~flashback, last night~

“Hi Tiffany,” Tae said, getting in bed next to me.

I looked at her curiously. “So what’s up?”

Tae sighed just as the door closed. “Well, it’s that—” she hesitated for a brief second, looking at the door, as if checking to see if Jessi was still there. “It’s that,” she continued, turning back around and lowering her voice to a whisper. “I-I know you two are a couple, and I can really see that you love Sica, but … I—I also like her.”

I stared at her blankly for a second. The words that came out of seemed too unreal. So Taeyeon and Jessi liked each other, but didn’t know? And now, Tae is in love with my girlfriend?

I didn’t know what to think. On one hand, I was shocked at this confession. On another hand, I was worried that Tae might try to steal her from me. And on another hand, I was happy for Jessi that the person she loves is in love with her as well.

“At least—at least, I think I do. I’m not completely sure, but whenever I’m around her, I just feel happier. Like, almost the way I do with Leetuck.” She paused, then buried her face in the pillow. “Oh my god you must hate me, I’m so sorry Fany but I didn’t mean to and I couldn’t help myself because when I heard that you two were together, a part of my heart died but I tried to put on a happy face for you two because I—”

I recovered from my shock and patted her head. “Shh, it’s ok Tae,” I said, although I was still in a slight daze. I was pretty sure I was talking without thinking. I wanted to be angry at her, but seeing Taeyeon, our hard, resilient leader Taeyeon, break down, made me want to cry with her.

“A-Are you sure?” I didn’t know how to respond. My silence caused Tae to start again. “I-It’s not, is it? You’re just trying to be nice about it, right?”

I looked at her, still at a loss of words for probably the first time in my life. Yeah, she was a lot like Taeyeon. They’re both beautiful, kind, selfless, friendly, musically talented, academically amazing, and have that quality about them that makes me want to protect them forever. No wonder I switched from Jessi to Taeyeon after her rejection of me in fifth grade. “You know, Jessi is in love with you,” I told her softly. I honestly didn’t know why I said that, but it seemed like the right thing to say, just to soften the topic a bit.

She nodded. “Yeah, I know. She told me just before I fell asleep once.”

I smiled. How clumsy of Jessi; another quality I loved about her. She constantly made mistakes, but she was always so cute in doing them and so cute apologizing for them that it just made me squeal on the inside.

Tae looked at the door again. “It’s ok Tae. Knowing Jessi, she probably went to your room and crashed,” I said, laughing softly. She laughed with me.

“Yeah, true.”

After laughing for a few more seconds, a comfortable silence enveloped us. “Look,” I said, sighing. “I don’t know a lot right now; I mean, I’m only 18. I know I’m still not fully mature and there’s a lot that I don’t know. But, if there’s one thing I do know, it’s that I love Jessi. I—I really do. I can’t describe it, it’s just like an uncontrollable desire to just … be with her. I know how much she loves you—no, I probably don’t, but please, please don’t take her from me…”

Tae turned away from me. “I-I’m sorry Tiffany. I really don’t want to, and I really wish we weren’t in this stupid situation, but I can try my best. I—I don’t think I can make an—any promises though. I can promise you that I’ll try my hardest to—”

I silenced her again. “I have an idea.”

She turned around to look at me. “Hm?”

“Go to Jessi’s room and sleep with her,” I told her. Her eyes popped out of her sockets. “Listen, it’s a good idea I promise.” She nodded, and I continued. “When she gets up, cling to her, even when I get there; that way, if she is really dedicated to me, she’ll try to get you off herself. If she likes you, I can just br—break up with her and you two can—”

I stopped myself; I was trying to hold back tears, honest, but the prospect of that plan, if it leaned towards Taeyeon like it would seem like, then I would lose her.

“No no no, I can’t do that. You’re my best friend, I can’t just steal your girlfriend from you,” Tae said. I was thankful, but I noticed that she didn’t seem convinced herself of what she was saying. “Well how about I still go to Jessi’s room to sleep for the rest of the night anyways, and we’ll still observe her reaction to me. But I’m not going to steal her or something from you, ok?”

I smiled, tears blurring my vision as I did so. She sounded much more sincere in saying that. “Th-thank you,” I said.

She giggled. “Why are you thanking me?”

“For—” then I realized how stupid the rest of my sentence was going to sound.

“For not stealing Sica. You’re welcome Fany,” she said, patting my head like she always did to comfort me and got out of bed. “Well good night, Fany.”

“Good night,” I replied.

0*0*0*0

~flashback, summer after 5^th grade~

I bounced around, filled with excitement and nervousness. Jessi was coming supposed to come over in a few minutes, and I couldn’t contain how excited I was to see her. Not that I didn’t see her a few days ago. I didn’t know why I was so excited; I just liked being with her. It made my heart feel happy, which made me feel happy. I didn’t know how to explain it; all I knew was that I wanted to be with Jessi as much as I possibly could.

“Ok Tiffany, calm down. It’s not like I you haven’t seen her yesterday,” I said, trying to contain a fluttering feeling in my chest. Both of my parents were gone, but since I was 12, I was allowed to stay home alone. Plus, it was afternoon, which meant I had lunch already, so there was nothing to worry about.

The doorbell rang. The fluttering in my chest increased instantly. “Coming!” I yelled, running towards the door. When I opened it, I saw the sight I expected to see: a girl slightly taller than me with light brown hair flowing past her shoulders, perfect skin, friendly eyes, and a cute, crooked smile. “Jessi!” I yelled, giving her a flying tackle of a hug.

She laughed. “Hey Tiff,” she replied.

I released her. “Come on, come inside,” I said, grabbing her hand and bringing her in. She’s been to my house countless times already, so much so that mom and dad probably trusted her more than they trusted their own daughter. Which I didn’t mind because that meant more days like today; us able to be together without parents.

Once we were in my room, I sat both of us down on my bed. “Did you hear about the new girl moving in near us?”

I looked at her curiously. “Oh, no I don’t.”

“Yeah, I heard my parents talking about it, and they were excited particularly since her family is just moving from Korea.”

I tried to pay attention to her words, but I found myself just staring at her. I didn’t know why this was happening, but I found myself doing this a lot recently.

“Tiff?”

I started. “Um, what?”

She giggled. She looked so cute when she giggled; it seemed as though she was radiating light every time she displayed such happiness. “You spaced out,” she told me.

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” I apologized, rubbing the back of my neck. “I was just—” I stopped myself. Usually, I spoke my mind at ease, especially around Jessi, but this time, I stopped myself. I didn’t know what happened; it was as though my brain had shut my mouth just as I was about to say the words. I suddenly felt very anxious and self-conscious of the words I was about to say.

“You were…?” she prompted, looking at me with a questioning gaze.

After a few seconds of trying to force myself to say the words, I got them out. “I was just th-thinking about how pretty you always look,” I said. I was focusing so hard on just saying those words that as soon as I said them, I realized what I said and felt my face get really hot.

Jessi’s face turned a little pinker. “Thanks,” she said shyly. It reminded me of when I first met her, and when I called her pretty then. This situation felt so much more different, for some reason.

“So about this girl,” I said, deciding to ignore what just happened. “Do you know anything about her, like what she looks like, or?”

“Uh—um, no I don’t,” she said. Jessi seemed a lot more … what was the word? Flustered. I remember that my mom taught me that word yesterday when trying to explain a story she told me of her and dad back then in college. For some reason, when she was telling the story, I kept on thinking about Jessi.

“Jessi,” I said out of the blue.

“Hm?”

“Jessi, I really like you,” I told her. What was causing me to do this? It was like I couldn’t control myself. A second ago, my brain was trying to stop me from doing this.

I felt my face get hotter when I said that. “I mean, I really like you,” I continued, moving closer toward her. Jessi sat there, staring at me, paralyzed. “In fact,” I said, when I got right next to her so that our legs were right next to each other. “I like you this much,” I said, leaning in. I didn’t know what caused me to do this, but I found myself leaning in to Jessi’s lips, another thing I found myself staring at recently.

The whole world stopped as our breaths quickened. Jessi didn’t move for some reason; she was sitting there, not moving. What am I doing? I thought to myself. But, no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop my body as I leaned in closer and closer to her; closer and closer to kissing her.

Just as I could feel her breath on my lips, she scooted back. “Uh-uh, Tiff?”

I straightened my back, finally regaining control of myself. “I’m so—”

She got up. “Wh-what were you doing?” she asked. She looked like she was trying to be mad, but it didn’t help that her face was slightly red.

“Jessi, I—” But she already ran out the door. I got up and ran after her. “Jessi!” I said, sprinting down the stairs. “Wait!” I turned around the corner to see Jessi seated on the couch in our living room.

When I approached her, she looked up at me. “C-Can we just pretend that never happened?” she asked softly.

A sudden pain enveloped my chest. I did my best to ignore it, but an equal pain stung my eyes. “O-Okay,” I said.

Jessi smiled and patted the spot next to her. “Sit down,” she told me. “Let’s reintroduce ourselves then,” she said.

I laughed. “Ok. Hi, I’m Tiffany Hwang. I’m going to be a sixth grader next year and I love pink,” I told her.

“Hi, I’m Jessica Jung, and I’m also going to be a sixth grader next year,” she said.

I looked at her. “Wait, you didn’t say which color you like the most,” I said, pretending I didn’t know the answer.

She shrugged. “I don’t have one,” she replied.

I nodded. “Oh, ok,” I responded.

“Let’s be friends, Tiffany,” she said, smiling.

I felt the pain in my chest return. But, for the first time, I didn’t say anything about my feelings to her. “Ok,” I said, smiling back. Right then, I decided that whatever I was going to do, I was going to stop liking Jessi so much.

~end flashback~

So that very next year, when I saw Taeyeon and became good friends with her, I decided that she was going to replace Jessi. And it worked. Almost.

Heyo! Just remembered to post my update XP

Anyways, one more chapter to go! Are you guys excited!?

...hm I don't know if I am.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and as usual, hope you enjoyed!