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Death is not the end. Death can never be the end.

Death is the road. Life is the traveller. The soul is the guide.

~ Sri Chinmoy

<<>>

You know how they say when you die, your whole life flashes before you?

I think for a quick moment, it did happen to me. I think I saw my whole life. My whole twelve years of life.

I saw my mom; she kept calling my name, and crying. I hated that sight and I never wanted to see her cry again. I saw our deceased dog, Nurungie, that died a day before my eleventh birthday, and I somehow saw Changsub too. We were back at that very moment when we first met, when he had worn that hideous orange shirt.

Surprisingly, I saw him, my estranged father – although he was never really a part of my life. In my eyes, he was as dead as an old fallen leaf. Never to return, and never existed.

<<>>

I didn’t know exactly for how long did I have blanked out from the world. But when I woke up, I saw my mom sat next to me, slumping in her chair. The smell of antiseptic came rushing to my nose, as I could feel my left arm was numb with a needle inserted into one of the veins; it was a little dark and lonesome, and my head felt terribly painful. It was as if I had an earthquake occurred inside my head.

I twitched my fingers a little, only hard enough to wake my mother up. However, when she opened her eyes and saw me, she started to tear up, and she continuously said her thankful prayers to God.

Like I’ve said before, I hated the sight of my mother crying. Those weren’t the first time I watched her crying either.

“Where is Changsub?” I asked, as I cleared the dry lump in my throat. It was hard enough for me to even speak.

“He was here a couple of hours before, but his parents took him home.” My mom replied as she poured me a glass of water, which exactly what I needed.

I got myself up, and gulped down the water, almost greedily. My mom looked at me, with a sad face, I knew she was worried. And I felt sorry for being the one of those many reasons of her concerns.

“Mom, what had happened to me?”

I asked with my hoarse voice.

“Your head hit a large rock when you jumped off into the water.” She sighed, and shook her head. “But luckily Changsub was there. He dived in to save you, son.”

I held my head down. For once, I felt embarrassed of myself, and of my stupidity.

Lee Changsub, that boy in that hideous, orange shirt, with an oversized bag, was the one who saved me. If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably be dead by now.

<<>>

Remember when I said that destiny is one funny, little thing? One minute, I sort of disliked him, then he became my hero by saving my life and the next thing you know, we’ve become the best of friends.

We started to do little things together, such as, walking to school together, sitting at the same table during lunch time at school, playing with helicopter toy during evening at the playground and after a while, I didn’t mind being called Hoya by him anymore, and most of all – I wasn’t embarrassed being seen with him either.

“Friends for life?”

“Brothers for life.”

I was the only child in my family. I’ve never been this close to anyone. I’ve never had a brother like Changsub.

Changsub is my brother, my life saver.

<<>>

It was one weekend when Changsub’s parents took me with them for a day out at a recreational park. They were going to have a picnic, and Changsub insisted that I should tag along.

I didn’t mind tagging along, but I did mind about how I felt. Sometimes.

There was one thing that I’ve never told him about – of how much I envied his picture perfect family.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and I love having her all to myself, but, I guess there would always be but.

“Hoya-ah, do you want sandwich? Appa can make it for you.”

Yes, Changsub’s father called himself, as appa to me. I guess, he pitied me for not having a good father figure in my life. But I didn’t mind though, I didn’t mind.

“It’s okay, appa-”

I froze at my own words, tried to curve a bitter smile.

"I mean, uncle."

“Hoya-ah, you know that it’s okay for you to call me appa right?”

Uncle looked at me with his ever so serene expression, and he ruffled my hair, when I didn’t answer him. For once, uncle felt like a real appa to me. A father who would protect me when I needed him, the kind of husband who would never leave my mother even when the world started to collide and the kind of person – that I should be looking up to.

So, is this how having a father felt like? I never knew that it could feel this good. In fact, I never had a chance.

I think I got my eyes a little teary, when I almost choked down on my words.

So, I excused myself to the restroom nearby.

I locked the door, and I cried, and cried, and cried.

This isn’t what a real man does. 

some might be wondering when is bomi going to appear in this fic, but she will appear some time soon. i'm just taking my time to describe hoya's childhood :)

eternalove5: how do you read my mind? ihy! hahaha no i kid :p

CisumAmethyst: lol don't kill urself XD yes, another homi for me. this is something i've promise myself to do.