Butterflies

It's been a week since I walked with Joohyun by the river, flipping through a photo album all the while. Although it was difficult to grasp much of what the pictures were telling, I reminisced on the slightest of memories. Little by little, I'm sure it would come back to me at some point or another, like Bogum said.

It was all hazy and shrouded.

As I had expected.

Though, believe it or not, walking with Joohyun, hearing her gentle voice, her loud laugh, and diving into an abundance of conversation—both normal and fun—filled me with a familiar feeling that I couldn't quite grab ahold of. It was as if, it was all familiar to me, but somehow, it was distant and far-off. Maybe, with time, I could understand, but for now, it was out of reach.

It was alarming to think that so many things that I once knew and cherished vanished from my memory. Bogum, Joohyun, and I spent more time together than I had originally thought we did. Seeing all the photographs from past-times made me realize that good things had a chance to develop here; in this unknown place that I'd have to call home.

But it was all so nostalgic.

Now, my only wish was to understand what our friendship consisted of, and what else it encapsulated.

That same night, I had broken down and cried in a corner of my own room. I supposed that my emotions got the best of me. It was during the night while everyone was asleep, approximately at two in the morning, so I was safe to. It was difficult to go to bed, since all I could think about was those photos. My negativity overcame my senses, and the only thing I could feel was sadness, again. It was baffling how smiling or feeling happy was never a forced gesture during my childhood. And, when I do smile or laugh these days, I shouldn't have to question myself why I did.

I shouldn't have to act like it was wrong to do so.

I missed being happy without feeling this emptiness inside.

Curled up in one spot, I cried myself to sleep that night.

This morning and the last, I had passed by the room that my mother's piano was in, but unlike the other times I did, I acknowledged it. Ever since Joohyun's words that day about not letting go of my talent for the instrument, it occasionally crossed my mind. And, when I woke up, she was in my thoughts, so I did something quite unusual: I stopped by the closed room and contemplated on whether to enter or not.

My hand had hovered over the handle for however long I had stood there. And, at any point that I would consider going inside, I refused. Considering it was morning and school had awaited my presence, it wasn't exactly the time to have my emotions suffocate me. Walking inside would only drive me to think about my mother and how her piano didn't deserve to be left in a pit of darkness whilst dust particles blanketed over it.

It seemed that Joohyun and her words had stayed in the corner of my mind, even until now.

It was the end of the school day. I was focused on leaving, but something else managed to catch my eye. Hung up on the music room's door was the poster for the event that the EcoClub and student government had prompted to the students last week. It was scheduled for this weekend. Apparently, community service hours are being provided for those that attend and help with the beach clean-up. At the end of the day, there is supposedly a festival being thrown, so it seemed like it could be considered as a back-to-school event in a way.

I would've read the rest of the information if someone hadn't popped up by my side and spoken:

"Are you actually thinking about going to the beach clean-up this weekend?" It was Jimin, of course. He's a socialite and all, but lately, he's been trying to talk to me in any given situation.

Like, now.

It was the end of the day; I didn't want to deal with whatever he had to talk about, but apart of me knew exactly what it was. Perhaps his efforts for holding a conversation was coming from the fact that I was his only aid in his plan to have Chaeyoung fall in love with him. If that's even what's going on. I still have no idea what to even call what they have.

"No," I scoffed, shoved my hands into my pockets, and continued to eye the poster.

I'd ignore him, but it was impossible to.

I'm not exaggerating when I say he resembles a gnat that'd swoop around your face, and you could never get rid of it no matter how many times you try to swat at it.

Plus, my negative response wasn't going to suffice for Jimin. He was a nosy, chatter-box and nothing but.

"What?" Did I stutter? Had he presumed that I was attending a social event? Just because I'm engaging in conversations nowadays doesn't mean my outlook on going to school-based events has changed. "You have to go, Taehyung!"

"Says who?"

"Says me, says Bogum, says Joohyun." Although they may want my presence there, his reasonings are far from the truth. Correct me if I'm wrong, but he wants me to go so I could provide terrible advice for his situation with him and Chaeyoung. "Says Aunt Kim."

Nice try: Aunt Kim doesn't even know there's something going on this weekend.

Or, does she?

"Even so, it doesn't mean I have to go. Plus, I don't need community service hours."

"You aren't going to help save the earth? You don't care, huh? That must be it."

"I do care. Don't guilt trip me, Jimin."

Jimin sighed overdramatically. "There's going to be a festival later in the evening. During the sunset, Taehyung, don't you like sunsets?" He's right. I do like sunsets a lot but admiring by my lonesome is way better. I explore my thoughts better that way, but I have a feeling that the atmosphere of the festival is going to be anything but relaxing.  Jimin resumed his persuasiveness, "there's also going to be food, there's going to be live music from the students, and it's going to be tons of fun. You have to go, dude."

I curved a brow at the mention of one of his reasonings.

Now, I had to ask. It was intriguing.

"Live music?" That had to be why he's been practicing so much. It had to be. He's planning on playing for the crowd—a crowd in which Chaeyoung will be a part of.  "Is that what you were referring to when you said you were going to play for Chaeyoung?"

Jimin shushed me, and for no reason, considering the hallway was kind of deserted at this point. Yes, there were a couple of students still roaming around, but then again, we were the only idiots still socializing in front of the music room. Plus, it's not like I mentioned or revealed his feelings for her.

"Would you keep it down? Don't mention her name out loud." No, I will not keep it down nor listen to what you say. It's entertaining to see the panic wash over his face whenever I do. He cleared his throat. "But, yes, I am. As long as you sign up beforehand, the music club is allowing anyone to perform what they want."

I pursed my lips together to suppress the laughter that was begging on coming out.

So, it was like a talent show after all?

Jimin was indeed a hopeless romantic, and it was the grossest trait anyone could ever have. At least, that was my opinion. If I could, I'd tell him to call it all off, because in what world would his plan somehow work out? That only happens in movies, and apparently, he thinks he's in one.

"And, what are you planning on performing, huh?" Again, that was a question I have yet to receive an answer to. All I knew was that he was practicing with his damn guitar for a week straight in preparation for this glorious moment.

He whispered, "I don't want to say."

"Excuse me?" You better say—I'm the one dealing with your Chaeyoung-themed ramblings.

"Look, it's embarrassing."

"Most of the things you've told me is embarrassing, Jimin." I'm not wrong.

Jimin gathered himself whilst I was mentally preparing myself as well.

Who knows what the hell he has cooking up?

"Well, um, as you know, I've been playing the guitar, right?" I nodded. "So, I've actually wrote a song for..." he trailed off and muttered the rest under his breath. "Her."

My eyes widened.

Oh, this was more than a crush.

Jimin had it bad.

Poor guy.

"You wrote a song dedicated to her?" Are these the type of things that people do when they like someone so much? Jimin was a mushy guy, and I could rightly tell from the cheesy things he's told me, but if love makes you this sick, then I don't want it, even in my second life. "Like, a whole full-length song?"

God, he doesn't even know if Chaeyoung likes him or not. He's stuck in the unknown, which is scary.

What if he's doing all this for nothing?

"See? I knew I shouldn't have told you, it's embarrass—"

"No, it's perfect," I interrupted whatever else he had to say. Yes, it was embarrassing, sickening, and all the above in my perspective, but not for him. Dude's in love, what can I say? "Sing it, then implement the song when you confess to her that same night."

"Wait, what?" Oh, here we go, again. He's an absolute chicken when I bring up the idea of confessing. What's worse is that he starts to act dumb. Like, what do you expect to do? Sing in front of a crowd that she's in, and do nothing? No, that was the perfect setup that'd conclude with letting her know your feelings by the end of the night.

It's romantic.

Right?

God, I don't know.

"Jimin, aren't we having this conversation so I can help you? Don't you want my advice?"

"Yes, I want your advice. No one else can help me with this."

"Okay, well that's my advice, and it's a pretty good one. Take it or leave it."

"What if she rejects me and our friendship is gone?"

Same stupid question.

"Your friendship will be fine, even if she does reject you," I'll be honest, I didn't know that for sure. Though, Chaeyoung didn't seem like that type of person, nor does she look like the type to be awkward about things of that sort. "Jimin, what you want is an answer in terms of how she feels for you. You don't want to be stuck in that revolving-door mentality. It's a waste of time, and before you know it, she's going to have someone else by her side."

"It's hard though, Taehyung! Don't you know this feeling?"

No, I don't.

I'm running out of options here, and I'm sick of talking about this with Jimin.

He avoids the part where confessing comes into play, and that's when the conversation turns into a total waste of time.

I cleared my throat. "I'll tell you this; sing whatever the hell you're going to sing for her, and then invite her on a walk afterwards. Just the two of you, away from everyone, and talk about whatever you want. Something natural, you know? Who knows, she might bring up the song and you can tell her about it more deeply. Perhaps things will flow easier that way. I'm telling you, it's a decent setup for confessing."

Or, at least I hoped so.

I knew I had said the right thing, judging by the way Jimin's eyes lit up. His excitement was showing.

"Wah! That's perfect! Maybe she'll compliment me, too!" I wouldn't doubt it. Whatever Jimin has cooking up is going to turn out fine. He has a knack for music, as I've mentioned before. He's a good singer, too. He has the type of voice that the girls will melt to, you know? "But you have to promise that you'll go, Taehyung."

"Why do I have to go?"

"Because, you're my wingman, and I'm going to need your help."

Exhaling, I rubbed the bridge of my nose in slight frustration and most of all, disbelief.

What more does he need to know? I've told him everything.

I'd refuse, again, but what the hell is that going to do? He's just going to keep bugging me, until I can't take it anymore. I guess, despite the irritation that's growing within me, I understand his reasoning. For some unknown reason, he needs a guide, and for someone at his stature of popularity, he shouldn't need it.

Isn't being cool the main aspect of being popular? He shouldn't need help from his own cousin, who isn't even considered on any spectrum of the popularity scale.

Ugh, there's no point in declining anymore. I'm going to be forced to go to this stupid school-event anyways, either by Bogum or Joohyun, if it's not Jimin pestering.

Although it was difficult, I gave in:

"Whatever, fine, I'll go."

He pumped a victorious fist in the air, and let out an obnoxious "Yay!", in which I rolled my eyes to.

"I knew you'd give in sooner or later, Taehyung."

"Well, when I'm bugged enough," then, I gave him a thin, sarcastic smile.

"I have to meet up with Seulgi, Yeri, and Jungkook at the coffee shop down the street, so I'll catch you later, okay?" I guess. "I may show you the song, depends on my mood, so free up your schedule later on. Thanks for the advice, again."

I must free up my schedule for this guy?

Seriously? Who does he think I am?

Then again, I do nothing throughout the day.

"What else am I going to do?" I mumbled.

"Don't think I haven't seen you socializing with Joohyun and Bogum, again, which I'm glad that you are," he mentioned. "Next is the rest of the gang, am I right?"

"The rest of the 'gang'?"

"Yeah, you know, Sooyoung, Jungkook, Namjoon, Jin—"

I wafted my hand through the air, indicating that I got the gist. "I know, I know, no need to list all fifty of your friends."

Jimin cackled in amusement, whilst I was straight-faced. "Hey, now that I think about it, do you want to head to the coffee shop to hang out with me, Jungkook, Yeri, and Seulgi as well? We're planning on studying and talking about plans for a group get-together."

I shook my head. I wasn't feeling decent enough to go.

"No, I'm good. Maybe, another time. I got to do some work for art and some other classes."

It was a half-lie.

"Hm, well alright. See you at the house." Then, he turned, jogged down the hallway, and disappeared.

I took my sweet time exiting the building. If I'm being honest, I didn't have that much homework to do, but I wasn't lying about doing some stuff for art. I don't think Jimin believed me either. I hadn't expected him to though, I give him the same line every time he asks me to tag along with his friends.

It's not that I didn't want to be around them. That wasn't the case anymore; I thought of Jimin's pals to be decent at this point in time. It boiled down to whether my mood coincided with my will to go or not. And, well it never did.

Breaking out into the open-air was a refresher. There was an evident gust of wind that'd present itself occasionally, causing my hair to flit and flutter about. The weather was nicer than I had anticipated it to be today. It wasn't too hot or too cold out. It was perfect.

Actually, it was so perfect that I considered heading to the river this afternoon.

That is, until all those thoughts left my mind at once.

A distraction had caused it.

By the courtyard, I saw Joohyun fumbling with a stack full of papers and packets. She appeared as if she was in a hurry, and judging by the disgruntled look on her face, she looked stressed out. The way she was losing grip of those papers had stressed me out, too. I knew what was coming next.

The stack had fallen to the ground.

I reacted as quick as I could, due to the slight, sudden breezes that was currently blowing most of it away.

In this moment, I wished I was a bystander who was watching the fiasco that broke out, because Joohyun and I were bouncing all over the field for about five minutes straight. I bet it was a hilarious sight. It was impossible to catch most of the constantly flying and tumbling papers, but we did what we could.

By the time I reached her, I was panting, completely out of breath. A bead of sweat reached the edge of my brow, but I wiped it away.

Handing her the paperwork that I was able to grab, I started to laugh uncontrollably at the way she appeared. Her once-perfect, brushed-down hair was tousled and she, too, was panting.

I never knew she owned a pair, but today, she wore glasses. I had noticed while she had begun to reposition them on the bridge of her nose.

Apart of me felt sorry for her, but it wasn't my fault that she was an absolute klutz.

"Why the hell are you laughing?" As usual, she was pissed, and she let it be known with the sass in her tone. Even so, it caused my laughter to continue. This was all quite entertaining, indeed.

"Because, I've never seen someone so clumsy in my life," That was a true statement. She was worse than Jimin. I smirked to myself, eyeing the top of her head. Many strands of her hair managed to arch upwards, some looped and twisted together.

She rolled her eyes and walked over to a small sitting area with a single bench.

"Laugh all you want, . Half of my work is practically gone." She was being too serious; my laughter had to die-down. Although she took a seat to restack the papers and reorganize, I continued to stand and watch her movements in silence. Her features; they drooped in a way that I was familiar with. It showed exhaustion, or lack of sleep. The slight bags under her eyes were prominent, and only noticeable if I had stared at her long enough, like I was doing so now. It caused sympathy to bubble within me.

But I presented her with the smallest, restricted smile; one that didn't reach my eyes. Then again, I didn't allow it to.

"Don't be so clumsy with your things next time, hm?" I reached over and grabbed a leaf that was buried in the mess that was called her hair. She froze at my touch, and I was unsure why. Nonetheless, she stopped what she was doing and looked into my eyes. "What'd you do; roll around in the grass or something?"

Luckily, that made her laugh. I think my question made her feel self-conscious, because she started to hastily fix the rest of her hair, running her fingers through it as a substitution for a brush. I didn't mean to, though. After that, we started to walk on the path towards our houses.

"To be honest, I think I did, only in attempt to try and catch those stupid papers."

"We caught what we can."

"I suppose. Thanks, by the way."

I nodded. "It looked like you were in a hurry."

"Yeah, there was a small meeting that just ended." she sighed, frustrated at the mention. I didn't question it, though. "I also need to change and get to work in a span of forty-five minutes, so I'm highly stressed out right now."

"You work?" I had no idea she did, to be honest. It's not like she or anyone has ever mentioned it, but still, I'm surprised. It must be troubling for her to attend a job whilst overworking herself in school. I can tell that it's taken a toll on her. Like I said before, it's noticeable in her appearance.

"Yeah, ever since summer began, I've been working over at the coffee shop that Bogum's grandparents own."

Wait, how convenient are these circumstances? Could it be the coffee shop that Jimin was talking about earlier?

If so, that'd make sense.

"Jimin was just talking about going to one with some of the others that you are friends with--is it the same one?" My eyes didn't budge from her side-profile, as perfect and flawless as any could be, must I add. Though, besides the point, I studied her reply in interest.

"Yeah, actually." Ha, I knew it.

"Interesting, when does your shift end?" It was a question I wondered, considering how restless she looked.

"At around nine, which isn't too bad, but I have other work to do."

I, then, asked, "when do you go to bed?"

"What?" She hadn't expected that I would ask that, but I didn't care.

I repeated my question to her.

"Late, but I'm used to it."

"As your best friend, take my advice and sleep earlier. It's unhealthy, you know."

Joohyun locked eyes with mine and scoffed at my suggestion.

Soon, she smiled, too.

"Take your own advice, best friend."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't think I forgot about the time when I found you sleeping in the courtyard. Plus, you're always asleep in class. Since I'm class president, it's my job to wake you up, but I pretend like I don't notice." And, what about it? It's not like I can sleep comfortably nowadays. There are times that I sleep well and sometimes that I don't. Sorry to break it to her but falling asleep in class is inevitable. "And now that I bring it up, stop falling asleep in class."

"No," It was a blunt response, but I was smiling, nonetheless.

"Then, I won't take your advice."

"Fine, then." I shrugged, as her and I began to chuckle to ourselves and at each other. We were smothered in silence, only for a slight moment. See, conversating with her was easy. It was a great thing. "Why are you so stressed? You know, besides the fact that you have to be at work soon?"

"Well, before I stupidly dropped them, I printed the exact number of posters needed for tomorrow, so I can hang them up and pass them out. Not only that, but I had packets and stuff set for tomorrow's meeting." Another meeting with student government? God, that must be aggravating. Then again, she signed up for this. It wasn't until she mentioned it that I noticed there were, in fact, a ton of posters related to the event this weekend budged in her hands.

We were nearing our homes, which meant that she needed to go real soon. I'd be lying if I wasn't disappointed about it.

I began to stare at the lack of posters that she had in her hands.

"You don't have a printer at home?"

She shook her head, bummed-out. "Our printer broke last week, so I'm going to buy another one tomorrow. I've been too busy to head to the convenience store."

That's when a random idea flashed through my mind, so I demanded one thing:

"Give me your phone number."

"My, what?" Not the time to act clueless, Joohyun.

I rolled my eyes while simultaneously fishing out my phone from my pocket. I hurriedly thumbed through my contact list to add Joohyun to it. It was rather depressing to look at, seeing as I had only Jimin, Aunt Kim, and the two friends that I had from the old town I lived in—Taemin and Sunmi.

Hm, maybe I should shoot them a text sometime. After the situation I kind of ghosted them, even though they've put the effort into contacting me from time-and-time again.

I just never answered and deleted them.

"Your number, Joohyun," I beckoned using hand gestures. Her eyebrows were glued forward, signifying obvious confusion at my sudden demand.

As we stood in front of her house, it was now that I mentally admitted how adorable she looked in those glasses.

Then, I noted how lame that sounds.

Nonetheless, she coughed up the digits with not another second to waste.

Thankfully, right?

I was worried she'd be irritating enough to ask another set of questions why I asked for it.

"Why did you demand my number?" Spoke too soon, apparently.

"We have a printer, Joohyun. Anyways, I just texted you, acknowledging it's me. Now, when you can, just text me what you need to print, as well as the quantity of it." Why else would I ask for her number, right? It's not like I wanted it or anything. But I must admit, this unfortunate case was a great excuse. Judging by how slow she was acting, I jumped into action. Perhaps I've puzzled her, and the fact that she has work in under thirty minutes has momentarily left her mind. Without asking, I grabbed the small stack of papers that were still shoved in her arms. "Do you need any of this for homework?"

Her eyes remained widened, as if I asked her something absurd.

"Um...No." Why was she acting so surprised at my ability to be kind? "Why are you doing that for me?"

Ignoring, I reminded, "Joohyun, you have a job to get to in under thirty minutes or so."

"Oh, ," she cursed under her breath, breaking out of that trance she was in. That's what I thought, weirdo. "Okay, I'll text you with what I need. Thank you, Tae."

She squeezed my arm.

I gulped at the nickname and the gesture, my eyes following her parting figure for a mere moment, until she vanished into her home. I didn't know why, but I couldn't budge from the spot that I stood in. It felt like the bottom of my shoes were glued to the ground.

I liked the way she said that.

It caused my heart to thump louder than usual, only for a moment though.

It was pathetic, as always. There's no other word to explain my uncontrollable reaction and my thoughts.

The moment it left her lips, that—wait, what's that sensation that cringy, lovesick losers feel?

Something about butterflies in their stomach?

Yeah, that.

That's what I felt.

Don't get it twisted, you hear?

Shaking my head in absurdity, I rolled my eyes, exhaled sharply, and spun around on my heel to head towards Aunt Kim's house.

That type of thing is out of my control, but I'm starting to really hate the effect that Joohyun has on me.

I say that quite frequently, but I'm serious this time.

No one warned me that the effect grows stronger.