~ Flashback ~

Yongsun's PoV

The seasons changed and autumn has again greeted me with its strong winds and transitioning colors as we're nearing the end of this season. The Chinese philosophy associates summer with joy while autumn with courage and sadness.

Everything around me is dying. Orange hues rained down as the winds carried the leaves from the branches to the ground, filling up the road with autumn colors while the trees came to their winter rest. The days are getting shorter and the Earth has tilted on its axis away from directly receiving the sun's rays.

It seems like fall is more like a season for sadness. 

It has been weeks since Wheein and I went to Busan and weeks since the time I realized I have fallen for her. We've been back to our usual routine, spending lunch in her studio and eating the food that I brought. Sometimes Wheein would take me out for lunch saying that she wanted to treat me too. The only thing that's different is the sudden tension coming out of nowhere between us that neither one of us talked about nor acted on. 

We still remained good friends, even closer than before. Occasionally, we give gentle brushes on each other's arms with the lightest and softest touch we could muster, without giving any meaning other than just simply being friendly. Probably there's more to these friendly touches but neither one of us said so.

I think it's better that way. 

It's just 5:30am and I'm already out of my apartment, driving around the city for what seems like an hour now. I've been trying to go to sleep but my body and mind wouldn't just cooperate, thus the driving.

Earlier when I was already asleep, my ringing phone brought me back to consciousness. I reached for it and noticed that it's just almost four o'clock. My Dad called to congratulate me for my improved performance on my internship, saying that he's proud of me.

I appreciate the compliment but I know there's obviously more to this call.

I rolled my eyes. It's not like he can see me do it. 

"Thank you. Dad, spill it already please. I know there's more to this call than just checking up on my internship"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just called to tell you that external preparations are already done. We're just waiting for you to finish your internship"

Right. That. 

"Okay. Anything else, Dad? I want to go back to sleep now" 

"No, that's all. Good night, Yongsun"

With that, I hung up without saying goodbye and went back to sleep. Or so I tried.

Knowing that my attempt to sleep would be useless, I changed out of my pajamas into a black v-neck shirt, the front tucked in my faded jeans. I wore brown boots over black socks and grabbed my brown coat on the hanger. Now, here I am, driving for an hour, with nowhere to go and no intention of going home yet.

I'm reminded again of how things would go differently to what I want. It's suffocating and I couldn't do anything about it but to just accept it.

Things are just complicated.

It was around seven in the morning when I felt tired from the constant drive. I still don't want to go back to my apartment and sleep hasn't come back yet. The only good thing about this day is that it's the weekend and I don't have to go to work. I don't have any idea where I should be going or if I'm trying to go anywhere at all.

After a few minutes of driving, I didn't realize that I'm on the street of Wheein's studio. I stopped and parked in front of it. I haven't turned off the car yet. I just sat there, looking at her closed studio.

I wish things would have been different. I wish I could just do what I want. I wish to set myself free from an invisible cage that seems to trap me inside. I wish to just be free. But I'm not and I can't. I don't think I can.

How can I? 

Suddenly, I heard a knock on my window and saw Wheein trying to look over my black-tinted windows. I pushed a button to lower my windows and greet her.

"Hi—" I started but Wheein suddenly cut me off.

"Hey, why are you crying?" Wheein asked worriedly, eyes roaming all over my face. "Are you okay?" 

I touched my cheeks and felt wetness coming from my eyes. I didn't even realize I cried earlier.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't notice. I'm okay" I said, turning away from her to quickly wipe them away.

"No, you're not. And why are you apologizing to me?"

She slid her hand inside my car to unlock the door and opened it. She raised the windows up again, turned off the car, and reached beside me to unbuckle my seatbelt. She grabbed my hand and slowly dragged me out of the car, then closed it and pulled me towards her studio. She did this so fast that I wasn't able to process what she was doing.

"Let's get you inside. It's quite cold out here" she said on our way to her studio.

"I'm okay, Wheein. You don't have to do this. I'll just go home" I said but still following her, too weak and too tired to protest.

She dropped my hand to fish her keys from her purse and unlocked the door. "You're clearly not okay, Yong." She grabbed my hand again and pulled me inside her studio.

She sat me down on her couch and then went to pour me a glass of water from the dispenser. She walked back to me and sat down while facing me. 

"Drink this first" she said, handing the water to me.

"Thanks" I said, after drinking. Then I placed the glass on the coffee table in front of us.

"What's wrong?" she asked after I finished drinking, reaching out to caress my cheeks to wipe the tears that were still there.

I can't.

"I don't want to talk about it" I said, shaking my head as I sighed deeply.

"Okay. Then, why are you waiting outside my studio?"

"I wasn't" I said, tilting my head so I could look at her before leaning on her hand. "I have been driving around. I just didn't realize that I've reached your place"

She's looking at me closely, probably trying to figure out what really happened, while unconsciously pouting a little with her brows meeting from worry. 

"I'm okay. Stop worrying" I whispered, holding her hand that were on my cheeks before rubbing my thumb on her wrist. 

She slowly pulled me into her arms, hand rubbing my back. "It’s seven in the morning, Yong. You don't wake up this early on weekends. What kind of joke is that?" 

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her waist, then snuggled my face to her neck.

She knows me so well. 

"I wasn't able to sleep so I went out and drove around. That's all" I said, settling for a little bit of the truth.

"You know I'm here, right? If you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me. You can talk to me, anything at all"

I nodded and closed my eyes, losing myself in her embrace. A sigh escaped from me causing her to squirm a little.

"That tickles..." she said in the cutest voice that I can't help myself from giggling.

Without putting much thought to it, I placed a light kiss on that exposed skin, and pulled back, not before witnessing how she gulped so hard. "Thank you, Wheein"

"Anything for you, Yong" she said, not able to look me in the eyes. My face also turned red from embarrassment. 

There's that tension again. 

"Oh yeah, you're going to my exhibit right?" she said, trying to brush off the tension.

"Of course. Are you going to paint today? Can I watch?" I asked, ignoring the tension as well.

"No, I wasn't" she said. The she hastily added when she saw my face fell, smiling at me, "You know what? Why don't you paint? I'll help"

"Or we can do it together?" I offered, smiling back.

Still sitting on the couch, I watched her grab a blank canvas and placed it on the easel in the middle of the room. Art materials are already placed on the table beside the easel. She then went to grab a wooden bench, similar to a piano chair, and placed it in front of the blank canvas.

"Come here" she beckoned me, after sitting down and patted the space beside her while holding a pencil. "So, what do you want us to paint?"

The bench doesn't allow enough space for two people to sit together. Our elbows touched; our knees and legs as well. When I looked at her, her face was so close that it's hard to think straight; add the fact that I wasn't able to sleep earlier and the exhaustion from driving for hours