Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Romance, School

Summary: "The hardest thing to do when you are in love is to confess your.

And the most painful thing to do when you are in love is to keep silent."

Word Count: 11734

Hashtag: #SSBB_Confession

 

Confession

 

Dear Hitomi, I’m always  in love with you. Even before we became friends, I am already in love with you. This is the phrase I always wanted to say every time we were together. I badly want to confess.   But I am worried.   I wrote this letter after five months of our friendship, and one year since the day I fell in love with you.  I am delighted that I got the chance to be your friend, to get closer to you—we are in the same circle of friends!   I can hear your voice, your laugh, to witness your smile and your eyes. I am grateful that I have the chance.   I feel like I am on a cloud nine.   Love, Kim Chaewon   Honda Hitomi my classmate for two years. She is Japanese and was transferred to Hanlim High because of her great grades.   She has an incredible pair of eyes, that's why maybe her parents named her Hitomi means eyes in English, because the first thing you will notice is her small but cute pair of eyes.   Her cheeks are fluffy, and it is very cute. Sometimes she looks like a baby, sometimes she looks like a beautiful lady. It’s kinda amazing to see her switching modes but both of these are great. I prefer both though.   Among the group, Hitomi is the quietest or let’s say most peaceful. She prefers listening to talking, but she got time bickering with Yena. They are close for some reasons, I wonder how since their personalities aren't the same. But Hii is like the pacifist of the group.   We're in the same circle of friends. But among the five of us, I could say we are the one who aren't that close. We have fewer interactions alone. We barely talk in person. We talked, we do in LINE, KKT if it is all about academics.   Or should I say, I can't go to her and say 'hey let's be friends' since even before we joined this group of friends-- I already like her.   Then, this has turned into love.   When did it all start? It was three years ago. We were both freshmen at that time but in different classes. I've heard Hitomi was enrolled in Art Class and I am from Music Class.   Hitomi is popular at Art Class, even tho I'm from Music I always hear her name from the other boys. They say she has small eyes, cute cheeks, and a kind personality. I got curious because of that. So, I tried to visit the art class after our last subject and maybe to take a look at the painting room.   When I opened the room, there was no one. Aside from those beautiful paintings piling up one by one and…   An adorable girl sleeping near the window.   I was starstruck by her angelic face. She looks so peaceful and attractive just by sleeping. I did not know I was looking at her the whole time I was in the painting room.   But before she woke up, I already left the room and met other students. I don't know her name and I think it was a bummer. At the bus stop, I met this girl again and I was able to see her name tag.   Her name is Hitomi Honda, the girl they're talking about.   Well, that was 3 years ago and we're in the same group. I have these feelings too and it keeps growing.   "Okay. Class dismissed."    I was taken aback after the class has dismissed. I immediately stood up and pick up my bag. Everyone's on a rush to leave the room. Aside from our three friends.   "Hey Chaewon, I can't go home yet," Minju informed me. I smiled and patted her head, she is one of the volleyball players that's why.   "It's okay. You should go home with Eunbi and Yena. I am leaving now. Take care okay?" I waved my hand and smiled as I leave the room. My eyes are roaming around to see if Hii is still here.   She has no practice today. But no sign of Hitomi anymore. Maybe she already left the room.   "Maybe I should go home now," I mumbled and started walking. I turned left to take the stairs and I was surprised to see someone.   "H-Hitomi…" I said without thinking. She is staring at her phone and moved her eyes to see me. She waved her hand and smiled, "You going home?" She asked.   I smiled in return and nodded, "Yep. Minju has a practice so I am going home alone."    "Then let's go home together."   Go home together?   I feel like dying… This would be my first time walking home together with Hitomi!   I walked unhurriedly to reach her. The quadrangle is peaceful, the sky is orange and no students are hanging at the field anymore.    And I'm with Hitomi. I am trying to act like normal, I don't want to look awkward or unusual but just by secretly looking at her, I feel I am. I hope she won't notice it.   "You look great in your new hair." "H-huh?"   Hitomi shrugged her shoulder while walking and looked at me, she pointed to my newly cut and dyed hair. "I meant to say, you look beautiful in your new hair. It suits you."   "Oh," I replied, "Thank you." And I secretly smiled trying to hide that I am very much flattered and affected by her simple compliment.   Ah. I have realized she dyed her hair too! Hitomi's black hair is now dyed with peach color and it suits her very much.    "But your hair looks great too." I complimented her with a cheerful voice. Hiichan's lips curved and I believed I made her smile.   I made her smile.   "Really? Thank you then." Hitomi replied.    We reached the bus stop and stopped for a while to wait for the next bus. We didn't talk since then. Really, we have this on and off conversation.    I intend to stand on her left side, so she won't notice that I keep on staring at her-- who keeps looking on the right side as we both waiting for the bus.    Hitomi shines in her new hair color, and she looks stunning. I feel happy that she noticed my new hairstyle after one-month haha. Hitomi just dyed her hair yesterday, I badly wanted to dye my hair with peach color but for some reason, I can't.   I'm glad she did it.  I'm glad that I have made her smile too.   "The bus is coming."   I prepared myself when Hii notified me. I am standing behind her and I can smell her vanilla perfume. When the bus stops, Hii quickly pulled my wrist and we both reached the bus.   This day is surely memorable. I had the chance to walk home with Hii. I had the chance to ride the bus with her.   Maybe it is also the time for me to write my confession letter to you.
  Dear Hitomi,   I always despise it whenever I wanted to talk about my feelings but I could not.   I know we’re not the closest among the group but it feels like different whenever we had the chance to talk to each other.   Maybe because I am in love with you. And I am the happiest when I’m with you.   It’s been months since we joined this great circle of friends and I really enjoying each day. Eunbi, Yena, and Minju are the best persons I have ever met. They’re nice, kind, caring, and funny.   But whenever we were laughing together, I always stare at you. Then, our eyes would meet. I wanna think it’s like our hearts understand each other. Like, we are enjoying the company of each other silently.   The truth is, I would like to spend a day only with you.   Love, Kim Chaewon   After that day had happened, we were back to zero again. I’m unhappy of course, I thought it was my first step being “close” to Hitomi. But I get shy when she’s there. I ended up smiling and greeting her “good morning” and the end.   “Chaewon are you fine?” Minju came to my desk and lay her hand on my forehead, “You look unwell.” She added.   I shrugged my shoulders, “I can’t sleep. I’m so tired and I can’t sleep.” I confessed. Minju’s eyes widened and stood up.   “Wait here, I’ll buy something for you.” Minju hurriedly walked away to go to the snack bar. At least she should have waited for my explanation. I sighed.   “I said I cannot sleep, and not hungry,” I whimpered between my breath. I leaned my back to my chair and looked up, God I am so sleepy I think I need to sleep right now. I closed my eyes firmly.   “Are you alright?”   I opened my eyes to see who raised a question, I was freeze and just glaring at her with wide eyes. “Y-yeah.” I replied to Hitomi, I could hear Yena and Eunbi’s voice from the hallway, they went to school together.   “Chaewon!” Eunbi yelled and rushing to hug me, I stretched my arms to hug her too. “I missed you!” Eunbi blurted out which made me chuckled. “Yes. We met yesterday right.” I reminded her.   “Where’s Minju?” Yena asked me.    “I’m here. Why?” Minju appeared, with an energy drink and placed it on my desk. “You don’t have to pay for that.” I thanked her and twist the bottle cap.   Yena placed her hands on Minju’s shoulders “Minju, these days you are beautiful that I can’t even focus on my homework.” She bragged and deeply sighed. “I wasn’t able to finish my home works because of that…”   “Choi Yena! Just tell Minju you want to copy her homework. Stop with your rhetoric lines please!” Hitomi grunted.  We blurted out laughing after Hitomi revealed Yena and my eyes suddenly stopped at her, and she looked at me too. I casually shifted my eyes away while laughing but my heart jumped out as our eyes met.   Hitomi’s eyes are gone when she’s laughing.   “Right. Minju do you have your answers in Calculus? Can I have and teach me during lunch please?” Yena finally admitted. Minju giggled and pinched Yena’s cheeks. “Okay, Yena. You can have my notebook there.”   I smiled and opened my phone, I have our group picture as my lock screen. It was taken during the retreat three months ago. Choi Yena, Kwon Eunbi, Honda Hitomi, and Kim Minju are all my friends and we are in the same squad.   They are nice, funny, caring and I’m glad I joined this circle of friends. But I would like to spend a day with Hitomi again.

 

Dear Hitomi,   This night I had fun with you 😊 I was able to see the hyperactive you, and I truly enjoyed this night hanging out with you. I didn’t expect to see you in the corridor, and I thought you were waiting for someone.    Maybe I should be thankful to Yena for ditching you lol. And myself, for not going home with Minju.   It was nice eating those breads and milk in the riverbanks. The night is peaceful, no people are walking and staying in the riverbanks. We can listen to your favorite song peacefully. We talked about so many things, we laughed about those silly things.   It was beautiful to be able to hear you humming to your favorite song too. Maybe I was dumb for not telling my feelings about you that night.   But rather than making the atmosphere awkward, I wanted to cherish that night with you. I saw the other side of you and I feel special. I feel like when I look at you, we are one.   Hiichan, thank you.   Love, Kim Chaewon   It is fun to be the Class President, they say. But Chaewon is getting stressed over these research papers. It is already 5 pm and she bet no students are still in the classroom. Good thing, she was able to finish these papers. God still loves her.   After she placed the papers on her teacher's desk, Chaewon carefully opened the sliding door of the faculty room and headed outside. The hallway is orange because of the sun, and it is a calming view. She could even hear the birds chirping and the students outside.   "I should go home now," Chaewon whispered. She started walking to the hallway while checking her LINE. Trying to see if Eunbi, Yena, Minju, or Hitomi are still in the school.   She found out Yena, Eunbi, and Minju left the school together, scrolling down the conversation, she read Hitomi's last message in the GC.   "Take care, I'm still at school."    She raised her head, was about to check the room if Hitomi's still there. But she found a familiar figure at the stairs. She made a few steps and saw Hitomi, wearing her AirPods.   "Hitomi?" Chaewon asked, trying to get Hitomi's attention. Her heart is pounding, more than being nervous; Chaewon is kind of feels she is excited. Maybe because they are going home together again. Hitomi reacted by looking at her, the girl smiled and stood up while carrying her bag. While walking towards Chaewon, she started speaking.   "Hey, Yena casually ditched me. So, I stayed for a while before I could beat her." Hitomi explained. Chaewon could not help but smile widely, she is happy to be with Hitomi again. "Then, shall we go home together?" She asked Hitomi.   "Yeah." Hitomi answered, "But can we eat first? I'm hungry." The girl added. Chaewon replied with a nod.   As they walked together, heading to the quadrangle before the main gate of school, Hitomi started blabbering happily. It's like something great happened to her and she is in a good mood.   "Chaewon, I have to tell you something. I have discovered this great combination of meals and you will surely love it!" Hiichan said in a high-pitched voice. Chaewon couldn't help but chuckle and nodded to say she is listening. Hitomi brought her at 7/11 and told her to wait. 5 minutes later, Hitomi appeared with a plastic bag in her left hand.   "Hi-- "Let's go, we will visit a nice place and these." Hitomi interrupted her. Chaewon smiled and agreed, she realized Hitomi has this talkative side and it's nice to know her more, just the two of them.   Hitomi grabbed her hand and they started running. Chaewon just let her hold her hand and they run as fast as they can. But when she tried to look at Hitomi. She saw her peach hair swaying and it's like they are in a slow-motion movie. The latter looked behind her to see Chaewon and smiled. Chaewon still witnessed how Hitomi smiled at her slowly, and she got these butterflies in her stomach.   Finally, they reached the beautiful place. The riverbanks.   It was Chaewon's first time to visit this place. She roamed the place and see how beautiful it is. Since it is already 5:20pm, the sun is going down and the buildings have their lights on. The posts from the riverbanks their lights, and so the bridge a few steps away from their place seems like a bridge from Italy because of its beauty at night.   "It is our first time to hang out right?" Hitomi asked Chaewon. Chaewon said yes. They both sat on the carabao grass and saw those buildings and the calm river.   "Our friends are all busy and would rather go home than hanging out. So, I think we should hang out, just the two of us."    Chaewon is having an inner panic attack because of what Hitomi had said. Her heart is thumping again, and she thinks her face is now red.   She watched Hitomi untied the plastic and two boxes of milk and cheese pan appeared. Hitomi gave one milk and one cheese pan to Chaewon.    "Look here." Hitomi opened the box of milk with her scissors and tore a small piece of bread. "Dip it to the milk and eat it. Or you can just bite and drink this milk."    Chaewon did what Hitomi said. She tore a small piece of bread and dip it into her milk. While chewing the food, she is so amazed by how delicious it is. Giving Hitomi a thumbs up. Hitomi laughed and gave her too a thumbs up. "Told you right! I always eat this when I get home."    "I didn't know about this exceptional combination though," Chaewon explained while wiping some milk at her lips. "You should thank me then, I have a knack for this kind of food combination," Hitomi answered. "Okaaay?" Chaewon sounded unsure. Hitomi gave her a warning look and jokingly pointed her cheek.  "What do you mean okaaay?" Hitomi asked, trying to act that she is furious. "You almost died eating!"  Chaewon and Hitomi laughed together. It seems like their soft voice united and created a wonderful harmony. It is not the first time they laughed together. But it is her first time to have fun with Chaewon, only.   They are done eating and just staring at those buildings, that night is kinda windy and they both wearing their coat. Suddenly, Hitomi offered one piece of airpod to Chaewon.   Chaewon accepted and put it to her ear. She could hear music is playing, trying to recognize the song, she realized Hitomi is listening to Really Like You.  Her heart almost jumped out.   "This song is nice, I listen to this song a lot." Chaewon expressed. Hitomi bobbed her head and looked at her,  "Yes. The lyrics are relatable and expressive."   The two of them stopped talking and started listening to the song peacefully. Hitomi started humming, and Chaewon could hear it. She secretly smiled and hear Hitomi's voice.   Really Like You – IZONE    Woo really really like you

I’ve been waiting since a long time ago
With the sound of Spring that comes after the cold Winter
Unknowingly, my heart that has been asleep is now running
I am reminded of that time

I remember
That day we first met
I think we were very cold
Cuz I’m with you
Passing by the freezing Winter
The sprouts grow

Really like you, please hold my hand tight
Please don’t let go of this hand
So we can dream while holding onto our warm hands
I really like you, I really really like you
Since I’m with you I am able to dream a brightly shining dream again tonight
With you  

 

  Dear Hitomi,   Today, I had lunch with Minju as the two girls were busy with their dance competition. I am looking for you actually, I also want to have dinner with you. But you were nowhere to be found. Minju, told me about this man you really like and I won’t deny I got hurt.   I did not know about Taki. I have heard from Minju, that you guys are partners at the cheerleading squad. She said you were close friends, and I felt afraid that he might probably confess his feelings.   Hitomi, I really love you. But I am so mad at myself that I was born a coward. I can’t tell you. I wonder why.   Maybe because I just want to lose you. Maybe I am contented being your friend.   Should I stay being your friend? Or take the risk?   Love,  Kim Chaewon   Chaewon on the next day, feels like she's on a cloud nine. She could not move on about the night she had spent with Hitomi at the riverbanks. She truly enjoyed eating and listening to music with Hitomi.   That's why during the class, even if they don't share the same desk, Chaewon secretly stare at her. From the first to third subject, her eyes would stop at Hitomi.   Chaewon fell in love more than before.   She smiled again when she remembered the song they both listened to. It is lunch time and when she put the lunch box on her desk, she looked for Hitomi. Chaewon has plans to invite Hitomi to eat with them together.   "Hey Chaewon, suit yourself we can't join you guys today!" Yena informing Chaewon while on a rush wearing her PE Jacket. The latter frowned and looked at her, Eunbi is doing the same thing.   Eunbi glimpsed at Chaewon and formed a v-signed with her hand, "Sorry Chaewon, we will make sure to join you guys. Yena will pay for the food next time!"   "That means no dinner will happen!" Yena added, running so fast to head outside the classroom. Eunbi followed her, Chaewon could hear the two screaming in the hallway. They are perhaps late from the practice.   Chaewon smiled, those two are the playful ones in their squad. She is kind of missing them right now, but they will surely meet after the program tho.   "Hey…"   She felt a soft tap on her shoulder, must be Hiichan, or she thought so. Minju appeared with a kind smile and waving her bento. "Let's eat together." Minju happily said and seat on the chair in front of Chaewon.   "O-oh, sure sure let's eat…" She helped Minju to set their lunch box. Chaewon roamed her eyes again to see Hitomi but there's no one inside the classroom aside from her and Minju. She looked at Minju who is glowing while looking at those foods.   "Did you see Hiichan? We should invite her too." She suggested, but the truth is she wants to see Hitomi again and eat with her. She felt like she opened the first door on the road of being 'close' with the person she likes.   Minju narrowed her eyes and looked confused, she moved her head to check Hitomi's desk and turned around to see Chaewon.   "You didn't know?" "Know what?" Chaewon quickly asked, she is kind of nervous by Minju's question. Minju ate one piece of omelet and covered before answering Chaewon's question.   "Hitomi has an admirer from the cheerleading squad too. His name is Taki from Class 2. They are probably eating together right now." "Taki invited her to eat with him this lunchbreak. She was asked in front of our classmates, what a brave soul right?" Minju giggled and started eating her food.   Chaewon was startled to hear the news, aside from being surprised she can't deny her pain. They are not dating, but her feelings for Hitomi are pure and honest. She loves her with all herself.   Knowing someone asked her to eat, in front of many people made her believe she should have confessed that night-- or even before that night.   Lowering her head and gulped, Chaewon started mixing her rice and katsudon. "Oh, that's-- that is nice." She replied, trying to imply the cheerfulness in her voice. She has no idea about Taki. One thing about him is he is popular because he is nice and cheerful guy. He is one of the members of the school's cheerleading squad.    That's all.  Unknowingly, Chaewon sighed deeply.   Minju who is peacefully eating, looked at Chaewon, "What's wrong?" She asked, Chaewon smiled.   "Nothing. Let's eat." She answered and ate the big spoon of rice.

 

Dear Hitomi,   I don’t know if you owned this pair of band-aids that was inserted in my notes, But I saw the same pair of band-aids back when you got wounds in your finger three months ago. I feel so happy, thank you then Hiichan 😊   I knew you care for us since we are your friends—you care for us silently. So, I will assume it was yours.   And I don’t want to have mixed signals and false hopes too. But I noticed your eyes changed when I was accidentally cut by my scissors. I noticed how you were about to give something to me but Minju called my name and pulled me to the clinic. She was worried for me, as her friend since we were kids.   But I appreciated it Hitomi. It reached my heart. Everything you will do for me, I know it would reach my heart. Because I am always and always love you. You little tsundere.   Finally, free time for all of us was given due to the never-ending practices and requirements. I finally met my four dearest friends, Minju, Yena, Eunbi, and lastly, Hitomi.   "I swear I will never do that cartwheel again! It was like between life and death!" Of course, it is Yena who always whines about the dance practice.   Hitomi scoffed, "I thought meeting Yuri was your between life and death experience?" We all laughed because of that, Yena pouted and rolled her eyes. She received a soft punch from Hitomi.   "Excuse me," Yena raised both of her hands and cleared . "Yuri is my life and my death." She did a cool dab which made us laughed hard. Hitomi released a short chuckled but I was able to hear that, and I feel this giddiness in my heart.   "There she goes again. Oh please for the love of God, I bet my money Yuri cringes hearing your cheesy lines." Eunbi groaned while eating her chips.   "I bet my money Sakura will never notice your shy-shy-shy attitude," Yena replied, emphasizing the word attitude as sarcasm. Yes, they always argue like this, including Hitomi.   I laughed while looking for my wallet. My bag is too big and I don't know where did I put my wallet. I have a lot of pockets inside my bag and I didn't organize it yet. My bag is a mess now.   Minju looked at me, "What are you looking for?" She calmly asked me. I smiled, still looking for my wallet.    "My wallet," I said, I wandered my hand inside the bag but I was surprised a pointed object cut in my finger.    "Ouch!" I cried out because of the pain.   My friends all turned their heads at me, but between the four I believe Hitomi looked first at me through my peripheral vision. She seemed worried and was about to approach me.   But I felt a soft hand grab my wrist and dragged me outside. It was a fast scenario I could not process; my finger is bleeding but the thought of Hitomi being that much worried.   I am truly happy.   I looked at the hand grabbing my wrist. She wears a black rope bracelet and she has a white skin complexion. It was Minju.   I know Minju is a great friend since middle school, and yes, I don't want to bud those false hopes just because Hitomi is being nice. We entered the clinic and luckily, there's a nurse available. With Minju's help, I received first aid, and few minutes after, we were advised to go back to the room.   "Hey Minju, thank you," I called her attention while we are walking in the hallway on our way to the room. Minju smiled at me and cling to my arm.   "Anything for you!" She jokingly suggested. I smiled and we both walked cheerfully. "But are you really fine? I'm so worried about you."   "I'm fine. It was just a small wound. But I'm glad you brought me to the clinic." I answered.   We entered the room together with our last teacher for the discussion of t