It's been 3 months since i last saw Kibum-and those 3 months were those difficult months. Siwon and I would usually hang out a lot-but even if i love Siwon. A part of me wants Kibum here,the three of us would usually talks and guest starred on lots of variety shows together like 'Super Summer'.

I was at the Dine Dash with Siwon. Discussing about our newest movie roles-Skip Beat. When Ji Hyo then came by,when she saw me,she kept her head low. I knew the incident still put us in awkward mode,especially when i found out she had a crush on me. For a moment,i felt like an idiot...

"Your orders" she questioned,still getting her nose stuck in her notepad. Siwon look from her to me,then he smirked.

"You can get both of us Kimchi and some Yongdam tea-you should get one for yourself too."

She smiled,knowing what he meant. "Alright,my break is here soon anyway."

She did a quick bow at us before disappearing to the kitchen. Siwon took a sip of his coke and gave me a stern look. "Don't mess up again."

I blinked,what did he meant? "What did i do?"

"It's been 3 months sine you last saw her since what happens remember?" Siwon pointed out, "Aish-that was a bit rude."

Oh i know it is.

"Just cause i ignored her doesn't means that i will promptly ignore her forever. She knows that,and i know she probably heard about Kibum departing"

It was sad,but i have to bear myself to say his name,the one word i haven't said for a long time.

Siwon cocked his head and smirked "As you wish"

The order came,and Siwon,as the gentlemen he is,prepare the chair for her and let her sit down. I heard her thank him and he smiled at her,huh,they actually look like two couple on a date.

I just shrugged at them and began eating the Kimchi. It was too much spices,i had to tell them to pour me a lot of glass of water,though Siwon looks perfectly fine as he ate his meal in an intelligent manner. While I,on the other hand,look like a kid who had been getting stuffed with over 50 Jolokia peppers.

"You want me to get you something else?" she asked me,worried,why should she? I'm the one who had been consciously ignoring her,who doesn't replied her question 'rudely',and the one who put us in an awkward mode,and up until now...she still...care?

"No i'm fine-thanks" i answered,grinning widely. She just pour me more water in return,i could tell,she knows i don't like her food. Aish! Why am i the one who mess this up? I wish i could get Siwon table manner-though he did buy me a book on that for last Christmas.

"-Why don't we drink some Yongdam tea?" Siwon suggested to both of us. We nodded our head. We din't have more cups on the table though- "I'll get us some cups first-be right back." she notified,and quickly scampered away to the kitchen.

I kept my head low as i sat there,waiting for the tea,until i felt Siwon tapping on my shoulder,i perked up in surprise and look up at him. His face was usual-ish,but i could see some sort of 'you fail again' in his eyes.

"Try again"

I groaned and lay on the table, what is with him anyway? I'm detaching myself from Ji Hyo every time i see her now.

So now we're drinking tea,at least it was better than the Kimchi,but the atmosphere were more...tense.

But i thank Siwon for starting all sorts of conversations.

"You know-i drank this a lot with Donghae while filming 'Exploration Human Body' we thought it tasted bitter,but now we're fully grown to this bitter-tasting drink. Good thing you add more sugars"

She laughed "That's very good to know-i think i saw that episode."

Siwon smiled,i could saw his dimples,he like her? They look very natural talking to each other-instead me-who talked to this girl like a child at a spelling bee contest. I felt left out,and a queasy feeling were in my stomach-jealousy? No-Siwon a guy and I'M a guy,even if i have mutual feelings for him,doesn't truly means that he can't fall in love with a girl. HE can,and so can I...

But i din't...

"So hows the Running Man going?" Siwon asked naturally.

Oh right,yea Ji Hyo is not only a waitress in Dine Dash. But she's also a member of the Running Man cast,this shows where they tried all sorts of missions. I actually felt like a kid when i heard that i can be on a mission team-being a spy. Siwon had been in Running Man,he was guest starred along with Kim Min Jong and had been put on the chasing team,it was during winter.

I remember when me,Kibum and Siwon were watching it in his room during Christmas Eves. They put captions on Siwon like 'Running Man Prince Mania Siwon' or 'He understand Running Man the most'. I laughed like a maniac when i saw it,hysterical Siwon were shown while they were filming at a toy department store. It was funny!

Ji Hyo was on the mission team and i admit-shes a pro in these situation. So if i ever get to starred in Running Man,i want her on my mission team. It would be like a movie. I saw Siwon chasing her around,heh,and the commander.

She shrugged "We still filmed daily-but Gary had been begging too much."

Kang Gary,who is 'rumored' to be her boyfriend on Running Man. Kang Gary,who get jealous whenever Siwon went on Running Man with Song Ji Hyo. Kang Gary-who had been a Monday boyfriend to her. Kang Gary,who kept begging her.

"Maybe i want to starred in there again" Siwon teased.

Is it just me-or is it that Siwon were getting friendlier with her? This lover act had gotta stop! Wait...what am i saying?

"I want you to oppa!" she whined.

They do know i'm still here right?

I fake coughed,the two saw me and perked up in surprise. What? They thought i just popped out of nowhere?

"So where Kibum shii?"

I nearly choked when i heard her,my tea nearly evaporate! Well it did but it just spilled now! Hearing that name just...i don't know. But my depression state reconnected all over again,why is it so hard for me? All the other members are doing fine,except me...

"Oh right-our dongsaeng..."

Siwon couldn't speak. He knew if he tell the story all over again,i would be hurt,then Ji Hyo and I would be MORE awkward.

She shrugged "It's okay if guys don't want to say it"

THANK GOD!

She look at me "-It just that-tell him i congratulates him on passing his role in his new movie"

"Okay..." i replied back meekly.

I know Siwon would look at me as if i'm crazy,it's official. Lee Donghae and Song Ji Hyo are the most awkward couple in the world.

Ever since that happened,i consciously ignoring her. MORE than before,well i wouldn't want to ignore my friend,but i couldn't if we ever walk to Dine Dash. That's when we talks,other than that. This relationship is awkward, it seems she's ignoring me too.

But it all changed again when i was jogging int he morning.

I was jogging around the park,suddenly din't realized-and by then-I bumped into someone! But this isn't just some accident where one person would goes "Oh i'm sorry!" and then the other person would goes "It's alright" and then they keep on jogging ahead. This one was awkward,and unusual.

I was on the ground,my back aches, as i groggily opened my eyes only to found that only person. Song Ji Hyo. With her hair framing perfectly arranged on her face,how the strands of her hair were swept to the sides like a bang,and how I,had my hand touching those hairs which was soft and angelic.

Her hand were clasping my white shirt,i din't seem to focus and nor does she. We stayed like this without a care int he world,at least...i din't. Her eyes were pretty,it was brown,i had a like for brown eyes. I had dark ones but i figured lighter one are more pretty and attractive to look at.

But it seems as if lightning zapped and she suddenly realized reality were here-so she got off of me and dusted herself. I got up too-but only to met by an annoying reality talks. Reality pissed me off sometimes.

"OH GOSH-I'M SO SORRY HAE! I DIN'T MEAN TO DO THIS TO YOU! I DON'T KNOW IF I BUMPED INTO YOU OR YOU TO ME-BUT EITHER WAY-I'M SORRY SORRY! SORRY! PLEASE-I WAS JUST JOGGING AND I DIN'T KNOW THAT YOU WERE-"

I stared at her...

"-here"

I sighed in annoyance,at all the things she have to say. "Don't worry,it's not your fault,i'm the one who did it so stop blaming yourself like an idiot."

"Okay..." she replied.

I walk up ahead,not glancing back,not saying a word,i practically are more embarrassed than she was. I din't look back at her.

I was on the laptop the next day, (after the incident) checking emails, when i suddenly saw that i have a new mail.

From Kibum...

I was so excited, i could barely hold my excitement in as i open the mail and started to read what he wrote me.

TO: donghaeeastseayahoo. com

FROM: seoulkimkibumyahoo. com

Hey fishy,

I just got time to go on the computer to send you e-mail. So far,my acting experience has been progressing very well,i met a lot of celebrities in the US while on my tour here. There lots of new stuffs to try, what about you? How are you and hyungs? Are you guys doing well? Did you film No Other yet?

I miss you fishy, i wish you could be here.

And i heard the trouble between you and Ji Hyo noona-don't worry Hae. If you need a matchmaker-i'll still be here.

Love

Bummie

I smiled,and started to type the reply.

Me and Leeteuk hyung were playing cards in the living room, when we suddenly heard yelling and shouting coming from our dorm.

"SIWON! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"

"Kyuhyun calm down! Seriously! I never treat you that different!"

"BUT YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME ANYMORE!"

"That's because too much things on my mind now-i don't have time to have little arguments like this! "

"NO!"

Then we saw Kyuhyun stomping out the room and out the door with Siwon following after him. What happen? Why did Kyuhyun got upset? Why did they fight?

"Ah- Kyuhyun shii and Siwon shii would break up soon"

Hearing that,i froze up. Break...up?

"Leeteuk hyung-i don't get it. Why?" I asked, still confused. "Are they having an affair?" i whispered, that might be the only reason.

Leeteuk frowned at me "You don't know that?"

I closed my mouth in shock,how could i be so oblivious to this?

It was late evening before dinner when i was playing with my action figures that Kibum had sent to me from the US, (they have tons of them-but mostly spider man) when someone went in my room without knocking.

I blinked and look up from what i'm doing. I saw Kyuhyun, standing there with his arms crossed.

"Aish- Donghae hyung, can i talk to you?"

I nodded my head. "Sure"

We followed out and went in his bedroom. Kyuhyun room were simple, flat screen TV and bed and drawers-you know, all that stuffs. But i noticed he has lots of posters of Siwon, odd...where did he get that?

The younger maknae sat on his bed and inquired me to sit on the floor, i stuck my tongue out at him. Rude! You let your hyung sit on the floor? Well he is an evil maknae, but still-Aish! This kid.

"Donghae shii-let's be together"

I choke on my saliva, with my blank face.

It's seems though, i get the wrong idea. Because next, he started to explain to me to get rid of my dumbfounded face. He told me, by being together, he would make Siwon jealous. To me, it is unreasonable and not fine. I don't want to fool Siwon with such things, but i could tell he needed Siwon attention a lot, so as being a hyung, i accepted it.

"All i want is to see Siwon jealous..."

His voice echoing in my mind...not getting lost.

The worst thing is that all the hyungs are gonna find out that i'm gay. And that, me and my youngest dongsaeng are together. Hmm...what will Siwon thinks?