People say that happiness is a state of mind. That the healthier the mind, the happier a person gets to be. But what happens when the so-called happiness becomes a cost of somebody else’s happiness, or when the happiness itself carries a tinge of pain that grows a little bit more each time we believe that we are happy?

I don’t understand much about happiness. But I think I understood pain well. And I guess the reason why people hold on things that hurt them is because of the little happiness that it gives them.

Do you know what’s the saddest thing is? That my little happiness is you.

<> 

I received a phone call from Bomi that Saturday morning, and according to what she said on phone, she claimed that it was an urgent matter. However, when I read the address of the place of the message that she sent to me earlier, it was clearly the name of that small boutique in town. That particular boutique that she favoured and one that she often went to. I chuckled a little at her mischievous plan, but then, I agreed to it without even thinking much.

“So, this is your so-called urgent matter?” I said, as soon as I reached the place, with both of my arms folding over my chest. I raised my eyebrow too, trying to portray my failed act of annoyance. 

Perhaps she had learnt to read me. So, she had only returned it with a playful grin and a pleased look instead, “In a woman's world, fashion is indeed always urgent."

I sighed and shook my head hopelessly.

“Hey, what do you think of this?” She asked, as she took out an aqua blue-coloured dress from the rack full with all kinds of dresses (not that I'm familiar with any). I shot her a confused look, “And, so apparently now I've become your fashion coordinator too?”

She tittered at my remark, and punched my arm slightly causing me to wince in pain, “Yes, you are supposed to be my everything, okay,” She added with a chuckle. 

A part of me was taken aback with that 'everything' remark. Of course, it was only a banter to her but funnily, that made me happy and I sheepishly grinned to myself. I guess I was too blinded with what my heart wanted to hear. So, I smiled. I could only smile, in return.

“And what about this?” She then suggested a black-coloured, bare-back, cocktail dress. My eyes went wide with the somehow shocking, short length of the dress, and of how see-through was the top.

“That is too revealing!” I cried out, completely objecting the idea. “Go find something else,” I firmly said, as I took the dress away from her and put it back neatly to the rack with a sheesh. Perhaps I was being a little too loud, that the cashier at the counter, and the girl assistant burst out with laughter at the corner of the shop, while looking at us every ten seconds. That caused me another hit on my arm, this time harder as Bomi glared at me, and I could only helplessly shrugged my shoulders.

“Seriously, what are you? A grandpa?”

“Yah— I’m only doing you a good favour here,” I replied, shoving both of my hands into the pocket of my jeans as I pout. “And by the way, why are you buying new dresses? I thought you have tons of it already,”

“It’s for an annual family event tomorrow's night,”

“Ahh, I see,”

“And lucky you, you are going to be my date for that night,”

Once again, I had my eyes widen at her sudden remark. As far as I knew, she never really said anything in regards of any events to me. In fact, the last time we talked (which was last night), was pretty much about petty things aside from family matters. So, I cleared my throat, and darted my eyes at hers, “Why don’t you bring Chorong instead?”

When she didn’t answer me straight-away, I pretended to occupy myself by browsing through the dresses at the rack beside her. Albeit I could actually feel her pair of eyes scrutinizing me, though.

“You don’t want to go?” I could somehow sense disappointment in her voice.

“No, that’s not what I meant—"

Silence (as I scratched my forehead awkwardly)

"It's just that, I'm not exactly a family to you, or to your family, so it'll be awkward and—"

"I know, but you have me,"

That rendered me speechless afterwards.

<>

I came a little late that particular night to Bomi's family event, but of course, a habit of mine, I made sure to inform her earlier. Since, I've started to follow Sunggyu-senior to construction houses, I've been running rather busy lately, and besides, I have begun to work overtime on weekends too. Things at the office hadn't gone precisely that smooth either. A few of my drafts and ideas were rejected during some of the presentations I had in the previous meetings, and I had to quickly come up with something better to replace it too. Luckily, with Nicole's help and creative thinking, I was able to submit my second draft a day before the dateline. 

Well, working life isn't as pretty as most people wish it would be. 

That night Bomi's family event was held somewhere at a rather huge banquet hall, with a decorated entrance, arranged with such colourful, fresh flowers. I noticed some rows of lavender flowers were arranged there too. The purple colour and the refreshing scent enlightened me, as I could only think of a particular person who was probably behind of all these pretty decorations. As I entered the hall, I could then feel my heart raced slightly, as I scanned through the faceless crowds, trying to search for that particular face. A little anxious too, I guess. 

I cocked my head to the right and left simultaneously, and much to my dismay, I couldn't see her. But like one of those enchanting scenes in movies, Bomi seemed to have magically appeared on the stage right across of my sight, in a blink of an eye, with a microphone in her hands, wearing her pretty smile and those trademark eyes that disappeared slightly with her smiles.

This is probably cheesy, but she looked prettier than the white cupcake dress that she wore, and even brighter than the pearl necklace that she had around her neck. She wasn't even mine to begin with, but watching her from afar like this, gave me all sorts of mixed feelings, which I, myself could not able to comprehend. 

I watched how she sang and serenaded her parents on stage, of how she would blush a little when she mixed the lyrics up, and just how clumsily she would tuck a few strands of her hair behind her ear, a gesture of hers each time she got nervous. It was funny how by just spending barely a few months with her, I think I came to know her almost a little too well. 

And for a second, I think I had fallen in love for the umpteenth time, for that very same person. 

<>

As the night came to an end, the once beforehand, almost crowded hall began to empty as well. I sat alone at one of the empty benches at the garden, situated behind the hall. I was actually waiting for the right time to bid my goodbye to Bomi. We didn't get to talk much during the event, and since it was her responsibility to entertain the other guests, I didn't let myself to hold her back. Albeit that, I did get some chances to talk with her older brother, Doojoon, though. That one brother that she often talked about to me sometimes. I could definitely see that humour runs in their family blood. Doojoon was just as hilarious as Bomi is. 

I was staring blankly at the stars, when I came to realize that Bomi had taken a seat next to me at the bench. I smiled warmly at her, as my eyes softened at the sight of her. She seemed a little weary and chilly. And so, I took off my suit for her, and wrapped it over her shoulder to warm her. She thanked me, afterwards.

"Hey, you did great tonight,"

"You mean the singing?"

I chuckled a bit at that, "Well— you know that, and everything else too,"

She smiled meekly, "Thank you for coming to the event,"

"It's nothing, I'm sure Changsub—"

"Can we not talk about him?"

That put me to silent, as we then both fell into this loud, deafening silence. It was almost too vivid, I couldn't put a finger to it. So, instead, I peered at her closely, just waiting for her to say something, but still, it was all silence that I could hear.

"Let's count the stars then," I proposed the idea to her, "Let's count the stars, and whoever gets the first complete number, gets a wish," I suggested.

She only returned it with a smile, as she then lifted her gaze to the dark sky. I took that as a sign of agreement, as I then lifted my eyes to catch the beaming stars too. If there was anything as pretty as the stars above, then I guess it would be this person who sat beside me, I murmured it slowly under my breath, only loud enough to be heard by me. 

"A hundred, and twenty-three," I said with a smile. "And if you include, those tiny dots of sparkles at that left corner, that would be a hundred, and a twenty-five,"

Bomi threw me a disbelieved look, and started to laugh heartily, "How did you count that fast?!"

"I didn't—, I only memorised the average numbers of stars from National Geographic,"

She nudged my arm and burst out into giggles. Then, she laughed harder that it made her cheeks reddened, I noticed. And when she started to snort with her laughter, I broke down to laughter too. I've always promised her that I won't make fun of her snorts, but it was too cute, and funny at the same time, I couldn't help myself. It took us a while to calm our self down, and when we finally did, silence came to visit us again. 

"Well, since you've said the number first, tell me your wish then," She muttered.

I darted my eyes to match hers, "Do you really want to know?"

She nodded innocently. I held my breath, and wished that the time would stop me from saying it, but it didn't. 

"My wish is you,"

i 've been neglecting this fic for a while that i somehow feel like this update is not up to its par.

i'm sorry if this update disappoints :((