Karina 

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It is officially our hell week and for the last two days, wala akong proper sleep. 

All the student council members naman siguro, especially yung production team, wala ring proper sleep. We have this gc na nga and it's funny kapag nabasa because minsan lahat nagrarant, minsan ang daming sabaw and of course, there are times na we're serious, just pure business.

For the past 2 days, I was just reviewing and working for the event. Di naman ako nagrereklamo, in fact, it's way better than doing nothing at all kasi may naaalala lang ako kapag walang ginagawa. 

Did winter and I talked? 

No. 

The last conversation I had with her was the one sa labas nung sc office. I don't want to force myself sa kanya, if she don't want to talk with me, then don't. There are other more important things kesa sa magmukmok ako. 

Tomorrow and the following day, we'll take the exam for major subjects. It would be the last push so here I am, highlighting all information na pwedeng lumabas within the coverage of the exam. 

I didn't notice it before pero masaya pala maghighlight. Lalo na if you have cute highlighters! I bought a set of stabilo highlighters after midterms kasi tapos now ko lang siya nagamit, stress-relieving din pala siya. 

 

After making sure na kaya kong sagutin yung possible answers for tomorrow's exam, I cleaned my table. Ang dami kasing crumpled paper and other scratch papers because I had to re-write some part of my reviewer that I'm not satisfied sa appearance, sorry mother earth. 

I just can't really focus kapag nakita ko yung sulat ko naging out of the line or hindi pantay, yes, ganun kalala. Basta I don't like it especially with my reviewers, kaya natagalan din ako sa pagreview, but I really had fun in highlighting!

Tomorrow after the exams we have to meet with our adviser para ibigay yung wishlist namin for the christmas party. I swear, I'll really write a set of stabilo highlighter as my wish, goodluck na lang siguro to the person na makakabunot sa'kin, I hope complete set talaga yung ibigay niya. 

When I was done cleaning my table, I arranged the highlighters and pens, the sticky notes and other stationery supplies na kinalat ko kanina while reviewing. I brought back the pens sa small drawer underneath the table. Nilagay ko naman yung highlighters sa multifunction pen holder ko just beside my laptop. I was about to put back the sticky notes na din when something caught my eye. 

It was a sticky note, nakalabas yung half and the other half was inside the drawer, parang naipit. When I picked it up, my heart immediately clenches. 

It's one of winter's short letters na kasama lagi ng jellies na binibigay niya to lift up my mood. I badly need something like that right now but yeah.. maybe we are not really destined to meet each other. 

Maybe, it was just a mistake.

Come on, rina. 

Don't push yourself na nga.

Hindi ka na nga niya kinakausap, ang tigas ng ulo mo! 

 

******

 

4 down, 1 last to go. 

Ning and I finished the exams earlier, since we have other classmates na tapos na rin, our adviser let us go na. When we got out, ang daming tao sa hallway, I thought bawal na tumambay because there's still other other students who are answering the exams? 

"Girl, anong meron?" 

Look at this girl, parehas kaming kakalabas lang sa room tapos tatanungin ako.

"Ning, we're both taking the exams kanina, sabay din tayo lumabas, do I look like I know?" 

"Alam mo, super sungit mo lately ha. Nagtanong lang ako kasi you're part of the student council, baka lang alam mo diba." then she rolled her eyes. 

"There's too many people, dun na lang tayo sa other stairs dumaan." 

She agreed naman, baka kasi mamaya pa kami makababa so dun na lang kami sa kabila. We're about to walk but may sumigaw kaya napahinto kami.

"Tata Ganda!" 

I knew it right away kaya I turned back if my assumption was right.. and I'm right kasi I see a smiling woojin walking towards us ni Ning.

He's sooo handsome! Ang dami sigurong pipila dito paglaki niya, lagi din amoy baby... parang yung tita niya. 

Nakakainis, lagi ko siyang naiisip. 

"Pamangkin mo? Bakit 'di ko kilala?" my bestfriend asked me.

"Nope, kay winter." I answered while shaking my head as a 'no.'

When he stopped in front of us, I leveled myself sa kanya. Super cute kasi he's really all smile since nakita niya ako.

"Tata, I miss you." my heart melted at his words. 

"I miss you too, sino kasama mo?" he pulled away from our hug and pointed the other side of the hallway. 

"Si mama po pero hindi ko na siya makita." 

Nakakagigil! He's pouting habang nagsasalita, parang nagsusumbong pa siya sa'min. 

"Si Ate Seul siguro 'yang pinagkakaguluhan." my bestfriend realized when woojin pointed at those students.

"You know my mama?" he curiously asked. 

"Yes, cutie. What's your name?" 

"Woojin po." the kid shyly answered. 

"Hi, woojin! You can call me tita ning, I'm tata ganda's bestfriend." ning offered a hand and woojin took it naman, nahihiya pa nga siya. 

Ning asked the kid kung anong ginagawa nila dito, he answered na hinahanap daw nila yung tata pogi niya. I checked the time, it's still early kung nasa training siya, lunch pa lang. 4pm pa start nung training nila, maybe she's with her frineds? 

"Alrigt, stay ka muna kay tita ning, I'll help your mama." 

When I reached the spot where Ate Seulgi is trapped with numerous students asking for a picture of autograph, I quickly called her. 

"Ate Seulgi! 

I think she heard me because lumingon lingon siya, in times like this nagpapasalamat ako na I have my height as an advantage. Since matangkad ako, nakita niya ako and quickly went to me.

"Si woojin? Nakita mo ba?" She worriedly asks.

"She's with my bestfriend ate, safe po." She let out a relieved sigh, dun ko lang nanotice yung tingin ng mga students samin. 

Malamang they're curious on why do we know each other, it's not known to the school kasi na cousins sila ni winter. Ate Seulgi was about to speak to the students and excuse us when someone spoke sa pinakalikod nung students.

"At the count of five ang maiwan daw dito offense, inutusan lang ako. One.. two.." The countings didn't even reached three but the students are nowhere in sight. 

"Seul! Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na kapag bibisita ka, magsasabi ka!" Prof Wendy exclaimed at binatukan si Ate Seul. 

Wait.. they know each other? 

"Aray ko naman! Sorry, biglaan kasing nag-aya si woojin, miss niya na daw tata pogi niya." Ate Seulgi explained while soothing the back of her head.

"Si winter yata talaga ang magulang nun, pero asan yung pamangkin ko?" Prof Wendy asked, Ate Seul looked at me then I pointed my bestfriend.

"Ta wannie!" Woojin runs with open arms papunta kay Prof wendy. 

Prof wendy told us na siya na lang ang sasama kila ate seulgi and woojin in finding winter. I silently thanked god and the heavens because for sure mahahalata ni ate seul na hindi kami okay ng pinsan niya. Before they walk away, ate seulgi told me that she's in for the christmas and year-end event for school. Finally! We can complete the list of performances na, atleast our worries will be lessened. 

 

******

 

I sighed and lean back to the chair. I just finished creating the program flow, they gave it to me to finalize. Chaeryeong's not here, nasa stage siya sa field, helping on where to place equipments and all the stage preparations. 

Nung iniwan na namin ni ning sila ate seulgi, she told me that she'll go home, she just want to sleep lang daw para later kapag magrereview kami hindi siya aantukin. Yesterday kasi we studied sa discord, it's my first time to use it. I asked her kung saan niya nalaman yung app, she said ginagamit daw nila ni gi when they're playing valorant. 

Yes, ang magaling kong bestfriend, marunong magvalorant. She even said na minsan kasama nila si winter when they're playing and she's good at it daw.

I told her na hindi ko naman tinatanong but si bruha, tinawanan lang ako. 

I closed my eyes to calm myself, medyo sleepy na din kasi ako but I can't, I have to stay awake kasi I might be needed sa stage.

Buti nga these papers were the one assigned with me, mas tiring kasi yung kay chaeryeong since kasama siya dun sa naga-arrange sa stage.

I opened my eyes. It took me only a few minutes to calm myself because she flashed on my mind. 

I just want answers on why she suddenly avoids me, I just want to know if I did something wrong ba sa kanya para I can apologize for it, but she's not giving me a chance because she kept on pretending that we're okay. 

I also hate the fact that I still like her even when she's like this. I just want an explanation lang naman because all along, I thought we're progressing. Thought ko lang pala yun. 

Naiinis pa rin ako but yeah, I miss her. 

I didn't know na I'll get attached with her. 

It wasn't planned, I don't even know her before ako magkaroon nitong project. I even hesitated to take it at first because I at meeting new people but she made it easy for me. 

Inis pa rin ako sa kaniya tho, ito ata yung red flag niya. Kaya ka niyang i-ghost pero hindi ka pa rin maiinis sa kaniya.

 

"Ayoko na, sis. Feel ko mage-erupt na yung ulo ko." my bestfriend dramatically said. Yeji and I just laughed at her. 

We're currently on a group call, ning made us a server here in discord para if may chika daw mabilis ang mode of delivery. Crazy, right? Tawang tawa naman si yeji when she heard that reason from ning. 

We have music playing softly, yeji's just here with us and vibing with the song, tapos na daw kasi sila magreview nung classmates niya. Apparently, sikat pala 'tong discord for its features, especially with students. I agree witht that but god, sobrang lost ako when I first used it. It's confusing at first but when you've navigated it, you'll get used to it na din. 

"It seems like it, para kang nalugi." yeji and she frowned.

"Ang yabang ha! Palibhasa you're done already." ning exclaimed and rolled her eyes and once again, yeji just laughed.

"Rina, ikaw? You're so out of it, I'm actually worried that it might affect your exams." yeji asked me.

"Her exams are completely fine, teh. May namimiss lang kasi yan." ningning said, hindi man lang ako nakasagot.

"Nope, just tired with the finals and the council work." I said. 

"Oof, okay, sabi mo eh." ning reacted.

"Bagay na sana kayo, it's just that, I didn't know na torpe pala si winter kim." yeji said with a teasing smile. 

I just laughed at her statement, I'm not in the mood. Talking about her makes me miss her more and I don't want that, I can't afford to be distracted. 

I'm just grateful that they noticed and didn't ask further questions, ningning said na madami daw siyang kwento, more on chika kamo. 

She told us that 'nasagap' niya daw na they caught yves in a date with a girl pero hindi pa kilala kung sino. Another chika is that, lia is the ceo's daughter of a well-known local fashion brand. 

I swear. I don't know how our bestfriend could memorize a detailed chismis but can't memorize some of the constitution's law na nasa lesson. It still amaze me whenever I remember it, I fear na ito na ata talaga ang purpose ni ning, ang maghatid ng chika sa friends niya. She's actually worse than yeji when it come to chikahan. 

When I noticed yeji yawning, I told our chikadora friend to stop muna. Parang di siya nauubusan ng kwento, to be honest. We called it a day and bid our goodnights. 

Last day of exams tomorrow, we can do this.

 

******

 

I don't know if I'll be worried or ano, the exam isn't that hard in my perspective. Tama kaya yung mga answer ko? 

"Teh, sabi ko tara na, naghihintay na si yej." 

I came back to my senses when ning talked to me, siniko niya pa nga ako. 

"Do you find the exam mahirap? Parang there's something wrong kasi kanina when we're answering." I told her. 

"Ayan, you're overthinking nanaman, and to answer your question, hindi ako nahirapan." she confidently answered. "We studied last night, of course hindi tayo masiyadong mahihirapan ngayon." she added. 

I massaged my temple, I don't know, baka kasi kampante ako masyado. Ning told me not to think about it too much, we'll have fun daw today because the suffering has ended. 

Well, that's for them. I still have council duties kasi bukas na yung event. We're all set naman na, I just hope lang na there'll be no more revisions and hassle pa, especially sa last minutes. 

Ning dragged me to walk, we'll go to yeji's building to fetch her. Magha-hang out daw kami at the cafe sa tapat lang nitong campus. The one where winter and I used to do my project. While walking, I noticed two police cars parked in front of the building where stem students are assigned. I wonder what is it all about? 

When we reached their building, there's also a police officer inside. 

Our eyes went wide, because who wouldn't kung yung friend mo ay di mapakali while talking to a police officer. Is this the reason why do I feel there's something wrong since kanina pa?

When we got closer, we realized that the cop is talking with our circle of friends. 

"Sino po ba ang huling kasama niya nung mga oras na yon?" the officer asks gi. 

"We were, kami lang po magkakaibigan." she worriedly answered.

We went to their side, ryujin and winter is nowhere to be found, it's just gi, hyunjin, and yeji. While giselle is talking with the officer, we talked with the other two.

"Please tell me na this is nothing serious." ning worriedly said, she's slighty panicking na din.

"What's happening?" I asked yeji, she looked at me for a second then looked away. 

"Ano kasi rina.." she can't look at me in the eyes but I'm just patiently waiting for her next words. 

"There was an illegal underground going on and dawit si winter sa mga hinahanap nilang tao." hyunjin butted in our conversation. 

Shock is an understatement of what I'm feeling right now, I mean.. how? Why? 

As far as I know, she's not capable of doing those things. I want to move, I really do pero hindi ako makapagsalita, I can't move too. 

Is that the reason why she's avoiding me? The other girl? Is she included with those illegal stuffs too?

"Officer Pascual, do you copy? Kasama na namin yung target dito sa gym. Over." 

All of us quickly turned our heads to the police officer nung narinig namin yung sinabi sa radio nila.

"Copy, officer cruz. Papunta na ako diyan." he started walking palabas ng business building.

We just chase after him, when we reached the parking lot, he asked if he could get someone to come with him dahil hindi niya kabisado ang school and hyunjin agreed. After that, ning dragged me inside gi's car, pupunta din kaming gym. 

The ride wasn't long, but every minute na hindi ko nakikita si winter, parang ang tagal. I didn't wait for them, everything's a blurry but I just want to see her kaya pumasok na ako agad sa loob. 

My heart shattered when I saw her. 

She's sitting on the bleachers but her head is lowered, there are 2 police officers on each of her side, holding a paper in front of her and parang kinakausap siya. 

Then it clicked, she's still a minor. Anong gagawin nila kay winter? They can't do something that will harm her. Nandito na pala sa tabi ko yung friends namin, even si ryujin nandito na. I was about to go towards her but the same police officer stood in front of us. 

"Miss, kami  po muna ang bahala dito. Diyan lang po muna kayo, kakausapin lang naman po namin siya pati na rin po sila." he said while pointing at winter's friends. I saw how yeji doesn't want to let go of rj and hyunjin's arm, the same thing goes with ning, I saw how she holds gi's hand, doesn't want to let go.

They're just like me, natatakot din sila sa kung anong nangyayari. But they have to let those three go, para na rin siguro mafigure out namin kung ano ba talaga ang gagawin sa kanila. 

I'm so damn nervous while watching them converse, I can tell that my bestfriends share the same sentiments too. I'm just telling myself to keep calm becasue they're just talking lang naman talaga. 

After a few minutes, I saw how gi, rj, and hyunjin shakes their head while the officers are talking. 

No, no, no. Is that a bad sign, please sana hindi. 

Lumayo ulit yung officer na kausap namin kanina with the three of them, naiwan lang si winter na nakaupo, the officers beside her are still talking with her.

"She's not cooperating with us. Paki-tawagan na lang po yung guardian niya, dadalhin po namin siya sa presinto kasama yung dswd at dun na lang kakausapin." 

I'm about to speak kaso the other officer spoke first, "Sir, magsasalita lang daw po siya sa isang kondisyon." Then he waved a paper and went to our spot, he hands the paper to the police officer we're talking. 

"Sino si karina? Kasama niyo ba?" the officer asks when he finished reading the letter.

I quickly answered, saying na ako yun. He said na sabi sa paper, gusto daw ako makausap ni winter before siya makipag-cooperate sa police. He told me to go para daw maayos na nila yung case, so I did. I stood in front of her and she's still not looking up to me so I  sat beside her, the other two officers went away in a measurable distance to give us space siguro. 

She slowly reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers, "Karina, I'm sorry.." she said, still not looking at me. I remained silent, patiently waiting kahit na I want to ask her so many things. 

"I'm sorry kasi baka natatakot ka na ngayon." I frowned, of course, I'll be scared! Kakatapos lang ng exams tapos we saw a police officer talking to our friends and it turns out that the person I like is involved in some illegal stuffs, sinong hindi matatakot? 

"Winter.. just tell me kung anong gusto mong sabihin." I told her because ang tagal niya magsalita, I just want to know kung ano bang gusto niyang sabihin.

She just tightened the way ng paghawak niya sa kamay ko and gave me a folded paper. Since my patience is thinning, binuksan ko agad and read what's inside it. 

I'm sorry kung natatakot at sobrang kinakabahan ka ngayon pero gusto ko lang sabihin na hindi talaga ako kasama sa underground or illegal things. Alam ko na parang isa 'to sa mga worst way para umamin sa'yo pero I like you. Gusto kita, gustong gusto, Karina. 

I don't know what to feel, it was a mixed emotion but above all, I was relieved. I turned my head in her direction, only to find her looking at me with a smile that makes my heart flutter, but it disappear when she saw me.

". , sorry. I'm sorry, karina, wag kang umiyak, sorry talaga." she said habang nagpapanic. 

Umiiyak na pala ako, ngayon ko lang din napansin. I just let out my tears while nagpapanic si winter. If wasn't too overwhelmed maybe tinawanan ko na siya right now, the reaction on her face is so funny. 

When I calmed down a bit, I stared at her for a moment tapos hinampas ko siya paulit-ulit.

"Ah! A-aray! Saglit l-lang, karina! Aray! Time first! M-masakit na, totoo!" I stopped and softened because baka nga nasasaktan na siya but I saw her smiling. 

Hahampasin ko sana siya ulit but she caught my hands and hold it, she looked at my eyes and caressed my hands. Okay, no. Hindi mo ako madadaan sa ganyan. Dou you think that you're cute? Okay, cute naman talaga but still, no.

I hit her for the last time kasi nakakainis pa rin. "I don't curse a lot but ang gago mo, winter. Sobra!" I said and she just laughed at me. 

We got silent and she's still holding my hands, the back of my palm gently. 

"Wala ka namang dapat sabihin, pwede naman natin pag-usapan kung anong mangyayari pagkatapos nito. Kung saan ka comfortable, dun ako." she said and kissed both of my hands. 

"Winter first win!" then a whistle. We turn both of our heads to see where it came from and there they are, our friends, smiling at us. Syempre si rj yung sumigaw and si hyunjin yung nagwhistle, those two talaga. 

I looked at her, she's glaring at her friends, nakakunot na din yung noo. Is it weird to feel safe instead of butterflies especially when she's holding my hand? I still hate her idea of this confession, nakakainis pa rin na sobrang naga-alala na ako. Muntik ko na ngang tawagan si dad knowing na he's a lawyer, minsan talaga I don't know how her mind works but yeah.. I missed her. 

She still has many explanation to do but I know that we will talk about it. I guess, communication is the key. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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