Genre: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Slice of Life, Canon

Summary: Post-hiatus canon fic. Chaewon is grateful to be spending the holidays surrounded by people she loves. If she's learned anything in the past year, it's that she can't keep wasting time ignoring her feelings.

Word Count: 2688

Hashtag: #SSBB_SlowJourney

Slow Journey

December 25, 2020

It was a mutual decision between their companies and the members to forego spending the holidays with their families and stay in their dorms instead. The pandemic prevented their Japanese trio from returning home to Japan and, rather than leave them alone in the dorms, they had all opted to stay together. Something they didn't have the option of doing a year ago.

With their hectic schedules, they wouldn't have had much time to spend at home anyways.

There's 11 of them crammed into the normally spacious living room of dorm 1 with a Christmas classic film playing on the television. However, few are actually giving the movie any attention. As always whenever they're all gathered, a cacophony of noise and chaos ensues.

Chaewon stands leaning against the doorway of the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest watching her 11 groupmates. Taking a short reprieve from the anarchy, she's waiting for the kettle to boil so she can make them all hot chocolate. As she watches her friends, her family, she can't help but reminisce on how far they've come.

She's all too aware that the start of 2021 marks their last year together. They aren't even fortunate enough to have a full year, just 4 short months. It's something she tries not to dwell on but can't help but be constantly reminded of.

The whistling of the kettle shakes her out of her thoughts and she hurries to pour the piping hot water into the 12 mugs she's laid out on a tray atop the counter before stirring in hot chocolate mixture into each awaiting mug. She garnishes each mug with a few mini marshmallows for good measure.

A chorus of thank yous greet her when she returns to the living room as grasping hands gingerly pick up their mugs of chocolatey goodness. As the tray in her hands lightens, so do Chaewon's thoughts as she's once again surrounded by warmth and smiles.

"Our Jjaewonie makes the bestest hot cocoa!" Yena earnestly cheers.

"Pft, your is just trying to weasel your way out of making drinks next time," Hyewon accuses.

Another round of bickering breaks out and all Chaewon can do is shake her head and enjoy the show.

Through the sea of heads surrounding her, Chaewon's doe brown eyes still manage to find the familiar chestnut eyes staring back at her. The tail of Chaewon's lips quirk playfully as she tilts her head to the side in the direction of Hitomi's room. Hitomi catches her meaning and dips her chin in an almost imperceptible nod.

---

December 20, 2019

Ever since the Produce vote manipulation controversy had come to light, Chaewon's world had been spinning off its axis. They had gone from being on the cusp of releasing their first full-length album to everything coming to a screeching halt and their lives being tossed into an air of uncertainty. They were prohibited from discussing their situation with anyone and sent home to wait while their companies discussed their futures.

So here she was, lying flat on her back staring mindlessly at her ceiling as if it held the answers she was looking for. What would happen to them? When would she see her group mates again? Was this the end? 

The Chaewon who had heard her name called on live broadcast television during the final taping of Produce 48 never could have imagined how profound the bond between the 12 of them would grow. 11 people destined to take this journey with her. They were 12 now. Minus Eunbi whom she had trained with, it had taken months for her to open up to these new strangers who were now deeply embedded in her life. 

Chaewon loves her family and pre-career school friends who she grew up with and who accept her for who she is and who she has become. However, they can never truly understand her. That's the power of shared experience through thick and thin, Chaewon has come to realize. Nobody in the world understands the hardships she's had to endure or the amazing accomplishments that she's been privileged to experience except for these 11 girls. It's what's bonded them for life through literal blood, sweat, and tears.

Rather than being lucky enough to find 1 soulmate, she had found 11. And each, a dear friend. Eunbi, a mentor. Sakura, a role model. Hyewon, an older sister. Yena, a twin. Chaeyeon, a dance partner. Minju, a confidante. Nako, a vitamin. Yuri, a duet partner. Yujin, a partner in crime. Wonyoung, a little sister.

And Hitomi... Hitomi, maybe something more. A love that she may never get to fully explore or fulfill. Chaewon's heart aches.

She had wasted so much time, so much precious time out of the limited amount they've been given. The uncomplicated friendships she had fallen into with the others hadn't come so easily with Hitomi and it had taken Chaewon a long time to accept why. 

It had terrified her at first, to realize she had feelings for another female, a groupmate at that. It was unheard of and dangerous in their industry. It terrified her once again when she realized the depths of her feelings were not just a passing infatuation, that they were genuine and cavernous. 

So Chaewon did what any sane person would do in her situation. She buried her feelings and focused on work, which was quite easy given the nature of their occupation. She didn’t even know if Hitomi reciprocated her feelings but she had already decided to hide her own.

And then the news broke. Now she may never get the chance to find out.

Chaewon picks up her phone and restlessly scrolls through her contacts before landing on the name she's looking for.

Ssamu: yo what up

Hitoma: Miss me already? Don't you have any other friends, Chaewon unnie? ;P

Chaewon grins. When they had first met, she never would have guessed that behind such fluffy cheeks belies such savagery. 

Ssamu: why do i need any more friends when you count as three? i cant live without my Hopes and Dreams

.

Hitoma: You can't live with them either. Dorm 1 > Dorm 2.

Ssamu: dont get too cheeky sweetcheeks or youll be getting it when you come back to korea

Hitoma: Don't you mean "if"? I mean who knows…

Chaewon's heart aches again. 

Ssamu: WHEN hitomi. definitely when.

The words Hitoma is typi