_______’s POV

Days had passed since my brother visited me. Lee Youngdo… I have a brother named Lee Youngdo. Why didn’t mom and dad tell me about him? He made me forget my memories? How? Was it accidental? The doctor did say after EXO visited that I may have experienced some sort of trauma that cost me my memories of the past when I explained to him that I couldn’t remember my childhood. What traumatic experience did I face? Why can’t I remember? “Let bygones be bygones,” Umma said when I mentioned that I couldn’t remember my childhood. She is definitely hiding something but what? I went to the therapist earlier today and when I was asked what was the last thing I felt before I out, my heart ached. He said that my brain must’ve went back to the time I was happy. I didn’t remember befriending SM Town and JYJ because at that time, I was just a fan. When I told the therapist about the random memories that I remembered, he told me that I remembered it because I was happy.

I looked at my diary that I just read.

“I can’t remember anything Sungmin related,” I confessed to the therapist.

“You probably don’t want to remember,” He said.

“But I really want to! My heart feels empty and every time I look at him, it feels complete for a second but then it aches. Why?”

The therapist took a sip of his tea.

“Easy. Your feelings wouldn’t be that strong if you were just friends. It’s either he betrayed you as a bestfriend or you were in a relationship. Something bad must’ve happened. Poor lad looks distressed. Try reading your diary, if you have one. It might help you remember,”

I put it on the table beside my bed and laid down, closing my eyes.

I ran all the way to Super Junior’s dorm. I wiped away my tears. They can’t see me like this. I reached the door. I willed myself to be strong. I knocked on the door, smiling. I realized a little bit too late that coming here won’t give me the sense of comfort it usually did. Praying that they didn’t hear, I turned around, only to be stopped by the sound of the door opening.

“Noona!” Jinki exclaimed.

I had forgotten that they were all there for Operation: Destroy Jonghyun. I smiled at him and excused myself, saying that I needed the toilet as I headed towards the toilet, ignoring the questioning looks he threw me. As soon as I closed the door, I buried my face into my hands and broke down. I tried my best to muffle my sobs but to no avail. It took me a few minutes to calm down. Realizing that they would get suspicious if I stayed in here for too long, I went to the sink and washed my face. I looked at my reflection and scoffed. My bloodshot eyes will totally give it away. I heard someone knocking on the door. This is it.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” I said, voice cracking.

I mentally cursed at myself. Hoping for the best, I inhaled and opened the door.

“What’s wrong?!” Yoona asked a little bit too loudly, attracting the others’ attention.

“Nothing,” I said as I casually shrugged my shoulders.

I heard the front door closed. Only one thought crossed my mind. That was Sungmin. I blinked back the tears that threatened to come out and rushed towards the living room, hoping to confront him.

“Why did Sungmin hyung leave?” Ryeowook asked.

“Must’ve left something,” Donghae concluded.

I leaned against the wall, trying to control my heavy breathing. No, I can’t break down in front of them.

“What’s wrong?” Boa unnie asked.

“Dizzy,” I lied.

She put a hand on my forehead.

“You’re not running a fever,” She stated.

“Might be starting one, I guess,” I said as I went to the kitchen.

The kitchen. The place where we were interrogated. I let out a bitter laugh as a tear slid down my cheek. I hurriedly wiped it away. You can do this! I thought weakly to myself.

“What’s taking you so long?” Jungsoo oppa asked.

“Be patient, gramps,” I said quietly as I exited the kitchen.

“Woah, she really is sick,” He commented.

You can do this.

“I guess I am,” I said, smiling weakly. I walked towards the front door.

“It’s getting late and I’m tired. So, I’m off,” I said, hand on the doorknob.

“Wait a minute,” Heechul stopped me and forced me to look into his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

. No. I can’t. You can do this. I let out a laugh, trying to play it off.

“Of course I am,” But my voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

“No, you’re not,”

He pulled me into a hug and that was when I knew I couldn’t keep it up anymore. I cried and cried, staining his shirt with my tears. If he minded, he didn’t show it. His shirt was getting wetter and wetter by the minute. Finally deciding that he had enough, he broke away from the hug, opting to put his hands on my shoulders instead. I wiped away my tears but new ones formed. Frustrated, I just let them come out. The others started crowding around me, faces filled with worry.

“I’m fine,” I said but I doubt the tears and snot that are running down my face convinced them.

“Sure you are,” Taeyeon said as she pushed Heechul away and hugged me.

When I finally calmed down, they sat me down on the sofa. I could see Heechul opening his mouth to ask questions but he was interrupted by my phone.

Ireojima jebal,

Teonajima jebal,

Don’t know why,

Don’t know why.

Perfect song for my bitter mood. I looked at the caller ID.

Sungmin oppa~ <33

I hurriedly answered the call, expecting him to say that he didn’t mean what he said earlier but boy, was I wrong.

“Can you please get out of the dorm? I’d like to go in and rest,” He said, coldly.

I disconnected the call. He really meant it. I felt another break down is going to take place so I stood up, determined to get out of here. Disregarding the looks that were thrown my way, I hurriedly left the dorm. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it. Anything for you.

“Why are you crying?”

That voice.

“Why did I even ask that? She’s sleeping, you idiot and you know perfectly well she’s crying because of you,”

He held onto my hand. I just stayed still, wanting to know what’ll happen next.

“I’ve been bad to you lately. What am I saying? I’ve been a total jerk to you. I regretted what I said the moment you ran away after our little encounter with Hyunjung. I knew I should’ve just swallowed my pride and begged for forgiveness but I couldn’t. When I saw you running out of our dorm, sobbing, I knew I totally screwed up. When I heard that you got into an accident, I freaked out. I was extremely worried, I couldn’t even sleep. I rushed all the way here when I heard that you woke up. Finding out that you lost your memories made me sad and happy. Happy that you won’t remember the pain I put you through but sad because you won’t remember the good times we had together. I know you’re asleep and you won’t hear this but I’m hoping you would miraculously hear what I’m going to say next. I love you,” Sungmin said as he took my hand, kissed it and stood up.

“I love you too,” I said as I opened my eyes and looked at him. Sungmin froze, not knowing what to do. I took it as a sign to continue.

“I think I’m either a masochist or an idiot. No matter how much you hurt me, I’ll always love you. It doesn’t matter that you chose to believe Hyunjung over me. It doesn’t matter that you ignored me and flirted with somebody else in front of me. It doesn’t matter because I still love you,” I could hear him sniffling, a clear indicator that he was crying.

“At the end of the day, it’s still you,”

AN:

HEY GUYSSSSSSSS OMG ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE I UPDATED AND I KNOW I SAID ITLL BE UP IN 2 WEEKS BUT THEN MY FAMILY DECIDED THAT WE SHOULD GO ON AN IMPROMPTU TRIP AND THEN SCHOOL STARTED AND SINCE I HAVE EXAMS THIS YEAR I'LL BE SO BUSY. AT THE START OF THE FIRST WEEK I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TIME TO WATCH TV OMFG. It's sad to say but this fic might be ending soon (as in 4 more chapters??) yeah i kinda dont have inspiration but it;s going how i planned it (planned what do you mean planned i didnt even plan this whole fic) most of the secrets are revealed and stuff ... yeah i dont know anymore... 4 more chapters and this'll end ;_; I started writing this story 1 and a half years ago omg it felt so short tho ;~; I'll be back.... not soon idek anymore im sorry guys im such a omg ;~; bye loves <33