*for all the readers, actually I just heard that Siwon vocalized about the issue and said that in Yale Globalist (http://tyglobalist.org/front-page/theme/the-androgyny-revolution/) But that was happened in 2007 before he got closer (much closer I emphasize that) with the members. And I think that he changes now.*

WONKYU HWAITING!!!

Kyuhyun was released from the hospital two days ago, although he was still weak but he persuaded Teukie hyung to let him do his schedule. And when I said persuaded, actually it meant forced Teukie hyung to allow him to fulfill his jobs.

I did want to say how much I regretted to hurt him but, he didn’t give me a chance.

I didn’t know what kind of feeling I had for him. Was it like? Was it care? I did admire him as he had a very great voice like a gift from God, and I felt being protective to him. I cared of him. But that didn’t mean that I loved him, did it?

The thing that I was pretty sure this time was that I hated it when I realized that I was the one who hurt him like this. I made him cried many times. I made his Pneumothorax acted up.

Since we were back to the dorm, I felt like he was trying to avoid me. Not totally ignoring me, but avoiding me.

I decided to stay at the dorm for couple for a while. Aside from the tight schedule, I wanted to have a chance to talk with Kyu. We were just back from dancing practice, it was so tiring and everyone was starving. Sungmin and Wookie prepared the dinner for all of us while some of us wandering around.

We were having dinner together and chatting about everything happily. Everything seemed to be normal as it used to be. But, who was I fooling to? I recognized that Kyu never looked at me, he didn’t talk to me. He talked cheerily to everyone but me.

I thought I could get him to have a talk once the dinner finished. But, just before everyone done with their meal, he already stood up.

“Teukie hyung, can I go to DBSK’s dorm? I promise Changminnie to come over after dinner.” Kyuhyun asked. Teukie stared at him, “But you have schedule to do tomorrow Kyunnie-ah.”

“Please hyung?” Kyu said with so much of pleading tone he had. He needed a space for himself. Teukie sighed and nodded slightly, he didn’t have any choice left. If he insisted Kyu to stay at the dorm, he afraid that Kyu would just get depressed himself forcing him to face someone he didn’t want to see, especially at this moment.

It’s true that probably Siwon felt sorry for hurting Kyu, but it didn’t mean that Kyu could easily forget it. The words Siwon had said had crushed Kyu down. Kyu felt like he was nothing but trash that could easily tossed aside.

The feeling was just unbearable. He didn’t want this either. He didn’t even ask to love someone who’s in the same gender like him. If he could, he would prefer to fall in love to woman and everything would be easy and normal. But love left no choice.

Kyuhyun walked out of the dorm and head to his best friend’s dorm. He rang the bell and it was opened by Jaejoong.

“Kyuhyunnie, long time no see, are you looking for Minnie-ah? Come in, be free.” Jae greeted Kyu with a bright smile. Kyu bowed at Jae and smiled at him. He excused himself and walked directly toward Changmin’s room.

Kyuhyun didn’t even bother to knock as Changmin already knew that Kyu would come. Kyu walked silently and sat down on the floor, leaned his head on the bed. He shut his eyes tightly, however he could sense that Changmin sat down just next to him and let their shoulders touched.

“Tell me honestly Changmin, what do I do wrong to make me deserve this?” Kyuhyun said almost in desperate tone. He was pretending that everything was fine although it didn’t. He acted like he would be fine soon, that he could deal with that in time.

But, he just couldn’t.

He felt like his heart was going to explode whenever Siwon was near him.

Showing his attention to him, then to other members, being all kind to him then to everyone, he knew that Siwon wanted to speak with him. Asking for apologize? What was that for? It was even not his fault that Kyu fell for him. Everything was going too complicated.

A real kindness has cruelty in it.

Siwon was kind to him, really kind. Although he didn’t mean anything, but this kind of kindness could mislead someone. And it would be so pitiful if that led to an empty hope.

But thing was different here. Comparing to being rejected because he didn’t love you back was painful, absolutely. But being told that the one who you loved secretly didn’t even accept you for who you really are in his world, in his life was much more painful.

That’s how exactly Kyu felt now. Kyu was rarely crying. But he let himself cried in front of his best friend, someone he trusted not to judge him from cruelty and the unfairness that the world would.

Changmin put his arms on Kyuhyun’s shoulder. Accompanying him in silent, he could understand Kyuhyun’s feeling as he secretly had a feeling more than just a friend for Kyu. But, he knew that it wasn’t the right time for confessing.

“Love makes no boundaries….” Changmin paused for a second, took a breath while looking up at the ceiling, “it is a gift, whether you like it or not, you accept it or refuse it, it still lingers no matter how you deny it.” Changmin smiled at himself, weakly.