Hoshi To Bokura To

Although it was out of my control, and entirely due to my personality traits, I still regret having that sudden burst of intrigue about walking through a maze. That thirst for a challenge was both insatiable and unavoidable, but goddamn, where was my self-control?

Indeed, this may have not been the best idea for either of us.

After the group decided on partners, which didn't take long, we each plucked out a timestamp at random. Yes, eyes closed and all. Some were unbothered and content with their standings, while others were absolutely disconcerted. And well, as for our initial reaction, Joohyun and I were sitting somewhere in the middle. Truth be told, we were the last to enter the maze and start our turn, but I was uncertain if this outcome was a positive or negative one.

Once everyone in the group had gone and taken a dive into the maze-like depths, it obviously left us as the final duo. That induced a lot of pressure because everyone else either failed, bailed out, or didn't even give the challenge a try (the latter is extremely valid).

Our nerves spiked after we were given an array of good luck's, a questionable boost of wishful thinking, and other words of encouragement from our friends—a memorable goodbye. Who knew if Joohyun and I were to ever make it out? It was doubtful. And even if our friends feigned their support for us, we wholeheartedly knew they didn't believe in us, and we surely didn't believe in ourselves.

It's being realistic. I respect it.

And, no, I'm not pessimistic when it comes to winning, but in this case, it was getting to me.

Before either Joohyun or I knew it, we were thrown into the literal trenches of hell with a worrisome time limit on our hands.

Sometimes, I forget how much I despise time limits, especially in video games.

Even if this was real life and anything but virtual, I still sense that this is going to be a doozy.

Oh, and the worst part? No phones to use as flashlights, either. Yeah, they covered all the bases. Should've foreseen that occurring, but again, I was hopeful they'd overlook that.

Because I enjoy analyzing almost anything—people, places, or things—I took a good look of what we were going against; the maze itself. I practically categorized and predetermined anything that could go awfully wrong in there, but since this is my first experience with one, I came up short with any outcomes.

I was a beginner, after all. Beginner stages are scary. You don't know what you're walking into—literally. With this one? I had no clue. My expectations were minimal, and I was absolutely unprepared, even if the others warned me of all the things that I'd soon encounter.

No matter how many times the verbal warnings of both the staff and my friends entered my mind, I shrugged it off. The maze's size, its overly dim atmosphere, and ominous appearance was neither menacing or intimidating to me, but once I stepped a single foot inside, and everyone's voices faded out of range, it was the most frightening experience on the planet.

Thank God, this wasn't a solo challenge, or I'd call it quits already. Bet my ego wouldn't let me, though.

However, there is one problem.

Joohyun wasn't okay. It was clear as day. The only difference between her and I is that her loss of sanity was showing.

"Hey, are you nearby?" I didn't reply right away, like I should have. I was too nuzzled within my own thoughts to do so.

It's eerily pitch-black. Every movement of mine was careful and steady. I was only hoping that hers were mirroring my own, but with how she was acting, I hadn't doubted it. I felt like I was stuck in some sort of simulation, or maybe, a human experiment that tests one's capability of handling darkness.

On the bright side (pun not-intended), Chaeyoung was right—there were faint beams of light appearing to be a slight distance away from where we stood. They were evidently hung or planted at the ends of the path for guidance. Even with that tiny glimpse of hope, it was only temporary. Worst part is, I could barely see Joohyun.

"Can you answer? Where did you go?"

Just by the shaky sound of her voice, I was able to locate her and confirm that she was right behind me. What unnerves me the most is the slight franticness in her tone. She's trying to be calm by stifling her emotions, but she's failing time-and-time, again.

"I'm right here, sorry," I console. "Are you doing okay?"

"No," she says, as if it was the dumbest question I've ever asked. "I'm not."

"Understandable." We're in the same boat. "I know that we're partners and all, but if you knew that you'd be afraid, you shouldn't have come."

"I'm not afraid, okay? I've done this before. Several times." That was almost too assertive. "I just dislike that I don't know where the I'm going."

Not to be annoying or anything, but isn't that equivalent to being afraid?

"I get it." Although I at soothing anyone's worries without some smartassery added in between, I seriously need to do a better job. "But in order to win this thing, we can't let these negative aspects get to us. It becomes a distraction, and that'll only ruin our chances. Remember, you have to remain levelheaded."

"I know." That worked? Mental high-five, Taehyung! "I'm sorry. I just tend to think that I'd get used to it after every past attempt, but it doesn't. All I can do is protest aloud until I'm decently calm."

I opened my mouth to dismiss that unnecessary apology, but she beat me to it.

"Question, how are you so calm and collected?" That's quite laughable.

"I'm not exactly calm nor collected." That much was true. Like I said, I'm simply trying to encase my panicked emotions despite how difficult it can be. Releasing it would only freak her out further, and that's an awful idea. "Think of it this way: if both of us are simultaneously going insane, then we'll never find the exit to this place. It'd just be complaint after complaint and that wouldn't end well."

"Good point." She slightly laughs out the fear and discomposure as I swept the back of my hand across my forehead, wiping away the perspiration that formed due to this nerve-wracking situation. At least, she's more relaxed. So far, that's been the only positive outcome because although I may not be showing it, I'm practically losing my ing mind. "You know, I'm kind of surprised. You're great at this—not only at handling this situation calmly, but also dealing with an annoyance such as myself. I didn't think you'd take this challenge so seriously."

I looked in her general direction, offering a small pocket of contemplative silence, as well as remaining puzzled by her words.

"I wouldn't say that you're an annoyance at all. These man-made mazes are meant to instill a sense of panic due to the confusion and hopelessness that it induces. Believe me, my feelings about this challenge resonates with your own. If it makes you feel any better, there's no one else I'd rather take this on with," I pause, in case she'd like to add anything, but no reply came, so I continue, "I'm not exactly doing this for fun, either. Like you, I enjoy challenges and competitive atmospheres, so this has been interesting. But truth is, this one may just not be our favorite type. And, whether we like it or not, we're still stuck in this maze for seven more minutes. No matter how much I despise it, I'm treating this contest like any other, and I'm determined to beat it. If you want some motivation, just think about all the rewards."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're absolutely right," she hums, then says breathlessly, "thank you for reassuring me."

She left it at that, and so did I.

The inviting silence was accommodating and thought-provoking. My concluding response to Joohyun caused me to further wonder why I was so determined to win this thing, and sure enough, it lied within my point of motivation; the wonderful range of rewards. It was a valid reason to stick through this horrible experience. The rewards were high tier, after all. I hadn't mentioned this earlier, but before our turn began, the head staff rambled on and on about all the possible sick prizes that you can get. After hearing the usual spiel, the only thing that caught my interest was a free admission to a Skylight Tower viewing, in which it also showcased an awesome fireworks display.

Can you imagine that?

Joohyun would love it.

"There's the third lantern up ahead." I point an unnecessary finger towards the end of the darkened path, which practically makes us blind to anything and everything. It's not like she can see my helpful indication, but I'm sure my voice was enough to direct her. "See it over there?"

"Yeah. Thank God."

We've walked for a while, but that could just be our lack of sanity making us think so. It's unclear whether Joohyun and I are close to the finish line. According to the others, the number of lanterns that we encounter along the way has nothing to do with our progress. Scary part is, we could be counting the same lantern by taking wrong turns, and we wouldn't know unless we've clued onto a similarity or something.

With that thought in mind, I highly doubt that it's the same one. I'd be able to tell. I've been keeping track of every direction we've gone in.

During the seconds upon arriving at the third beacon, my entire being was begging that the path wouldn't split into two different ones. At every checkpoint, I'd mentally cross my fingers and pray that that wouldn't be the case. It seems that this time, luck was not on my side because as soon as we got there, that same fear manifested into reality. Although it was inevitable, this created an issue—a huge one. My mental timer sums up to four minutes into our escape, and it's only the third checkpoint.

Our progress has been decent, but can we stay on track?

Most importantly, do we part ways or do we stay together?

"Which way do we go?" Joohyun asks, interrupting my train of thinking. I look over at her. She's picking at her fingers nervously.

"I don't know." Even as I stupidly say those words, I know that this uncertainty only eats away at the precious seconds that we may have, which further drags us away from possibly winning this contest. The smart thing to do is urge all the questions out of my mind and cut to the chase, so that's what I do. "What do you think we should do? Should we split?"

"Are you crazy?" Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that there're two different paths, and one of them is completely wrong. Let's hope that the right decision is made. "What makes you think that we'd get somewhere by splitting up? If anything, staying together is the way to go."

I try to think for a millisecond—maybe, to decipher then make a proper decision—but there's no point in that. She's right, after all. With the way this is going, and how this maze is affecting us mentally, it'd be stupid to go separate ways.

"Is that what your guts telling you to do?"

"Yes," she says adamantly.

"Okay." I nod. "Which direction do you think we should go next?"

Now that there's light provided to us for the short term, I can visibly see Joohyun. She shifts her gaze from the right to the left several times, before concluding on a side in no time.

Right side, it is.

It's useless to argue with that rapid decision, hence the lack of time on our hands, so I complied and followed suit. Any last bit of vibrancy that allowed us to see had been out of our visage in due time. She's walking ahead of me, but it that I can't see a single glimpse of her. Not even an outline.

We shouldn't stay silent.

"Remember, don't get too far," I say, not only as a reminder but to check up on her. My hand twitches to search for hers, but I hesitate. Even as I did so, the idea still stands—it'd be smart to stay closer to one another. "Make sure to keep your pace steady with mine."

"I am. Don't worry." She's near. Besides the sound of her voice acting as a guide, that poignant fragrance that's still somehow clinging to her clothing had left a prominent trail. "I'm right in front of you."

"Just be careful, alright?"

It's fair to assume that future-me urged me to say such a thing because the timing was obnoxiously perfect for what was to come. That, or I somehow foresaw the future, minus the reel of events.

If only, I had said that earlier. It would've been helpful.

Because, not a second or two later, Joohyun walked straight into a wall. The audible 'ouch!' and plethora of curse words that followed didn't go amiss, all pointing to the fact that she bumped into something pretty hard.

How do I know it was a wall and nothing but? Besides this being an empty maze of straightforward paths, completely laced with synthetic turf, I heard a distinct thump before ramming directly into her back. As well as that realization, I figured that the impact must've also caused her to falter backwards. Because of it, my balance was momentarily thrown off, but I regained it, and yes, I was mighty grateful that we hadn't both tumbled to the ground.

Imagine all the seconds wasted, am I right?

She mumbles another, "what the ?" under her breath, and I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Are you okay? What'd you bump into?" Gotta' be sure, right?

After I forced myself to sound worrisome, and not at all amused, I touch her arm to let her know that I'm ready to accommodate.

"I'm fine." No, she's pissed. "There's a, uh, wall directly in front of me. Think it's a dead end. There's no lantern in sight, either. Obviously."

As I hum and nod in understanding, I remain careful not to break this façade of concern.

"I see." I maneuver to stand beside her. It'd be idiotic to immediately conclude that this is where the path ends. It's interesting that there's not a single shed of light in our surroundings, and it may be done on purpose. This could be another two-way road, so it'd be mindful to try and blindly feel for a continuation. If not, then we have no choice but to turn around. "Because we don't know if this path stops here, let's carefully slide across this wall and feel around for any other openings, just to make sure of things."

"My thoughts exactly." Glad we're on the same page. "You take the right side and I'll take the left."

"Got it." Communication is key. "Whatever you find, just call out to me, okay?"

"Will do."

As I expected, it only took me a few decent strides to encounter yet another wall. That meant there was nothing else on this side. If this entire section is an actual dead end, that's worst-case scenario. With the way our progress was moving so nicely, I couldn't help but determine that this may or may not be the reason for our downfall. That's if we have one. No, I'm not trying to be negative, but if Joohyun, too, finds nothing, then a victory is looking less and less likely. A couple of screwups is okay, but we're cracking too close on time to be ing up.

"I found nothing over here," I sigh, retreating towards Joohyun's direction. "How about you?"

Brief silence.

"It seems like this side keeps going." I exhale another breath, but this time of relief. Her words of optimism rejuvenated any hopes that began to disappear. "Although, it's very likely that it could lead to another dead end—just like the second route that we took."

"We'll deal with it, if it so happens to be one." Let's pray it doesn't psych us out and cause us to go backwards, again. I get that it's the sole purpose of these tricky twists and unexpected turns, but we've been stumped enough. One more and we'll fail. "Hold tight, I'm making my way over."

"Okay."

I unintentionally bump into her side once I reach her:

"Hey, Joohyun?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't freak out." I imagine earning a hard look of confusion and because of it, I bite back an amused smile. Since I sense that we're cutting close to the end, I wager that it'd be a great idea to take advantage of this situation.

What better time than now, right?

So, without another hindering thought, I mindlessly let my fingers graze against the skin of her forearm until I encountered her hand. I felt her flinch as I took it into my own—so cold against mine.

Before she could question it, I tell her, "It'll be better if we stay closer to each other the rest of the way through. Like you said before, if we stay together, we'll be able to do this."

She scoffs through—what sounded like—a smile (or, a soft laugh?).

"We will do this." She heaved a small breath that didn't shake, and maybe, this form of contact had deescalated her nerves. It'd also be a lie to say that my pessimism and my worries hadn't dissipated in the snap of someone's fingers.

Like magic, I instantly felt energized and headstrong, especially with her words of determination that followed right after mine.

And, enlightening my spirits, I feel her hand relax into mine, releasing that tension it once held. As soon as her fingers shift and interlace among my own, my heart temporarily seized at the bold action.

"Let's get going." She squeezes my hand, most likely for reassurance, and thankfully, it woke me out of this state of wonder, as well.

I should have done that sooner.

I swallow harshly. "Right."

In terms of our mental states, the rest of the journey through was surprisingly a breeze. Although there was no room for it, neither of us complained. Even if we took a wrong turn, came to an eventual dead end, or got stuck deciding on which direction that we'd choose to place our trust on, we managed to pull through significantly. When things hadn't gone our way, there wasn't a single argument that took place, either. Instead of making matters difficult, we exchanged memos of support, as well as kept our eyes on the prize.

Amidst all the negative thoughts that floated through my head, I had this underlying feeling that we'd come out victorious, and indeed, that feeling wasn't for not. Even in the aftermath, I realized that there were a lot of components that heightened our possibility of winning, like our quick mindedness, our ability to resolve an issue in a matter of seconds, our memorization skills, and our compatibility as teammates or partners, even. When I said that there was no one I'd rather have by my side, I meant it.

Joohyun's great—more than that, even.

We don't differ or go separate ways. We collide and it turns nothing into something.

She insists that the only way that we escaped in just under ten minutes was because of me, but I beg to differ. Believe it or not, her skills as an authoritative figure was a huge reason why we were able to win. All those helpful attributes that she attained had been brought to the surface tonight. Once she was able to force the intrusive thinking aside, that automatic sense of control, demand, and wit applied well to our success rate.

If there was a trophy given to the most valuable player, I'd hand it to her.

"You know, I think it's great that you guys won that Skylight Tower viewing. Despite the amount of jealousy that I feel, I'm extremely happy for you," Jimin says to me and Joohyun. Although he sounds absolutely elated for the both of us, I know that he's halfway sinking into a pit of dismay.

In truth, Joohyun and I were too high up on cloud nine to retain anything that we were being told, much less form a sentence of some kind. I hadn't even bothered throwing a sarcastic response towards Jimin's way.

My mind was too busy buzzing while our friends had been continuously congratulating us for the past five minutes. As the winners, the amount of random attention that we received was obnoxious and overbearing, too.

What else is there to say? Did I miss anything important?

"Don't you think it's time for you to let go of each other's hands, now?"

I'm not afraid of heights.

Neither is Joohyun.

Although I was gratefully unequipped of that fear, the seventeen-flight journey up to the Skylight Tower viewing was a thousand times more spine-chilling than anything I've endured this evening. That says a lot. Even the trek through the ing hedge maze hadn't prepared me for this. The surprises just keep on coming.

To put it into perspective, Joohyun and I rode an all-clear, glass elevator. Yes, glass. Even though it was already dark, the transparency made the experience turn into one of absolute terror, in which I constantly felt as if I was falling.

Gotta' hand it to us though, we're troopers: our eyes were wide open the whole way up. Not to mention the irritable distraction that joined us on the ride up to the sky. I felt bad, but the commotion of a crying eight-year-old and their unaccommodating parents was a total buzzkill. Should've brought some earmuffs or something.

Thankfully, the lift was quicker than I expected. Once we exited the elevator, I was happy to find that the platform wasn't made of glass, but instead, of concrete. There weren't too many people sight-seeing along with us, but even then, we made sure to grab a tiny section that was more secluded and tranquil.

It was perfect—the view. The night sky was astonishing. We'd be able to do a whole 360-degree turn, and we'd still be surrounded by thousands of twinkling stars that seemed brighter than ever before. Even the captivating moon appeared to be the fullest yet, its cool glow making it damn-near unmissable.

For some time, I was wondering if everything looked more definite because we were closer to the sky than down on the ground. It became the focal point of my thoughts for a while, like I was stuck in a never-ending trance, just like my best friend beside me.

Either way, the sights were just like I imagined it to be. We were practically leveled with the highest pod on the Ferris wheel, yet I still felt like there was no other experience that compared to this one. I guess that grueling contest was all worth it in the end.

Out of interest, I couldn't help but glance over the park's landscape—more so, to scope out the energy and liveliness that all the parkgoers on the ground were exuding. Everything looked so minuscule, but alive.

Joohyun couldn't contain herself for the first ten minutes or so. She was so elated to lean over the railing and soak up the scenery, belting out reactions of amazement and surprise when she finally did. Difference between her and I is that I kept those emotions internal, but not without a permanent smile spreading onto my face.

As you know, I was always a quiet observer.

That's the best way to admire beauty.

And despite that, I just couldn't keep my thoughts to myself, either.

From time-to-time, I'd gently shake Joohyun's arm or tug on her sleeve to grab her attention. Then, I'd point towards something that I thought was beautiful, or that I didn't think she caught onto. She'd do the same. We'd marvel over our findings for a while.

Soon enough, that initial awe and rambunctious enthusiasm mellowed into silence, but one that was so comfortable that it's like I could hear every thought she thinks up—vice-versa, I'm sure.

At times, Joohyun would check up on me with a glimmering glance or two. I didn't need to be looking at her to notice; I was hyperaware of everything she did. And, when she'd look away or was too distracted by the sky, I'd return the favor with a few looks of my own. With reason, mine lingered.

She's just so beautiful.

Like the view, her features are calming—serene, even. That compliments her better. Looking at her or simply just speaking to her and hearing her voice makes me feel like there's no worries to bend backwards over.

This, I know.

"Taehyung?" I'm glad that although Joohyun called my name, she didn't avert her eyes to look at me. If she did, she would've noticed that I was staring at her all along.

"Yeah?"

She hesitates for a second, shifting her weight off one foot and onto the other. Though, not without mustering a grimace that I almost began to question if she hadn't resumed:

"I want to learn more about you."

Where'd that come from?

My response wasn't immediate. I was too stumped by that random choice in conversation. I would've thought she'd mention something about the environment, the rapidly lowering temperature, or how awesome we were during the contest earlier, but it seems that other factors have clung to her mind as of late. Even as I was too perplexed and caught off guard to sum up words, I couldn't clue in the meaning behind that desire of hers.

Learn more about me, she says.

Doesn't she know enough?

Or, is she referring to...?

"Sorry, was that too random?" She asks, shaking her head—regrettably, I assume.

"No." It was direct and straightforward, but with as much as Joohyun and I's bond has increased, I've caught onto her tendency to cut to the chase with things that irk her. With that in mind, I must be careful not to let the subject drift away like she's done a few times today. "Not at all."

Remember, Taehyung: Show understanding.

Don't act dumb.

"Good," she says, relaxing once more. It must've been the token of reassurance. "It's just... I was thinking to myself, and I realized that sometimes, I feel like I don't know you. I don't like that feeling."

With just a few sentences spoken, she infused an overbearing amount of seriousness into the air. What a power she has.

I clear my throat, preparing an answer.

"You do know me, though." Don't. Act. Dumb.

It seems to have done the trick of making Joohyun finally turn and look at me, meeting my gaze. Because I can detect any slight shift in her composure, she appears to be frustrated, as if I've entirely missed her point. Little does she know (or perhaps she does); I did that on purpose. Maybe, to deviate from this topic somehow, although it'd go against the mental promise I made. Hell, I have no clue what she wants to know about me.

There's so much—too much.

"Yeah." She remains expressionless. "But, not enough."

"I see." I sigh, sensing her impatience beginning to rise. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything you'd like to tell me," and, like a flick of a switch, her tone became softer. "I will not force you to speak about something that you're not comfortable with."

I observe her sincerity and smile in appreciation.

"Okay," I nod. The theme of this conversation is a little too firm for my liking, almost suffocating. Amping up the atmosphere with some lightheartedness would do the trick. "Do you have any particular questions in mind? And, is my favorite color one of them?"

She rolls her eyes playfully. "I already know your favorite color, idiot."

Better. "Oh, yeah? Then, what is it?"

"Green." Correct.

"Wrong."

"Shut up." What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't give her a hard time at least once a day? "Can we go back to being serious, now?"

.

"I guess." (Her favorite color's purple). "But before you start asking me stuff, may I know why you're interested all of a sudden?"

"Well, like I said, it was just a recurring thought, and what better time to talk than now, right?" I scan our surroundings, then peer back at her. She's right. We're alone. It is perfect. "I know that we've talked briefly about the years that you were away—about your home, and the school that you went to, but I feel like I don't know as much as I want to. Vagueness won't cut it."

"Fair enough." She is my best friend, after all. "Ask away."

She purses her lips in thought, twisting her body to face me. The rotation was so slow and careful that it was unnatural. It caused me to pay more attention to the slight wince in her facial expression, seemingly as if she was in some sort of pain. It was weird, so I wagered that if it were to happen again, I'd ask her about it. Although I have no issues questioning her now, interjecting her current train of thinking wouldn't be too smart.

Amidst those thoughts, it takes her a while to muster up a topic, but I remain patient.

"Do you miss them?" My heart pangs against my chest, but I try to ignore it. My eyebrow crooks, indicating that I'd like a specification. "Your old friends back home?"

"Oh. Right." I swallow with difficulty—more so, the rock of anxiousness and petrification that was lodged in my throat. Those emotions almost consumed my entire being, but I hadn't let it.

It's more than obvious that I'm relieved.

"What were their names, again?" Joohyun can read me well, so I wouldn't be shocked if she could tell that I was thrown off. Usually, if she does catch on, she tries to draw me away from my thoughts with other questions.

"Sunmi and Taemin."

She nods, clearly intrigued, and invested. "They were good friends of yours?"

"Yeah, I'd say so," I smile a little, and as she continues to talk, I feel calmer and more collected. "Pretty sure that we touched upon this topic a few weeks ago, but they were actually my only friends back home. The three of us went to school together. As you know, I wasn't too good at forming friendships, or talking to people in general. I had kept to myself a lot, and even then, they still tried to get to know me. We ended up getting along well."

I pause and stare blankly ahead, submersing myself in a state of critical thinking. She lets me do so in silence.

Sunmi and Taemin are a part of the past—not a distant one, but a past that still feels unfamiliar to me. Maybe, it was the trauma and the amnesia, but everything feels so blurred and abstract. They're practically linked to so many subjects that I wouldn't want to dive into, but at some point, I won't have a choice—I know that. It physically hurts to think about it, or to even try to piece things together, and that may just be why I could never talk to someone.

This ties into the way I used to feel so enclosed and secluded to the world, like no one's ever around to listen to me. Ever since the accident happened, that's been something that I've gotten used to. It's as if I needed to depend on myself to guide me through this darkness, this lonely journey. Although I don't think that way anymore, I still feel sick to my stomach whenever I try to open up to someone.

It's so hard.

Like other times before, bringing up Sunmi and Taemin has made me realize that everything about being back home feels so faint and far-off.

The urgency of wanting to forget only enhances that feeling.

"We had only become friends halfway through sophomore year, so realistically, I hadn't known them for too long," I say, a surge of guilt rising because of my next thought: "Ever since I moved into my aunt's house, they've tried reaching out to me. I never respond."

Thinking Joohyun would have something to say, I offer some silence.

Nothing came, except for a very thoughtful stare that was gradually making me feel uncomfortable by the second. Must've been something I said.

Then again, what triggered such a reaction?

Weirdly enough, as I was about to ask, she immediately snapped out of it. Just like that, she returned to normal, leaving me bewildered by the occurrence. For a moment, I wondered what that was all about.

"So, are you implying that you don't miss them? Given that you haven't bothered to let them know how you're doing?"

"It's not that. I do think of them. I just..." I just want to forget for a while. "I never know what to say."

"Bull," she snorts, calling my bluff.

I groan.

"It's not."

Oh, it is.

She nods, both unamused and unconvinced, it seems. It's not like she should try to believe me after that weak counterattack. It's pretty obvious that I'm pushing an entirely fake agenda, and she knows it.

In the end, it hadn't mattered. She simply left it at that and didn't urge an actual answer out of me.

I frown at a single thought: "Do you think it makes me a bad friend? Not replying to them?"

"Well, if you reverse the situation, and it was you who was being ignored, then how would you feel?"

Switching the perspectives is a great way to get a point across, and it did.

When I go back home, I'll make the effort to talk to them.

Upon agreeing to Joohyun's rapid questionnaire, I didn't think that the topics would be so random and so jumbled that it'd be incredibly difficult to keep track of it all.

For the past fifteen minutes or so, I've been dealing with a mix of playful and serious questions, all seemingly chosen by which one pops up in her mind first. None too crazy, too risky, or too uncomfortable to answer, so it hasn't been a problem. Even so, it's an exhausting task, especially when she's hauling them around, simply to pry for quick answers—one-after-another.

At this point, I was prepared for anything.

But this time, I wanted to switch things up.

"Can it be my turn to ask something?"

"Shoot."

"Have you ever dated someone?" You should see the look of surprise on her face. Priceless.

It was a mighty interest to find out the answer, given the streak of rejections that she's handed out to guys left-and-right. My bets are on no, but that's because she's never shown any care towards relationships. It's like everyone wants her attention, but she doesn't give them the time of day. I'd like to know why.

She shakes her head. Knew it.

"Why is that?"

"I've never been interested in relationships." See? "Don't think I could handle it."

I was too busy pondering what she meant that I forgot to answer.

She bites her lip. "However, I'm not opposed to it, if it were to ever jump out at me."

I hum, not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing.

"Thing is, whenever I think about dating, or giving my utmost attention to someone, I tend to automatically believe that that's not what I want—that it's not good for me..." she sighs pensively, then scrunches her brows. "At least, not yet."

"I see." We're weirdly on the same page. "You say that you're not opposed to it if it were to ever present itself, but you reject everyone that dares to try. Is being unable to provide someone with time and effort just an excuse or is that actually why you always say no?"

She doesn't answer right away, most likely deciphering whether that'd be the only reason why. Either that, or she's just thinking rather intensely, judging by the far-off look on her face.

"It's a part of a greater whole. There're multiple reasons why I say no. I reject people because I want to avoid any chance of delving into someone too deeply. I worry too much about the things that I have to do and achieve."

"That's reasonable." Then, I sum it all up: "You focus on the present, work your hardest in the meantime, and leave all that other stuff for once you get out of high school."

"Pretty much. School first, relationships second."

Makes sense.

"I feel like that's the smartest choice. Relationships can be distracting, especially for whatever you strive to do. Which, given your relentless work ethic, I'm sure it's very important to you." She stays quiet and lets me continue. "Besides, life throws you tons of random people to fall in love with. All of that lovey-dovey comes to you eventually, whether you're searching for it or not."

"Right."

Due to my next thought, I swallow a surge of nervousness, as well as the hesitation that came with it.

"Come to think of it, it's incredibly unbelievable that someone hasn't tugged your interest."

My best friend glances over at me, perplexed. Before I could question it, she laughs sweetly but briefly. For a moment, she commits to the silence that came and went, letting the statement marinate for a while. Which, despite her reassuring response, was still unnerving.

"Just because I haven't dated, doesn't mean I've never liked someone."

"That's..." I stare straight forward, ultimately feeling dumb. I'm also sixty-percent sure she's not currently interested in someone. She would've told me, right? "That's very true."

I can feel her eyes digging into the side of my face with the most humorous and entertained glint in them, but I don't dare to look back.

"Doesn't it ever get exhausting, though? Working so hard that you never leave time for the fun things that high school has to offer?"

"Yeah, sometimes. It gets a little depressing seeing everyone else have a special someone."

"Why don't you just say, " it," take a break from all the persistent studying, and just go out with someone?"

"Figured I'm better off waiting." She shrugs nonchalantly before beginning to eye me with a certain blaze of curiosity. Uh, oh. That gleam of intrigue doesn't go amiss. "That reminds me: have you ever been with someone?"

It was expected.

I wonder: should I pass on the lies that I always told Jimin or should I be completely honest to my best friend?

Hm, it'd be useless to lie.

"No." This topic disinterests me. "I've never been with someone."

She scoffs, as if that's the biggest lie that I've told,

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Yeah, you are."

I cross my arms, protesting, "I swear, I'm not."

"How come you've told Jimin differently, then?"

Did not expect that one.

Either way, on instinct, I roll my eyes. Not only at the mention of his name, but because there's no doubt that he has the biggest mouth on anyone I've ever met. Geez, did he really have to blabber about all the nameless "girls" that I've been with? He must've mentioned that I was a real player or something; that I "know my ".

And to think that as inexperienced as I am, I managed to guide his way towards somewhat winning Chaeyoung's heart.

Now, that's a humorous thought.

Quite impressive, too.

"That..." I rub at my nape, breathing out a light chuckle. "That was a lie. I've never actually had a girlfriend before."

"But, why lie?" She says before laughing hysterically, throwing her head back. My eye twitches in slight irritation. "Were you trying to show off by saying that you had plenty of experience or something?"

It pains me to hear that query. Who in their right mind would think that I'd try to gloat—or even worse—impress Jimin?

"No, that's not why." The Chaeyoung-and-Jimin situation is no longer a secret that's kept solely between Jimin and I. Since everyone knows about it by now, it's a good idea to let my stance be known. "Around the time of the beach clean-up, I was helping Jimin out with his pathetic crush on Chaeyoung. He wouldn't confess, so I acted as if I was a chick magnet, and gave him a few, simple pointers—"

"A chick magnet? Really?" Maybe, I worded that too dumbly because there goes another round of laughter from my best friend. I, on the other hand, was as pokerfaced as I've ever been. "Is that why you asked me about Chaeyoung that one time?"

I thought for a long moment, trying to figure out what she was referring to.

Oh, that's right.

Now, I remember!

That happened before the beach clean-up. Pretty sure I wanted to grasp onto some sort of clue in terms of who Chaeyoung was interested in—if she even was attracted to anyone—and if it could've been Jimin. To keep the secret hush-hush, I used a ton of vagueness during my questioning. That prompted Joohyun to believe that I, myself, was interested in getting to know Chaeyoung. Which, indeed, is still hilarious to be reminded of.

"Yeah, exactly," I answer.

"I see, so that was to grab information for Jimin." Was that a notion of relief that I received? "That makes a lot more sense."

"Yeah, it should." I was agitated by the subtle ridicule that she continues to throw at me. Yet, as contradicting as it may sound, her laughs are so aggravatingly adorable. "It all managed to work out in the end, too. He started listening and confessed."

"It appears so." She exhales contently, her giggles coming to an eventual end. Thank God. "You must've been really convincing. According to some of the guys, Jimin has them thinking that you know your about girls."

"I bet he did." I'm going to have to talk to that guy real soon.

"I'm surprised, though." After I raise a brow, she asks: "You seriously haven't dated anyone before?"

I snort: "Why does that surprise you?"

"Because, you're attractive."

I chuckle in disbelief of the compliment that made my heart momentarily stop and plummet to unforeseeable depths. I've never been told that before, much less by someone that's a literal beauty. Yeah, she's my best friend and all, but she had to be bluffing. Isn't she obligated to say things like that? You know, to raise my confidence or whatever?

I don't know, but it left me a little speechless.

After casting her a quick glance, I found that she was absolutely straight-faced and adamant about that statement.

I straighten my posture and clear my throat.

"Thanks, but I'm afraid that looks don't cut it nowadays." There're plenty of components that make people naturally like-able, desirable, and irresistible. I have none of those—whatever they may be (too many to name, honestly).

One thing's for sure, you gotta' know how to talk and socialize. Another thing I lack.

She shakes her head. "I meant that you're attractive in multiple ways. That includes your personality."

"Funny you say that," I laugh, but not out of humor or entertainment. More so, it was out of slight sadness from all the things that I've either heard or been told in the past five months. Not that I care too much what other people think or say, but it starts to stick after a while. "Others would say that I'm too negative; that I'm too rude or mean; that I need to stop frowning and start smiling."

"If they said that, they don't really know you."

Guess, she's somewhat right about that. I don't treat everyone the same—not like I do with her and Bogum. Plus, I've changed. I'm not as downright rude as I used to be, and I mostly owe that all to them. They've made a significant impact on my life—one that stands out from the rest—whether they know it or not. One thing's for sure, she can tell the difference in the way I expressed myself back then to now. I should trust her words on this.

"Besides," she proceeds with, "I don't think that had anything to do with your personality."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

"I believe that how you once acted derived from something else. What that is? I don't know, but that continuous uncertainty ties into this inquisitiveness that I have about you and what you've gone through in the past. Sure, I may know you, but like I said, we've been separated for years—too many. On the day that we reunited again, I didn't understand it—there was this feeling that I received from talking to you, and it was one that I couldn't convey. Maybe, it was the distant and empty look in your eyes that I familiarized. It was as if you weren't even there, seeming so lost, and sad, and unreachable to those around you."

Joohyun takes a deep breath, and I sense that she's rather hesitant about continuing. It's present in her demeanor. Perhaps, she believes that she's overreaching or feels like she's been rambling for far too long, but I didn't think either of those things. On the contrary, I want to know everything that runs through her mind—from speculation to observations—even if it puts me in a temporary place of discomfort.

I reassure her with, "It's okay to keep going."

That's another thing that's enhanced throughout our redeveloped friendship. The more that I talk to her and get to know her, trust and faith inevitably blooms. This once-thin string of bond that holds us together persists on thickening with every promising interaction.

"And, if I'm right about that—if that's how you felt inside, then I can assure you that I've related to that feeling. You've never been alone." Her hand resides next to mine, so for a short while, I use it as a distraction and inspect it closely. "You're so much happier and brighter, now. I can see it in the way you carry yourself, and in the way you reach out to the people around you, especially Bogum and I. Ever since you've returned, that's progressed so much."

Related to that feeling? Never been alone?

"You really think so?" I tear my eyes away, staring at the skylight.

"Haven't you noticed all those things that you've once heard..." she pauses shortly. "...isn't what's being used to define you anymore?"

That strikes a necessary chord in my heartstrings, impacting my thought process and anything else it could possibly affect. Drawing my attention back onto the thoughtful expression that she held, I watch her for another moment or two. I attempt to connect the dots that she tossed over for me, but nothing came—nothing substantial.

Is that true? What does she mean by that? Of course, I'm not who I used to be, but is there more to that in terms of meaning? Is she just referring to the fact that I'm no longer an angered  or a self-deprecating drag of a human?

Maybe, one of those stills stands. Can't have it all.

Then again, something else shocks me. I've never heard her talk like this before. It's almost like she's speaking from the deepest point of her heart and mind; things that she's kept untouched, like a secret that's not much of a secret, but more so, a simple observation that she's never dared to speak aloud in front of the one in question.

Points were made. Plenty of them.

My unmoving gaze studies her side profile as I reply with:

"I guess so."

Silence.

How typical of me; I have so many thoughts but nothing much to say.

"You never thought I needed to lighten up?" My voice seems to have shrunk but it remains strong enough.

In that instant, she, too, makes eye contact with me. Besides the small percentage of fear in my tone, there was a slice of amusement, and just by the reciprocated glimmer in her eyes, I could tell that she caught onto it.

"Well," she smiles a little. "If we were having this conversation a few months ago, I would've suggested that you needed to work on your people skills."

Just like that, my worries, my fears—they were swept away, and we laugh out of enjoyment.

"Why didn't you?"

"Because, deep down, I knew that that wasn't you. That attitude you dragged along everywhere and that desire for a state of solitude; it wasn't you. Even Bogum agreed that it was abnormal, like it would be for anyone else. To me, it was like a front that was led by something else—a reason, maybe."

Could it be that she knows? That she knows everything?

"But how could you think so? It had been forever since we last met, and even then, we were only kids." How does she believe that I couldn't have returned a changed person after all those years? "Are you saying that you never thought I could've changed for the worse? Even after the way I spoke to you that first day?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

I frown, slightly confused. "Not even for a second?"

"Not really. Not in the way you think."

I sense all indications that she's going to elaborate, so I wait. While I do, I marvel over how she could even think such a thing off our first meeting. I was a total , yet she placed all trust in the idea that I was still the same Taehyung that left.

"You may think that the amount of time and distance apart would cause me to think differently of you—that I would believe you truly did change, and not for the better. Before you returned, there were a few, short moments that I expected an entirely different person to come back. It was valid that I thought that way, considering the years that flew by. The memories, the moments... They begin to fade into the background. With that, people tend to forget, and it can enact some sort of a change. That might've been what I was most afraid of. But even if that fear had become true in the end, and the past may not be as crystal clear to you, the most important outcome is that it didn't taint our relationship."

It isn't the first time that I heard her say something like that. She's referred to the topic of my hazy memories on the day of the beach clean-up. She was careful not to bring it up often, not only because it saddens her in the end, but it's also useless to.

Though, as I compare the first time that she's spoken about it to now, it seems that a lot of the pain that derived from the matter has somehow dwindled.

"Because, what really matters is that I have you in my life, again," she confesses, then peers up at me, supposedly for a reaction, a response, or both. "

All I could do was stare back, completely fixed in some sort of a slight wide-eyed daze. For once, my mind was empty, and an immediate verbal response was difficult to come by. Deep down, I was praying that she understood the gravity of her words, and how much it was able to positively affect me. The weight of sincerity it delivered had not only shocked me into a state of speechlessness, but truth be told, it had meant the world to me.

The unexpected surge of warmth and comfortability that embraced my entire existence was overwhelming. The sensation was slow and enveloping, making it impossible to resist showing my gratitude to her.

In simpler words, it touched my heart. It's not something that many people in my life could successfully do, but I can count on Joohyun to exceed all expectations.

Unknowingly, I plaster a smile—one that was unlike any other. It was as if I was injected with an unprecedented amount of energy that was able to control my own actions. No, I couldn't stop what I was about to do.

Before I was able to question it, or hesitate, or reconsider, I step toward Joohyun and find that my arms have secured themselves around her. Indeed, I had pulled her in for a hug that was long overdue. I couldn't see her reaction, but it wasn't exactly rocket science to conclude that my actions were unanticipated.

She was frozen in place.

In a way, so was I.

To be frank, it's been a very long time since I've taken the initiative to be this close to someone, simply as a reminder to show how much they meant to me.

It was new. It was different.

Maybe, I am making progress.

It's obvious that she was either too stunned or flustered to reciprocate it, but after a few, fleeting moments had gone by, it's clear that reality had settled in. I feel her exhale a long, steady breath, like she's releasing all tension, before curling her arms around my waist.

Somehow, by doing so, she brings me closer than ever, as if we weren't already touching.

It was weird yet interesting, like we were melding into one, if that makes sense. It may be an overstatement, but it was difficult to explain the way I could feel everything that she feels internally. Maybe, the reason lies in the fact that we're best friends and that holds a solid connection, but it's like I can sense the serious tone of the atmosphere dissipate around us. Like, holding each other like this had placed her in the calmest state of mind and body.

If that's at all accurate, then she's not the only one affected.

"Do you really mean that?" It wasn't intentional, but it came out as a whisper. "What you said?"

She, too, barely replies with, "I would never lie to you."

Her voice seemed to be dragged down by an unfamiliar emotion. It wasn't sadness, but it wasn't happiness either. Stuck in the unknown, my heart wrenches and my stomach flips.

Did I do something wrong?

Should I have hugged her?

I shake the thought away.

Given that she returned it with double the intensity, she must've needed it.

I cradle her head against my chest, attempting to comfort and soothe anything negative that might have been going through her mind.

"I don't think I say this often but thank you." Appreciate her more. It makes her happy. "Thank you for being able to understand me, no matter how much I make it difficult to."

She removes her face from my chest, and that gives me the incentive to withdraw as well, meeting her gaze with mine. Her eyes were full of sincerity and admiration, which was both comforting and relieving to notice, but there was no mistaking the reel of questions that still seemed to be the focal point of her thoughts.

"You don't need to thank me. I'll always try my best to understand you," she, then, smiles slightly, and it warms my heart even further. "Even through the distance and time spent apart, you're my best friend and you always have been. Nothing's changed, remember?"

"Yeah," I start to grin. "Nothing's changed."

It was that quick—the frightening realization. My heart was unstoppably pounding. It reminded me of the first time that we were this close to each other, which was the time that she hugged me at the beach clean-up. Back then, all I could think about is the lack of human interaction I've had, and how wonderful it felt to be reassured of having someone who cares.

This time, my thoughts are strange, and so were these unknown feelings that proceed to swarm and intermix along with it. I found myself worrying about the placement of my hands that carried a bit of an unnoticeable shake and remained hyperaware of every portion of my body that was in contact with hers.

Whether it was the feeling of her hands pressed against my back, her tensed-up fingers most likely wrinkling up my shirt like she doesn't want to let go, or the straggling strands of hair that were urging me to brush them aside, I just couldn't focus on one thing. Every detail was jumping out at me like signals, all amounting to tripled nervousness.

Looking at her now, the beating of my heart was much louder and more prominent, resonating the sort of quickness that was life-threateningly worrying.

Perhaps, the cause hadn't lied solely due to what she said or how she said it, but because I'm entirely aware of the-little-to-no distance between us—the mere inches or centimeters or whatever that acted as planted obstacles in front of our faces.

Obstacles? Do you have any idea what you're implying, idiot?

. Not good. Snap out of it.

Impossible. Not when she's this close and so, so undeniably pretty.

Suddenly, an array of various colors, from red to green to white, began to splash upon the left side of Joohyun's features, like art being filled in. It was apparent that where it derived from had tugged her interest because she turned her head and followed the lively explosions of colors.

Difference is, I hadn't paid it any mind. It was like the world around me had slowed in the moments that followed, and I managed to tune everything else out, too. I was too busy observing her and every change of expression. The look of curiosity of where the hell those vibrant flashes were coming from, to witnessing a widening smile so pretty that it made my stomach churn, and those delighted eyes that returned to look into my own. Seeing that I was staring at her, confusion overtook her features, most likely at the fact that I didn't care to notice what was going on around us.

It made me laugh.

The thought that the both of us had yet to separate from one another was funnier.

I feel her arms shift, unlacing themselves, almost like she was letting go but not completely. Then, she shakes my arm to snap me out of the trance that I was trapped in, pointing towards the stars in the sky and the dazzling colors that intermingled among them.

Oh, yeah. The fireworks.

Because they were beautiful, I glance over and let the enchantment consume me for a short while. But even then, the sights got old, so I stare back at Joohyun who's watching the display in awe, constantly being illuminated by it. 

We observe it until it ends, most of the time spent in each other's arms.

I refused to let my mind question the moment. That is, until we left or when I had no other choice but to wonder what the hell is going on with me. 

Because, truth is, I didn't want to let go.

Important question (want feedback): Do you guys like Taehyung's inner monologue? And Joohyun's, whenever I write in her point of view? Do you think it makes the story more readable and entertaining instead of just the generic first-person pov's that has the character mainly describe what's around them and not much else? 

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A/N: Hi, guys! I'm back! Sorry about the wait, but I hope this update was worth it. Hitting almost 10k words, this kind of ends the three-part Halloween series, but next chapter will include a little more brushed-up detail (more like a summarization) as to Taehyung's afterthoughts, as well as how the night ended (which is fairly interesting). This also may seem like some sort of realization that Taehyung likes Joohyun, but I'm not making it that easy. 

What's a slow-burn fic without continuous denial, right?

No worries though, things will be figured out soon enough. The finalizations of this story is already planned and put into place as well, but there's still much more to get through. Anticipate it. 

Lastly, hope you enjoyed!