Siwon POV

I sipped my espresso while I was sitting here, in the dining room, alone.

Kyuhyun’s face was haunting me, his hurtful expression, his cold words, and his lifeless eyes. I wasn’t that fool for not noticing it. but, what could I do? I didn’t even have a proper conversation with him since then except the very casual one.

And to be honest I didn’t even know what I did want to talk to him.

This was frustrating I thought myself. I glanced at my watch. It’s already 11 pm and Kyu didn’t come back yet. He was at Changmin’s dorm surely. But it was getting too late. He had many schedules tomorrow and he needed his rest since he just recovered from his sickness.

That’s when I heard someone opened the door, I saw a figure I was thinking about.

In the dim light, his pale skin was like glowing. I gasped at his beauty, he is a beauty, again I confused with my own thought. Could I think about him like this? Was I allowed to think about my friend like this?

 He walked to the fridge and took a glass of cold water, drank it straightly. I watched him but not saying a word, yet. It was so awkward.

He turned back, noticing that me, usually he would tease me or just throw a snarky comments about anything. But now, the only word that came out from his moth just,

“hyung.” he greeted me and headed to his own room.

No, I couldn’t let him avoiding me. I stood up and grabbed his hand, stopping him to walk away.

“Kyu, we need to talk.” I said to him. I didn’t that what I saw was wrong or not but I noticed his body stiffened. He took a deep breath before facing me back.

“There’s nothing to talk about hyung. And I ‘m kindda tired, both of us need a rest for tomorrow.” He replied, well I knew it was true but the way Kyu spoke to me was not like he used to be and I couldn’t stand it.

“Just for a moment.” I tighten my grip not even waiting for his answer when I continued “look Kyu, I know I did wrong to you, but don’t treat me like this. Don’t treat me differently …like I am just someone who happens to work with you in the same place.” I didn’t have any idea how to describe it, to describe how different Kyu was toward me.

Kyuhyun POV

How could Siwon hyung said like that? Why he still didn’t get it?

“Treat you differently? So what am I supposed to do hyung? Clinging onto you every time?” I laughed a bit bitterly. I fisted my arms, preventing myself from bursting out the tears that I knew would come soon.

“Why are you so selfish hyung?” I asked him frontally.

“Selfish?” he repeated dumbfounded.

“Look at me in the eyes. Say that you accept me for who I am after you know what I am. Tell me that you accept me that I am different, that I love male, and the one that I love is you. Say that you still look at me with the same way before you know I love you.

You can’t do that hyung, you still can’t. I am not asking you to love me, no I am not. I can deal that you don’t love me in the way I love you. But it’s a whole different thing when I can’t deal it when I don’t even exist in your world. Yet you still ask me to be the cute evil magnae to take care of. You want me to be your ideal cute dongsaeng for you to keep, don’t you? That’s too much hyung.”   

“I need some times to let go all of this and be the ideal dongsaeng you want to” I didn’t know whether I might be already gave up to my own feeling for him or the even the worst that I was giving up of being myself.

I shook away his hand and walked to my room, leaving Siwon hyung in the back. I knew I was being childish, but he couldn’t be that selfish either.

I sat on my bed, covering my face with my hands. My heart was crying inside.

I grabbed my phone and dialed someone. I needed my comfort zone. I knew I was being selfish either. But, let me be selfish for this time. I was using him for comforting myself.

“Yoboseyo Kyu?” I heard him calling my name.

“Changmin-ah…” I called his name, reassuring myself that someone did understand me.

Teukie POV

I heard Siwon and Kyunnie’s conversation accidentally. I didn’t mean to eavesdropping but it was just my luck.

After Kyunnie left him, Siwon was still sitting in dinning room.  Kyuhyun’s expression was so heartbreaking. It was like he was giving up for everything.

Siwon, on the other hand, he was born in a strict family. He was living in the idea of how life was supposed to be, how world was supposed to be. Though there were lots of things beyond control.

I approached him, tapped his shoulder.

“Siwonnie, I am not lecturing you here. But, I just want you to think about this. I know you already know that some of the members are not straight and you don’t have problem with that although you never say anything about that. But when it comes to Kyunnie, why it has to be different? Things you said in the interview, was it because you accidentally just blurt it out? Or because you are afraid with yourself?

“Take a look from the other side, and maybe you will understand.” I said to him.

This was just me being an observer myself. But somehow I felt that Siwon had something to Kyu. He just didn’t realize that. They hurt each other and hurt themselves. I couldn’t interfere though. That was their feeling they had to face before both of them or one of them regretted that.

But again, nothing was easy. It wasn’t just about them. And feeling could change too.