Leeteuk’s POV

Our magnae locked himself in his room for two days. He didn’t even let Sungmin, his closest hyung entered the room.  It was heartbreaking to see the usual evil-snarky-witty-yet so cheerful and cute magnae turned like this.

He didn’t eat anything and refused to talk to anyone.

We often heard his soft sob from his room.

He who always pissed off his hyungdeul, who always stayed up until midnight just to play game with a loud voice and woke Hae-ah up, who always teased me, who always begged Wookie-ah to cook for him, forced Chullie-ah, Hyukkie-ah, Bummie-ah and some others to play starfcraft with him, who would be that happy when we brought him chocolate ice cream, who always had his contagious laughter that he found it hard to stop. We missed our magnae.

He didn’t open the door no matter how many times we asked him to. We were so worried about him. His body was not as strong as others. He had had an accident and he also suffered from Pneumothorax.

“kyuhyun-ah, please open the door. You have to eat something.” Sungmin tried many times to persuade our magnae.

Not just the members of Super Junior but also his best friends from TVXQ-Max Changmin and Shinee-Minho did their best. But it seemed like it didn’t work. We agreed if the situation continued like this, we had to break the door forcefully.

We were worried, I was worried to death.

It was around midnight when I just arrived from my last schedule, I thought that most of the members were already sleeping in their room, except for Siwon who lived in his own apartment and just slept over in the dorm whenever he liked or when Super Junior had tight schedule that he couldn’t even go back to his own apartment.

I walked to the fridge, looking for some food to be heated. I was so starving but I didn’t feel like cooking anything in time like this.

I heard footsteps and I was surprised noticing that our magnae was walking out of his room to couch, sitting down there hugging his knees. He didn’t realize that I was standing in the kitchen.

Again I heard him sobbing.

I couldn’t ask “are you okay?”. That was the stupid thing to ask because he wasn’t looked fine. His pale white porcelain skin was getting paler. Even his plump lips were colorless. His hair was so messy.

I tapped his shoulder and sat down right next to him. Accompanying him in silent. He turned his head and glanced at me. His eyes were so swollen, it was like he spent 48 hours straight crying.

“Teukie hyung” his voice trembled.

I ruffled his hair and he moved to lean his head on my shoulder. I could feel his skin which was so cold. His body temperature went bellow the normal people should.

“Did he say that purposely hyung? Did he say that referring to me? Does he feel disgusted with me? Kyuhyun asked me weakly which made me stunned. I knew it was always about ‘that’ person who could make our magnae like this.

I was about to hug him, to make Kyu felt better when I felt that his body fell down on my lap. He fainted.

(skip time)-at the hospital

Everyone was waiting outside the room when the doctor was examining Kyu, everyone but Siwon. Siwon was still having shoot and his phone was off, so Leeteuk just sent his short message telling him that Kyuhyun passed out. His pneumothorax acted up due to being exhausted and lack of rest.

Leeteuk let out a deep sigh when he remembered what Kyuhyun said before he collapsed. He knew it, the reason why Kyu was so broken.

Flashback

Super Junior had an interview and being a guest star in the radio.  Super Junior members were promoting their newest album. Everyone was so cheering, some of them threw a joke, laughed and even sang alive. There was a Question-Answer session.

Dj: “so as we know that Super Junior members are really close each other, is that true?”

All members: “Ne”

Dj:”well, and also well-known for the aegyo and fan service on the stage. All those skinships are showing that you do love each other. So it is just a pure brotherhood, not a bromance I assume.”

The Dj was laughing out loud that he was just teasing us with the joke. We did laugh along with him when suddenly out of nowhere Siwon added,

“Of course, I don’t even acknowledge that homoual does exist”.

The rest of the members remained silent for a moment but somehow they could cover it and continue to laugh although a bit bitterly, knowing that their magnae was so upset but held it during the program show.

There was no one who didn’t notice that Kyuhyun fell to Siwon, no one might be with one exceptional which was Siwon himself. How did the magnae blush whenever Siwon initiated to hug or to peck him on the cheek on stage, how the magnae bit his lip and held his tear when Siwon kissed other people on the stage, or how the magnae changed his whole schedule in a week to accompany Siwon when Siwon’s grand ma died and many others.

When they went back to their dorm, Kyuhyun didn’t say any single thing. He felt like Siwon rejected him, mocked him even pushed him aside indirectly. He gulped down, trying to swallow all the tears that might burst out.

Donghae and Eunhyuk silently hugged him to their warm embrace. Sungmin even rubbed his back to comfort him. He tried his best to avoid Siwon and lock himself since then.  He didn’t know if Siwon didn’t really understand or he just pretended being a dumb. It mattered not actually. The entire thing was clear.

Siwon rushed to the hospital once he turned his phone on and received Teuki hyung’s message. He was so worried. Kyuhyun was sick. He always forced himself and overworked. Sometimes the magnae just ignored his own health. He remembered how scared he was when Kyuhyun was involved in the accident and when he was in coma for several days and the doctor even said that his chance to live was about 20%.

He scared that he wouldn’t hear his laughter, he scared that he wouldn’t be able to see his sweet precious smile any longer.

“Teukie hyung, what happened to Kyuhyun?” Siwon asked when he saw his fellow members were sitting outside of the room with the sad expression plastered on their face.

Suddenly Chullie hyung stood up and pointed his finger to Siwon.

“You!! If it’s not because of you being such a fool and said those ed up things. Kyuhyun wouldn’t be like this!” Chullie said angrily. “You easily said “I don’t even acknowledge that homoual does exist” when you know that Kyuhyun love you, damn it! To hell with your religious thing Siwon! but YOU don’t have the right to hurt Kyuhyu’s feeling!!” he continued.

Sungmin held Chullie tightly to prevent him from hitting Siwon who was standing there, dumbfounded.

It was Teukie who grabbed Siwon, dragged him to the corner explaining all the things he missed.

Siwon POV

Teukie hyung’s explanation was shocked me. I didn’t know that Kyuhyun loved me in that way. All I had thought was that he was being a cute dongsaeng in front of me.  Or maybe I did know it from the very beginning but just too coward to admit that?

I stared at the sleeping figure in front of me, his tender and soft skin looked so pale. I made him like this. I made him suffering like this.

I felt his fingers moved a bit in my held, yes, I was holding his arm. I pleaded Teukie hyung so that I could stay in Kyuhyun’s room, waiting him to awake while the others were waiting outside. Kyuhyun opened his eyes slowly trying to adjust his sight with the sudden light.

He focused himself when he recognized that Siwon hyung sat beside him.

“What are you doing here Siwon-hyung?” Kyuhyun managed to ask with his weak voice.

“Kyu, listen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you by saying that, I don’t even know that you love me or how my feeling towards you. I  ...” before Siwon could continue his speech, Kyuhyun cut it off.

“Stop it hyung… it’s enough. You don’t have to explain yourself, you don’t have to ask for apologize. You don’t have to confuse over this. I’m the one who acted dumb.”

Kyuhyun took a deep breath before continuing,

“You don’t have to act like you care. You don’t have to pretend like you like me. I don’t want a charity. I don’t need to be pitied. I don’t need you to feel sorry. It’s fine hyung. We are fine.”

I didn’t have any idea tat words could hurt people like this. I felt like those words stabbed my heart. He was trying to sit which made him lost his balance. I held his hands to help him. Kyuhyun refused it and snapped it tenderly, but I could feel rejection.

“Now, would you please get Heechul hyung, Teukie hyung and others?”

I left his room, told the other members. I saw Heechul hyung hugged Kyuhyun tightly, followed by Sungmin hyung, Donghae hyung, Wookie hyung and Eunhyuk hyung.

Kyuhyun allowed them to touch him, and he refused mine.

I sat down in the corner.

I didn’t know what this feeling was, but it hurt. It really hurt.

Did Kyu feel like this too when I say those words?

“Mianhae Kyu… Jeongmal mianhae..”

*don’t have any idea why I write this. maybe because I read an old article abut Siwon who really said those lines in 2007. *facepalmed myself* should I continue this?? kekekekekeke*