his hair and tell him that everything will be alright. But I knew better. Instead, I just stood up from my seat and looked at him with careful eyes. "My love..." 

He just wiped the corner of his eye and headed straight to the closet, totally disregarding my presence. I followed his trail and saw him picking his duffel bag on the floor then started packing clothes in it. 

"What are you doing?" 

He ignored me and I watched as he shoves his favorite sweatpants in the bag. He turned and looked around the closet like he was searching for something.

I was lost and didn't have the slightest clue about what was going on. Is he mad at me? Why is he packing his clothes? Is he running away?! The possibilities alarmed me and I started to get paranoid. "Answer me, Hae", I said like a plea, but the roughness of my voice made it sound like an order. I couldn't help but get a little annoyed at him for ignoring me. I felt like a fool about to get punched without even knowing where it would hit me.

Donghae froze when he heard me and stared down on his feet, but still not saying anything. 

I sighed and walked towards him. I stood before his frazzled demeanor and cupped his face with my hands. His cheeks warm and soft against my palm. I lifted his chin up and said, "Look at me in the eye and tell me what is wrong. Please." 

We stared at each other while I try to read the answers out of him. He looked sad and troubled so I started to worry more. He finally opened his mouth and said, "I'm going back to my old apartment." He said it with resentment as if carefully choosing the right words. Like he wasn’t certain about it.

My hands fell to my sides then I frowned at him. Confused and dumbfounded by all of this fuss. "What?! Why?" 

Hae dropped his gaze then stepped aside. He went back to his things and continued packing. With his back at me, he simply answered, "I need some time alone." 

"What are you talking about?" 

He didn't mind me and went on stuffing clothes in his bag. He zipped it and carried it off his shoulder. He was all set to leave. This is not happening, damn it! I stormed towards him and snatched the bag from his hand. "What is going on, Donghae?!" 

Our eyes met again. I glowered at him and then he sighed heavily. "I just need to go, Siwon." He took the bag from me and went out of the room. I followed him through the hallways and caught his wrist. I spun him around and pierced my eyes to his. "Don't leave, Hae! Talk to me. I'm your husband! You can tell me anything." 

His eyes started to tear up. "I... I just need time to sort myself. I will come back as soon as I get things settled. And then... And then I'll tell you what you need to know, I promise". His voice cracking like he was about to shed tears. He leaned close and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I love you", he whispered before stepping back. 

He headed to the door then I quickly racked my brain to think of something to stop him. Out of my exasperation, I blurted out the biggest question that has been bothering me the most. "Is there someone else?" 

He stopped walking and froze. Though, again, he didn't answer. I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Tell me, Hae... Was it something I did?" I took a step closer and stood behind him. I held his arm and squeezed it. “Answer me.” 

He shifted his head to the side and looked at me. "It's not you, Siwon... This is all me. I made a mess, but I am going to fix it. For me... and for us." He reached a hand to touch my face and caressed my cheek. "Right now I just you need you to let me go and... trust me." 

I looked down on his face and saw the anguish reflecting from his eyes. The need I feel to know what is troubling him is so strong it almost hurts. I wanted to shake the answers out of him and end this madness once and for all. But I feel that he’s determined that he won’t tell me tonight whatever‘s going on.

My idea of this ‘mess’ he needs to ‘fix’ scared me. I’m afraid that if I let him walk out of that door, I wouldn't ever see him again. But despite all my anxieties, I nodded and said, "Okay." 

He gave me a weak smile and I released him. He went for the door again with his duffel bag hanging from his shoulder. This time he didn't look back and I didn't stop him.

I stood at the hallway for a moment, trembling. While panic, fear, and anger ran through my veins. What if he never comes back? What if he realized that he doesn't really love me and regret our marriage? And what if he was just making up an excuse to run along with somebody else? These awful thoughts made my blood boil. I felt the heat coming up to my face.

I am mad at Hae for leaving me like that without a decent explanation and I was furious at myself for failing to talk him out of it. I was in rage. I wanted to smash everything in my sight and tear them into shreds.

I ached to run after him and force him to stay. But I thought that if he refused, there would be a great chance that I might end up hurting him. And I would want that happening again.

So I shut my eyes and clenched my fists tightly, trying to contain myself. I distracted myself and took deep breaths until all the bad emotions eased down. When I opened my eyes again, I concluded on a plan.

I am not just going to sit here and wait until Hae figures to tell me what is up with him. If I can't get the answer by talking to him, then I'll get them my way. 

I went to the bedroom and grabbed my phone from the side table. Donghae had left me with no choice. This is the only thing I could think of that would give me what I want to know without going near him. I have to do this for my marriage and for my own peace of mind.

I dialed the number of Yong Suk, one father's body guards and a loyal acquaintance of mine. He was the only person I thought of that could help me at the moment. It wasn't long when his voice erupted from the other line. "Yes, Mr. Siwon?" 

I held my breath and said, "I have a job for you." 

I stopped by at SMent the next day for a meeting with the executives. Apparently, my new drama is doing well and they wanted to show me the ratings, reviews, and all things like that. The numbers are up and all the comments were good, and I’m really thankful for that. I know this calls for a celebration, but I couldn’t even get myself to smile. Thinking that my marriage is currently at stake drains out my energy for everything. My enthusiasm for work and my desire to keep moving forward are missing.

I can’t focus on my own life knowing that I’m on the verge of losing Donghae. He’s the reason of my existence. Without him, I feel empty. Useless.

After the meeting, I thanked the executives as polite as I could and went out of the conference room. I walked down the halls of SMent wishing that Donghae would suddenly show up. Say that he’s ready to tell me what had happened to him and that he’s gotten better. I know it hasn’t been merely 24 hours since he left but I’m growing impatient every minute I think of what he is doing. It’s driving me insane! I

I was making my way to the parking lot when I heard somebody calling my name. I stopped and turned around then I saw Kyuhyun, Sungmin, and Ryeowook smiling, waving at me from the lounging area.

I waved back and planned to walk away but Kyuhyun suddenly called out, “Wonnie! Come here!”

I hesitated for a second but then I figured out that it would be rude if I just ignore my friends. So I walked over to them and parted my lips into a smile. “How are you doing, guys?”

“We were just hanging out. C’mon, join us”, said Kyuhyun.

I let out a quiet sigh and took a seat beside Wookie then he said, “So Siwon, how was your trip to Tokyo and Taipei?”

I smiled again. “It was fine. Everybody seemed to like the show.”

Sungmin leaned forward and asserted, “Oh, that’s good! We heard it’s starting to be a hit here as well.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I just had a meeting with the executives about it.”

“Well, congratulations, Wonnie! You’ve done it again”, exclaimed Kyuhyun then he gave me a playful smack on the shoulder.

I forced a grin at him then he started talking about some new computer game which Sungmin and Wookie found interesting. I thought about standing up and going home but I didn’t want to act as a jerk. So I just let them talk and let my thoughts drift away.

My mind automatically went to Donghae. I wondered about if he was doing alright, what he is having for lunch, and if he misses me like I miss him.

I feel like I haven’t been with Donghae in weeks even though I just was with him yesterday. Ever since I came back he seemed aloof. Like he was only there with me physically but his mind was somewhere else. And then... I reckoned that maybe something might have happened to him when I was away. Maybe I wasn’t actually involved with this mess he was talking about.

I looked around my friends as they talk and thought that these guys might have an idea what was up with Hae. So I sat up and cleared my throat. I butted in in their conversation and said, “Hey, guys. Have you noticed anything weird about Hae lately?”

I watched for their reactions and they didn’t seem to know anything. Wookie just shook his head. Sungmin cocked his head to the side and looked up, as if he was thinking. Then Kyuhyun uttered, “Not really. I haven’t seen him much while you were away.”

“Is that so?”

“Well, except for that one night we got wasted at Club Ellui after practice”, he laughed.

Got wasted at Club Ellui? But Hae told me that they just hanged out at a random restaurant. I controlled myself from frowning and hid my frustration.

“It was so fun, Siwonnie! Too bad you weren’t with us. Everybody was there! Leeteuk-hyung, Manager-hyung, and even Seon U and Mario! Aigoo... We were all so drunk! It was so much fun”, Wookie narrated excitedly.

They snickered at each together and swapped glances as if there’s something they’re not allowed to tell happened that night. I started to feel on edge but then Sungmin putted out, “Don’t worry, Siwon. Donghae went home early and missed all the fun.”

“Yeah, I think he rode with Mario that night. I’m not sure though, because I passed out before they left”, said Kyuhyun followed by a chuckle. “But I remember them not drinking and just talking all night.”

Kyuhyun’s words sent chills on my spine. My hands clenched into fists, so tight that my knuckles turned white. I felt my nerves shaking and it seemed as if the whole world was spinning before me. I turned my head and forced my eyes shut. Calm down, Siwon... Control yourself.

“It was good that Fishy was there to keep Mario company because his friend, Seon U, was all over the place as well”, laughed Wookie.

My heart raced and my breathing grew weary. I got on my feet almost too quickly and they turned their eyes at me. They waited for me to say something but all I managed to say was, “I have to go.”

Sungmin called out behind me but I kept walking. I’m not sure what else I would find out about Hae if I stay with them. All those information was enough. I couldn’t take any more. I hurried to my car and got in.

I just sat there after I pounded a fist on the dashboard. I leaned back on the seat and tried to slow my breath down. I fixed my eyes ahead, staring at empty space. Watching Hae in my head get cozy with that guy at the club.

He lied to me... I put all my trust in him but then he defied me! I don’t know what I have done to deserve this from him.

And how could I not see it? It was right under my nose and he hid it from me! Maybe that’s why he couldn’t look at me in the eye when I asked him what he had done when I was away. That’s why he got upset when he saw the Thai food in the dining area... because it reminded him of that low-life . And he’s the reason why Hae wouldn’t make love with me... I should’ve realized it when I saw the both of them exchanging looks at the restaurant the other night. And that Seon U guy must’ve known something too and yet he acted friendly towards me... They fooled me. THEY ALL FOOLED ME!

I was snapped out of my rage for a second when phone started ringing from my pocket. I took it out and read Yong Suk’s name flashing on the screen. I answered it and hissed, “What is it, Yong Suk?”

“I did what you asked me, Mr. Siwon.” His voice was stern but calm, opposing the clear annoyance in mine.

I exhaled heavily. “And?”

“It’s confirmed.”

My head fell down and I squeezed my eyes shut. “Are you sure that’s him?”

“Positive.”

I rubbed my temples with my other hand. “You’ll know what to do.”

“Yes, Mr. Siwon. I followed all your instructions.”

“Good. I want them as soon as possible.”

“Yes. I’ll deliver it to you, Mr. Siwon”, he replied.

“Okay. Meet me at Phillies in an hour.”

“Yes, Mr. Siwon. I’ll be there.”

Yong Suk arrived moments after I finished my first beer. He simply handed me the envelope with the proofs I asked for and I paid him with a check for his service.

 “Anything else you need, Mr. Siwon?”  

“Just... don’t let my father know about this or anybody.”

“Yes, Mr. Siwon. Understood.”

“You may leave.” In silence, Yong Suk stood up from his seat and left.

I peeked inside the envelope and saw what I had been dreading to see. I quickly closed the envelope again and slid it on the side. One look was all I needed to convince that isn’t just another nightmare. This is really happening... Hae has been cheating on me.

I called for a waiter and said, “Get me a one bucket of beer.”

After downing six bottles of beer, I decided to leave the pub. I went back to my car feeling dizzy and nauseated. I felt sick to my stomach. But I wasn’t sure if it was the beer or the things I learned this afternoon.

I was sad, hurt, and most of all, furious. I felt alone and deprived. I wished I had somebody to turn to. But unfortunately, the person who’s supposed to be with me in times like this is busy fondling with somebody else.

I spent hours getting alcohol in my system, trying to figure out how Donghae decided to choose someone he just met at a stupid dinner over me. His husband, whom had given him the world. After all that we’ve been through, I can’t imagine why he managed to just deceive me like this.

I have tons of questions I wanted to ask Hae that have been swimming in my head all afternoon. And I was feeling so eager to get them answered. Then I figured... Why don’t I just ask him myself right now? Playing as the nice guy has never brought me anywhere so I’m done with it. I deserve to know everything, and I want to know them now.

Without any hesitation, I started the car then headed to Hae’s apartment.

I killed the engine and pulled over across the building where Donghae used to live. I picked up the envelope next to me and then got out.

I stepped inside the lobby and the young lady behind the concierge greeted me. “Good evening, Mr. Siwon.”

She smiled at me and I wanted to do the same. But I didn’t have the energy to even fake it. I just walked straight to the elevator and went upstairs.

I rang the doorbell to Donghae’s front door but no one was answering. Maybe he wasn’t done with his date yet... Good thing I anticipated this already. I fumbled through my keys and got Hae’s spare key. I let myself in and switched on the lights.

I placed my keys and the envelope on a desk at the foyer and walked deeper inside the apartment.

I went to the living and a picture of us on a frame caught my attention. I picked it up and reminisced the moment. We were at Acapulco, by the beach, and we both looked so happy. Then a flashback of our other happy memories came into my mind. Memories that I would never dare forget or replace. Memories that I thought would make us stronger and love each other more... But it appears that I was wrong. Turns out, these memories aren’t as special to Donghae as it is to me.

A tear escaped my eye and fell on Donghae’s smiling face. I felt the fury again. And I dashed the picture frame to the wall, crashing down to the floor. Donghae probably never loved me... Maybe he just fell for the things I gave him and not me. He just used me!

I knocked the lamp from the same table and it smashed into parts. I was so angry and I was losing control. I needed to take out my anger on something. I’ve been keeping it all day and it’s too much. I can’t pretend anymore. I need to let this out.

I kicked the couch beside me and it stumbled backwards. My eyes landed next on the dining table and I flipped it over. The glass shattered, casting bits of it all over the floor.

I stumbled to the bedroom and found another photo of us on the side table. I threw it on the floor and stomped on it. I wanted to destroy everything. Just like how he destroyed me.

I saw his laptop sitting on the bed then I took it and broke it into half. I wanted him to know how bad it feels it to lose something important in his life.

I caught a glimpse of myself through the mirror near Donghae’s bed and realized how pathetic how I look. I have imagined that I’ll trashing my supposed husband’s apartment because he cheated on me. But I couldn’t help it... This is the only way I can think of getting my revenge without hurting him physically.

If only Donghae thought of me before he fooled around with that Mario guy, all of this wouldn’t have happened. I just... I can’t believe he would do this to me.

I can’t believe that the only person who I expect comfort from is the same person who brought me this much pain. All my efforts to make him the happiest man in the world were put to waste. Our whole marriage was put to waste. Our vows and promises to each other... broken in just a snap.

I stared myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed and my eyes looked worn out from crying. I have never felt so beaten down and sorry for myself. And I can’t stand it! I clenched my right fist and drove it through the mirror.

Big pieces of it scattered on my feet and on the carpet. I looked down on it and saw myself in the reflection. It’s broken like I am right now.

Donghae and I... we are now nothing but a broken glass. It’s hopeless to think that we’ll be able to put the pieces to back to bring us together again.