Donghae's P.O.V. 

On the pedestal

Mario's kiss blew me away to the other side of the world. He casted a spell on me and I totally fell right under his charm. It made me forget about the one person that matters to me the most. My friend, my husband… my Siwon. I was lost, and now I'm struggling to find my way back. Back to him, back to my old self. But doing so seems to be the hardest thing I'll have to do. It feels as if I'm crossing back to his side on a piece of string. So dangerous, that one wrong step could cause me everything. And I would fall all the way down to complete nothingness, where neither Siwon nor Mario could catch me… 

Siwon's arrival turned my whirlwind of thoughts a lot more chaotic. I try on telling him every time we get a moment together, but I always find myself backing out. I'm scared that I would ignite his bad temper back and terrified that he might walk out of our marriage. I don't want to see his smiling face turn into the vicious guise he once had. I don't want to hear him say that he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that he hates me. I can't handle any of that. 

It kills me inside every time he does something sweet for me. I feel I don't deserve it. His love, affection… I don't deserve them all. His hugs and kisses torture me. They remind me of that terrible thing I did and make me feel awful for hiding it from him. I feel terrible. I feel like the worst person in the world for being unfaithful to a husband as great as Siwon. He gave me a beautiful wedding, a fantastic honeymoon, a fancy car, and even my own lake! But I just threw them all away by kissing someone I barely know. I mean, how could I?!

Last night I attempted again on telling him the truth. But again, I chickened out. I lost my guts the moment he held my chin and made me look at him. His eyes were so bright and loving, it made my heart shrink with self-hatred and guilt. I figured it wasn't the right time to confess, so I played along all throughout the night and prayed he won't notice. 

I lied when he asked me about what I did while he was away, but I didn't mean to. It was more like an impulse. As if my brain was helping me not to get caught. I know lying makes everything worse, but Siwon's kindness left me with no choice. 

When Siwon took off to take a restroom break, I did what he asked me to and paid for our bill. He let me use his credit card and forge his signature, which he taught me to do one night at the treehouse. The thought that he trusts me enough with that kind of thing saddened me. I wondered if he'll give me the same amount of trust after learning what I did. 

After signing on the receipt, the waiter I called thanked me and left. I was sitting alone while waiting for Siwon to get back, when suddenly I heard a familiar voice saying, "Hey. Isn't that Donghae?" 

I turned around to find where the voice came from and my eyes landed on Seon U waving enthusiastically at me. I forced a smile and waved back. The guy next to him looked up and gave me a small smile. It was Mario. With a huge grin on Seon U's face, the two of them walked over to where I was so I stood up and greeted them. "Hi. I didn't expect to see both of you here." Mario kept his eyes glued on me but I fixed mine on Seon U. I'm not falling for those warm brown eyes again! 

"We were just going to have a quick dinner before we head to our friend's art gallery opening", said Seon U then he cleared his throat and continued. "By the way, I'm really sorry for giving you hard time the other night, Donghae-sshi. I was so drunk, I couldn't even remember the things I've done that night!" He gave me a half bow and let out an awkward laugh. 

It wasn't about what he did. It was more about the things he said. "No problem. Don't mention it." Seriously, don't. 

Seon U saw the two empty plates on the table and asked, "Who's with you tonight? Are you with Eunhyuk-sshi?" 

I shook my head and answered, "No. Actually, I'm here with Siwon." I noticed Mario's body tensed after hearing the sound of Siwon's name.

Siwon came back from the restroom then I introduced them to one another. And polite as ever, he gave them both a handshake. But before Mario accepted Siwon's gesture, he stared at Siwon first a little too long, making the situation more uncomfortable as it is. It's difficult enough seeing the two of them standing in front of each other but Mario is making it harder. He was practically glaring at Siwon! After they shook hands, I scowled at Mario, telling him to quit acting like a jerk and stop getting both our asses into trouble. 

When we went home, Siwon surprised me by carrying me to the bed then attacked me with aggressive kisses. Normally, I would get by a naughty move like that, but now I just couldn't feel anything. I love Siwon, more than what I opted to with my actions these past few days. But every time he tries to make love with me, guilt reigns in me instead of passion. I can't look at him straight in the eyes without tearing up, and when I close them my stupid rendezvous with Mario flashes back in my mind. I know the spark between us is still there, but it sure has gone blurry.   

The next morning, I woke up early for a 10 o'clock call time at SMent. I sneaked out of Siwon's strong embrace and left while he was still asleep. I meant not to say goodbye though I am not trying to give him a cold shoulder. I just thought that the less intimacy we have, the more I could concentrate on telling him what I've done. 

I got to SMent and of course, I was the last one who arrived. The guys and I are signing a contract to be the new endorsers of a new coffee shop. Since Siwon was already endorsing a different coffee shop and Yesung-hyung was running his own, they weren't included on this project. 

The managers had a discussion and came up with a good deal. We all agreed to the conditions and so we signed on it. After the business was done, the owner of the coffee shop called up an ahjumma outside and asked her to come in. A second later. she walked in with a rolling cart catering different kinds of coffee and pastries. The owner said it's better if we get to taste their goodies before the shop opens. 

So, the ahjumma went around the table to serve us one by one. When she got to my side, she placed a cup of frappuccino and a plate of danish bread in front of me. Then I turned to her and said my thanks. 

She smiled and leaned forward. "You are Lee Donghae, right?"

I was going to ask her why but I just nodded with my mouth open. 

Then the woman produced a piece of paper from her pocket then she handed it to me. "A young gentleman asked me to hand this you. He said he was your friend", she whispered. She gave me a nod then moved on to serve Shindong-hyung, who was eyeing the cart excitedly next to me. 

I took the paper in my hand and read it under the table. It turned out to be a note and in a messy handwriting it said: 'Donghae, please meet me at the parking lot. I need to talk you. - Mario'

I felt my cheeks flushing the second I read his name. My heartbeat went faster and my palms started sweating. What is he doing here? Is he trying to get me into trouble? Now, I'm glad Siwon isn't on this project! I looked up to check if the guys noticed my panic, but good thing they were all busy with their own snacks. 

I slid Mario's note in my pocket then slowly got on my feet. Hyuk saw me and asked where I was going. I smiled at him and lied, "I'm just going to the restroom." I made a quick exit then hurried to the elevator. And when I got to the lobby, I rushed outside and ran to the parking lot. 

Leaning next to my car with his arms crossed in front of his chest, was Mario. He was waiting for me with a bothered look in his face. His brows were slightly furrowed and his lips were pursed into a thin line. He appeared so far from the Mario I first met. 

I walked over to him and said, "What is it, Mario?" My voice sounded flatter than I intended to. 

He raised his head and looked at me. "Donghae..." He started walking towards me and before I could react, he wrapped his arms around my body and hugged me. He buried his face on my neck and sighed. "I missed you..." 

I froze for a moment, feeling the warmth of his breath against my skin. This is wrong... I can't just stand here and let this happen. No, I'm not making the same mistakes again! I pushed my hands between us and stepped back. "I can't do this anymore, Mario... We need to stop this." 

"No, no. Don't say that, please." He reached for my hand but I avoided his touch.

This guy is driving me crazy! Why can't he just make this easier for the both of us?! "I'm married, Mario! What part of that don't you understand?!" 

His facial expression switched into something gloomy. He clenched his fist and dashed towards me. "Do know how painful it is to know that the only person I fell in love with is unfortunately married?!" His eyes were piercing into mine. Then he started to tear up and so he looked away. 

I remained standing still on my position. Watching the man shy away his pain whose heart was broken because of me. Mario has a free-spirit and an outgoing personality. Seeing him break down and cry in front of me, makes me feel terrible. Especially, that I know I'm the reason behind his tears. "I... I can't tell you how sorry I am, Mario. Really", I said quietly.

He faced me again. Slowly, he took my hand and placed it on his cheeks, his tears sinking into my palm. He looked me in the eye and said, "I love you, Donghae... and I just can't tell my heart not to." I felt my own tears coming up as his words hit me like a whip. "It's like you're asking me to forget something I just learned." 

My tears started to fall. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat and took a deep breath before I said, "I'm asking you to wake up and face the fact that we can't be together." He dropped my hand and turned the other way. He looked down and struck a hand through his hair. As much as I wanted to stop and comfort him, I decided to continue. "Siwon is my husband, and I love him. There's nothing else that could change that." 

"Why did you kiss me then?" With his back still on me, he looked to the side and asked, "What am I to you, Donghae?" He shifted his torso and met my eyes. "Was I just a one time fling? Was I just your boy toy?" 

I just stared at him. I couldn't speak because my tears kept flowing. And I also didn't know what to say. He came up to me again and grabbed my arms. "What Donghae?!" he snapped at me and my shook my body. "Do you regret that you met me that night?!"

"No, Mario", I said as I tried to compose myself. 

"Then why are you doing this to me?! Why are you pushing me away like you never liked me at all?" 

The fact that he still didn't understand my situation angered something inside me. I shook his hands away and yelled out, "Because I have to, Mario! We both know it's the right thing to do!" 

He whimpered and narrowed his eyes at me. "Do you even hear yourself?! You're only doing this because it's the right thing?! That's bull, Donghae!" He rubbed his temples and paused for a moment. He calmed himself down and said, "Do what would make you happy. Follow your heart and be with me, Donghae."He leaned closer and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and he stepped back. "My heart wants Siwon. I love him and I will save our marriage from this. That's what I want." 

After taking in what I said, Mario shut his eyes and clenched his jaw. He looks like he's in deep emotions. I feel so bad for causing it to him. I can't watch this anymore... I need to go. I walked to my car and opened the door. But before I got in, Mario spoke behind me and he said, "I'm not giving up on you, Donghae. I will fight for you." 

I sighed to myself and decided to just get in the car. I started the engine as fast as I could and drove away. Away from the handsome pauper...

I went straight to my favorite hilltop not too far from the city. Besides Kyuhyun, I have never brought anybody else here. Not even Siwon. No one ever goes here probably because it's out of the road and nobody really drives for 15 miles just to sit and hang out on a hilltop but me. I'd like to keep this place a secret. So I could always go here and just let myself lose on times like this. 

I thought about what just happened back at that parking lot. Seeing Mario cry was just awful. I feel so disappointed with myself for not only cheating on my husband but for emotionally beating someone else. I won't be surprised if people would hate me after they found out the troubles I've caused because right now, I'm not loving myself either. 

I made up my mind to tell Siwon the truth when I get home. Things will only get worse the longer I hide it. I should be honest and act like a true man. No matter how Siwon takes the news, I'll accept it and stand by our marriage. I need to face my husband and tell him once and for all what I did.  

I spent the rest of the afternoon just sitting in my car. Thinking about how I should tell Siwon, whilst a tear drops every minute. I didn't want to go home yet, but as the sky started to go dark, I thought that I better get back before it gets late. This is, I thought to myself. Time to face reality. 

Siwon was in the living room when I got home. He got both his feet up on the couch while he reading a book. He heard my footsteps coming  then he placed his book down and smiled at me. "You're finally home!" 

I gave him a confused look and asked why. He stood up and replied, "I bought Thai food for dinner. I hope you like curry." 

I almost fell back on the floor after he said it. I turned my head to the dining table and saw a dinner all set for the both of us. Siwon prepared this and waited for me to come home so we could eat together. Like a good husband would. And it's so uncanny that he got us Thai food. I suddenly remembered Mario sitting on one of those chairs, serving me Thai food which he personally cooked for me...

Oh, this is too much. My heart feels like it's going to explode with all the emotions. I can't take anymore... I stormed to our room then to the bathroom before I could melt down in front of Siwon. Leaving him confused and shocked at the living room. 

I locked myself in and sat on the toilet. I started weeping in my hands and seconds later, Siwon started knocking. "Baby? Are you alright?" His tone soft and full of concern, love, and worry. 

I was crying hard but I managed to choke out, "Yes, I'm fine." I tried to sound okay but the crack in my voice gave me away. 

"No, you're not. Please open the door, my love. What's happening to you?" He had stopped knocking though I can tell he was leaning next to the door. 

"I'm okay, Siwon. I'll be out in a minute", I tried to make out another cheery voice but I failed. Then I covered my mouth so he wouldn't hear me sobbing. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. This is all taking over me. The thought of breaking Mario's heart brings me pain. But fooling Siwon and still see him exert effort to make me happy is agonizing. He's so clueless about the whole fiasco and I hate myself for being such a coward for not being able to tell him. I really don't know what to do... 

"Please come out, Donghae... Talk to me. Please." My dashing prince stood at the other side of the door, begging for me to just communicate with him. To be honest with him. Because he wants to build up our marriage. And I figures I shall help him. I need to be honest and end this.

But first, I need to cut my attachment with MArio. I can't come clean to Siwon and still not give him my all truthfulness. 

I'm taking the leap of fate across to Siwon's side. One shot is all I have and I need to be careful not to make mistakes or else I'll fall to that deep empty space. I will brave this thread that's leading me to Siwon. And this time, there's no turning around.