“Where is Kyuhyun?” Siwon asked sternly. For someone who always being recognized as a gentleman he was, he didn’t bother himself to pretend like he was supposed to be.
Kibum gazed back at him, not scared at all by the threatening aura which was radiated from Siwon.
“In the hotel and he won’t go back tonight.” Kibum answered coldly to Siwon. ‘And Teukie hyung, don’t worry, Kyu’s fine. He will show up tomorrow on the stage as it’s scheduled.”

“Hotel, you said? What the heck did you two do at the hotel??!!!” Siwon shouted at Kibum.
 

Kibum gave his best glare at Siwon, mocking him, “jealous much, huh?” He paused for a second, facing Siwon. Everyone held his breath as the situation was getting so tensed.  

“Calm down you two!” Teukie ordered, he didn’t want his dongsaeng fought for nothing. This problem needed to get solved before getting worse from misunderstanding. If they didn’t stop that, Teukie was afraid that they might loose their temper. He knew it for sure that Siwon would be the worst once he couldn’t control himself. And Kibum, although he was so calm, he could do anything that they couldn’t imagine of.

“Even if I spoiled Kyu, you don’t have the right to say anything even giving objection.” Kibum walked off from the living room to his own room, ignoring Siwon and the other members.

BUGH
 

Siwon POV
That’s it, I couldn’t take it any longer. He, that jerk, said something about doing ‘that’ to Kyuhyun??? That couldn’t be true. I was so disappointed and angry and mad, I didn’t know how to describe my own feeling at that time. I felt like I could kill him if I didn’t remember that Kibum’s my dongsaeng too.

I punched him on his stomach, he deserved that. Kibum did deserve that. Kibum fell down and he smirked at me. I gritted my teeth. Shindong and Donghae ran to me, hugging me tightly to prevent me hitting Kibum, while the others came to Kibum, helping him to stand up.

“Why are you so angry, hyung? Is there any specific reason why you are this mad knowing that I might be doing that with Kyu? Seems like you can’t answer it now. Well, I’ll tell you only if you know the answer of my question first.” That was the last sentence from Kibum before he locked himself in his room.

“Everyone, sleep now. It’s already late and we need our energy to have a good performance tomorrow. No objection. And Siwon, clear up your mind!” Teukie hyung told us. He would receive no as an answer and he dragged Heechul hyung along with him.
 

That night I couldn’t sleep at all, no matter how hard I tried. That’s why I decided to sit down on the couch made myself comfortable and giving myself time to think. My mind was full of Kyuhyun. What he was doing? Could he sleep too? I checked my watch, it was almost 5 a.m.  I sighed, we had to do live perform on stage this morning. Kyuhyun, he’s not fully recovered, I didn’t want him to hurt himself by forcing his own to perform.

Aish, who am I kidding? I am the one who always hurts him, mentally. I chuckled at myself realizing how stupid I was. All this time I was lying to myself which made him suffer.  
Thinking that I stated on the interview that my happiest moments were when Kyuhyun was discharged from the hospital after he had gotten an accident and the doctor even had told us that he hadn’t been able to make it, and when my grand ma passed away, Kyuhyun was staying beside me, supporting me. (taken from Siwon’s interview on Japanese VIVI magazine-author’s note).

When Kyuhyun finally could join us on the stage after being released from hospital, there was once when I finished my vocal line and I saw Kyuhyun’s move. The first thing that popped up in my mind was I feel like going to him and support him even it was live-broadcast, I felt so worried of him. (taken from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYKNDV0gQy4 –author’s note)

Not mentioning how mad I was when I asked him how was my rank of his most favorites and loved hyung in team and he just answered that I was his number three. Why I couldn’t be his number one? (taken from strong heart ep 93 if I’m not mistaken-author’s note).

Why I was so upset when Kibum kissed Kyu and he said that they might do that, I realized it now, it’s because I didn’t want anyone to touch him. I wouldn’t let anyone to touch him. why I always clung onto him on stage, forced him to kiss me on the cheek, hugged him, it was because I wanted to touch him myself. I was playing safe by doing that on stage so no one would notice my deepest feeling, even myself.

I was just a coward. A stupid coward who didn’t dare to face my own feeling, didn’t dare to face the world with its cruel judgment,
Maybe it was too late, too late for me to tell Kyu how much I loved him when all I had done was causing him pain.

I heard the door of one room was being opened. Kibum was standing there, his hand was carrying luggage.  I was staring at him, didn’t know what I was supposed to say, but I needed to ask him for apologize for hitting him.

“Bummie-ah, I’m sorry for hitting you.” I mumbled.
“Not a big deal, hyung, at least you didn’t punch me on my face. That would cause some troubles.” He crossed his arms on his chest, leaning on the wall. “So, got the answer?”

“I’m sure you already know my answer, don’t you?” I asked him back, looking directly at his eyes. I wouldn’t deny it anymore. I loved Kyuhyun whether it was right or wrong. I didn’t want to run away. I didn’t even care anymore what would they judge me for having this feeling for Kyuhyun, I didn’t even care anymore if they would reject me for loving a man. If it was wrong, then why we had such feeling? I was always taught that love was not something that we could waste for, as it was a gift.

I was always standing on the safe side because I didn’t have courage to accept who I was. And the result was that I hurt someone I cherished the most. I loved Kyu, I needed him.

Kibum seemed to understand what I meant.

“Good, now I can take my leave with no worry.”

“Where are you going?” I asked him curiously. He never mentioned anything about going somewhere to me.

“Filming new drama. The shooting takes place in China and Taiwan and some other countries also. Everyone knows that. I already told them while you were busy being here and there avoiding us.” He giggled, “Anyway, I don’t want to make you get the wrong idea any longer. Kyuhyun is not staying at the hotel. He is sleeping over at DBSK’s dorm. We were just wandering around last night, eating ice cream, gaming, anything to cheer him up since he was so down. Although it didn’t work. He didn’t want to go back to the dorm so I took him to Changminie’s dorm thinking he will be much safer there and everyone’s there will take care of him too. But Kyuhyun made me promise not to tell it to anyone, he said he needed time, I couldn’t blame him though. But, he will definitely show up on the stage today. And you got to take this chance to explain to him.

Siwon hyung, listen, don’t make Kyu feels tired of loving you. Because, if he does he will be giving up on his feeling and that will be too late for you. oh, and about that kiss, it’s nothing hyung. It was almost like every kiss the members share when we are on stage.”

Kibum was grabbing his luggage, there was something I had to ask him though.

“Kibum-ah,” I called him. He was turning his head, looking at me with a question look.

“Do you love Kyuhyun?” I asked him hesitantly. He was silent for a moment before giving me his famous killer smile. “As my only one dongsaeng, yes, I love him. Take care hyung” by that last sentence, he left the dorm.

I knew that Kibum was a great actor, but he never be a great liar.
 

Kibum POV

‘I love Kyu as my dongsaeng?’ what a cheap lie I made. But I couldn’t tell the truth. What was for? Ruining everything? Even if everyone knew I loved Kyu that would not change anything. I wouldn’t be able to stand by his side as I already made up my mind to focus on my carrier and took a break from Super Junior activities. I wouldn’t be able to comfort him in the way Changmin could, and I couldn’t get his pure love as Siwon could. All I could do was protecting him like this.

Kyuhyun loved you so much Siwon hyung, loving you so much that made him couldn’t be able to stop loving you no matter what. That’s what Changmin and I understood. His heart was all yours that made him didn’t have a space to love anyone else but you. Kyuhyun deserved to be happy after all the things he had been through.
 

On the stage

Siwon POV

I never got any chance to have a talk with Kyu. Everyone was in rush and everytime we got a break, he would avoid me by talking to other members, or spending time with Changmin in our waiting room. Yes, Changmin was here to cheering him, with Yunho hyung and Jaejoong hyung. But I should talk to him after this ended.

I was observing them silently, Changmin always stood behind Kyuhyun like he was always there to support Kyu whenever Kyu needed a place to lean onto. I remembered what Changmin told me, “love is always started by friendship, but those can’t walk side by side”. Maybe that’s why he chose to stand beside Kyuhyun as his bestfriend. He was a very mature person and I was a fool comparing to him.  

Maybe he loved Kyuhyun more than I did, but I could tell him this time, that I would love Kyuhyun with all I had. I would never let him go.

Super Junior K.R.Y would perform their song. They would sing ‘coagulation’, a song that would make your heart crying if I could say. I was watching the three singing from the side of the stage. How adorable he was with his suit. How great his voice was that could melt everyone’s heart, my heart.

 

[Romanization] Super Junior – Eunggyeol (Coagulation)

[RYEOWOOK] Chagawoon nuhui geu han madiga naui maeume dahke dwaesseul ddae
Nae noondongjaen nado moreuneun chokchokhan eeseul bangwool
When your cold words reach my heart
In my eyes, without me knowing, wet dewdrops


[YESUNG] Uhdisuh uhdduhke jakkooman maethineunji nado moreujyo
Geunyang naega manhi apeun guhtman arayo
Ddeuguhwuhdduhn gaseumi juhmjuhm ssaneulhajyo
Where they’re from and how they form over and over even I don’t know
The only thing I know is that I just really hurt
My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold


[KYUHYUN] Mwuhrago marhalji, uhdduhke bootjabeulji nado moreugejjanha
I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you

[RYEOWOOK] Uhdduhke nan uhdduhke hajyo
How can I, how can I …

[KYUHYUN] Nanananana nanananana yoorichangedo nae noon wiedo
Eeseul maethyunne noonmool maethyunne jageun naetmooreul mandeune
Nanananana nanananana on the window and on my eyes
dew forms, tears form, a small stream is made


I was mesmerized by his voice as I saw he was crying for real. His gaze met mine and he was crying. I did want to run to him, hugging him tightly, telling him that I loved him so much that I wouldn’t hurt him, that it was fine for him to love me. I felt like my heart was being ripped. How could I not realize this soon and even tortured someone as precious as Kyuhyun with my childish action. How many tears did he spend for me? I swore I would pay every drop of them with happiness.


Suddenly, a “CRACK” voice was heard from the stage. Before anyone could notice what it was, the stage lamp was falling down. And Kyuhyun was exactly standing under the lamp.

Not knowing what I was doing, I was running to him.
 

Kyuhyun POV

Everyone was screaming as I looked above me, the lamp was broken and it fell down. Everything happened so fast. I felt like I was being pushed roughly by someone.
I was ended up falling on the floor meter away. I turned my head, looking what was happening. I was so shock realizing who was saving my life.

“NO… NO.. SIWON HYUNG… SIWOOON!!!!” I ran to the man who was covered in blood, laying on the floor.


No one POV

Everyone was so shocked that they couldn’t move. Teukie was grabbing his mobile and calling ambulance. All the members were reaching the stage.
Kyuhyun held Siwon’s hand, tears were streaming down on his pale face. His body was trembling wildly. He took Siwon on his hug, didn’t care if the blood dirtied his hands and his clothes.
“hyung, please, please, stay… stay with me… please…”
There was a slight move from Siwon. he opened his mouth tried to speak a word,

“mian… mianhae Kyu… Saranghae… jeongmal saranghae…” he managed to say those words before lost his conscious.




*thank you so much, thanks like a zillion times for all the supports, I am nothing without you guys,
there is no way I’m giving up if I receive so much love here.
LOVE YOU SO!! I DO!!!