“Round two?”

Jihyo is pretty insistent for someone who just found out she’s a celebrity. They’ve just returned from lunch, but she’s already insisting to catch up on the rest of the episodes.

Jongkook knows it must feel weird to have a good part of your life captured on film, on a variety show no less. It dawns on him later on that his hesitation to show her episode two of Running Man is because he’s nervous to watch it himself. 

He doesn’t rewatch episodes. Heck, sometimes he doesn’t even watch them. But this episode was filmed in 2010, when they were younger (most of them anyway) and a lot less hardened. He doesn’t know how he’ll react to seeing the first time Song Jihyo entered their lives. While she may not remember, it’s been a good decade and his memories are fuzzy at best. 

Nevertheless, Jongkook settles on the couch beside Jihyo, searching for the next episode with the same set up as before. She has her drink in her hands, an iced Americano from a cafe nearby, and he has water on the table.

“We all looked awful back then.” Jongkook warns, already cringing as the opening begins. 

“I don’t think you look any different.” Jihyo scoffs. She can’t say the same for the other members she has not met yet, but Jongkook and Donghoon look more matured at least. 

Guests make up a big part of the show, as she’s come to realize, watching as the men go crazy with the arrival of a singer. “Who’s the idol?” 

It’s an easy question, but Jongkook pauses. “Goo Hara.” Then, like he’s almost afraid to tell her, he adds on, “She passed away recently.”

“Oh... Was she sick?” She feels awful, watching the girl brighten up the screen. She’s too young to have her life taken away from her. Perhaps, in some twisted way, she feels it deep in her bones, like she could have been in the same preposition.

“No.” A wave of sadness washes through him almost instantly; these were the times when he remembers that life is unpredictable. It’s a miracle to have Jihyo right beside him at all, and he wishes they could have all had a better fate.“Sometimes, the industry is tough, but the public is harsher.” 

It scares him, honestly. He’s ing scared that one day she might drop back into the darkness and slip out of his hands too. Was the public too harsh on you, Jihyo? Or were we too blinded to notice you falling apart?

His mood darkens and Jihyo notices it. Even with his cryptic words, she doesn’t want to press. Instead, she looks up at the screen and watches a stranger.

Yoo Jaesuk introduces the next guest as a rising star and the actress bounces up the stairs happily, smiling broadly. They all give the same loud reaction, even Jongkook.

But the more she watches, the more she can’t believe her eyes. How can that be her? It felt like an out of body experience where she’s watching herself walk around without remembering a single memory. They fawn over her throughout the opening, trying to win her over. When Kwangsoo picks her for his team, Jongkook laughs, watching the giraffe go pink with happiness — such a different reaction to how he would treat her in the later years. 

“We never told you this, but right after filming, at least four of us expressed our interest.” He chuckles, shaking his head. Those were truly wild times.

“You never told me that?” 

“No.” Jongkook smiles. It’s strange, telling her inside moments like this now. For him, it’s a trip down memory lane but for her, she’s learning everything from scratch until she remembers again. “We didn’t think you’d appreciate it.”

“I do now.” She whispers, tucking her feet up on the couch as she gets comfortable. Any small bit of information about her life before would be welcomed. “I want to know more.”

It’s different when she’s in the episode. There are so many old anecdotes he wants to share with her, from behind the scenes where they made memories of their own. He hasn’t thought of how long this show has been running, how nostalgic he feels just by sitting beside her, watching like a viewer. 

So he does, telling her small, useless information that wouldn’t be said twice usually.

“You knew the PD from when you hosted Inkigayo — it’s kind of like a music show. That’s how you got casted, otherwise we’d just be men causing mischief.”

“Kwangsoo’s not really so pitiful; it’s a character for the show. He still looks a little sad sometimes though, especially with Jaesuk hyung’s teasing.”

“Poor Sukjin hyung, he had a hard time with the physical games in the past. I guess that’s his charm,  but I secretly rooted for him if he had a lucky break.”

“Jaesuk hyung was really playful back then and he’s still the same now. After all, he’s the nation’s MC.”

“Ah... Donghoon... He and Gary were like a set. You couldn’t go anywhere without the other.”

And finally, he looks at her. She’s been very quiet after her appearance onscreen. He only wishes he could hear what she was thinking. Was he overloading too much unnecessary information? He worries that she was having a hard time catching up. 

“You still look as beautiful as you were back then.” Jongkook compliments, softening slightly. It’s the truth to him. 

“It doesn’t feel like me.” Jihyo blushes, turning down his words. Did he just call her pretty? “I... I don’t know how this will help me. When I watch the show, it feels like I’m watching someone else.”

In the background, they are laughing while Jaesuk cracks everyone up with his wit. The woman onscreen is gigging too, her smile wide as her hand covers her lips. She is a stranger, almost. Someone missing, gone forever.

“It will take time.” Jongkook assures her gently, recognizing the disappointment in her eyes. She thought maybe she could start to remember... It’s harder than it reads on paper. No doctor can predict the time of recovery for each case, if any. 

What if she never recovers? What if her memories stay stagnant, lost in her head and never to be found? What if it doesn’t take months or years, but decades? 

“I don’t have time.” Jihyo laughs bitterly, unlike the unrecognizable woman on television. “I’ve already wasted four.”

“Then we’ll spend another four. Or five. Heck, even ten. I’ll help you get better, that’s my promise to you.” Jongkook insists, optimistic as ever. 

“You are making a dangerous promise.” She warns, still doubtful.

“If I have faith, it isn’t bad at all.”

“I...” She frowns, finally lost for words. “Why are you doing this? Is this guilt, because you lied to me for weeks?”

“No...”

Jongkook could say more. He could tell her that the Song Jihyo he knows and likes isn’t lost. He spent too much time believing she was alive to think otherwise. 

He wants to tell her all the words he could have said to her before she went missing, but he can’t. How she took his breath away every time they met on Mondays, whether she was playing games or spacing out somewhere else. When she even glanced at him and his heart fluttered so much he wondered if they could hear it from a mile away. There are many regrets in his life and she was one of them, so maybe that’s why he’s trying so hard to bring that woman back.

“We are friends.” He says instead, a knot in his throat. They are, right? Then and now. “And I trust that you would have done the same for me if our roles were reversed. You cannot give up on yourself, not yet. I can’t let that happen.” 

She goes quiet again, looking down at her lap. She doesn’t know if she would. But he says it with such sincerity and hope, she feels horrible for thinking otherwise. 

The episode comes to an end, with part two to continue in the following episode. The screen pauses as the episodes stops, but neither of them make an effort to play the next one.

“I think that’s enough for today.” Jongkook rises, wondering if he’s said too much. Does she trust him? He can’t read her as well as he used to, and it’s a frustrating thought. “You should rest, you’ve had a long night.”

He unplugs his laptop and turns to leave, but she stops him gently. “Oppa.”

“Hmm?”

It’s not a direct answer to his promise, but he knows what she means when she asks, “Can we continue tomorrow then?”

“Of course.” He nods, feeling the glow in him spread at the reassurance that she wants to do this again. 

10 years ago — 2010, July

“It’s been some time. How have you been, Jihyo ssi?”

Jongkook hates being alone with unfamiliar women. He’s shy and can’t talk to them easily, especially beautiful actresses like Song Jihyo. God forbid the both of them had to bump into each other while hunting for golden piggy banks (yes, this show is weird). 

“It has.” Jihyo is very much aware of Family Outing, even though it’s been a long time ago. She still remembers passing out on her bed after filming, tired from the long hours of variety. “I’ve been well, Jongkook ssi. You should address me casually, I’m younger than you.”

“I know.” He still replies formally though, catching her off guard. “Five years, right?”

“I think so.” 

“Then you should drop the honorifics and call me oppa too.” 

She doesn’t think it would be appropriate, considering they aren’t close. After all, she’s only a guest for today. Maybe he’s only doing this so that they can look close for the cameras, since the VJs we’re still filming them. 

“Okay, oppa.” She nods, smiling for the broadcast. 

“Araso, Jihyo ah.” He returns the smile. 

They go back to the formalities and honorifics afterwards though, when the cameras are off. Even after she becomes a fixed member and he has to learn to stop worrying about what to say to the only female member of the group. It takes them months to get the hang of it, but eventually they do.

Now — 2020, December

Jihyo is surprised when she remembers that specific memory, clear as day. It is the first time she doesn’t doubt her flashbacks, embracing them while her mind goes fuzzy, like a television with bad reception.

She knows it’s real, because they just watched the episode and there was no scene with Jongkook like that. They barely talked and she was sticking around with Yoo Jaesuk, a calm and familiar face. 

As much as she is apprehensive, it gives her some time to digest the day’s events with a clearer mind. Hundreds of episodes of the show, Running Man... She had a whole life back before she woke up in a hospital, unable to remember. So what happened?

Her mind wonders back to Seongmoon. Her younger brother, carefully keeping all of this hidden fro