"please…I need someone…I need you…I really need you"

It was all what Jung su needs to hear to pause at his place, didn't want to open the door-that already was opened- even more, didn't want to see nor hear anything. not because he wanted that way but…all the power in his body seems to fade away the moment these words existed his ears painfully. It was like a sharp knife entering his body, no, his heart to be exact.

Why it was so hard for him to see her embracing tightly other guy?

Why it was so damn hard to hear these words from her?

he is already living his world…his life!

why shouldn't Jessica do as him?

why it seems like it was forbidden for her to act that way?

Everything moved really slowly as if it wasn't even motioned! The scene happened before his eyes, the scene happened just the moment he wanted to enter the apartment.

Was it the fate? Was it the fate which wanted him to meet this scene with his own eyes? if so, then it was so HARSH, it was so HARD! It was so painful for no apparent reason, for no clear reason.

But, it all still didn't make sense to him. it all was irrational to him! the most ironic part; his heart…his heart; again…betrayed his own willing of stopping the unnecessary beat. Why it always happens that his body is doing against his brain!!

He swallowed tightly, his jaw stiffened roughly couldn't hide his frustration at all. He left the door and the spot and headed away from the apartment. Walking dizzily as if his own body was in world and his mind was in the other half of the world…separated body and soul!

His face seems to pale by the time until a voice stopped his motion, or barely a zombie like walking.

"Jung su-sshi?"

The feminine voice made Jung su rising his head to meet the owner of the distracting voice, for his disappointed, it wasn't the same girl in his mind…it was her friend, her best friend.

Yoona came back again to see Jessica, she was worried like hell. She was worried if her words hurt her friend somehow, someway. She just wanted to make sure by herself…to see her face to face. if she uses her cell phone, she wouldn't be able to read Jessica's facial expression and within it she could detect if she was hurt or not.

With so much effort, Yoona made siwon leave who insisted on waiting her, but she didn't want to disturb him and to take whatever time she needs to talk to Jessica freely. On the other hand, heechul also left them to meet his friend, hong ki. At the end, it seems the helpless siwon went home by himself.

"are you ok?" worrying was all in her voice, yoona continued walking until she stood before Jung su scanning his face carefully.

"why it concerns you?" he retorted at once, didn't let a gentle bit to exist his mouth. Stiffing his face and his body was all what he did to her.

"god! Can't you reply me normally? if you spell "I'M OK" there isn't any harm within it, you know!" even though, she knew that there was something disturbing him, it was her first time to see him so lost, well…for her just so small meeting with him!

He stared at her frustration self and ignored her with no more words. He walked pass her and she was about to do the same…but then, out of blue, as if something kicked his head so hard, as if he got a punch on the back of his head roughly without any mercy. He knelt down powerfully without any warning.

Yoona ran towards him and laid her hand on his back scanning his full red face like a tomato! It was scaring her to see someone sick…but in Jung su's condition, he wasn't sick…he was slowly…slowly….SO slowly regaining the lost part in his memory!

She couldn't say a word to him, something within her telling her to shush and to be silent for this moment, only for this moment. seeing Jung su enlarging his eyes with mixed emotions, with so lost self. His breath was choking, he grabbed his head by his hand. His move was like a slow down motion. It was so hard for him to even raise himself or even his head. Every bit in his body was bent-down.

"impossible…..this is…..impossible………….to happen!"

Jung su after pressing his fingers around his head strongly, he swallowed painfully, disbelievingly. Nothing in his mind was making him better! It was like movie…an old movie displaying the cruel parts at the end of it. he grabbed his head powerfully once again to stop the pushing memories to come back to him! he raised the other hand and pressed even tighter on his head…

he was begging it to stop…as if it wasn't his own body, he was fighting himself unknowingly. Every bit of his body fighting the small part in his head, but to no avail!

"this…isn't true!"

"stop"

"STOP…."

The small piece of memory that his father was dying to make him regain it….finally, appeared without any blurting, without any cutting scene. The whole movie now displayed in Jung su's mind, All at once…

Hearing Jung su's pleading that stopped and returned within a blink of eyes made yoona turning her head left to right, searching for someone to help! but there wasn't any one there to ask him for help. Somehow, it breaks her heart… despite the fact that she doesn't like him, she doesn't hesitate to stretch out her hand for help. she doesn't even know what is going on with him, what it suddenly occurred to him. His breaking down self made her contemplate that what he's through is absolutely not a small matter!

The ground under Jung su's face filled with red spot that freaked yoona out, without warning she grabbed his face and turned it to meet hers…to her surprise, his nose was bleeding like nonstop.

"omg omg omg!! what's happening to you?!!" she screamed unknowingly at him, but she stopped when she could feel and see that Jung su was sinking somewhere else, away from her…or even her world!

"jung su-sshi? Can you hear me?" she slapped gently his both cheeks trying to divert his attention but to no avail, his eyes were like dark sky, his eyebrows were cringed in disbelieve, his whole facial expression wasn't telling anything but trauma.

She put her hand beneath his nose trying to stop his bleeding, trying hard to do something for him. her hand turned out to be as red as his nose! this guy started to terrify her for god's sake!

"JESSICA!!!" without further thinking, the only person who could help is her friend who lived next door…screaming her soul out again and again didn't give damn attention to her noise that echoed at the lobby.

After couple of shouting, Yoona was gazing the aisle trying to track any human motion even if it wasn't her best friend!

one door opened, and to Yoona's relief a blonde girl went out like running to open her door…but within blink of eye, her relief turned to disappointed, to a confusion. Why that guy was…. with her?

Jessica's eyes widened from her shock as she saw Jung su's zombie's body kneeling down at the lobby, and her childhood friend resting her hand behind his back and under his face, and the blood was covering Yoona's hand! what the hell is all of this about?

returned her gaze to the body next to her, Yoona's confusion rose inside her simple mind. She couldn't get it…

he was here, but he didn't enter his apartment?

Because…heechul was there and he saw him?!

Heechul having a secret affair with Jessica????!!!! No, this is impossible! OMG!

 Jung su is being like this….because he knew it? and this is the most ridiculous statement I've ever thought about!

Kicking her questioning mind aside for another time, Yoona shouted at Jessica once again when she noticed nothing but both deadly bodies standing far away from her needs.

"bring tissues here! Jungsu's nose is bleeding!"

Like something within her moved when Jung su's name rang up in her head, Jessica immediately ran inside to bring whatever Yoona told her to, leaving heechul standing with bewilderment.

Yoona stared at heechul with a stiff look that made him look back at her sternly.

"don't touch me"

A voice beneath her existed Yoona's ears which made her confusedly pulling her hands back to its usual place. she did what he told her, but her gaze didn't leave his face that showed nothing but painful and breaking jolt on it.

Jung su tried several times to stand on his feet while wiping his blood by his bare hands. It stills hurt him to remember, why he remembered now? it aches him, this memory was a pleasure to him when he lost it, but like hard stone that breaks him down when it returns.

It was a complex puzzle for him, he needs someone to confirm it to him and to help him out solve it and to put the dots on the letters.

 what he recalls were all false, nothing in this memory was valid.

Yoona followed his steps and stood before him without saying anything more, just waiting as Jessica ran toward them with the tissue in her hands.

She slowed down her speed when she saw Jung su's nose. She hesitantly stretched out her hand to give him what was in it while swallowing hardly and most likely achingly.

Her red eyes like a blood were still obvious like a day light. Her red nose and cheeks were all like a clear evident that she was crying like a baby couple of minutes before.

For her surprise, he was staring back at her doesn't even blink for a second.

"jung su…"

Hearing Jessica pleading words made jung su's jaw stiffened and his eyes enlarged by the train of memory that flashed once again in front of him. he can't deny it now anymore. It all so clear that he regained his memory now. no doubt about it! his eyes enlarged as the moisture in it increased and let a single tear dropped on his face…. a tear that he refused to drop it before anyone…it dropped clearly in front of 3 people…Jessica, Yoona, and the newbie Heechul.

It was really like the weather wanted to add a background effect on the situation they were in. a thunder screamed back twice after the tear that running away from Jung su's eyes.

"JUNG SU!" Jessica walked 2 more steps to be near him, to know what happened to him and why he dropped his tear all up sudden! Little did she know… little did they know.

Nothing in this life is happening by coincidence or sudden…it all happens for a reason!

"why are you…crying?" Yoona's voice existed, couldn't hold back her words -that actually was in Jessica's throat-…it was the most complex equation she ever seen or heard! She needs the solution for it….actually, they need the solution for it!

When Yoona's words alarmed him, he immediately raised his hand and wiped his unknowing tears that dropped on his swollen face. Jessica was about to raise her hand to calm his nerve for a bit, maybe, and just maybe he would be easy after the touch of her skin that would meet his flesh.

But what he said took her by surprise…

"don't touch me…just don’t…….stay away from me!" even though he said it quietly but his tone was firmly and sternly to her ears.

She paused while his words boiled her up, making her wishing for death. she stared up at his dark eyes and nonstop nosebleed that messed up his face. she wanted any clue from his expression to say opposite to what he spelled. But nothing, she can't read him, it was hard for her to know what is in his sleeve.

it really aches…to need. It really hard…to need, but you can't help it and asks for help…. Yet, you have no choice when you love. You have no power when you love, but you can't ask for love…!

it's a simple equation…yet, it hard to believe. It's ache when you reach this point in life, when you have no choice by your own, when your heart is taken away from you…it all painful…and love is painful.

Turning his head to the aisle where heechul was –who was standing witnessing the whole scene but didn't dare to involve himself in- and gave him un unreadable look he could ever gave it to someone and then left without any further words…without seeing Jessica's face, without giving her attention for her concern. Just like that, he disappeared with the sound of the thunder that broke the place.

Heechul, on the other hand, walked until he reached their spot, as if he was waiting Jung su to disappear to step forward to them.

"why are you here, heechul? Aren't you suppose to be with hong ki right now?" Yoona took no longer and attacked him.

"I forgot my cell phone there…" he replied indifferently. "it isn't the time for your investigation snippy"

Yoona could sense that there was something …there was something wrong with these two, heechul rolling eyes were making her nervous and the silence that covered Jessica was killing her either but still…she couldn't tell what it is! damn her so limitation in reading people's mind!

"by the way Jessica, Jung su was here…he was in front of the door, but he didn't enter it" Yoona said aiming now for the fragile Jessica who was lost in daze yet Yoona's voice made her back to life, back to another jolt!

"what?" with her eyes enlarged, and her shocking expression, Jessica stared straight into Yoona's eyes to make her repeat what she said. She bit her lips furiously and nervously.

"yeah, as I said." Yoona simply said again.

"why are you speaking as if you're pointing your fingers at us?!" heechul retorted again aggressively. His stern eyes placed at Yoona's face who still wanted to discover the relationship between the two despite what they tried to persuade her.

"oh no…this is so wrong!" Jessica most likely speaking to herself loudly, she was speaking like  she was afraid of something, her sixth sense is working again, and her gut was telling her that there was something really bad is going to happen to her sooner or later!

"I  haven't said anything but…could you please leave us?" Yoona asked heechul more to his ears that she didn't ask him, instead she ordered him. he couldn't retort more and left peacefully the two girls alone…!

"what's between you two?" Yoona again, without moving from the lobby, asked Jessica with a confused tone.

"nothing…there's NOTHING! Stop this stupid question!" Jessica lost her control and let her tears down, she lost the last ounce of her patience. Remembering what happened before couple of minutes made her vulnerable.

She couldn't deny what happened before couple of minutes…it all happened despite her…it all happened despite her own willing…she doesn't mean to do it, yet it already happened! everything was against her, against what she wants.

------------------

After the embrace that she gave heechul, he turned and broke her hug raising his both hand and cupped her cheeks. wiping the tears that refused to stop by his thumbs gently making the touch of his skin warm her heart before her own skin.

"shshshshshsh….I'm here, don't cry….look at me, look at me!" heechul tried to raise her head softly to let his eyes met with her red balls like eyes.

"stop crying…ok, nothing wrong will happen to you whenever I'm around" he said confidently as usual…but this one, the confident came from his heart, from his love to her. it all came from the desire of protecting her.

"I'm sorry…I always cause trouble….."

"shshshshsh…your troubles are sweet to me, and I wouldn't even complain about it! anything from you I'll accept it satisfyingly. Just…let me know what's bothering you, what's making my angel face so swollen?" he said leaning his forehead on hers.

His sweet words were like a drug to her, wanted to hear more and more of it since she rarely hears anything like that…she just and simply enjoys the moment…he was filling a space within her, he was filling the desire in her…she couldn't control anything either her body or her emotions.

Everything in her shouts for more of this sweet and lovely talk while the very small and like an atom within her mind screams to stop it…cause if it continued like that, it would cause more than words, her lips would probably pay for it. even though the fighting of letting him go was useless, she didn't take much time to lean herself in slowly and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I need you…"

"and this is my problem" she continued in her mind.

Hearing her pleading words made heechul dazed…does she really need him? he was confused, is she needing him for love? or for another thing? He was still contemplating her words I need you

He couldn't find a suitable answer…but what he knew for sure; he will be there for her whenever she needs him, whether she loves him or not.

"I'm here…I'll be wherever you're, for you" he continued. "what happened?"

She broke her resting position and stared at his face, at his eyes that says nothing but "I love you" the words that he couldn't uttered for her, were written in his eyes.

Remembering Yoona's words again, stuck with so much dilemma and so much fighting within herself...yet; she lost it….she lost it at the end.

"I'm sorry….."

And then when she, the one who started it, the one who leaned before him and gave him a soft kiss on his lips, asking him for more…for more and more. Encircling her arms around his neck and closing her eyes to enjoy the moment that stopped her tears and paused everything in her world even herself.

She couldn't help but to imagine Jung su…to imagine him while the one who gave her what she wants wasn't him…he was heechul who was giving her all what he could.

It happened so fast that she couldn't control, but to ask for more pleasure moment with him….

until a voice broke their long-lived kiss, broke the lovely moment she seeks for, broke the joyful within her, someone was calling her name and to her senses…it resembled Yoona's voice….after that, everything fell apart. She came to reality, she came back to reality and the one who was standing with her wasn't Jung su….but heechul.

----------------

"Jessica…what's wrong?" Yoona asked with a warm voice, coming near her then tried to put her hand on her shoulder to make her coming back to earth, but Jessica pushed away her hand aggressively as she wiped her tears.

"IT'S ALL HAPPENED BECAUSE OF YOUR WORDS…IF YOU DIDN'T SPELL YOUR WISEDOM ON ME I WOULDN'T BE SO WEAK THAT I COULDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE WHAT'S GOING ON!!" Jessica screamed at her like a volcano and made the latter shocked literally by her harsh words.

"it's your fault Yoona! it's your fault, if you didn't say what you said then I'll be save! I'll be more compose! I'll be less selfish….. YOU BROKE ME AGAIN…even more!"

going on with her speech and blaming her only friend for her selfish act, it only made Yoona staring at her and letting her friend to put her anger on her until she finished her blaming words.

Jessica didn't feel how out of control she was, how aggressive she was but she felt all of that after finishing her words-harsh words. She wanted to escape from this conversation, so she tried to walk until Yoona's hand encircled around her wrist tightly preventing her from moving more.

"are you confessing now that you were both kissing and playing around…while Jung su saw the both of you?" Yoona said firmly to her. didn't like the idea somehow!

Jessica turned her head to see her friend's face carefully. She took off her locked wrist and looked once again at Yoona's face.

"aren’t you the one who said I should find my love? and I should love who loves me? why you seem so pissed off now? it's not like you're mindful Jung su or heechul!"

"can't you hear yourself? What's wrong with you Jessica? Would you please…PLEASE LITSEN TO YOURSELF FOR A BIT!!??"

"……….."

"I've never for once supported your love story…yet, I've never for once felt this feeling to him, never for once…"

"you're so paradoxical! What are you wanting me to do? I don't care whether you're supporting me or not! I should find my love, isn't it? isn't it what you advised me couple of hours before?"

Yoona couldn't believe her ears…couldn't believe that the one in front of her is actually Jessica! Her friend looks so desperate, depressed. the light that always rays from her, dimmed and burned out! She was like trying to convince herself first before the one in front of her, that what happened was because of the person before her- Yoona!

"Jessica!" Yoona said losing her words!

"just let me be….save your words for someone who needs it, for me, I'll try to find who is really deserve me from your point of view"

"DAMN IT JESSICA! you sound as if you find your pleasure and your utmost joy by playing with 2 birds! This isn't you! You've been always straight with your decision….what happened to the Jessica who I used to know? I don’t like you now! you're so freaking change!"

As the shouting was echoed in the lobby leaving Jessica staring aimlessly at her friend sudden behavior. It pained her to know that she reached to this point! She isn't like this, and she wouldn't be! But…the whole situation was pressuring her. making her so powerless.

"Yoona…." Jessica said with a realizing voice.

"I…I feel like am using heechul's love, for my own needs, for my own desires….I really feel sick to what happened before couple of minutes and you have no idea, I'm being so selfish…so playful! I hate it when it turns out this way………….what should I do? I'm really sorry!"

Jessica said as her eyes connecting with Yoona's caring eyes. She felt how her best friend's face softened over her speech.

"…I didn't know that my words were pushing you over the edge! I'm sorry if my time wasn't right when I said those words to you…but you were so lost, and I thought, maybe those words would help you to find out your path!"

Yoona after calming down, said gently to Jessica, coming slowly near her and scanned her swollen face.

"was he…really there?" Jessica asked wanted to know if the piece of information Yoona gave her was true. And yoona's nod made Jessica's heart to beat uncontrollably.

"the look he gave you…was holding mixed emotion, I can't tell what is going on with this mysterious guy! Was he jealous? Was he angry over it? I can't tell!" Yoona uttered while recalling how Jung su's stare was unblinking while his tears dropped on his face.

"no…he isn't jealous!" Jessica replied achingly "there is something bigger that disturbing him" she ended with a sigh.

"the question is, why he cried? Usually, guys won't cry over any girl, unless the girl….meant something to him!!!" after spelling her words unknowingly, Yoona opened with a gasp.

"OMG!" returning her gaze to the confusing Jessica who lost at her place, didn't know if she could believe her friend's words once again or just skip her speech…but her words were making sense!

"yoona…please stop it!" even though, Jessica told her to stop, but deep inside, she wanted someone to tell her that finally, the guy of her dreams…is having feeling to her!!

"ok! But you should find out…or wait! Just ignore him! and about heechul…" yoona scanned her cautiously "you should… put an end to this mess, you've to make your decision!"

Yoona's voice turned to be as serious as ever

"I know I shouldn't say this…but heechul means a lot to me for no clear reason…and I don't want you to cause him any miserable sadness again. so please, don't use him nor his love and his desire to protect for your own needs! Don't combines your needs with your love, separate them…tonight, filter your heart!"

"I…can't do that…"

"yes you can, I believe in you! I believe you're the only one who would put an end to this journey"

Yoona hugged Jessica warmly after the words that she spelled warmed her friend. Jessica really needs to put an end to this triple relationship…and then, she should move on!  

"I'll leave you…maybe after this conversation you would gain yourself back!"

Yoona flashed a smile at her friend then left without hearing anything from the latter…Jessica could tell, her friend was somehow disappointed at her and her selfish act! If she wasn't, she wouldn't use this stern expression and wouldn't even bothered to lecture her 2 times at one day! but her still deadly body that stood motionlessly was confirming that she was repeating Yoona's words, and she will think about the whole matter this night.

------------------------------------------------

Under the rain, Jung su walked down the street aiming to go to his father to pull out from him the missing truth. He was boiling with anger, but the weather was slapping him with downpour and with wind preventing him to walk straightly.

He didn't want to waste another time, he wanted to put an end to this game!

He walked until he reached his home, his father's. pressing the button twice then impatiently pressing it 3 times…2 more pressing….4 times pressing the button. The bell was ringing as if it was already would break from the continues pressing!!

"what the hell is this?" hyung mi shouted behind the door. "who's coming at this time?" opening the door furiously but ceased when he witnessed a wet person from his head to toe with a red spots on his forearm shirt.

"SON…."

He couldn’t complete what he wanted to say when both hands grabbed his collar and pushed him to the wall behind it, hiding from the rain was the only positive thing from this session!

"what the hell are you doing?!?!" hyung mi shouted trying to took off Jung su's hands, but couldn’t at all move a bit.

Jung su's grab was full of aggressiveness and grim that appeared in his eyes that was already either burned with fire….

"I'll ask you one question, just answer me with YES or NO….no more words!" he said sternly while his teeth were chatter from the mixed weather coldness and hotness.

"what? take off your hand! What are you talking about? Am started to suffocate!" hyung mi's cheeks turned to be as red as the red spot on Jung su's shirt…nonetheless, this didn't prevent Jung su from choking his own father even more!

"when the accident happened 17 years ago," hearing Jung su talking about the incident made hyung mi less moving, makes him focus on what was jung su going to say about it.

"the one who was with us, mom and I, …..was he Tae san?" saying the name of the man who was with him that day, hurts him to death! he just didn't want to believe it. but…the scar on his hand, and how talks about it, all made sense to him, all makes him believe in his memory.

He bit his lips as his heart was beating nonstop powerfully, the blood was rushing in his veins making him less control…narrowing his eyes on his father to catch a satisfying answer.

"are you…..regaining,"

"YES OR NO?!" he shouted as his eyes closed with agony, it hurts him to know it… but he should know the truth.

And the answer was…

"…… yes"

"YOU'RE LYING!" he took off his hand as his words went out his mouth unknowingly.

"it’s the truth son…he was the one with you and your mother that day…"

"why….why my mom was with him? there isn't anything, there wasn't anything! WHY SHE WAS WITH HIM ALONE??!!" again, the usual self controlling he used to have is evaporating as the water evaporating from the sea…

Heaving a sigh, Hyung mi scanned Jung su's face and how his nose was bleeding back again from the frustration. he couldn't hide it any longer…he has to say it to his son now, he had to!

"jung su…calm down, shouting won't make us return the time!"

"JUST ANSWER ME!"

"actually….she cheated on me with him"

And that all what jung su needed to fall on the ground from the heavy news. his mother, the one who he wished to sacrifice his life for her…actually having a forbidden affair with other man, what more, Jessica's father!! This is just TOO MUCH.

"she wouldn't do that…I believe she wouldn't do that!" bowing his head couldn't rise it, uttering his uncontrollable words to his father with a trauma like face.

"how could you know? You were still kid around that time!" Hyung mi said putting a smirk on his old face.

"now, after you remembering…I think you know why am doing this to Tae san's family, right?"

"how could Tae san approved of my marriage if he was in relationship with my mom?!" Jung su raised  his head and let his eyes met with his father's

"business, Tae san is kind of man that know nothing but money in his life. he even kicked out his son from his home and his company because he loved a girl that isn't matching their level!" he paused then knelt down to catch Jung su's whole attention.

"do you know that my plan would be different if his son would still under his wings? But after that incident, I changed everything…and it started with you…So, why would you think he would let out this opportunity that came to him in a gold plate?" the smirk still drawing on hyung mi's face after saying his words.

"your mother already took her punishment…I just want to make Tae san as poor as ever, and to make his daughter pathetic and to let him see how it's hard to see one of your children broken while you can't do anything to help! I want him to feel it! that bastard!"

Jung su could hear how overbear was his father, he was listening couldn't interrupt him nor say any comment! It was still so complex to him.

"do you remember when we first entered his company to make the contract? I was deliberately taking you with me, I wanted to see if he would notice you, remember you! But all what he did was treating you as if he sees you for the first time! And there…where I couldn't stop, I wanted him to taste how awful the life is, how he bit me after we were all like a small family!"

"no one bit his boss and escape like it was nothing…I'd never let him go!"

Jung su stood, leaning on the wall behind him, following his father's steps.

"even after all this dramatic words you said….I still don't trust you! I still feel there is something missing in your words…I don't trust your words" Jung su said firmly to his father while biting his lips. "if my mom was still alive, I wouldn't hesitate to ask her…but now, I'll go to Tae san himself, I'll ask him about the truth you hid from me all these years…I wouldn't take your words seriously…..I'll go to Tae san!"

Heading toward the door, Jung su almost leave when his father shouted from the back while the grim was eating him up.

"don't ever do that! You've to stick with the plans!"

"I'll never follow your steps anymore unless I hear the whole thing by my both ears"

And here…when everything changed, when the revenge talks…everything will change, and it already changed!