(Tamin's p.o.v.)

We walked side by side, in silence. Though we made up, something still wasn't right. There was this feeling inside me that I could not explain, a feeling of emptiness of sorts.

What was happening to me? Why were my hands itching to hold on to hyung's? Why was my heart racing every time his shoulder would bump on to mine? Why? Why was the silence killing me little by little inside?

I felt like crying. I know that hyung was not ignoring me anymore and he was smiling aging but why did I feel that there was sadness hidden beneath it? I peeked at his face and the suspicion grew. His eyes were down cast and though there was a smile plastered on his face, it looked fake.

Why are you pretending hyung? Why won't you tell me what's bothering you? More importantly, why won't you look at me even though you said I came first?

I could not bear the silence anymore, so after taking a deep breath, I grabbed his hand with both of mine and pulled him to stop. The tingly feeling was back, racing through my neurons as my skin touched his.

'Hyung, let's go have some ice-cream, okay? It feels as if I haven’t had ice-cream since ages.'

He didn't even look into my eyes, just widened his fake smile and said,
'Sure Taemin, whatever you want! I feel like having ice-cream too. Let's go.'

Stop, stop, stop. Please stop hiding things from me.
It was clear as daylight that he did not want me to know what's bothering him. It was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it with me! But I was his best friend and shouldn't best friends have no secrets between them? My heart deflated as he kept on smiling that fake smile.
'Yeah let's go.' I merely turned around and walked towards the direction of the ice-cream shop, hyung trailing behind me. I could not bear to look at him anymore. It hurt. It hurt so much. We were supposed to go back to normal after we made up. I wanted his real smile back; I wanted my old goofy hyung back who would have spouted out tens of lame jokes by now.

Hyung tried to act normal throughout the whole time we were having our ice-creams, talking about weird stuff that he was always talking about and joking around but it was different, I could tell. The emptiness in me was just expanding.

He walked me to my door and before he could turn around and go, something came over me. I grabbed his hand and turned him around until he was facing me. Before either of us knew what's going on, I found my lips on his cheek. His skin so soft and supple, it felt right to kiss it. My lips felt at home. I was losing myself in the wonderful sensation until I felt him freeze. His whole body tensed up, a slap of reminder on my face about what I just did. I quickie pulled away and justified,
'Thanks a lot hyung. I...you...well you got rid of my worries, so, thanks.' saying that I left, without any explanations of my action or without giving him a chance to question it. I couldn't even look up into his eyes, too scared of what might me in them. I didn't want to be disappointed.

When I walked, well, ran into my house and closed the door behind me, I slid down on the floor clutching my chest which was thudding too loudly. My lips, my lips were...I can't even explain the feeling. My lips felt like a broken piece of a puzzle, hardly pulled away from the piece that completed it.

'Honey, what's wrong? Why do you look so pale? Should I call a doctor?' my mum's worried voice penetrated through my skull and I finally realized that there was someone there other than me. I threw myself at her as she crouched down I. Front of me.
'Mum, I don't feel so good. I have been feeling all sorts of weird things for the last few days. I can't explain them...they just feel weird..' I cried into her shoulder as she patted my back.
'Honey, what weird thing? Tell me and maybe umma will be able to help, ne?'

Maybe she's right? Maybe she will know the meaning of all these feelings. So I decided to just open up to her.

'Umma, it's just that whenever I'm with a certain someone, whoever they are close to me, my heart starts to beat faster and faster. My chest starts hurting as if I'm being suffocated whenever I think they are sad or unhappy in anyway and...and whenever our skins touch...even for seconds, my whole body starts to tingle all weird and my breathing halts.' I stopped to take a breath, fidgeting with my fingernails and continued,
'I think, I might be being very possessive as well because whenever anyone as much as looks at him, my blood starts boiling and if he smiles at someone other than me, all I see is blood, everywhere. What's wrong with me umma?' the floor seemed so interesting all of a sudden and I glued my eyes to it.

There was an awkward silence before my mum put her hand on my shoulder and shook me gently so that I would look up.
'So, it's a 'He' then?'
I froze on my spot. Did I just blurt out my gender preference without even giving it a second thought? Oh God, what should I have done?

I guess my dilemma was etched across my face because the next thing my mum did was chuckle softly and ruffle my hair.
'I have no problem with that Taemin. My best friend is lesbian you know and I'm okay with it. I always sort of knew about it anyway. Do is this about that Minho guy you've been hanging out with recently?'

Minho? How did mum know about him? More importantly why didn't it hurt to hear his name? Wasn't I still heartbroken by his betrayal? It made no sense? How should I answer her? What should I say? I went with the truth, well most of it anyway.

'No mum. It's not about Minho. Minho...well he broke up with me..and it's about someone else.'
I didn't want to worry her with full details.

'Well, didn't you feel the same when you were with Minho?' her question startled me. Why would I feel all these crazy things with Minho? He wasn't Onew! Minho was Minho, the star basketballer, tall, dark and handsome. I felt proud to be with him. I loved him didn't I?

'Nah mum, I felt none of those when I was with Minho. He was always surrounded by girls and it didn't really bother me because it had always been that way and we held hands and it felt nice but I would never feel all these churning feelings in my tummy. It's weird. Do you think I'm sick? And why is it only around just one person? I don't understand?'
I finally looked up at mum and she seemed to be on deep thought but it must be something nice she was thinking about because there was a sweet smile tugging at her lips.
I slowly nudged her to carry on explaining and she just pulled me in her arms.

'Baby, you are sick.' I tensed and she quickly reassured me, 'Not the bad kind, it's definitely a good kind; you are live sick...you my little Taemin are in love.'

WHAT?
My whole world seemed to tilt on its axis, nothing made sense. I was in love? Like L.O.V.E? As in I love, love Onew hyung? No freaking way? But did I!
'It's true baby. Do you feel like crying whenever he's ignoring you are talking to someone else in front of you?'
Oh God, I totally did. I nodded.
'Do you want him to only look at you?'
Okay, I did that too. I nodded again.
'And do you think your whole world will crumble without him? Like you need him to be always tree for you?'
Thus time I cried.
'Taemin, you're in love.'

I was in love! I was in love with Onew hyung; I was in live with my best friend since forever. What was I going to do? I was sure as hell that hyung would never like me like that, would he? What was I going to do? My heart hurt so much that it's impossible to describe it. I loved Onew hyung. I loved him.

I wrapped my arms tighter around mum and wept my heart out. I was in love and there's nothing I could do because he's my best friend.

'shh..baby..shh. Don't cry, umma's here.' mum's soothing words calmed me down a bit but my inside still storming, trying to make sense of this new information.

'I felt the same way when I met your dad and see it all worked out in the end didn't it? If you are meant to be with him, you'll be together one day, so don't worry.'
That's just it though? Maybe I wasn't meant to be with him. He's my best friend, knew every single bit of my life, knew about Minho and all my other secret crushes and never showed any jealousy or anything; didn't that mean that he felt nothing of that sort for me? To him, I'm just a best friend, a cute dongsaeng who followed him around all the time. How could he love me back?
We sat there on the floor for a long time and when my mum finally asked the next questions, my tear ducts had dried up.

'Is it Onew?'
My head shot up. How the hell did she know?
'I'm your umma. Off course I know.' she merely said as if it explained everything! Well it didn't.
'Don't tell anyone! It will never work out anyway...I'm only a little brother figure to him. Nothing else.'

Mum patted my shoulder and said,

‘Did you tell him about it?’

I shook my head. There was no way I was gonna tell hyung about this. No. Freaking. Way.

‘If you didn’t tell him, how would you know how he would answer? For all you know, he might actually say yes. You two are always together anyway and my baby’s so perfect, how can he not like you back? So, don’t worry and tell him okay?’

‘But mum, what if he says no? What am I going to do then? I’ll lose his friendship too.’

Mum chuckled and ruffled my hair,

‘Silly, Onew will never stop being your friend. You two have been joined at hips since forever. So, don’t worry about it okay? Just choose a good time and confess.’

I nodded. She was right. There was no way Onew hyung would even stop being a friend and even if he did I would never let him stop. But instead of confessing, maybe I should try to make him fall for me first. Now how am I going to do that?

'Honey, don't worry too much. If you two are meant to be, you two are going to be together no matter what. Now go get changed, you smell like bunny poop.'

She scrunched his nose and I could not help but giggle.

'Yah. mum! I do not!'

'There's my Taeminnie. How can anyone not love you.' She hugged me and I hugged her back.

You just wait Onew hyung. I am going to make you fall for me with all my charm.

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Okay...It's been MONTHS....and now i finally give you a chapter and it's still lame...sowwy... :( buttt......I sort of forgot how i used to write LOL....anyway...Now I have loadza free time and will try to make the next update better, ne? :)

Now.....GIF SPAM <3

food food food food food SO ADORABLE...WAE???? <3

Heehehehheeh is that ontae I detect? :P

okay so this isn't a gif....but this picture...it fills me with all kinds of feels <3 Onew...wae you getting younger every year? NO FAIR :P

I wanna be this monkey so bad....like really.. T.T

d'awwww <3 I wanna be the water around him... sighs....

So umm yeah....waiting for dream girl and fire...like crazy...and not to forget the shinee star collection cards...I NEED MONEY...... grrr LOL :P