Never End
S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R
another song from their new album, Spectacular that will be released on 20120704. feel free to share opinions. no bashing. Credits to respective owners of fancams.
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After he was sure he had moved away far enough, he stopped running and finally found the courage to turn back towards the direction where he emerged from. Terror marked all over his face as he realized he had just learnt another new thing about Siwan. Another thing he would never have imagined. He thought of all the new things he had lately been learning about the once-quiet member but wise beyond-his-age and always have deep, philosophical things to say about life in all his modesty.
From the occassional outbursts, no more laughing at their silly acts, no more exchanging jokes or stories, no more encouragement to members who are down, no more burning passion in practices or on stage, no more smile whenever he sings, it's like he was there, in body, not in soul.
'Siwan hyung has changed.'
The realization made the hair on his back stood as he remembered the discovery some of the members found right below Siwan's pillow while on cleaning duty in their little apartment.
The memory of their old time chat came flooding his mind. The time when they had faced difficulties by difficulties, failures by failures no matter how hard they stood back up and tried again. He was the one who had the first thought of giving up altogether and pack his bags to return to Jeju Island, or maybe even go abroad to Japan to stay with his relatives and see if there were still chances for him to make it in entertainment industry, even if not in his own homeland. He could try to learn Japanese diligently, and try to win the Japanese people's hearts, since all the efforts seemed wasted here.
He was scared, uneasy at the thought of growing old while struggling, forgetting the track of time that would left his youthful soul and body only to wake up one day to realize it was too late to regret all of the wasted efforts. He didn't want that to happen. When he first acknowledged his own good looks,talents and charms, the world seemed so b with possibilities and successes ahead of him, but stepping into the real world, slowly crushed his self confidence and security. He had to witness everyday how people that to him, looked less handsome and also less charming and less talented than himself, there were among those people that made it big while he had to go through all harsh reality of continous failures in his own life.
But talking to his fellow members always had a calming effect on him, especially those who were just as handsome as himself and as talented and received as little attention as he, like Siwan. And Siwan's maturity in taking all the failures in stride and keep trying without looking down on himself began to return his own self esteem. Siwan always had wise words to share with him, and made him felt better even if he never completely understood the deep, philosophical words.
Because of how Siwan could endure and keep trying until he finally got his big break, Heecheol started to believe again in miracles or rather in saying that hardworks will finally pay off. He started to practice harder and attended more auditions for acting as well as learned more diligently in composing and participated as much as he could in their album making. The early period of Siwan's newfound blasting fame did make some of them stew in jealousy. He remembered the odd pang felt in his chest when Siwan's name was announced as one of the successful candidates for the little role they both went to audition for - for the drama The Moon Embracing the Sun, the very drama that made Siwan's name later a household name. He felt very happy, excited and proud for his friend at that time, but at the same time, he felt at a loss and empty. Becoming an actor was his dream, always has been. Still is. But he brushed away all the jealousy, because he knew, Siwan's victory after all of his own failures to stood out, deserved nothing less than a huge round of applause and cheering.
It was after all, the best thing that ever happened, after Kwanghee made it big earlier. Because it not only made them more visible to the industry and society, but it also gave hope to the rest of them. Anyone could be next, as long as they keep trying and not stop believing. Heecheol the grumpy pessimist was reborn as Heecheol the hopeful believer. The world started to feel bright again, even on days he spent eating alone in practice room because many of his other members started to receive attention and solo appearances in various shows. He knew as long as he continue to be diligent, he would be noticed too, one day.
Until he saw things maybe weren't as ideal as he thought.
When Taeheon randomly asked him if Siwan was really leaving or if he'd be under two separate management, his heart sanked. Taeheon and Junyoung were doing their cleaning duty when they found the contract. Apparently, Junyoung had asked them not to tell the rest of them.
But the question is, is Siwan realy leaving? And why? Is it because now that he's popular, they're no longer in his league? Is that the reason he always looked stressed out in practices and barely smiled anymore except when they're in public? Is that the natural route to take after fame? Being the new, hopeful Heecheol, he tried many times to brush it off. His Siwan hyung would never be that. Maybe he was just tired, but he wouldn't forget their hardship and happy times spent together as a group so easily just after a few months of fame. That wasn't the Siwan hyung he knew who would always encourage him.
But seeing Siwan at the balcony, doing something he'd never imagine, - smoking, made him realize there might be many other things about the new Siwan he was unaware of. Suddenly it felt like Siwan had sailed off to a distance too far out of their reach. The thought alone, made him felt nauseous. What happened to their innocent talks of hopes and dreams to stay together through the end and that it would never end until they succeeded? Wait. Does this mean, once they succeeded then it's the end?
No. It can't be. How could he let someone who had blocked him from running away turn into an irresponsible liar?
In desperation and feelings of helplessness, he could only think of one person. He dashed to the living room but the person he was looking for wasn't watching TV or chatting as he had earlier suspected, he tried calling his cellphone, but nobody answered.
"Damnit! Why isn't he answering? Is he sleeping already?"
Before he could march to the bedroom, he noticed a faint sound. The ringtone. He followed the sound into the kitchen. The person he was searching for was silently wiping washed dishes.
"K..Kwanghee hyung? Why were you washing dishes?"
The usually loud member of the group didn't even bother turning at him. And he was sure his voice was more than loud enough.
"Kwanghee hyung, I need to talk to you. About Siwan hyung."
"Let him be." The always cheerful member didn't sound any surprised or even curious, which itched him all the more. Did Kwanghee also know something?
"Kwanghee hyung! You need to talk to Siwan hyung about..." He pulled Kwanghee's wrist desperately, trying to get the older one's attention even though he didn't even know what to say.
"What?! Just bug off! Let him do what he wants. If he wants to quit, just let him quit."
He was shocked to see the anger in Kwanghee's eyes and the way Kwanghee roared at him, but he was even more shocked that Kwanghee already knew about this. For how long? And who else knew? He felt cheated. If everyone already knew, how could they pretend to be all cheery? How could none tried to save the situation? Is it really the end? Or is he the only one still clinging onto the old memories of their times together?
"Kwanghee hyung...please..." The words slipped off his lips, again, he felt the odd pang inside him. He thought that the world would become better when he changed his attitude and the way he looked at the world. He didn't know everyone else changed as well. And he didn't know all the changes would be the begininng of the end, as he could clearly see now.
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author's rant
sorry for the late update n if it's a lame chap...thanks so much for comment/subscribe^^
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