Suicide Kills Two People

"Alright, you're all set to go, Ms. Taellaa." The nurse said smiling and took the IV out of my arm. I just smile some and get out of bed. "Oh, two girls are here. They brought you a change of clothes so you don't leave looking like this." She smiled cheerfully. How can a person be so cheerful? Can't she see how much I hurt right now? The world always goes on like nothing happened, even when someone may be dying inside. That never stops to amaze me...

I just leave the room to be hugged by Sae Ra and Taeyeon. I just stand there, numb, as they hug me. "Taellaa, I mean Young Jae, what happened?!" Taeyeon asked and winked as she said Young Jae.

"Are you alright?" Sae Ra asked handing me my bag of clothes.

"Ne." I said quietly and just took the bag and went into the one person bathroom. I close the door with a soft click and locked it.

"What happened?" Taeyeon asked through the door.

"I fainted." I said plainly and changed into faded ripped jeans and a panda t-shirt. It only reminded me of Seungri. "Why'd you bring me this shirt?" I asked coldly while putting my hair up into a tiny, tiny pony tail. I missed my long hair...actually, it was never that long. I want long hair.

"Because you love pandas." Sae Ra said confused.

"Aniyo. I like birds now." I growled and went over to the sink.

"Wae?" Taeyeon asked. I just splashed water onto my face and refused to answer. Wae? Because birds can fly away. They can fly away from anything. If any problem comes up they can just leave. They can just fly away without even looking like a coward. I want to be like them. Just flying where ever I want. Into the breeze. Flying until I can't fly anymore...

"Taellaa, wae?!" Sae Ra shrieked impatiently.

"Because I like ing birds! Arrasso?!" I yelled pissed. I just sit in the middle of the bathroom and start crying. "I like birds! That's why! Why are you so concerned on why I like birds?!" I screamed. Nice Taellaa, it looks like you are having a huge fit over liking birds... "Birds are perfect and God didn't grace me of being a bird!"

"...What's so perfect about pooping everywhere?" Sae Ra asked, confused as usual. That's it. I couldn't help myself for my future actions. They came at a bad time.

"Damn, Sae Ra! Why are you so stupid?!" I yelled flinging the bathroom door open. Sae Ra stepped back with a shocked expression on her face.

"T-Taellaa...that wasn't nice." Taeyeon said shocked as well.

"I don't give a rat's if I'm nice! And you aren't so perfect either Ms. I'm Going To Sleep With Every Boy Who Compliments Me!" I yelled as she narrowed her eyes. "You are the school's biggest tramp and of course you're friends with the school's biggest idiot!" I yelled and Sae Ra started to cry. What did I just do? I didn't mean it- I didn't think Sae Ra would cry...Aish, Taellaa! Why are you so stupid?! You can't do anything right.

"And we're friends with the school's biggest ." Taeyeon hissed and hugged Sae Ra. "At least we were friends with the school's biggest ."

And with that Taeyeon and Sae Ra left. Great. I'm completely friendless now. I can't show up to the private school, and now if I go back to the old one Taeyeon and Sae Ra will make my life hell. I think I'll just stop going to school. Sounds like a plan. I just grab the bag and leave as the nurse watches me. Judges me.

I push the hospital doors open and walk home. That's right, I walked home. Jiyong and Seungri left hours ago, and Taeyeon and Sae Ra just drove off. They were all my rides home, and I had single handedly pissed them all off. In one day. Grats, Taellaa.

As I get to my house I can't help but stare at Seungri's house. I didn't know how to fix this. Maybe everyone would be better off if I was dead... I open my door and go inside. I throw myself on the couch and stare at the ceiling for a while, deciding on my next actions. I could kill myself. With a gun or a knife, but who am I kidding? I'm too much of a coward. If I kill myself, I go the simple way. With a handful or bottle full of pills. I guess it doesn't really matter how you do it, as long as it's a success. I could hang myself from the ceiling fan, but nothing scares the out of me more than hanging yourself. It just looks so sad. To me, the saddest of all suicides. Ne, they're all sad. People who were never helped in the end, but just seeing someone dangling from the ceiling, it's just so surreal. I don't really know how to explain it. It just scares me; the thought of it. It was once used as a punishment. You get your neck snapped and die. That was if you were lucky. Maybe your neck wouldn't snap, and you'd suffocate for as long as it takes. That was the real punishment.

I could shoot myself, but then everyone would see my as my uncle. Shortly after my mother died, her brother shot himself in front of his three children. The sad part? None of them were over the age of eight. Maybe I'm not afraid of a bullet crashing into my head. Maybe I just don't want people to look at me as him. If I die, I want to die in private. I don't want someone to walk in and see me dangling from the ceiling or laying in a pool of my own blood. I would be in my room, or in the bathroom behind a closed door. Locked or not, it wouldn't be the first thing they see when they come in.

My appa used to tell me that a suicide always kills two people. At the time, I wasn't sure what he meant. A year ago there were three people in a taxi. They were all sober but the taxi driver was suicidal. His wife had just left him for his brother and she was all he had. The result? He drove into another car at full speed. He took two lives with him, along with his own. Those other two people were my parents. When I learned about what had happened, I understood his saying a little better. When one commits suicide, they are not only affecting their self, but another person, or other people. Emotionally and physically.

However, I have no one to hurt. If I kill myself there will be no one else that's hurt. I sit up and smile some. It's decided. I will kill myself. I get off the couch and go inside my bathroom, closing the door with a soft click. I go into the medicine cabinet and take out a bottle of pills. I didn't read what the pills were, I just figured as long as they were pills it would do something. I open the bottle and pour half of it into my hands. Would I need more? This looks like a lot. I guess it'll do something. I shove the handful into my mouth and swallow. I stare at myself in the mirror with tears streaming down my face. Why wasn't this working? Did I not use enough?

As soon as I thought that my body fell to the floor. I was scared, but I knew I was doing everyone a favor. It'll be scary at first, but after it won't be so bad. My eye sight was going blurry and I started losing my hearing. My body was numb and not responding to anything. Am I breathing? Aniyo. I don't think so.

"I never learned your name." I brushed some hair out of my face. "I'm Young Jae."

Oh, sorry. How rude of me. I'm Lee Seunghyun. You can call me Seungri though, Young Jae." Said Seungri. He looked like a panda. I wonder if he ever got any sleep.

Am I having memories? It's like I'm right there. Am I at home anymore? This must be an affect of the pills. Or...maybe I'm dying?

"Why do you hate me?" I asked looking up from my fries.

"Just leave Seungri and me alone!" Jiyong growled and stormed out of the cafeteria.

I don't want memories of Jiyong. He hates me. Why am I seeing him before I die? Couldn't it have just stopped with Seungri?

"YOU LEFT THE KEYS IN THE CAR?! ARE YOU FOR REAL?! YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO KILL YOU. I THINK I WILL KILL YOU. JIYONG, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU."

"Mianhae..."

"You destroy half of the grocery store, God knows how, you make me spend almost $200 on groceries I don't even have now, and then, AND THEN you let my car get sto-"

Oh ne, that's were most the trouble started. With that one simple kiss.

"W-What was that for?" I asked as red as can be.

"I...I wanted you to stop talking...it worked." He said looking away.

I wish he never did that. I wish I stopped seeing him. I wish we both stopped doing this to ourselves.

"Jiyong, where are we going?" I asked trailing through the woods with him.

"You'll see." He stops me at a field of flowers.

"What's this?"

"A field of flowers, pabo." He chuckled and I narrowed my eyes.

"I mean, why am I here?"

"Because you like flowers." He said in a duh tone. "I can tell you're confused just by looking at you. It was your screen saver, a field of flowers. Not the manliest...but whatever." He chuckled as I felt myself blushed embarrassed. "I thought it'd be romantic." He tired to kiss me but I moved away.

"Jiyong...what about Seungri?" I shifted some as he cupped my right cheek with his hand.

"He's not in the picture anymore. And besides, innocent secrets like this never hurt anyone." He smiled and leaned in.

There was kiss number two. That really was romantic and sweet though.

"Young Jae?" Seungri put a hand on my shoulder.

Ah, ne. I was crying in the middle of the school's parking lot. I could have been hit by a car.

"Why didn't you tell me you knew?" I asked crying. My hands were covering my face.

"I picked that song because I liked you." He said blushing and looked away. I looked over to him shocked. "I liked you since we first met. That's why I started talking to you. There was just something about you. I needed to have you in my life. Even if you only ended up being my friend." I was about to say something when his lips crashed on to mine.

That was my fault. I kissed back making him think there was something between us, when in reality, there wasn't. I was in his life, but like he said, I was only in it as a friend and nothing more. I should have made that more clear but instead I said I loved them both. In reality, I loved his kisses. These are the two things I'm going to give up. The two things I hold closest to my heart. I'm okay with giving them up if it means they can be happy. I'm ready to say goodbye...

"Goodbye." I said quietly, a tear sliding down my cheek, and then my eyes closed.

~~~~~~~~~

And that's the end!!!!!!!!!!! No, just kidding. Haha, I'm not ending it with Taellaa killing herself...unless you want that. O.o

So in this chapter you see a more wise, harsh, and hurt Taellaa. The affects of Seungri and Jiyong are taking an affect on not only her emotionally but her body as well. I wanted to write about a side of Taellaa that no one's seen before. Hope you liked it ^^

I also wanted to include Taeyeon & Sae Ra again and I thought this would be a good chapter to do so. This was the most dramatic chapter I've written so far I think. O.O The chapter before this can be second haha. I mean, just the name of this chapter should say it.

I really didn't know how to write all the memories flooding back to Taellaa, but I tried my best.

Also, please check out my new fic, 'My Boyfriend's An Alien?!" ^^

Al2ex54 did the beautiful poster.^^