Someday
S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R
i will introduce one new song with each chapter, the song title is the chapter's title.
and the chapter's picture will be the teaser pictures. xD
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Time passed by.
A year ago, he was nobody. Nobody that would be followed by cameras and spotlight. He was just there, together with them, he didn't feel happy. Well, he did feel happy. But there was a hole in him, growing larger with every second of his idleness amidst his 'interesting' members, eating up his wall of resistance. He wanted some attention too. He knew he deserved more. He knew he was just as talented if not more, if they only gave him a chance to shine and show how much impact he could make.
Today, it seemed that his dream had come true, no longer is the hole taking over his mind and body. He never believed in fairy tale, but the turn his life took on is a perfect depiction of it. He never dared to dream to be on top, not even among s, but here he is now, standing even higher and higher in the ladder of entertainment society with each passing day. He felt proud of himself, his achievement, it was all his own efforts, the cruel sacrifices he did paid off justly. Everything that he is now, he earned it on his own, without depending on them.
Today, they had their comeback performance. During the first year, a handful of fans cheered for them, probably the ones who had been following them since their predebut days. Last year, thanks to Kwanghee's and Dongjun's somewhat soaring popularity for different reasons, the sound of cheering fans doubled up. And tonight, the cheers were much even louder than ever, all thanks to the phenomenon he caused. No doubt all members had their own fans, but only the ones who made big impact would be the factor of such unbelievable support. The scream of love belonged to him, yet he shared it with the members. He was pretty proud of his generosity. That's how he try to ease the growing temptations inside him that has became so big lately that he even felt the pain of too strong a temptation.
He enjoyed singing with them on-stage, he always does. But certain feelings have changed. He wondered why the joyful feelings weren't as strong as before. Is it them, or him, or the situation? Or is it time? Time changes, naturally people would have to change with it. He had no reason not to change. Everything else in his life changed. Why shouldn't he? Someday, they all would. It's just a matter of time, and their own situations.
He had been mulling over this matter an awful lot of time lately. The feelings he had when he was with them slowly or not so slowly were fading, just as his feelings for what he occassionally does now increases and grows even stronger than ever. The feelings that kept bringing him back to the unexpected meeting he had last week, which resulted in the booklet he left under his pillow, the booklet he found himself peeking over every now and then in between filming for his dramas and CFs, and in between fulfilling practice schedules for the group's comeback. In fact, the contents of the booklet had been occupying his thoughts all the time. Even up until their comeback showcases and comeback stage.
A contract offer for a solo career under a stable, prominent agency.
An opportunity for him to spread his wings without being confined by group schedules that often take too much time because it's never easy getting everyone to get together, learn new choreography, waiting outside the recording room even when it wasn't his turn. Especially with everyone being busy with their own schedules. Time is the greatest luxury he couldn't afford now. His patience kept wearing thin whenever he took the time from his hectic filming, only to have the others fooling around, causing them to need even more time to master a dance or record a song. He hated when that happened, yet he couldn't bring himself to say it to them and diminish the smiles on their faces. Either he didn't have the heart to, or maybe he was just scared at their reactions. Scared at being called a traitor, to hear them say he changed. He hated to hear that the most, even though he knew he did change, and it wasn't a choice, not to him. It was circumstances, even if they were in his place, he knew they'd feel just the same.
The contract said that he'd even get an offer to not just act, but also the opportunity he had long waited for. A chance to show the world that he could be a respectable singer on his own, a solo singer, not merely an idol, a part of a large group where his significance would be often questioned. Where his existence and importance as a singer is always placed behind Kevin, behind Hyungsik, behind Dongjun, who else? Wouldn't this offer then, be a shot for him to become at least as big as Lee Seunggi? Just as he always dreamed of? He wanted to let his parents know, but he was afraid. What was he afraid of? He wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure why he should waste so much time thinking it over. Or maybe he knew.
It was their comeback period. He couldn't break the news to them now. They need him now more than ever. Without him, they'd be back to where they used to be, third degree idol. Even the rookies that merely debuted for less than half a year are much more well known and respected than them. The cheerful faces of s - he couldn't ruin them now. They were so close to finally gain a little recognition, a little respect, a little admiration, a little fame, they're yet to taste those feelings they have craved to taste ever since before debut, when they had heart to heart talks. And now is their chance, after he became the nation's sensation.
He only needed to hang on a little more while. He felt so tired he could break into two or more. But they needed him now more than ever. And all these while he had been riding along on the popularity of the more popular members. He didn't want to leave them before actually contributing something. This way, they could not accuse him of not being thankful. This way, he'd pull out at the peak of both his solo and group career. It'd be the best exit ever. The best for them, and of course, the best for him. That's right. That was all that mattered. Himself. There couldn't possibly be other reasons to think about it again or hesitate, he reminded himself and took another puff of cigarette in his hand, now only realizing that it had been long abandoned in between his fingers that ashes were already scattered on his dark gray pants.
"Hyung. Did...did I offended you just now? At the press conference?"
He didn't answer, though he knew he should. The uneasiness of the voice behind him told him that the owner of the voice had probably been scolded by the others for talking not so nice things about his changes ever since he started acting. But why should they? Heecheol just doesn't gloss over his words when he speaks of the members. They're just used to it. They didn't need to care for each other's feelings, because faking it just to make others feel good would only hurt all the more.
"Hyung...H....Hyung! You smoke?!" Instantly the cigarette in his hands changed holder. "Hyung, you didn't smoke!"
"Well, now I do. Not a big deal right? You smoke too."
"But....I'm different hyung. I've always smoke since school. Siwan hyung, stop it. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry but please don't be upset anymore. I shouldn't have talk without thinking."
The younger man stood rigidly before him with remorse on his face, now holding his wrist, as if begging to him. Heecheol doesn't beg on regular basis, not as far as he remembered. And he realized he hadn't talk to Heecheol for a long time now, that he couldn't remember the last time they'd spend time chatting about anything. Heecheol had always willingly spend time listening to his talks even though not many of them liked listening to the topics that interests him, but Heecheol would appear at least once a week asking him about what was he thinking about, or what was interesting. They hadn't had that kind of moments for a long time now. Months, has it been half a year already? He suddenly remembered, they just had their first comeback performance. He shouldn't spill everything now and ruin the mood. And so, he smiled, for the second time of the day, first being during he was on stage. He hoped that the smile he offered would be suffice to wipe that guilty look on Heecheol's face. It only ruined his handsomeness.
"Heecheol-ah, what are you sorry for? I'm alright. I'm just... tired." He cursed himself mentally for showing such a weak acting performance now when he needed to apply it to the most effect. But he really didn't feel like it. He was starting to feel genuinely tired.
"Really, I'm just tired." He repeated it, saying it more to himself more than to anyone else. The horrified Heecheol had already left the balcony where he was seated. He sighed, and stared at his fingers, still in the same position as when he was holding the cigarette.
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so, first song introduced in the fic...Someday. not many choices from full songs since most songs are in preview mode. but i think this song pretty fits the chapter. hope it's not too dark. and please don't think badly of Siwan. it's just a fic^^.
So, anyone wanna spazz about the song? or any comments?
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