(Onew’s p.o.v)

I can’t do it. I just can’t keep acting normal when I’m around him anymore. I know that I should at least try to stay as his best friend but I can’t, it hurts too much. I need to get over him and need to get over him quick; this was getting too out of hand. But how can I just forget about all the things I love about him when he’s always right in front of me with all his glories?

Throughout the whole day I’ve seen this unbearable sadness in his eye, it must be because of that bastard Minho and it took all my strength to not to flung myself at him, envelop him in a bear hug and confess. I wanted him to forget about that bastard and know that he still had people who loved him. But he would never accept me; I knew that all too well. I could only ever be his best friend and nothing more, who would like someone like me anyway? Oh how I wish he never even tried to be friends with me. If he did not take pity in the lonely hyung who lived next door, I would never even be in this situation.

Trying to ignore him the whole day was a feat but Kim Kibum made it easier. The guy was actually very friendly and his smiles were oh-so-bright that I could not help but smile back at him, even though I was fighting with my own self in side. Off course, his smiles weren’t as bright or perfect as Taemin’s but, it made me feel at ease. His character was a bit on the feminine side and he talked a hell of a lot, but it distracted me and I was glad for the distraction. I don’t even remember what we talked about that whole day but it didn’t matter, not really. From what I took in, Kibum was younger than me but older than Tae and he was majoring in fashion.

‘You can be my model when I have my own brand.’ He had said, making me laugh uncontrollably. He had a good sense of humour. Me being a model, or even thinking about me being a model is as alien as a flying and talking chicken, never gonna happen.

But even with Kibum’s distraction, I could not help myself from taking a peek at Taemin, every now and again. He was trying his hardest to concentrate in his work, I could tell. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could not mask the frown and slight pout he had throughout the whole day. He really loved that guy didn’t he? Oh how I wish it would just be me, I would’ve treated him a whole-lot better. Seeing him suffer was breaking my heart and decided that I would not look at him anymore, what’s the point of breaking your heart for someone who would never be yours, no matter how hard you tried right?

What hurt me most though is Taemin’s reaction at my sudden change, or lack of it. I thought he would be a bit more worried than he actually was, I was his best friend after all. True that he tired to ask me, if something was wrong, but that was about it. I bet he didn’t even realize that I had tried to distance myself from him, he probably didn’t even notice that I didn’t use the nick-names I once gave him. Well he hated those names anyway, so I guess he was happy that I finally stopped calling him by those childish names. He got what he wanted.

Even during lunch, he did not talk to me. It pained me to finally realize how unimportant I truly was to him.

At least Kibum was there to keep me company. The more I talked with him, the more I realized how alike we were. Well aside from his feminine side! Apparently he cooked as well as he knew about fashion and promised me that he would make me some fried chicken one day. Even though I would love to be able to cook, the reality was that my clumsiness prevented me from even thinking about using the kitchen. So, whoever can make fried chicken, can be my friend any day.

He also said that he liked singing, and though it’s a secret, I too like singing. I usually would only sing when no one was around because I wasn’t too confident in my voice, I didn’t even tell Taemin about my little secret but for some reason I ended up confessing to Kibum. He said that we needed to go to karaoke together one day. I can’t believe how quickly we became friends. Lee Jinki, who was as anti-social as anyone can be even gave his phone number to someone whom he had just met! Weird, very weird.

‘Good bye Jinki, it was nice meeting you and I’ll see you tomorrow, right? I’ll text you tonight,ne? And it was nice meeting you too, Taemin.’

For some reason, Kibum had refused to call me hyung, something about me being mentally younger than him! Oh well, I didn’t really mind. So I forced myself to smile and nod, I was too agitated to be alone with Taemin, it was going to be so awkward.

And it was, awkward. We just walked in complete silence. He didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t going to lose my resolve now, no matter how much I wanted to just go back to how we were. He did not even care, so why should I? Just when I had given up and once again had built the invisible cold wall around me, a small, frozen hand stopped me.

‘Hyung, we need to talk.’

I tried to pry my hands open but he stood on his ground not letting me go.

‘Let me go Taemin…We need to go home!’

‘No hyung, we need to talk and you will talk to me. Let’s go to the playground for a while and talk, please!’ I stood there staring at his contorted face, he was in pain. I know I should just refuse if I wanted my heart not to break again but I just could not. I could not refuse him. If my heart was to break again, so be it.

‘Fine, let’s go talk.’

We walked silently until we reached the small playground that we always used to go to whenever one of us would be upset. This time, we both were sad, for completely two different reasons. I sat down on one of the swings while he sat on the one next to me and for a few minutes neither one of us talked. Well I didn’t talk because he was the one who wanted to talk right?

‘Hyung, what did I do?’ His shaky voice startled me. It was almost like he was about to cry. What did he mean by, what he did? I didn’t get it.

‘What are you talking about?’

He looked at me with his teary eyes and shaky lips, somehow he looked way sadder than that day I picked him up after his heart was broken. Shouldn’t his hurt get better instead of getting worse by now? I thought he was slowly getting over the whole thing! The pain that I did not want to feel anymore was spreading inside me once again.

‘Hyung, why won’t you talk to me? What did I do?’

His one question shattered me completely. Was he sad because of me? So, this was not about Minho, but me? More than that, he actually noticed that I was trying to be cold towards him? What have I done?

‘I..’

‘No hyung, just tell me what I did wrong and I’ll fix it. I will fix everything but don’t ignore me, don’t treat me like a complete stranger. I don’t know what I did to make you mad at me but I don’t like it hyung. I want my old hyung back, I want your smiles back, I want my nick-names back.’

He was crying by then and I could do nothing but stay frozen on my swing. The Sun was setting, painting everything with a surreal orange hue, even Tae’s face. The tear drops that trailed down his cheeks caught the fiery rays of sunlight and glittered like diamonds. I found myself reaching for them and catching them in mu palms carefully.

‘Don’t cry Minnie. I told you that I don’t like to see you cry.’

And I really didn’t. I don’t want him to cry ever, not for anyone, definitely not for me. I guess I was so busy trying to protect my own heart from shattering again and again that I forgot that the person who had my heart, who always had my heart could be hurting too. And by hurting him I was just hurting myself. I was such a fool. Ignoring Tae was never going to work, I should have known it.

‘Then don’t change hyung, just tell me what’s wrong.’

I got off of the swing and kneeled down in front of him, taking both his hands on mine.

‘Nothing’s wrong Tae, I was just confused for a while okay? But I know what I need to do now and I won’t ever ignore you, okay? So stop crying.’ I linked our hands and offered him a small smile. He nodded.

‘Okay hyung. But what were you confused about?’

Oh I could not tell Minnie that I was in love with him and tried to forget him, no I couldn’t. So I decided to lie.

‘It’s nothing Minnie..I was just depressed and stuff, don’t worry about it. It’s fine now.’

I was thankful to him because he did not question me any further and we sat there in silence. Him on the swing and I was on my knees in front of him. Anyone passing us would have thought that I was proposing to him or something, only if that was true. He finally got off and pulled me up next to him.

‘Let’s go hyung, it’s getting late.’

I nodded and let myself be dragged by him. He suddenly stopped and turned around, hugging me tightly.

‘I was so scared hyung, I thought you did not want to be my friend anymore…I thought you were going to replace me with that Kibum guy..I’m glad that it’s okay now…I’m glad that you are still calling me Minnie.’ He whispered against my shoulder.

Replacing him with Kibum! That was never going to happen, sure Kibum was nice and I think we might end up being best of friends but he can never take Tae’s place. He can never make me fall in love so deeply. I think I should give up trying to give up Taemin. It wasn’t going to work after all. I can always just love him quietly, so what if my heart breaks every now and then? I don’t think I can spend another day ignoring Minnie.

‘He’s a good guy Minnie but you will always be my first, ne?’ I hugged him back.

‘Thank you hyung and you’ll always be my number one.’

NO, thank you Minnie, even though I can’t be your lover, I can deal with being your number one, for now.

.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Argh...just confess already.....

but yeah I don't know where I am going with this story..lol

thanks for reading and BYE <3