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"Yah! Why did you chase Siwan Hyung away?! Pabo!"

"I'm...I'm sorry...I just don't want him to yell at you. And...and...I didn't thought he would really go."

"You just told him to leave."

"I...did I?"

Minwoo sighed loudly, breaking the argument between the two younger men.

"Just stop it, will you two? It's all my fault. I should've controlled myself better. I've promised Junyoung hyung that I won't tell him anything."

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"Yah, Park Hyungsik. How could you blame me? You're the one who told him to leave."

"Minwoo Hyung, you're the one who admitted it was your fault."

"Aish."

"Hyung, we should go look for Siwan Hyung and bring him back."

"We won't be allowed to. We don't have time to go out before the stage. Besides, he must be mad at me." Minwoo could feel the youngest's pleading eyes boring into his sideline and kept his gaze as far away as possible from them both, and caught sight of the only other person inside the room who was lost in his thoughts, looking even more miserable than them even in his silence. Knowing what was going through the elder's mind, guilt hit him again. If anything, Taeheon at least tried to stop the fight, he didn't deserve to blame himself. Besides, even if it were the other hyungs, they wouldn't be able to held the powerful maknaes back. A bittersweet pang struck his chest at the reminiscence that suddenly flood his memory - the laughter, tears, shoutings, had they become meaningless now? Why were those times seemed so far behind them? 

"Taeheon hyung, what are you thinking about?"

The thin boy waited after making his way there, leaving the younger members at the other side of the room, but soon lost patience at the lack of response that only made his guilt thickened.

"Taeheon Hyung, it's not your fault. It's all my fault."

"Who said it's my fault? Of course it's your fault. You admitted it." Taeheon finally looked up and gave a small grin.

"Yah, not you too. hyung. You need to stop hanging around with Hyungsik."

"Hey, I hear that!" Hyungsik shouted from across the room and walked up to the other two, joining the conversation.

"So, what should we do now?"

"Hmm, what do you think we should do now?"

"Hey, everyone, stop fighting." They looked at each other upon the voice that reached the room even before the owner of the voice limped inside with assistance from the other two elder members, acting as human crutches for him.

The room however, revealed no such fight as claimed by Kwanghee. Everyone looked calm. Junyoung's eyes scanned the people one by one, making sure to search for any traces of fight, but there was none. Was Kwanghee joking? The confused look on Kwanghee's face told him the otherwise though. Then he noticed what was wrong.

"What happened? Where's...Siwan?"

Nobody answered even as his eyes questioned them one by one. Minwoo only stared at the cement floor. Dongjun looked stressed but kept silent. And Hyungsik kept nudging at Taeheon with his elbow, even though his efforts were ignored.

"Where's Siwan?"

A sigh was heard and finally somebody ended the absence of answer.

"I...Siwan Hyung...there's argument...I told him to leave...and ...he really left. Junyoung Hyung...I really didn't expect..."

"Hyungsik-ah..." He wanted to scold the kid who had the size of a giant compared to the rest of them, but really was no more than a spoilt maknae who depended physically and emotionally on the elders being a rich kid who only learnt how hard life could be the moment he decided to enter the company, moved into their home and lived as a part of them. Yet, Hyungsik bravely endured, refusing to complaint even though Junyoung could tell there were so many fears and difficulties that Hyungsik could not tell anyone, to prove that he too, could be strong like the others even if he's not. Junyoung wanted to scold Hyungsik, but how could he? He was the one who shattered Hyungsik's faith in him that he would take care of them all. In the end, he wanted to end everything, and even had the audacity to tell them to keep everything from Siwan's knowledge. How could he think Siwan wouldn't find out? How could he think the kids could endure the pain and pretended to be fine in front of Siwan?

He did yet another stupid move. He couldn't scold any of them for his own stupidity, and neither could he apologize to them either since he could not take back the decision. Things have cracked and crumbled, and the whole empire of their dreams are in the process of breaking down, no more salvageable. 

And now, nobody knew where Siwan went to.

"It was my fault, I'll find him." Minwoo finally spoke.

"We will find him. Don't worry too much." Taeheon added quietly.

"Anyway..." Kevin scratched his head after looking around, "...where's Heecheol? Was he also involved in the fight?"

"Heecheol?"

The shoulders of the man who had his back facing the rooftop entrance where the other man had just entered straightened upwards in alert. He wasn't expecting to have any company there. Or rather, he wasn't expecting anyone to caught him doing what he was doing. Something he had officially stopped but occassionally do in the comfort of his privacy far from the prying eyes of s nor managers. Somewhere like here, sometime like now. In panic, he decided to just throw the remaining of his stub off from the corner of the rooftop where he stood.

"You smoke?"

The man had parked himself next to him. On other occassions he would be glad for the company. He wouldn't even mind to share a secret or two with the hyung he trusted his life with. Even if he did something forbidden by their company, such as smoking. He knew he could trust the elder. Besides, it was just yesterday when he saw the person reprimanding him, smoking himself.

On normal occassions, he wouldn't have stayed silent. He would spoke out for his self justice as he always does, making himself seen as the troublesome kid of the pack when he was just speaking his mind, something most other members were too cowardly to do. Yet, this time, he was too nervous, too upset, too afraid, too unsure to even mutter a word. He shivered inwardly at the thought of how to react or respond to the voice.

"Not speaking huh? I guess you want me to leave too."

Maybe it was the hurt yet challenging tone he rarely heard from that man who is exactly about one year older from himself, or maybe it was the peculiar choice of words that revealed something he wasn't entirely sure of, despite being afraid to confront the man, he knew even the fear he was entertaining itself was stupid.

'Hyung had always taken care of me and make awkward jokes to cheer me up all these while whenever I felt lonely, Hyung would come to the rescue by diverting the issue when everyone got upset at me. Why couldn't I at least try to do something for him for the last time? What does he mean, want him to leave too?'

"Siwan Hyung..." He turned around to see Siwan standing near the door but not facing the way out.

"I knew you would call me." Siwan smiled ever so slightly and parked himself by the rooftop fence, right next to slightly taller man with dark eyes and conflicted expression.

"You're...not going to tell anyone I was...smoking just now, are you?"

Siwan chuckled. It rang bitterly in Heecheol's ears, alarming him. But he waited for an answer patiently.

"What about you? Are you going to tell what you saw me doing yesterday?"

He shook his head solemnly, different than the Heecheol who would jokingly threaten to expose s' dirty secrets and bargained for unfair deals with them. Siwan nodded, seeming to have expected the reaction he was given.

"Do I really look like a betrayer?"

Scrunched lines formed on Heecheol's forehead, but he only shook his head again.

"Do you...want me to leave too?"

He repeated the action, but finally felt the alarming tremor.

"What happened?"

It was Siwan's turn to shook his head, but with additional answer. "Nothing."

"Siwan Hyung, what happened? What did they say?"

Siwan cocked an eyebrow at the sudden liveliness that wasn't present moments ago.

"What were they supposed to say?"

Heecheol shrugged and looked away, knowing he was caught offguard. "I...I don't know. Nothing...I guess."

"He said, I should just leave quietly...that I should stop hurting you guys."

"He...what?! Who? Junyoung hyung?!"

Siwan stared hard for a second but answered no.

Heecheol nodded in relief. If he was to be honest, he could actually understand where did such cruel words came from and why. If Siwan would leave them quietly, they wouldn't have to go through the unprepared ceremony of shattering their own dreams and destroying all the little progress they had continuously built with all the constant crushed and reconstructed hopes, all the humiliation and begging to get opportunities, endless work and effort for those members who were in demand even if they're sick or couldn't take it anymore, and all the failures after failures that they together buried in tears, laughter, acceptance and hope. It had always been that undying dim flicker of hope that kept them going even when they thought they've had enough failures and it was time to move on with life. It was always the thinking that, 'fine, since we've gone through so far and been through so much, let's just try one more time.'

Even though he knew that he probably wasn't the only one who was aware of how deluded that thought was and how stupid of them to keep pretending to be positive and hopeful each time, it was a comforting thought. It kept them happy, even if happy wasn't the right adjective that sat at the back of their heads. Hope had kept them alive all these while. And now, they're suddenly told that they're holding onto the sinking raft of hope, for nothing. They had to give even that away, for Siwan's sake.

So, if Siwan would leave on his own, they wouldn't have to go through this unfair sacrifice they weren't even willing to do. Everything will go back to the rightly place. They will continue to move on, without Siwan, yet they'd still have that flickering deceiving hope of being freed from the lair of doomed failure and finally acknowledged and respected, as not merely favoured slaves but stars people couldn't tear their eyes from, couldn't stop listening to, nor stop raving about, someday, as they had always have dreamed of. That brightest stars they're not. He wouldn't have to bear the thought of returning to Jeju only to end up as an unemployed with no achievements to boast about, and no promise of a secured future since he had wasted the years he could use to study and make a living to train mindlessly to become an idol, a dream that was so far prettier than the reality. Maybe if he return home in such a state, he would be disowned for good. He didn't know if he still had the motivation to start over and continue study from where he stopped. He could not even recall where he did stop, so, from where, and how would he continue?

And yet, somehow, he still didn't feel at ease, at the thought of Siwan knowing nothing, and having to bear everything. It wasn't Siwan's fault that he found his ray of luck they've all been searching and pining for. Even though the luck was a bit too overwhelming that it threatened to separate Siwan from them. 'That's life', he comforted himself. Yet, one of them would have to do the sacrifice, because things still wouldn't end well where reputation is concerned. They had nothing to lose even if they disband, a bitter truth he was sure everyone was well aware of, even as Junyoung tried hard to explain his decision in the gentlest way that would not hurt their already beaten pride and self worths. But for Siwan, whose lucky star is shining the brightest, one wrong move, and his fate could take a completely spiralling turn downwards. In fact, with one wrong move he could end up worse than when he was a nobody, like them.

It didn't feel right, to see the hyung who had protected and taken care of him, when he was at his lowest, to drown now and sink to the bottom, all alone even if it was ironic, since Siwan was supposed to be on a journey to the top. But how else could it be explained? They're the ones holding him back. Maybe Junyoung was right after all. It's time to let him go in the best way. No matter what, they would still be proud of him, because he's always a part of them. What's the meaning of moving on when they're never going to be the same again, if Siwan would no longer stand on the stage with them?

"Yah, Heecheol. Why does Junyoung want me to leave?" Siwan's voice grew louder and hoarse, shocking Heecheol from simmering in his own thoughts.

"What?! No! Junyoung hyung doesn't want you to leave. Who told you that? N...nonsense."

"Then why did Hyungsik told me to leave quietly? Are you guys mad at me? Is it because I couldn't attend the dance practices when I had filming? I watched the practice recording and practiced on my own at the filming site whenever I have time while memorizing my script. Or is there something else I should know? It feels like I would be kicked out of the group anytime and I didn't even get any explanation what I did wrong so that I could try to improve."

"Hyung! It's not that. Aish....pabo Hyungsik...didn't Junyoung hyung warned not to tell...aish."

"Not to tell what?"

"Huh?" He asked cluelessly, not seeming to be aware of his own slip.

"You said just now that Junyoung asked you to kept it a secret from me. What?"

His eyes widened but he immediately tried to feign oblivion.

"I said that? No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Well, then...I must've babbled nonsense without thinking."

"Heecheol-ah, do you really still think you can hide anything from me?"

"ZE:A on-stage now." The staff disappeared even before they could explain their situation. Of course, the entertainment scene is too big to care about a 'small' internal problem of a small name nobody only their unimpressive number of fans care about. Even if they were to disappear, the industry nor public would not mourn for them except throwing a few pity words or cruel ones saying they should've disbanded long ago. Remaining as a group the public call 'nobody' or 'loser' for the third year should've clued them enough, if anything. Why did it take them this long?

No one would probably even remember them even if they were to disappear.

Unless some members manage to make it big on their own and decide to share about the past, one fine day in a distant future. Then, they might be able to leave a mark.

Something that might just happen now.

"Let's go." Kevin broke the deathly silence, seeing nobody moved and not even the leader said anything.

"But...Siwan hyung is not here...Heecheol hyung too." Even his empty stomach couldn't distract Hyungsik from the heavy burden that was eating every space of his eating capacity.

"Yah, we obviously can't wait for them here. Let's just go. Knowing Siwan, he will...he will be back at the right time, so there's no need to worry."

Junyoung thought, he heard lies in Kwanghee's uncertainty, but what else was there to be said? No matter what happens, the show must go on. That's one basic yet frightening rule they learned in the final lesson as trainees, after the nine of them were confirmed an impending debut together as a group.

"No matter what, the show must go on. Who cares the hell you're going through. The moment you step on stage and face your audience, you're just stars that are to give your best performance. No, not even stars, but slaves. Every member in your audience is your master and you need to work hard to entertain your masters to become their favourite slaves. Don't ever forget that."

He was sure none of them had ever forgotten that. Even if none ever talked or mentioned about it after that lesson. They're tricked into a shiny cage that would bathe them with glitters and release them as stars once the lock opens, yet, the rude awakening came faster than they could delay to carefully savour the idea of being loved, pampered shining stars whose presence would make the world scream for their attention, their names.

Instead, they were simply told to be slaves. They could run if they wanted to. But it was too late to cut off everything they had built little by little, day by day, amongst them. Within the small confinement of the one pathetic apartment they used to be crammed in together, even with the clashing personalities and attitudes that often caused rising tempers and voices, and heartaches, still they managed to raised something precious together.

Dream.

By the time they heard that what they would amount to was only slaves, it was too late to cut off the dream that had grown so big and beautiful. After all they had been through, they might as well see it till the end, maybe slaves' life wouldn't be as bad.

And soon after they began the recording, dance practices and photoshoots for their debut single.

When they're called failures after a year passed, they were disappointed, devastated, dispirited. But then Heecheol pointed out the thing they had forgotten. Even if it was said in his typical sarcastic tone, it hit home for everyone.

"Why does it matter? We're slaves anyway. Who cares if we don't become the big thing, we still have to please our masters, shouldn't we?" It was a complaint, yet at the same time, it triggered them in the way they might not have seen before.

And then everything made sense.

"Yeah, let's just go now. Kwanghee's right. They'll be back in time."

Minwoo and Hyungsik rushed to the leader's sides to help him walk along the long small lonely path from the waiting room to the stage, the path where many times they had walked past, from the times they would walk quietly dashed with occassional murmurings to one another, due to the nervousness that was eating inside them...hoping the little whining they threw to each other could comfort them and ease their agitation, hoping they could prolong the journey to get to the stage while bowing to the senior singers they met along the way, to the time they would occassionaly played silly jokes as they walked the path to the stage, because otherwise, the journey would felt too long and boring, while bowing to the sprouting younger, newer singers along the way.

The journey today, didn't made them felt nervous nor did it brought out their playful antics though. 

It was merely filled with empty silence that felt heavy. Junyoung led the way with the two usually noisy younger members who were laden with guilt as they quietly clutched onto their leader's arms. Kevin walked by Dongjun's side, making sure the youngest would make it to the stage fine. Even though Dongjun insisted he was never sick, and thus shouldn't be worried over, they knew better. Kwanghee and Taeheon trailed at the back without exchanging any words, choosing to keep themselves busy with their own thoughts.

Once they reached, and was about to go to the stage though, a voice stopped them.

"Hey, don't forget the cheering." One of their managers instructed.

"Ahh, right. We forgot."

Of course they did not forget. The group cheer before going on stage was always a ritual they dreaded and looked forward to, everytime they would have any performances. It was the time their hands would touched and their voices shouting the cheering words would match, connecting their movements, their synergy, their hearts, their goals, their dream.

All to carry out that one perfect stage for their masters.

But what was there left to cheer for, now? The reason to cheer is to hope for better, brighter future, as a group of performers.

"ZE:A, ZE:A, Fighting!"

But what was left to be fought for?

Nothing.

"Wait. Where's...Siwan? And Heecheol?"

"They...they're..."

"Sorry we're late." Siwan arrived, huffing and puffing, with Heecheol a few steps behind, looking as sombre as ever.

But the rest of them were relieved. None of them would know how to explain to anyone else, even though they would be explaining to the whole audience in just a matter of minutes. Or rather, Junyoung would do the explanation at least. But they weren't ready to explain yet. Thus, they're relieved for Siwan and Heecheol saving the situation that could get ugly had they not appear on time.

"I told you, they'd be back on time." Kwanghee bragged.

And they did the group cheer together, strangely, louder than ever.

"Let's make this the best stage ever." Junyoung smiled.

Nobody answered. But everybody agreed.

The blinding lights amidst the darkened walls greeted them for the umpteenth time, a familiar sight that alarmed them of their masters.

They were the slaves, yes. But tonight, they were more than merely slaves, they're the brightest stars, that would shine on each seats occupied in the hall for one last time, before they would explode, and leave quietly. Tomorrow, they might be just a bunch of overgrown kids roaming the streets to gather the pieces of their dreams again, to build new ones. But not now, when they're on stage, facing the anticipating crowd.

It's time to be spectacular.

They performed two songs, and Junyoung , despite should've sat out for the track where he had to dance, ended up being seated on a chair through both performances, waving, smiling, making gestures whilst s danced. The other members too, laughed as they sing and dance playfully, and continued to smile brightly and performed energetically, singing their hearts out merrily, even as they sang the melancholic lines. They all knew it was the last moment, and none of them wanted to miss out on it, or ruined it. Tears or any form of solemnity or sadness would only destroy what could be their greatest moment of career as a group. It was, afterall, the time, to be spectacular.

'Have we ever shined brighter than this?'

'No. This is the brightest.'

'Will we ever shine brighter than this, tomorrow?'

'Maybe. Maybe not. Wherever you are tomorrow, just keep shining.'

'Look at the people here- our fans. They're smiling, laughing, crying, yelling, clapping, cheering. For us.'

'We are not slaves, tonight, we are the stars. Stars that shine so bright it would burst right after the last drop of light.'

'I will remember this moment forever. I will remember all of you.'

'Tonight, we are spectacular. Really, really, so spectacular.'

'I'm sorry.'

"I...have...something to say..." Junyoung began, trembling inside, but remained firm as he spoke the moment they ended their performances. He had met the PD and requested for a little extra talk time, just for a short announcement, and maybe it was the pity seeing how he struggled to even walk or stand properly with his crutches, or maybe it was the little expensive gift he brought, that made him received the greenlight, after standing almost an hour for an answer earlier when they arrived at the TV station.

The rest of the members had lined up to the left and right of their leader, looking tensed but at peace, as Junyoung scanned their faces quickly for one last time, trying to draw courage from them, ending with a smile for Siwan, who looked as oblivious as ever, puzzled by what's happening, yet returning the small courteous smile and nod to Junyoung upon noticing the latter's gaze that rested on him for that one moment.

'Don't be too shocked, and don't blame yourself, Siwan-ah. Everything will work out fine once we're through this. I'm sorry.'

He breathed in deeply before slowly exhaling, and continued.

"I have...an announcement, to ZE:A fans, ZE:A Styles, and everyone who had supported and loved us all these years."

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rant-time: well, first of all, i'm sorry too much focus was given on junyoung's thoughts. it's just that....i feel in big decisions as these...the younger members totally depend or put their faith on the elders especially their beloved leader even if they're powerful maknaes lol. and as much as the elders have a word, i feel like they would let the leader hav the last words too, that's the impression i get from these kids. this chapter...ahh, well...let's say i had to listen nonstop emotional sappy ballad songs mostly ft island's lovesick(i know, so random n i don't even like such heavy ballad but it fits the mood...lol....towards the end, i listened to loveholic's 그대만 있다면(drama version)...damn, i really wanna share the song with you guys but all i found on youtube are not the version i listened to, n this one really made me cried while writing (bleh)...anyway, here, sharing the lyrics. well, feel free to share any speculation or whatever you feel like sharing after reading this chap since the journey is going to be over soon. Thank you so much for all the support and motivation for me that kept me going. hey, i didn't took long...just about a year and a half to write twelve chapters....lmao. *runs*...sorry if the chap/writing is annoying. ><