Nothing shocked her more than the first time she saw the result of that cheap pregnancy test. She would be lying if she said she did not cry when it showed two plus sign.  Her hand trembled so much that she spent the entire day avoiding him. Afraid that she would break down into more crying, possibly cursing him as well. And she did not want to do that.

As she wiped the gag residue off with the back of her hand, she slumped onto the toilet floor. Her perfect beautiful appearance abandoned, all there was just a sick Lee Ji Kyung. She heard someone knocking on the door, turned her head towards the door. His voice echoed through the toilet, “Yah! Princess, are you okay? You don’t sound that too well.” She put on her best fake “I’m fine” voice and replied, “I am fine. It’s just something I ate yesterday.”

There was nothing in the world Rian hated than looking like a mess. Right now, she was the epitome of catastrophic muddle. This was all because of her upset stomach. She’s been in this state for a couple of weeks and it was getting on her nerves.

Yoo Jin seemed unconvinced but relented to her subtle wish to be left along. “Oh, I see. Anyway, come out from the toilet. You’ve been in there longer than you should,” he chimed. With that, he headed for the kitchen. One by one, he searched the cabinet for the pots Rian hardly used. He eventually found it at the bottom drawer. Altering his attention to the gigantic gray refrigerator, he began producing ingredients to make a health soup.

While he was brewing the ingredients, he heard the door creaked open and saw Rian, casting a weak smile on her face. He waved at her, gesturing at the pot and called out, “Yah, woman. Here, I made you some soup. Eat it. You’ll feel a little better after this.” Rian just obeyed him, not in the mood for their usual banter. He went to fetch a bowl of soup, placed it right in front of her and took a seat across the table. His hawk-like eyes tapered on her, lips puckered as if he was concentrating on something, making Rian slightly anxious.

He finally opened his mouth, after staring at her for a couple of minutes with his chin resting on one hand, “You’ve been eating a lot these days,” he said as matter-of-factly. She raised an eyebrow, scoffed, “Are you saying I’m fat? Is that it?” Her eyes dangerously narrowing at him. He shook his head, argued, “No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that your food choices have been awful lately, you keep getting sick after dinner. I hear you vomiting away in the middle of the night.”

“Am not. Just a slight upset stomach flu. That’s all.”

“Whatever. I’m going out. Need anything?” he asked, getting up to his feet. She shook her head. He just shrugged, “If that’s the case, then fine. Just give me a ring on my cell. You know the drill.” Rian nodded, sipping his soup, amazed with his hidden cooking talent. When he left, she immediately rushed to call Nana, asking her to fetch something important from a convenience store and bring it to her apartment before Yoo Jin returns.

Something inside her made her restless. She wasn’t like this before. But the woman’s magazine she had been reading, a couple of minutes ago before her sudden trip to the toilet, had articles written that describe her symptoms eerily accurate and the title of such article happened to be the word she thought of never having to associate herself with. Not until she was ready and happily married. The word highlighted in bold; pregnancy.

Nana did as she was told, keeping shut when Siwoo asked her where she was going in a sudden. She only told him that she had matters to settle with Hong Joo, music related. With that, Siwoo stopped asking. He let her be. She arrived moments later, pressing the bell button twice and greeted Rian with an equally worried expression on her face. They did not talk as Rian went straight for the toilet. Ten minutes was all it took and soon she had the result in her hands but told Nana to take it away. Nana gave her a sympathetic look as she did so. The look on her former group member was all it took for her to figure out the result. She slumped onto the floor, tears flowing across her face, and crossed her arms around her own body.

She had no recollection of having any control over her emotions in that brief moment. Her tears could not stop flowing, her sobbing grew louder and her hands began to tremble. She remembered Nana engulfing her whole with her arms, rubbing circles on her back, softly whispering words of comfort which did not help her from crying her eyes out. It took her a while to regain control her emotions and the tears finally stopped.

Nana instructed her to take a seat on her vanity chair, she obeyed quietly and the girls began their quick retouch makeup. She wiped away the residue of tears from Rian’s face with a tissue, cleared and spoke, “There! Much better.” Rian, who had been unresponsive since the beginning of their makeup session, placed her hand on Nana’s free right arm, giving the other girl a slight surprise. “I appreciate it if you keep this to yourself.” Nana nodded.

She trusted Nana more than she trusted anyone else when it comes to her girly affairs. Ailee, not so since both were frenemies while they were still in HershE and the habit stuck until now. She felt much better now. Nana’s actions helped her in ways she can’t explain.

She closed the door after sending Nana off. At the same moment, her phone rang. An incoming text message. She pressed the message icon to read the contents. She sighed of relief. It was just Yoo Jin informing her that he will be late, having a football date with his football buddies. She unhooked her coat from coat hanger and headed for the door. Briefly glancing at the picture frame that held a photograph of a grinning Yoo Jin making a V with his fingers and her, smiling widely at the camera.

That night was a little blurry for her to recall, actually. She was definitely not herself that night, like a possessed mad woman. She wandered around town, with a thin coat and her appearance was a little choppy, until she reached in front of a massive glass building. That she remembered.

She had been sitting dangerously close to the edge. Her long legs dangling freely and her hands were not holding on to anything. One mistake and she could end up in the morgue, with a few broken bones and maybe half a brain. She had spent several hours in the cold because one could see that her lips were slowly losing its rosy colour. Beneath her was a magnificent view of the city and above was a black sky bursting with stars that sunk underneath the street lights.

“Yah! You’re too close to the edge!” shouted a familiar voice, clearly concerned more than annoyed. She turned her body slightly to meet his soft gaze. He had his hands inside his pocket and stood near her, though he looked like he tried to avoid seeing the city below. She bit her lower lip and shivered under the cool wind breeze. “Leave me alone, please,” she said, almost close to a whisper.

“I will leave you when you are not sitting to close to that,” he said, tenderly but pointing at the edge. He cocked his head to a side; concern was carved on his handsome, worried face. She turned her gaze away when she felt the tears threatened to fall. She cleared but wavered a little, “H-how did you find me?”

He scratched his head, casting his sight on his foot and replied, “Nana told me.”

Nana! No, she would probably tell him about her whereabouts only. The other matter was still her secret for this moment. Her heart could not decide whether to tell him the truth or just avoid talking. The truth. He deserved it. What he does with that knowledge was up to him, she thought. It was either now or never. To tell him about that test. Still she could not bring herself to ask him directly, instead she tried implying it.

“Do you know?” she finally found the courage to speak after they stood in silence. She got to her feet, he stopped himself from going closer, afraid that she would involuntarily take a step back and fall to her death. He just nodded in response. “Nana?” she asked. He shook his head. “T-then how?”

“I came home and found the result on the toilet floor. It was a mess in there,” he tried making his voice light, slightly pretending to frown.

“Are you mad with me?”

“No. Are you with me?” he replied.

“A little. Mad at myself. It’s not your fault,” she paused, looking a little troubled. “Do you hate me?” she continued.

“No. I don’t hate you. Frankly, I don’t think I can ever hate you,” he answered. He offered a hand out to her, instead of moving closer. She only gave his hand a brief look, resumed talking. “Why? I’ve ruined your life, your chances of being with another woman who might your soul mate. Your career has not been plagued by any scandals or even rumours, with this, you will suffer. You, your life and your career.”

He seemed to be giving her words some thought. He turned his back facing her, getting into a ridiculous position. He arched his back and patted his right shoulders, “Because you’re my best friend. Friends stick together no matter how tough the going gets. And,” he carved his signature loop-side grin. “I take friends over soul mates, any day.”

This made her smiled a little. “Come on, princess. My offer to piggy back is going to expire in five minutes. And the elevator is broken. So, your mode of transport now is me.” She eventually hoped on his back, putting her arms around his shoulders. He began to walk down the stairs.

“What am I going to do?” she muttered to none in particular.

“What else? We are going to raise it, him … her. Whichever its gender is.”

She became speechless. Only tears flowing again. Soaking the back of his hoodie with her salty, unneeded tears. Damn hormones! She tightened her grip around his shoulders and he just let her be. They walked in silence for what it seemed to be an eternity when suddenly he chimed, “but if it’s a beautiful baby, then of course its mine. I mean honestly good genes run in my family. You were just lucky you turned out well,” earning a tug on his ears.