Donghae's P.O.V. 

The handsome pauper

I got up the next day with a cloud above my head. A cloud that made a sunny morning seem dark. I felt heavy… as if something was dragging me down. My mind was blinded by the flash of the lightning that came from my troubles, and my heart grumbled to every beat with the thunder of my colliding emotions. My whole spirit is shaking from the strong winds. There's a storm a coming. Formed no other than, myself. It isn't a simple rain shower, I feel it's more like a calamity… 

I went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. Prying the person before me who he had became to be. I knew something had changed. But I couldn't fathom what. It's as if an essence wasn't taken away, it was rather… concealed. 

I leaned closer to my reflection and asked the question I never thought I would say… Who am I? I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I couldn't even decode my own thoughts. I have a lot of questions in my head that I'm struggling to answer. Even though, I am fully aware that the answers I seek lie only beneath my skin. I know I can sit down whenever I want and dig the answers myself. But it sounds like the most difficult thing to do. Also, I wasn't sure if I wanted to… Somehow the need to decipher myself hasn't occurred to me yet. 

I made myself coffee and drank it by the window seat. It's really quiet but I am not in peace. I'm in the middle of a war with myself. There's just too much going on… I wish I have someone whom I could talk to about everything. Someone who would just listen and not judge me over the things I have to say. 

Someone like my father. I used to come clean to him whenever I did something wrong. Whether it's about Omma, Donghwa, or some friend of mine, my father would always just listen and cheer me up. I need him to comfort me and tell me that everything's going to be fine, even though I know it's not. 

I finished my coffee and made up a decision. Since my father couldn't be here anymore, I thought that maybe I could I just go to him instead. It's been awhile since I last visited his grave and now seems like the perfect time to do so. 

I took a bath and got myself ready. I rode the elevator down to the lobby then walked to the parking lot to get my car. But suddenly, I got stopped by a smirking man in a blue sweater and grey jeans.

"Hey, Donghae." My heart skipped a beat when I realised that it's Mario. 

I opened my mouth to ask him what was he doing here but I was in surprise. A silent whisper was all I managed to speak out. 

He rubbed a palm at the back of his neck and did a shy smile. "I came here to thank you for the ride last night. And Seon U said he's sorry for giving you hard time." 

Not that smile again… I blinked hard and snapped myself out. "Yeah, sure. No problem." I let out an awkward laugh. "Err… You came here just to say that?" 

He dropped his hand down and chuckled. "No. Actually, I also came here to volunteer to be your personal driver for the day. Seon U lend me his car, and I thought that I should repay you for all the free rides you've given me." 

What?! No! I shook my head. "No, Mario! It's fine. You don't have to do that. Really." I'm not comfortable with the idea of having a personal driver. Especially if it's him. 

His face fell into a frown. "Oh, come on, Donghae. It's just for today! I can drive you whenever you want." He placed a hand over my shoulder. "Just let me do it, please?" 

I froze under his pleading gaze and gentle touch. Suddenly, chills were running through my veins. What is happening to me? I looked at his hand briefly and took a deep breath. "That really won't be necessary, Mario. I'm perfectly fine with driving myself." 

He squinted his eyes at me. He came closer to me and asked, "What do I have to do to make you say yes?" 

"Nothing. You don't have to do anything for me", I uttered while I gasped for air. Why am I feeling like this? Why does his stare makes me feel…weak? 

"Hmm…" He pursed his lips into a thin line. "Will you say yes if I do this?" He took a step back then dropped himself on his knees. 

Oh god… He looked up at me with a teasing smile. I hissed at him, "What are you doing, Mario? Get up from there!" 

He crossed his arms in front of chest. "No! Not until you say yes first." 

I looked around and saw the two ladies at the front desk eyeing us while whispering to each other. Aish… This is embarrassing! "Just please get up, Mario!" 

"Say the magic word." He grinned. 

I can't! Letting him drive for me and spending the day with him would only make things worse. It would not only be hard for me but it could also jeopardise my sanity! But this kid doesn't seem like he's giving up. 

Maybe I could just let him do the favour for me and act cold towards him all day? Maybe I could just sit at the back and ignore him in the car? I looked down at him then he widened his grin for me, making him look more a like rascal that he is. It made me giggle and I said, "Fine." 

His eyebrows shot up. "Fine what?" 

I sighed. "Yes, Mario. You can be my driver today." 

"Now, that's more like it." 

I rolled my eyes at him. "Can you please stand up, now?" Can't he just make this easier for me?

He laughed, making his face look brighter. He went back on his feet then looked me in the eyes. He pinched my cheek and whisper, "You look cute when you're annoyed." 

I furrowed my eyebrows. That's a new one? No one has ever said that to me before. Was it meant to flatter me? Or was it warning that he's going to get me annoyed the entire day? "What does that mean?!"

"Never mind. The car's outside. Let's go." He winked then headed to the door. 

We stepped outside, and it turns out that Seon U's car is a two-seater sports car. So much for my 'sitting at back' plan. I sighed heavily to myself. 

"Something wrong?" I looked up and Mario's face was inches away from mine. I felt the concern from his warm brown eyes. My heart pounded inside my chest. But I just shook my head and looked away. 

"Okay. Let's get going, then." We both got in the car then he asked me, Where are we off to, sir?" He gave me a childish smug. My lips twitched into a smile, but I controlled myself to stop it. Just ignore his charming moves, Hae! 

I put on a poker face. "Just start the car and I'll tell you the directions." He tried to make me laugh by giving me a mock salute but I fixed my eyes on the road. Oh, this is gonna a long ride… 

I gave Mario the directions in a very snobbish way. I know he notice the coldness in me, but good thing he decided to keep quiet about it. It wasn't my intention to be rude. But I just can't keep myself flirting with him and falling for his charms. I am already one troubled man, I don't want to complicate things further. 

We reached the cemetery and I watched from the windows the gravestones cascading around the lonely grass fields. Suddenly, everything seemed gloomy. The cloud above my head went thicker and much darker. I started to think maybe coming here in this mood was not a good idea. 

"Donghae? Are you sure we are at the right place?" Mario seemed frightened. But I don't blame him. Who wouldn't get creeped out to be with a person who goes to a cemetery randomly in the middle of the day? He hunched forward and eyed the gravestones like they were going to attack him. 

"One hundred percent." I spotted my father's tomb in the distance. Black marble shining under the soft sunlight. "Pull over right there." 

Mario found the tomb then turned to me. "Is that your father's---?"

"Yup. That's him." My one and only father… 

He swerved the car and pulled over at the side of the narrow street. "Do you want me to go with you?" 

I shook my head. "I need to talk to my father alone." 

He stared at me for a while then nodded his head. "Okay. I'll wait right here." 

I took my seatbelt off then got out of the car. I mounted to the top of the small hill where the memories of my father lie. Then I stood before my him and whispered, "Hi, Appa. This is me, your son, Donghae." Slowly, I walked forward to remove the fallen leaves on top of the marble. "I'm sorry, I didn't bring you nice flowers today. You know how I forget things." 

I squatted down to trace the golden writings encrypted for my father. "I wish you were still, Appa. I wish you're still here to see all our dreams coming true…" My lips trembled as tears started to come up. "Omma and Donghwa may still be here, but my world feels so incomplete without you. I just… I just miss you so much." I looked down and a tear escaped my eye. I let myself crash in front of father, letting go of all the things I'm holding inside me. 

"What should I do, Appa? I know in my heart that I love Siwon, but why is my mind screaming for Mario? With Siwon gone and Mario coming in to the picture makes me doubt myself. I'm so confused." I forced my eyes shut. 

"Whenever I'm with Siwon I feel safe, protected. Like I'm the most precious thing in the world. But with Mario, I feel young and reckless. I feel… free. So who do I choose, Appa? The person who makes me feel special or the one whom I feel special with?" I fell back on the grass then I hugged my knees together. I hid my face while I cried continuously. 

A moment had passed, I realised I haven't moved from my position for almost an hour. I weeped my eyes until they were no more tears coming out. The sun had set and the sky is starting to dim. So I stood up to bid farewell to my father. "I have to go now, Appa. I'll try to come back soon. Thanks for listening. I love you." I bent down and kissed the top of the marble. 

I wiped the tears then turned around to see Mario sleeping inside the car. His back was slumped against his seat and his arms were crossed as usual. I came down from the hill then got in the passenger seat, slamming the door after me. 

Mario's body jolted up and his face in shock. "Woah! You scared me." 

I couldn't help but giggle. "Sorry." I meant to do that. 

He looked at me then his face changed. He look worried. "Hey. Are you alright? Your eyes look puffy." 

He looked at me with kind and beautiful eyes. I wanted to get lost in them. You're torturing me, Mario... I nodded my head and avoided his stare. "I'm okay." 

He placed a hand on top of mine and squeezed it. "You don't have to act strong for me, Donghae. I am here as a shoulder to cry on." He held my chin with his other hand and made me look at him. "Now, answer me again. Are you alright?" 

I know I should take his hands off of me but I couldn't move. He makes me want to give in from his touch. "No, Mario. I'm not alright."

"Then, tell me. Tell me what's going on." He moved his hand to my face. His palm against my cheek. "Please don't block me out, Donghae. I want to be part of you. Let me in." 

The sincerity in his voice melted my heart. As if his words wrapped around me and gave me the most comforting warmth. I only get a taste of this from Siwon. But Mario is now giving me a chance to try a different flavour. It's unfamiliar and Mario leaves me no choice but to devour from it. I threw myself at him and circled my arms around his torso. I closed my eyes and lunged myself to his chest. Tears started falling, but I wasn't sobbing. They were falling in peace. It was painful and reviving at the same time. I feel new. 

He embraced me in his arms and gently, he rubbed my back up and down. "That's it. Just let it go, Donghae… I'm here for you." He kissed the top of my head and buried his nose on it. 

I sniffed and wailed and I poured my sentiments to Mario. He took all of it, not knowing he's half of the reason why I am in this state.

We were in the middle of the road when I noticed that Mario is taking a different route. "Hey. This is not the way back to my house." I shifted my body to look at him. The playful smirk was back on his face. 

"I know", he simply said. 

I frowned. "Why are we here then? The way to my apartment is on the other side of the city." 

He flashed me a grin. "Exactly." 

I tried to hit his arm but he caught my hand. "Where are you taking me, Mario?! This is kidnapping!" 

He laughed. A childish menacing laugh. "Relax! I'm only taking you to dinner." 

"Oh." I calmed down for a bit. Then the fact that's I'm married to somebody else dawned on me again. It's inappropriate to have dinner dates with other guys. Especially this one. So I cleared my throat and said, "Uhm, Mario?" 

He looked at me briefly. "Yeah?" 

"I can't have dinner with you." 

"Tss…" He regarded me like I just said the silliest thing. "Why not?"

I shifted uncomfortably on my seat. "Because…" I started to tense. This it it, Hae. Tell him you're married! Tell him about him Siwon! Anxiety's taking over me. I haven't planned for this. Just say it, Hae... Say it! "Because I'm not really hungry." Damn! I'd really like to smack myself in the head now. 

"Really now, Donghae? After you got snot and cried all over my shirt, the least you could do is eat with me." He shrugged. 

"Hey! You asked for it!" Now, I feel like smacking his face. What a jerk. 

"I'm kidding!" He chuckled. He gave me a coy smile and said, "Please, Donghae? Have dinner with me. I promise I'll take you home after." 

I looked at him and sighed. Oh, Mario… Why is it so hard to say no to you? I swallowed hard and said, "Okay." 

Mario took me to Vatos Urban Tacos. A Mexican restaurant-slash-bar located in south district of the city. We took a seat in one of the tables in the middle. The place looks surprisingly empty on a Saturday night. It's just us and a group of college girls drinking at one of the booths behind us. 

The restaurant have a cozy atmosphere. The tiny lights surrounding us is just right to make it a good eating place. And the Mexican song that played through the speakers gives a very laid-back feel. The voice of the man singing with his guitar reminded me of the trip I had with the guys in Acapulco. And of course… Siwon. 

I started to feel blue again so I looked down and my knotted fingers to hide my unhappy expression. Then a manly hand settled on top of mine. I looked up and saw Mario watching me with concern. He squeezed my hand and said, "Hey… There's the sad face again." 

I wish he would just stop showing me care, because the more he does, the more I find myself liking him even more. I shook my head. "It's nothing." Then I forced a smile. "What are you having?" 

He let go of my hand and turned his attention back to the menu in front of him. "Mmm… I think I'll just have this beef quesadilla. And you?" 

"I told you, I'm not hungry." 

He gave me an oh-please look. "Donghae. You have to eat something. Have some piece of bread or whatever. Come on, it's on me." 

I rolled my eyes. This guy won't just take no for an answer! "Fine. I'll have what you're having." 

"Good." He raised his hand to call a waitress then he said, "We'll have two beef quesadillas, please." The thin girl asked for our drinks, I decided to have a cherry cola while Mario got a Coors light. She wrote down our order on a small notepad then left.

I watched Mario talk with the waitress and saw how polite he acted towards her. This is what I find weird about Mario. He acts like the perfect gentleman to others, but comes out as the biggest rascal to me. But why? It's not like I gave him a reason to be this way with me or anything. Does he have some special way to treat innocent fellas like me? I looked at him and it sinked in to me that I don't know much about this guy. Who is this Mario guy, anwyays? 

He noticed me watching and smirked. "Take a picture, Donghae. It'll last longer." 

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I'm just wondering… How little I know about you. Who are you, really?" 

He chuckled and leaned back on his chair. He crossed his arms again and said, "Okay. What do you wanna know?" 

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Who are you and where are you from?" 

He chuckled and decided to play along. "Alright. I'm Mario Maurer and I grew up in Bangkok, Thailand." 

"And what are your hobbies?" 

He made a silly thinking expression and I giggled. "Well, I like skateboarding, Hip-hop music and I collect vintage cars." 

Vintage cars? Woah! "That's a really cool collection, you have! You must be pretty rich in Thailand." 

He shrugged coolly. "I guess I can't say I'm not. But money doesn't come easy to me. I still have support myself and family. I work hard for everything" 

I can't believe how mature he sounds now. The Mario I hated a few days ago is totally gone. "You said before that you don't live with your family… Why is that?" 

His lips parted into a coy smile. "You remembered." I blushed and looked away awkwardly. Then he continued, "Because like you, I prefer to live closer to my work and I feel like I'm old enough to live independently. It's part of my growing up. Besides, my mom doesn't want to leave our old house behind." 

"And your dad?" 

His smile faded. "My dad passed away last year. He got a heart attack." 

Sadness started reflecting from his eyes. I suddenly felt like giving him a hug. Poor, guy… My father died years ago but still the pain hasn't gone. It still must be so fresh to him. "I'm sorry…" 

He exhaled and gave me a soft smile. "It's alright. He got sick for a long time so my family and I were sort of prepared for it. I just miss him." 

I started to see my similarities with him. I wish I had known this side of him before I decided to hate him. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

He reached for my hand again and answered, "Well, because I don't easily open up to just anyone. I must really like the person first". 

Even I couldn't resist to smile that one. The waitress appeared to our side and said, "Here are your orders. Two quesadillas, one cherry cola and a bottle of Coors light. Enjoy." I heard the girl's voice but I didn't see her.

My eyes remained glued to Mario's. Spending this evening with him is wrong, but it feels so right. I just might have to follow what the waitress said. I'll just… enjoy. 

After the dinner, Mario and I walked back to the alley where we parked the car. 

"I hope you had a good time tonight... because I did", said Mario before we got to the car. 

I nodded. "It was nice. I'm glad I didn't call the cops." 

He laughed and stopped walking. He turned to me and exclaimed, "Hey! I didn't kidnap you. You voluntarily got inside the car." 

"Well you still---" I was cut short by the sudden explosions coming from the sky. 

"Look, fireworks!" He pointed like kid. 

"It must be a celebration for the Autumn Festival", I uttered mindlessly while watching the colourful sparks of light illuminating the city. 

"Beautiful…", he whispered. 

I smiled. "Yes, it is." 

"I meant you." I faced him and he was gazing at me. He wasn't smiling nor smirking. He was just watching me with his mesmerizing brown eyes. He came closer to me and held my face. Carefully, he inched me face towards him. 

"Mario…" I placed my hands on his chest to push him back but I felt weak. It's as if I was floating on air, and his touch was the only one holding me up. 

"Shh… Just close your eyes." 

I did what he said then I felt his soft supple lips over mine. We kissed then suddenly a gush of flashbacks hit me like a blizzard. Memories from the park at SMent, the treehouse, Lake Donghae, my wedding in Acapulco, then Paris. Somehow Mario's kiss brought me back to these places and right then, I found the answer I was looking for. 

I opened my eyes then pulled away from Mario. We were both caught in shock but the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "Siwon."