Daily Daily
S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R
Credits:[email protected]
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"Hyungsik-ah, you continue eat okay. I need to sleep. Flying back to Japan tomorrow."
"Hyung...you still have schedule in Japan tomorrow? Isn't it...our comeback stage tomorrow?"
"...you're right. I got confused. But after tomorrow's comeback stage, I still have to fly to Japan."
"But then the next day we still have comeback stage. You still have to go?"
"Well, yeah. We're busy recording for our next single. Hayato hyung and Sasaki hyung are busy too, but we got to find time anyway."
"Will you be okay? Flying here and there in between our comeback stages?"
"Don't worry. I'll be fine. Yah, Hyungsikkie, hyung didn't know you have so much love for hyung. Now, how about feed me some of that? Aaa..."
"Yah...hyung, why so cheesy? You know what? I'll just finish this slowly, you don't have to accompany me eat, just go to sleep."
"Yah, meanie." He playfully slapped the younger's head. "You're stingy as ever. I cooked it for you! I love you." He puckered his lips and then broke into laughter as the younger pushed him away and cringed at his random cheesy ending to his earlier complaint. Not that they weren't used to his playful nature.
"I love you too, hyung. But don't think of sharing my food. you want, cook for your own. This is not enough for two."
"Fine. I'm going to sleep now. Starve my poor empty stomach to sleep."
"Hyung, I'm worried if tomorrow I'll forget to say this if we're too busy, but when you meet your group members there in Japan, send my 'hi', okay?"
He simply nodded and left to take his shower and sleep. He had spent the past few months familiarizing himself to his new life, new routine, new family and friends in Japan far from the comfort of familiarity, alone, yet it still stings him whenever anyone mentions 'group members' while referring to his 'new' group members, and not the eight boys he grew up with - not physically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Most of them met up as late teenagers but with the maturity level of a child. And there's nothing wrong with Hayato and Sasaki, in fact, they are nice people, and helped him a lot to overcome his language barrier and homesickness, especially in his early days spent alone in Japan without s to learn, adapt and prepare himself for his new phase in life. But when he hears the word 'group members', the ones he would naturally think of would be the boys he had sing together with, dance together with, laugh together with, cry together with, argue and fight together with, eat and sleep together with, sometimes even shower together with back in the days when they're always scolded to hurry up and rushed here and there by their managers, for the past four years. It stings, especially when his own members refer to those two hyungs as s now. Well, it was indeed the correct term, but still brought a pang of feelings he couldn't quite describe with words. Feelings that sting.
If they weren't s, then who were they? He asked himself as he hung his towel on the steel towel bar, and the shower. He considered them like family, just as he tried to treat every new people who showed up and entered in his haywired idol life where people always come in and go out without any warning nor greetings or goodbyes. He believed that the world would be a better place if everyone could be friends and be friendly and loving to each other. He knew it's not easy to be loved. How successful they have been so far compared to other idol groups that debuted at the same time as them or even much later than them, clearly proved it. But he also knew that to love isn't as hard, and if you persistently work your ways and keep giving, maybe one day, you'll receive as well. He really wanted to hold onto that ideal.
And that's what he continued to practice. He's not a member known for impeccable vocal skills that could bring goosebumps, in fact, he used to be scolded a lot for focusing too much on dance to cover up his weakness in singing matters. He's not known for mad rapping skills either. Come to think of it, in both singing and rapping, he was just average. The sole importance of his in his group - his original group, was just as a dancer, and supporting vocals. He always wondered about the reason he was always assigned to lend his voice to sing most parts of their songs as background vocals. Because compared to members with enviable vocal skills, he had so much more parts, that were often went unnoticed by most people who listen to them.
He's always just there, in the background, without any prominent part. He was contented though, it was better that way. Being shadow of the other members allowed him to hide his insecurities regarding his own talents as a singer. He never really wanted to become a singer as much as he wanted to be a dancer. It was simple as that. But being young, ambitious and cute looking as often regarded by the girls(and even boys) at his school, he wanted to try and see where his limit lay up in the sky. And so he went forward to audition to become an idol at big agencies and he even made it in shortlisted list for JYP entertainment, one of the big three idol factory. That seemed pretty good an achievement. Being a countryside boy who only bothered about dancing and challenging his limits just like any other young boys, he wouldn't even dream of letting go such a great opportunity to easy access of fame, by being in a top agency.
Yet that was the very thing he did.
Maybe it was their friendliness, maybe it's the craving for challenge that he saw when he went to meet the people who boldly approached and called him to join them after seeing his dance video that went viral. Maybe it was their passion when trying to persuade him to join them, despite knowing it's a losing battle considering the agency he already secured his position in, it was kind of stupid of them. But the passion and courage and stupid stubbornness and determination they owned, he liked it. It reminded him of something very familiar and close to him. It reminded him of himself. And so, after spending a sleepless night to convince himself that he wouldn't regret the decision, he went to them, the people who are now what he would proudly call his group members. And he kept his words. Despite finding that his idol life wasn't as bright and cool as when he was merely a dancing prodigy as he would consider himself and felt not even sky was the limit, he didn't regret, well, not yet. Not even when they kept failing and the members would sometimes get into arguments or trading barbs when the mood was gloom. He never let himself to be dragged in the distress. He liked being here with them so much, that he would rather focus on bringing smiles to everyone everyday, on daily basis, by being his cheerful and playful self first. Daily smiles for daily
happiness.
He didn't notice when, but one day he just realized that his role and parts in the group had increased. He's no longer the background singer for other members with one solo line. He had his own decent amount of solo parts, a great deal of them for some songs. Not that he ever felt the need to complaint about the lack of his significance other than as the dancer. They are nine people having to operate as one. He was lucky just to have the spotlight all to himself when he dance. There were those who were a lot less lucky than him when it comes to significance on and off stage. Kwanghee was one he could immediately name and sometimes he just felt sorry for their most recognized member. How hard could it be having all the spotlight on him and then not having a line to sing for all the people who knew him for his humour to attest to his talents as well? And what about Taeheon, who despite always having his rap parts, always ended up not even noticed as a part of their group, no thanks to his quiet and overly considerate nature that would rather let his other members fight for the spotlight and step back in the shadows himself? And then there's their leader who instead of making use of all the attention he gained for his handsome looks or the buzz for being a Micky Yoochun lookalike ulzzang, was too busy to make sure everything was going good for the other eight that he simply just ended up faded to the background.
He wouldn't consider himself unfortunate. Not at all.
One day, it just happened. He received an offer that changed his life. An offer to spread his wings in Japan, without having to share the spotlight with the other eight. That itself, he had to admit, was very tempting. He was never greedy for attention, but if he was to receive more, why would he decline it? Who would do that? Especially if it wouldn't impact on what he already had secured.
There were issues to be thought of in making the decision though. Issue of his status and loyalty. Issue of potential to grow. And issue of his own contribution. That was around the time Siwan's name burst into stardom. And suddenly when he would go shopping at the minimarket for their home supplies, the same cashier girl who never acknowledged his status as a public figure, suddenly made a small talk to him for the first time. Asking him if he really was Im Siwan's group member and that she was a new fan after seeing Siwan's drama. She even gave him discount coupons for the minimarket, in hushed manner of course, worried of her boss catching up on her act. He was happy of course, to be recognized, to be getting a new fan, and for the discount of course. Though to this day he never knew whether the reason that cashier never said anything to him before other than the price he had to pay for the purchases was that she wasn't a fan, or she just didn't know he's an idol.
That didn't matter anymore. Things had changed in his trips to the minimarket now. But that wasn't the only thing that changed. The incident triggered him to think of how much he had contributed, and if one member's success can add to so many fans, imagine if all members could find success to help the group's dire state of insignificance.
He has always been a country boy. Even if he enjoyed having chic and stylish appearance, and taking as much random lessons on style (which he doesn't always agree upon) from Siwan, as well as makeup sessions and tips from Kwanghee who's like a pro at such thing, still, nothing he enjoyed more than spending time with his grandparents who he loved dearly and have always spoiled him. He would even go there to visit them whenever he had no schedule and received permission from the management. His grandparents always welcomed him and whenever he arrived, the question they would ask was, where the other members were and why he was alone. They'd ask him to bring s next time. Sometimes he gets jealous at the affection they showed for the other members who rarely followed him. But he never took it too seriously. He knew they were just as loving as himself. His parents were less expressive on showing their affections but he knew they too, were happy whenever he came back to visit them.
Thus, when he decided to accept the offer for a whole new dimension of career in Japan, he also knew that would mean, less time to be spent with his dear grandparents. That realization only hit him and ached his chest when he was already there, living most of his days in Japan for the third month, except for the days when he had to return Korea to fulfill group schedules once in awhile. He missed them so much. Everyone. The people at the company which some he didn't even know their name, but would exchange smiles with them nevertheless, the stylist noonas who occassionally would chat with him or sometimes scold him for letting Kwanghee do his makeup instead of leaving it to the professionals like them, his group members who were often the object of his pranks as they called it, but to him, the pranks were just his way of playing with them-he is afterall, a playful and affectionate person as he would consider. And his grandparents and their humble abode and naggings about how skinny he had been getting each time he went there although he thought he looked just the same. He even missed the cashier at the minimarket near their house who suddenly had become uncomfortably too talkative and continued to prod him about his group members, especially Siwan, whenever he went to restock their supply of instant noodles and tissue papers, and that activity happened a lot, since their stock ran out quickly. There are nine people sharing afterall, and he was already unofficially appointed as the one in charge of shopping for the house most time, no thanks to his lazy sleepyhead group mates.
Yes, even though sometimes he had to cry himself to sleep because of his homesickness and the thoughts of the people he missed, he told himself to be strong because he wanted to contribute too, just like Kwanghee, Dongjun and most recently, Siwan who had done a great job making them proud. He wanted the members to be proud of him too, he wanted his grandparents to be proud of him. He wanted to be proud of himself. So he shall endure to increase their popularity in Japan for the sake of his group members - his eight group members. What then, would he call Hayato and Sasaki? Well, technically, they're his group members too, his family in Japan. But there's a difference he couldn't quite explain that makes it hard for him to refer to them as his group members. It still stings him, especially when his own group members call them as his group members. It stifled and rattled him for no reason. He knew those feelings needed to be clarified and eliminated.
And so when his group members finally met with his other group members during their showcase, it made him nervous but excited and hopeful to see the end of his anxiety. Seeing how Junyoung thanked Hayato and Sasaki for taking care of him made him felt proud, made him felt relieved, made him felt that he still belonged to them, his group members. No matter what changes he went through and will probably go through in the future, some things just wouldn't and shouldn't change. They're s. He's theirs. Everything else doesn't matter. Everyone can be his family. As long as his group members never see him as a separate entity from them just because of his new group, it's all good.
The notice for their comeback couldn't come at a better time. It's the time for him to remind everyone else that this is his group and where he would never leave for anything, ever since he left his dream agency, JYP Entertainment, for them. His Japanese group is where he showed a different side of him. One he didn't show normally. One that excites and thrills him for the challenges, difference, unexpectedness and novelty. And so, 3Peace☆Lovers has a special place for him; one that made him feel accomplished and one that helped him to matured. But this group, the one he's been with for the past four years and has yet to grow into something remarkable to the public - this is the group where that young country boy who loved to just dance and sing background parts to support his more vocally talented members resides. And there's no where else he would rather be.
He decided that once the promotion is over, here and in Japan, when he had some time later on, he would go for a visit to his grandparents' place again. And this time, he would drag s - whoever who would be free at that time to tag along. He hoped Kwanghee would be free. The old couple loved his antics. Though his father, not so much, as far as the little reactions he displayed showed. He knew his father liked to act cool anyway. Maybe he would drag Kevin too, to teach them English and showed off some of his Australian cooking to the old folks to see their bewildered reactions. Or Heecheol - he would sing trot with them. If he could, he would bring all of them there again. Just like the old days.
He turned off the shower, wrapped his towel around his waist and took one final glance into the mirror, contented to see that the shower had rejuvenated his tired body as well as straightened his tangled thoughts again. As always. At the silent surrounding now, he could hear voices talking outside of the small room. Probably s who were waiting for their turn. He quietly slid open the door to peek and then stopped.
"But if you confront him now about it...what if he really had sign it?"
"That's what I want to know. If he's really leaving, don't we deserve to at least be told about it beforehand?"
"Junyoung-ah, try to talk to him about it. At least wait until we finish promoting to announce it. I don't want him to be called traitor and be hated."
"Ya, Taeheon-ah, Taeheon! You really don't mind to see him leaving us? If he leaves, he's not going to come back! Do you know what that means?"
"I...I don't want to hold him back. He's doing good. If it'd make him happy, we should let him go and be happy for him."
"Hy...hyung! What...what are you talking...?"
He could see shock and fear in both pairs of eyes as he emerged before them, never been more confused than this, but he didn't care. What were they talking about that he completely wasn't aware of? Sign what? And who's leaving them? To where? Why wouldn't he come back? And what does it mean if he left them? Traitor? Happy?
His mind went flickering to blankness before a thought came back filling his mind. A piece of memory when they went together to his grandparents place for the first and last time, before debut and they only had plain rice and kimchi since it was already late night and the old couple wasn't expecting any visitors but happily welcomed them anyway - their grandson's group members. That memory still was one of the happiest for him. They were all happy, despite having had a horrible day earlier. They're happy together, weren't they? Aren't they?
So, what is with this talk about leaving and traitor?
For some reason, it felt like the thought he was just entertaining, about him and them spending their day off at his grandparents house, swiftly drifted farther and farther, leaving him alone, and cold, feeling smaller and smaller as time gradually stopped while waiting for any of the two same-aged men to break the silence, and give him any answer. No, not any answer, but one he wanted to hear. That he just misheard them, or any other excuses to deny his growing fear. That tomorrow and the day after and every day that follows, nothing will change. That he could keep going strong to go over his ridiculous alternate schedules back and forth between Japan and back here, knowing that he would eventually be rewarded with the elder couple's warm smiles and laughter as they welcomed their grandson in, together with his group members, whenever that is, in the future.
He needed someone to tell him, that he heard nothing and that this was all just a dream, a nightmare.
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ranting:
i was pretty satisfied(despite the crappy too-long sentences that i can't seem to control lol), going a slightly different direction here with this chap... can't hav everyone angsting over same thing...xD...though not so much satisfied with the ending part... oh well...two members left...which i hope i won't mess up with. and for those who's not familiar with 3peacelovers, minwoo's group in Japan...here...i haven't been keeping up with them that much so far, so, i'm sorry if sth doesn't click well...
i'm probly gonna take a lil break to update my other fic, but i'll be back soon...idk. Thanks for the feedbacks as always, i don't think i can thank you guys enough without sounding repetitive but thank you so, so much again. ♥ see'ya later^^.
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