Karina

It's the last day before we enter the gates of hell. Next week will be our finals' exam week, yup, kasabay nung paga-arrange namin sa event.

So far, I've managed to do the paperworks that was given to us, may mga natira pa but it's easier since inuna ko yung complicated papers. Our circle of friends barely meet these past few days, last time that I saw them was the other day pa, when winter visited and we didn't have the chance to talk din.We have separate agendas that day, umalis sila nila giselle then there's jaehyun who invited me to eat.

Speaking of that day, I don't know if it's funny, coincidental, or what pero the japanese resto that jaehyun recommended was the same resto where winter and I had lunch before. 

And uhm, the air between me and jaehyun was already cleared. I told him na I can only offer him friendship.

He told me na he knew it from the start but still, nagtake lang daw siya ng risk because it's better than not trying at all. So, we're clear, just friends. 

What surprised me that day was when he asked me if there's going on between me and winter, he told me na kaya alam niyang hanggang friends lang kami because there's clearly a thing between us ni winter. 

I hope so. 

After our first week on working about the project, I started feeling things about winter. That time, I knew na what I was feeling towards her was not just merely a happy crush. I just kept on denying it because I don't know if aware siya about her actions, pero it always make my heart flutter and I got scared kasi baka ako lang yung nakakaramdam.

That's why I'm denying it, I don't want to get my hopes up, I might hurt myself lang din. Until now I'm still scared but I don't know, I really like her lang siguro that's why I'm taking kahit small steps lang about this attraction towards her. 

Anyways, at least it's clear to jaehyun, okay naman siya as a friend eh.

It's my tenth sigh for this day and it's better than ning, she's so fed up with the paperworks to the point na parang hihimlay na siya. There are profs kasi who changed the coverage of our exams, mostly nadagdagan pa ng new topics and lessons so madadagdagan din yung rereviewhin namin.

I'm about to sigh again when I remember something.

It's been a week since the incident with winter happened, should I text her if pumasok siya? 

Okay no, wag na, lunch naman na next and giselle just messaged ning na sabay-sabay daw kami maglunch, I just hope kasama na siya later. 

******
 

There are four person na kasama ni yeji sa table when she waved to us ni ning, she's seating beside rj and katapat nya si hyunjin who's beside giselle. Symepre 'tong maharot kong friend, nagmadali to seat beside her bubba. I stayed back and clamly walk towards them lang.

I smiled when I saw the other person seated beside giselle, likod pa lang, I already know kung sino yun.

That smile disappeared when I'm just few steps away from them, a girl approached our table. 

"Hello! Pwedeng kidnappin ko muna si winter from you guys?" I heard her say while slightly laughing. 

"Kahit 'wag mo na ibalik." Hyunjin said dun sa girl, did they know each other?

When I reached our table, saktong tumayo si winter and our eyes met. She just wiggled her eyebrows at me tapos they walked away from our table, pero we can still see them naman.

Okay?

Hyunjin transferred seats, he settled beside yeji so katabi ko ngayon si ning and to her left is giselle, there's both an extra seat sa tabi ko at ni hyunjin. 

Pagkaupo ko, they teased me about jaehyun, they threw so many questions lalo na yung friends kong chismosa. I just told them na kaya ako sumama kay jaehyun was because I told him na hanggang friends lang talaga, medyo nakukulitan na kasi ako. After that inaasar pa din nila ako but di ko na lang sila pinapansin. 

To be honest, I'm bothered by those two who are talking not too far from here, I'm telling myself not to look at them because that will be so weird, bakit ko naman sila papanoorin, diba? 

After a few minutes, I gave up. I looked at their direction and I wish hindi ko na lang sana nilingon. 

They're smiling at each other and hawak pa nung girl yung bicep ni winter while talking.

I'm not mad pero need bang hawak niya yun?

Itong isa naman, ngiting ngiti pa! What if tanggalin ko na lang talaga yung eyes niya? 

Nakakainis! 

I don't know why I'm acting like a jealous girlfriend right now— okay, yes, nagseselos nga ako, pero sino ba'ng hindi? I like her and then ganito yung makikita ko? If someone's in my shoes, for sure ganito din yung mararamdaman. 

She's so dense, my god. That night, when I held her hand sa elevator, that was me hinting na I like her. I thought, she got my message because may lunch date pa siyang nalalaman, was that a lunch date as friends? 

When she got back at our table, inasar lang siya ng friends namin but I stayed silent. Si rj and yeji yung bumili ng pagkain namin, I told them na busog pa ako nung tinatanong nila ako kanina, I saw in my peripheral vision na she looked at me pero hindi niya ako kinausap about it. 

I don't know what's going on with her pero if she doesn't want to talk with me, then fine! 

Dapat pala I didn't tag along na lang, it's better that way naman. 

When rj and yeji got back, kumain lang sila while updating and talking about each other's life and yung ginagawa nila lately. 

I turned to ning and leaned my head on her shoulder, I just want to go home na. Ayaw din naman ako kausapin nung katabi ko, 'edi I'll just sleep na lang. I don't have problems in sleeping naman especially when I'm this tired, so I think makakatulog naman ako dito sa caf. I'm sorry giselle, I'll thirdwheel muna sa inyo. 

I woke up because someone's tapping my cheek, when I opened my eyes it's ning pala. All of them are still here so I checked the time. It's 10 minutes mag-end yung lunch namin. 

I checked rj's seat kanina and wala na siya dun, I looked at my other side and winter's not there na din.

They started cleaning our table and sumabay na din ako nung tumayo sila, we'll get back to class na siguro. It's better na din kasi at least, I'll be distracted from thinking why winter is avoiding me. 

I think, it's a good thing na may meeting kami for the event later. I'll just focus on reviewing na lang and the event, bahala na siya. 

******
 

"The flow of performances, ganun na talaga? They don't want to change the sequence na?" I asked chaeryeong because siya yung nakausap nila pres and the directors. 

"Yup, ayos na daw yan. Have reached out to the performers na daw ba? Like, lahat sila informed na daw ba?" She said while sorting the papers on my desk. 

"Yung sa alumni na lang yung still undecided." I answered then nagsort na din ako ng paper para mabilis matapos. 

It's some basic research about the performers lang, just to give the audience a background in case na hindi nila kilala. Not every students know the performers, there will be few na hindi kilala yung ibang performer. 

Chaeryeong was doing the research, hindi ako pumayag nung una but she insisted. She said na mukhang pagod na pagod daw ako lagi and she doesn't have something to do naman daw. 

Sana all maraming time. 

I'm the one who's reaching out to the performers din kasi, that's why I'm really tired. Lagi ako nakaabang from their responses, especially the alumni kasi if yung nireach out namin is unavailable, we're approaching a new one. 

My phone chimed and I reached for it, it was a text message from Ate Dahyun and Ate Chaeyoung, the iconic rapper duo. Unfortunately, they have a tight schedule this december so di sila pwede for the event.

"I just got a message from dubchaeng, they're unavailable. Paabot naman nung list." Kasama kasi yung list of alumni to the papers that we sort earlier and chaeryeong's holding unto it.

"Ay sorry, ito sis." She said while handing me the papers. 

I scanned it, I got shocked when I saw the name. On the list, after Ate Dahyun and Ate Chaeyoung's name is someone I know, like I really know to the point na sometimes I get to talk with her. 

Seulgi Kang.

My eyes widened when I read more of the details. I'm really surprised to know na Ate Seulgi was the team captain of the dance troupe during her highschool days! Her batch was the one who gave the legendary three straight championships to the school, that's the reason why the school got recognized na by other schools. Wala naman kasing nagsabi, even si winter walang nabanggit sa'kin! 

I quickly messaged giselle to confirm if the number on this list is still the same with Ate Seul's number right now, after a few minutes she replied saying na nagbago na yun and provided me the new number. 

I was hesitating to text her kasi I remembered when we're at their lola's place, Ate Seulgi seemed so busy, humabol nga lang siya that day because Ate Irene said na may inasikaso siya sa office. 

"Sis, nacontact mo na yung next alumni?" My thoughts vanished when I heard chaeryeong asking me about some updates.

"I'm on it." Sabi ko and I started to compose a text as an invitation.

Should I really text in this way or masyadong formal? Should I start with a simple greeting or too informal naman? 

I need to breathe! I'm too overwhelmed! Role model ko kasi yung batch nila when it comes to dancing, when I was younger, I really love to dance. Actually, my main plan was to be in the dance troupe but as time passed by, there were so many people who are trying out and I got discouraged so nagstudent council na lang ako. However, if given a chance, I would still try for the dance troupe, not now nga lang. 

I finally sent Ate Seulgi a message and she asks if she can call daw ba. Nahihiya kasi ako so I haven't told her yet kung sino ako. I sent her a short, 'sure po.' After a few seconds, nagring na yung phone ko. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello, this is Seulgi. Kailan yung event?"

"Hi, Ate Seulgi. It's on the third week of December, maybe 17 or 18?" 

"Alright, I'll send my email then dun nyo na lang i-provide yung other details. Your voice is so familiar, may I know who is this?" 

"It's karina po, ate." I shyly admitted.

 "Karina? Karina Yu?" 

"Yes po, I'm one of the representatives for student council po." 

"Kaya pala ang familiar! I'll check my schedule pa ha, sabihan kita kung kaya naman. Paki-bantayan si cael, alam mo naman yun." My smile immediately left my lips.

Ate Seulgi, I can't promise you. Hindi nga ako pinapansin ng alaga mo. 

"Sige po. Thank you, ate. Ingat po." 

"Ingat din kayo. Aral mabuti!" 

When I put my phone down, napalingon ako kay chaeryeong and she's looking at me already.

"What?" I asked her.

"Close pala kayo ni Miss Kang? Super idol siya ng ate ko!" She exclaimed, ang cute lang ng bond nilang magkapatid. 

"Cousin siya ni winter." I witnessed how her eyes went wide and formed an "o." 

"Oh my god, sis! Kwento!" She excitedly went to my side when she recovered sa pagkagulat sa sinabi ko. 

After our chikahan session, we continued researching about the performers, we're down to the last batch of performers when someone knock on my door, pinapasok ko naman ito and it's yuna na ngiting-ngiti.

"Ate rina, may cutie po sa labas hinahanap ka."

I got confused, sino naman yun? I cleared everything with jaehyun na ah. 

I told her na sabihan yung nasa labas na I'll just help chaeryeong in finishing the papers. Malapit na din kasi kami matapos. 

I'm about to sort the papers ulit when chaeryeong gets the paper in my hand. "Okay na 'to, ako na. Go ka na dun sa labas." 

I thanked her and walked towards the door, the first thing na ginawa ko is hanapin si yuna. As usual, may kachikahan nanaman siya, if I'm not mistaken, she's talking to one of the grade 7 representatives. 

I called her attention and she just pointed the door, signalling that the person who's looking for me is outside, tapos nakipagchikahan ulit siya. 

Natawa na lang ako because para siyang supervisor kapag nandito sa office, she's literally everywhere, as long as may chika siya, that's okay na for her. 

When I walked out of the door, I'm surprised to see winter in casual clothes. Wala ba silang training? 

We stayed silent until hindi na ako nakatiis, we're not going anywhere if ganito lagi so nagsalita na ako. 

"Do you need something ba?" 

"Uhm, aabot ko lang 'to. Yan yung mga ginawa ko nung hindi ako pumapasok, baka lang kailangan mo para mabilis tayo matapos sa project mo." She handed me seven papers in total, all of it contains the thing na ginawa niya within the past few days. 

Okay this is good, at least hindi ako magru-rush when it's submission na because we had to stop for a week since nagkainjury nga siya. Pero that's it? Yun lang talaga reason niya kaya siya pumunta? No explanations on why is she ignoring me? 

"Win! Okay na?" 

I looked for the owner of the voice who's currently not far from us.. it's the girl earlier nung lunch.

"Malapit na." She turned to me and apologetically smiled, "Karina, I'm really sorry. Nagmamadali lang kasi talaga, babawi na.."

Before she can continue on speaking, I cut her off, "Go na, she's waiting fo you. We're not yet done din kasi sa loob." 

I didn't wait for her answer, I hurriedly went back sa loob ng office. Some members greeted me and hindi na ako nakagreet back because I want to go home na lang. Chaeryeong even asked me if okay lang ako, I just said na I'm fine and nagthanks na din ako kasi natapos na niya yung paperworks. Nagtext na ako kay kuya pancho to quickly go here, I don't know what's happening. 

Is it normal to feel this way? 

Bakit masakit? 

Thankfully, mabilis lang nakarating si kuya pancho. I shortly bid my goodbyes dun sa council members na natira sa office. 

Pagpasok ko sa car, I'm trying so hard to hold back my tears kasi feeling ko anytime babagsak na siya. Luckily, mabilis lang kami nakarating sa bahay.

Dumiretso lang ako sa room and the moment I reached my bed, all the tears escaped.

Okay, I know. Maybe stressed lang din kasi ako kaya I'm being emotional right now, pero I can't stand the fact na she's ignoring me, is there something wrong na ginawa ko? 

I just don't know why is she acting like that, super okay naman namin nung last time na we talked. 

Is it too much to ask if I want us to go back katulad nung dati? 

God.. I miss her pang-aasar.

I'm crying again. Great.