Chapter 19: Moving (On?)
Motivation
The door closed behind Tiffany.
"I'm going to move my stuff into my room now, ok?" Taeyeon said, moving towards her suitcase. Since we had never decided upon whose room was whose, we had put all our suitcases in the main room and gotten our stuff from there. "You do the same for your and Fany's suitcase, ok?"
I nodded, walking to our suitcases. Taeyeon had this leader-like charactersitic about her. Not only was she the oldest, but she was also the most responsible. I mean, Tiff and I were still responsible--ok, maybe not Tiffany as much, but Taeyeon had a tendancy to ... be leaderly. Like the Taeyeon from SNSD.
After I had plopped the suitcases in our double, I went back the the main room. Taeyeon was sitll in her's, with the door closed. Curious, I leaned in and pressed my ear on the door; and when I did so, I heard a faint laugh. Her famous ahjumma laugh.
"Yah Taengoo! What are you doing in there?" I asked, trying to open the door. It was locked. "Are you watching in there?"
No reply. "I'm coming in!"
This time, I heard a frantic shuffling sound, a slight pause, and then quick footsteps to the door.. "Wait!"
"Oh, so you were watching , huh," I wondered out loud.
"N-No! I swear I wasn't!" she stammered.
I began to walk away. "Its ok ByunTae. I--"
"I-I was looking at pictures of Leeteuk in high school..." she admitted. My lungs contracted; I breathed in deeply to relieve the slight pain, but it continued. A stab wound to my heart. A constant reminder that Taeyeon would never be mine.
My heart twisted about inbetween my lungs, causing my breathing to deepen. I felt a slight stinging sensation behind my eyes, but fought it off.
I laughed. "You're sooo in love with him," I , keeping myself in character. No reason to worry her additionally; and if she's happy, then so shall I.
"Whatever..." I heard her mumble. I heard her unlock the door before going back in.
"Soo...Leeteuk p--"
"Yah!" I heard her footsteps quicken. Laughing, I ran into my room and locked the door. "Sica! Open the door and let me give you a god spanking!"
"No thanks, ByunTae!" I told her from behind the door. A spanking ... as in Taeyeon-- I shoved the idea back into the depths of my mind. Ok, I admit it, deep down, I was a ert, too. Only for Taeyeon though.
Wow, that sounds romantic, but in a strange sort of way...
The pounding continued. "Don't make me pick this lock!"
"And do what? Spank me? ByunTae, you're just seraching for an excuse to touch--"
I heard a bang from the other side of the door. "Wh-What! N-No!" I heard her stammer yet again. I chuckled; still, I heard her mumble, "Tiffany's is better anyways,"
"Hm? What was that?"
I heard another bang. "Ow..."
"Did you just--"
"N-Nothing! I didn't say--"
"Oh that's strange, because I swore I heard you just say that Tiffany's was--"
"Y-Yah!" I, unable to hold in it, started to laugh. "St-Stop laughing!"
"Byun...ByunTae..." I said in between breaths. We always knew Taeyeon had a , especially with Tiffany's, but she never said anything until now. "Just wait until I--" I stopped. Tiffany. Tiffany was my competition now, wasn't she?
Luckily, Taeyeon took no notice of my pause. "Don't tell Fany, please," she begged.
"Hmm..."
"I'll ... um ..." she trailed off. "I'll buy you an SNSD album!"
That actually sounded pretty convincing. Plus, it was free since I wasn't going to tell her anyways. "Nah, its ok," I told her. I wasn't about to abuse Taeyeon.
"Really?"
I nodded. Then, I reminded she couldn't see me. "Y-Yeah, I won't tell her. I mean what would I say? 'Oh Tiffany, Taeyeon likes your--'" Taeyeon cut me off with a mumble of protest. I giggled a little. "Yeah, so..."
"Well, I'm going back to my room," Taeyeon said.
"To--"
"Yah!" she started pounding on the door. "Open up and let me punish you!"
I actually got extremely when she said that. Which is extremely sad, and erted of me. I know. "How about you forgiving that I said that is what you do in turn for me not telling Tiffany?"
"But you said..."
"Well, we are best friends. I mean, I can still--"
"Ok ok fine," she mumbled in defeat.
"Our little Taeyeon is in love~" I sang, unlocking the door and opening it. I saw the tips of her ears becoming slightly reddder, causing me to full out grin. "Aww, she's blushing."
"Sica..." she whined, facing her door.
"Hmm?"
She mumbled something and dashed into her room, closing it. "Wait, what did you say?"
"Oh you didn't hear?"
"...no?"
She giggled. "Good then," she said, walking away from the door.
I sighed and walked away. Well, time to do what I always did when I needed cheering up: read fics while listening to music. Call me strange, but it's a better solution than Tiffany's: she would eat snacks while watching shows, be it a reality show/variety show, children's shows, anything.
I decided to check out Taeyeon's stories: but instead if a new story, she had a new blog post, posted a day ago. Interested, I clicked on it, but regretted it immediately. The first thing I saw was the top half of a picture of Leeteuk.
I immediately closed the tab, a sharp stinging sensation pressing at the back of my eyes.
It hurt, having to see the one you love head over heels for someone, and doing almost nothing to hide it. It hurt even more to have to smile and not only pretend you don't mind, but that you're a good friend and supportive of her. But it hurt the most to know that your best friend was in your exact situation, and that TaeNy was stronger than TaengSic.
I closed my eyes and held my head in my hands. Why can't I just be a normal girl and like guys? Why do I always feel uncomfortable when I'm on a date with a guy, even when he's being nice and respectful? Why do I always feel guilty on leading a guy on during dates, and not that pull towards him that I should feel?
A new song started playing. I immediately recognized it: "Wedding Dress," by Taeyang.
I watched as Taeyang's girl slowly was taken away from him, until his best friend had beat him to it; he proposed first. And in the end, Taeyang ended up being nothing but the guy providing the music.
What if that happened to Taeyeon? What if, as the years went by, she slowly slipped away from my fingers until finally, she leaves me for Leeteuk?
I shook my head. I can't think this way. She's my best friend; if she's happy, so should I, my brain argued.
But you love her, my heart countered. You should chase after her, no matter what.
The song ended, so I shut my laptop and walked to my bed, plomping down on it face first. What should I do? ... What can I do that wouldn't be selfish?
How about Tiffany ... we could get together and cry or something, maybe.
Wait. Get together with Tiffany?
I almost refuted the idea immediately, but found no reason to. Well, more like the only reason I found was that she was my best friend, which is a pretty weak argument. I mean, I used to like her, but now, ... I guess I don't.
I heard something outside bang loudly, immediately shaking me out of my thougths. What was that?
I headed to Taeyeon's room, just to be sure; it sort of sounded like it came from there anyways.
Instead of finding a girl on the ground in pain, I found her sleeping peacefully on top of the bed. Her serene face, her perfectly white skin, her gently closed eyes and her long eyelashes, and the thin two lines slightly open, lightly breathing in and out ... her beauty was boundless.
I was almost mesmerized as I walked towards her, staring at her features. I bent down, some force compelling me to do so, and I studied her gentle facial expressions. She looked so peaceful, so innocent. And yet, she didn't know what kind of pain she was causing.
"Taeyeon-ah," I cooed softly. "Do you know what you're causing?"
She stirred a little; I froze, but she stopped moving, so I relaxed. "You're creating quite the troublesome situation for me here," I continued. I didn't know why I was telling her this. Something was driving me, moving my lips and forming these words. "And now that you have fallen for Leeteuk, my little problem has grown to its ," I told her.
I paused a little, taking in a deep breath. My heart jumped to my throat as I tried to formulate words; my stomach was invaded with little butterflies, and my lungs contracted, as if begging me not to continue. But the force was unstoppable. "Do you know what my problem is?" I asked her softly, pausing a bit as if expecting her to answer.
She shifted her head a little again; I immediately froze again, but after a five seconds, a few seconds that seemed to last a millenia, I continued. "I--I'm in love with you, Taengoo-yah. I'm in love with you, and seeing you be with Leeteuk hurts me. It hurts a lot, but I have to take it, because if I don't, then I wouldn't be a good friend to you," I admitted, a stinging pain piercing the back of my eyes again. I felt the pain spread outwards, until finally, it overflowed and created a single tear that fell down my cheek. "I-I'm sorry," I apologized, as if she could hear me. "I-I didn't mean to--"
"Sica?"
I froze. Did she--?
"What are you sorry for?"
I internally breathed a sigh of relief. "I--"
She looked at me. Her eyes suddenly filled with worry as she brought a hand out. "Why are you crying?" she asked, tenderly wiping off my tear.
I grabbed her hand and held it there, savoring the softness before removing it. "No--No reason. I was just ... thinking about something," I told her. It wasn't false, actually.
She nodded in understanding. Usually, when I said that, it hushed her up, mostly because she assumed it was about Krystal and her cancer, I think. I admit, I still did worry about her excessively, and cried a little the night before leaving for college when I realized I wouldn't be there to protect her, but I had survived. I repeatedly told myself that I would be living with Taeyeon, which was pretty good at calming me down.
She got out of bed, kneeled next to me, and hugged me. For some reason, her warmth, and the sense of security she brought, caused the tears to fall faster until I was shaking a little. And what was ironic about this was that Taeyeon didn't even know it was about her. "There there, it'll be alright Sica. I'm here," she said to me in a soothing voice. I tried my best to swallow up my tears, her constantly softly saying soothing words while patting my back and my hair until after a few seconds, I stopped.
"I-I'm sorry," I said softly.
"No no, its ok Sica," she told me, smiling brightly. "Its the least I can do for," she paused a bit for some reason before continuing, "a friend."
I nodded thankfully, getting up and heading back to my room. Why had she hesitated? Did she really hear what I had said, but decided to pretend to sleep?
I shook the idea aside. It wasn't like her to do that.
Omg I actually finished this chapter in a day.
Oh frick its 12:01 darn it a day and a minute. Anyways, since I haven't updated in a long time, I thought to myself, I should update. So today, I came up with this idea and started writing, and here it is!
Anyways, hope you enjoyed!
Comments