anywhere but home

Over the bustling conversations coursing through the flooded hallway, Jimin turns to me and has the audacity to ask, “Is it just me or are you actually in a good mood for once?” He was located on my lefthand side while Bogum occupied the right. The bell would ring soon, signaling classes to be in session. In the meantime, we found an empty pocket between two classrooms and decided to idly chat before we headed to our homerooms.

Now, this may come as a hell of a surprise, but for the first time in weeks, maybe even a month, Bogum had joined me on the walk to school. It’s even weirder to find out that Jimin decided to tag along as well—the reasoning being unknown. According to Bogum, Sooyoung wasn’t feeling too well, so she stayed home. And of course, unfortunately, the third catalyst of our trio is also absent, all due to her early morning presidential duties. We spent the entirety of our walk smothered in silence, too sluggish, half-lidded, and brainless for words, or even thoughts.

Nonetheless, I quirk an eyebrow and respond to Jimin with yet another question:

“For once? What’s that supposed to mean?” I took no offense to his insinuations, since I was known to be a total grump, but a vital part of me didn’t want to let it slide just yet.

Bogum laughs uneasily. “I think what he means is, you’re visibly happy this morning, and it’s showing. He’s surprised by it, is all.”

“Thanks for rephrasing it nicely.” I found it rather comedic, only because I am in the greatest mood, and it’s doubtful that anything could ruin it. With an itching curiosity, I throw my attention back on Jimin. “What makes you think so, though?”

“Well, for one, you got a little pep in your step.”

I snort, unaware of such a thing. “A pep in my step?”

“Hell, yeah,” my cousin replies, like that wasn’t the most laughable choice of description he’s ever used. And there have been plenty of those. “When you’re in a not-so-great mood, you usually drag your feet and hunch your shoulders.”

“Damn, since when did you start analyzing me?”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re just that obvious, man.”

“Pretty sure it’s ‘cause he spoke to Joohyun.” Bogum has the right idea. “You cleared up with her, right?”

I nod my head but before I could verbally reply, someone else beat me to it.

“Wait, what? You talked to her already?” Jimin balks. “Since when? And why haven’t I been informed of the details?”

“Because you were gone the whole weekend.” That was an excuse, if anything. He came home after his eight-hour shift of pleasing his girlfriend, but I still hadn’t bothered to tell him . Well, at least not yet. Bogum was the main priority, and realistically, he’s the only one I tell this sort of stuff, too.

“That’s not true!” He retorts, as expected.

“Look, your mind revolves around Chaeyoung twenty-four-seven, so I didn’t bother mentioning it,” I explain. “Besides, it wasn’t that big of a deal. We just met up after school on Friday and talked about the things I was going through—things you already know.”

“Whatever." My cousin flaps his hand through the air, bidding my excuses away. "Did you apologize?” He, then, folded his arms over his chest.

“No . More than once.”

“Good,” he says. “Because once you ghosted her, she was questioning the entire student body about you.”

“That’s going a little overboard.”

“I know. It’s just another way of saying she was extremely worried about you.” But why? Those are the only thoughts that flash through my mind, and although I can understand to an extent (hence being her best friend and all), I can’t help but continue to wonder why. During times like these, I don’t believe I matter all that much, but maybe that’s just the negative mentality talking.

“It’s true,” Bogum sighs. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to lie to her about what was going on with you.” Of course, she asked him if he knew anything, and he fabricated his response by saying he didn’t know . I do feel guilty about having him do that, but we did agree that if Joohyun were to be informed of anything, it would come from me and me only. It’s better that way.

“Sorry about that,” is all I could say.

He merely shrugs, eyes focusing forward.

I begin by stating, “Right off the bat, she forgave me. The rest of the talk went well,” then proceeded to inform them that there were many things she needed to know, especially at this point in our friendship. Keeping her out of the loop about me and my past had started to feel wrong, and it still does since she doesn’t know every detail. But what we touched upon was just the beginning. I, then, mentioned the whole ordeal with Rose, becoming her new duo partner, and how great of a help Joohyun was during the entire process of getting me to play again.

“Wait. You’re playing again?” Bogum asks, eyes widening like saucers. Judging by Jimin’s speechlessness, it appears he was shocked as well. With how adamant I once was about not touching the piano again, their reactions don’t surprise me. If Aunt Kim were to find out, she’d be elated. But I’m not sure how I’m going to go about telling her yet.

“Yeah, I know. It’s crazy,” I tell them. “But it’s true; she helped me. Can’t say it’s been easy though—” I glance down at my hands. “—I’m rusty as hell.” Jimin and Bogum glance at another, a small smile spreading upon their faces, but I remain unsure of the expressions they shared and what it meant. I presume their proud of the progress I’ve made.

“Ah, don’t sweat it.” Landing a comforting hand on my shoulder, Jimin, then, compliments, “You’re a natural.”

“I second that.”

Embarrassed, I palm the back of my neck, saying, “Thanks, guys.”

“Out of curiosity, though,” Bogum pauses shortly, sounding hesitant. “What convinced you to help Rose?”

“Guilt.” Does that sound bad? It’s all I could think of. “It was either me, or she had to forfeit the competition.”

“That decision must’ve been hard for you.”

“You bet.”

Jimin fiddles his thumbs, a small smirk playing on his lips. “About Rose, is she just a friend?”

“Yes,” I say, running a hand over my face. “Do you think I like every girl I talk to?”

“Yeah, seriously, dude, are you blind?” Bogum snickers. “He doesn’t like Rose.”

“Then, it’s Joohyun, isn’t it?” Goddamnit, could this guy be any more of a loudmouth? “Have I been right all along?”

“Quiet down,” I hiss. “It’s unconfirmed.”

Bogum grins at my comedic reasoning.

“Oh?” Why does Jimin get so excited about my love-life? “Well, if you’re having trouble, I can easily confirm that for you. Tell me how you feel; I’m all-ears.”

“Don’t tease the guy,” Bogum interrupts, albeit entertained. “Let him figure things out on his own.” See? This perfectly explains why I tell my best friend everything and Jimin gets told little-to-nothing.

“Look, if a dude is questioning his own feelings, then more often than not, he’s totally whipped.” Jimin raises his hands in the air, resting his case. He, then, nods towards Bogum. “Happened to him, happened to me, and surely it’ll happen to you.”

“Pretty sure you can only talk from your experience,” Bogum cuts in.

“And your experience is not too reassuring,” I grumble, glaring at Jimin. “Therefore, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Oh, so you don’t want to have feelings for her.” Out of the corner of my eye, Bogum swipes his hand under his chin, signaling for my cousin to end the questioning.

Do I have to repeat myself? If there’s even a slim chance she likes me too, there’s no way I’d be able to handle a relationship. To maintain one requires so many ing things I couldn’t begin to understand or implement. Jumping into one would be dumb. It would lead her down the road to heartbreak, and the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt her. I’m not cut out for that . Oh, and if I up? Our friendship is thrown in the gutter, too.

“Let’s not have this conversation in the middle of the hallway, alright?” I massage my temples, feeling a Jimin-induced headache coming on. “It’s too early for this .”

“Sure thing,” he replies. “We’ll talk later.”

“No, we won’t.”

“I know you’re frustrated and all, but getting emotions off your chest will provide you with the answers you—”

“Yo,” Jungkook greets out of the blue, silencing the speaker.

“How’s it going?” Bogum fist-bumps the newly arrived while I send him a casual nod.

“Eh.” He shrugs, scrunching up half of his features. “It’s been a weird- morning, that’s for sure. If you’re thinking about heading to the courtyard before classes start, I don’t recommend it. Looks like a ing fan-sign is going on out there.”

“What are you talking about?” A perplexed Jimin asks. Bogum and I exchange a quick look, knowing exactly what Jungkook was talking about.

“Did you not notice everyone rushing outside a few minutes ago?” And that’s when we all take it into account; the entire hallway is damn-near deserted, save for a few students who are actually sane. “It’s Seojoon’s first day, and he’s got all the girls on their knees. Been trying to talk to Yeri, and where do I find her? Shoving a notepad in front of your cousin’s face.” He jabs an index finger at Bogum.

“Hey, it’s not my fault he’s a mediocre celebrity.”

“Didn’t say it was.” Jungkook? Jealous? It’s one surprise after another these days.

Jimin lets out a low whistle. “And here I thought Seungwan was the only one obsessed with him. Out of everyone in our friend group, that is.”

“Same here,” the latter responds, crossing his arms. “Last time I checked, Yeri didn’t give two s about him. But now that he’s here in arms-reach, everything’s changed."

“Well, he is pretty good-looking.” Targeting Jimin were raised eyebrows and funny looks. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s true, isn’t it?” None of us were ashamed to admit it. Then again, no one bothered to answer.

“You won’t be thinking so positively for long. I’m pretty sure I saw Chaeyoung out there, too.”

Jimin squeaks out a heartbroken, “Wait, what?”

I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh.

Oh, isn’t it great to be single?

He, then, jets off towards the double-doors located at the end of the hall, presumably to sneak a peek at all the craze going on outside. Well, there’s that, and a supposed Chaeyoung trying to get a glimpse of the infamous Park Seojoon.

“He was way too quick to believe me,” Jungkook chuckles.

“You lied?” I ask, finding it rather humorous.

“Yup. Didn’t see a single glimpse of her.” It’s confirmed: everyone loves messing with my cousin.

“That’s cruel,” Bogum comments, earning a shrug from the jokester.

We look back down the hallway. Just as Jimin flew out the door, Jin passed him coming in. Guess, he’s the newest addition to Team Seojoon since the pep in his step was unmissable. He practically skipped all the way over to us.

“What’s got you so damn happy?” Bogum questions with the funkiest look on his face.

“I got Seojoon’s autograph, check it out!” The jolly newcomer flashes us a million-dollar grin, showcasing his notebook. Scribbled over the lines was possibly the worst signature I’ve ever seen.

In shame, Jungkook turns away and pinches the bridge of his nose. At his reaction, Bogum and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

Jin’s smile falters, and replacing it is a small frown. “What’s so funny?” He says. “I’m a huge fan.”

“Since when?” I manage, clutching at my aching side—a horrible side-effect of laughing too hard.

“Ever since he was featured on Teen Gala Magazine. Specifically, the most recent volume.” He informs, and again, my best friend and I were objected to another round of laughter because of it. “Hey, your cousin’s inspiring! You’ve said it yourself! Why do you two keep laughing?”  

“Well, I didn’t think you were such a fan, is all,” Bogum’s laughter dwindles into an amused smirk. “Nice signature you got there.”

“You can’t even read what it says,” Jungkook murmurs under his breath. You really couldn’t.

“Don’t ruin it,” Jin scowls, then brightens up at the sight of someone down the hall. “Oh, Hoseok’s coming! Can’t wait to show him.”

“Judging by the look on his face, I doubt he’ll give a .” Bogum rubs at the back of his neck.

Once I glance over at the one-question, I conclude that my best friend was telling the truth. Hoseok wore the most horrified expression on his face, strolling up to us as if he’d been through hell and back.

“What on earth is going on out there?” He states as soon as he reaches the three of us. He ruffles a hand through his messy hair, attempting to fix the monstrosity but it only makes it worse. “Jesus, I thought I’d never make it here.”

“Why do you look like you fought your way through?” I couldn’t resist cracking a joke about his jostled appearance.

“Yeah, no offense, but you look horrible,” Jungkook mentions, remaining characteristically straight-faced.

“Thanks, Jungkook.” I, too, would’ve retorted sarcastically if I were Hoseok. “And if you must know—” he turns to look at me, “—I did fight my way through.”

“You’re kidding, right? Is it really that bad?” Bogum’s curiosity raises another level. He seems to be drowning in a conflictive pool of doubt and shock. All this dramatic talk about Seojoon’s arrival and his hypnotic effect on the student population has me feeling the same way.

“If you don’t believe me, why don’t you go look for yourself?” Hoseok huffs.

That silences my best friend. I crane my neck, searching for Jimin, only to find out he has yet to return. His disappearance causes me to crook an eyebrow out of concern (albeit it was slight).

“If you want my advice, don’t linger around here. Once that bell rings, it’s over for all of you.” At that, my interest increases astronomically. Now, all I want to do is see the craze for myself. “And on that note, I’m heading to class before Seojoon lures over the crazies.” He looks at Hoseok and Seokjin. “You guys coming with?”

“Yeah, but…” Jin narrows his eyes at Jungkook. “Are you calling me crazy?”

“Not at all.” Blasphemy!

“Yeah, you are. I can tell when you’re—"

“Can you guys not argue right now? Let’s get to class.” Hoseok cuts in, causing the two bickerers to quiet down and mutually agree. He looks back at me and Bogum for confirmation. “I'll see you at homeroom then," he tells me, then finalizes with, "Catch you later, Bogum.”

With that, they left with a motivated quickness influencing every step they took, excluding Jin who lagged a few steps behind. Bogum and I share another look—this time filled with uncertainty.

“Sounds like all hell’s gone loose,” he comments. “Want to check it out anyways?”

I tug my phone out of my pocket to check the time. We had two minutes before the first bell would ring. That left us another five minutes to get to class.

“We still got time,” I shrug, then started walking. “Let’s go and fetch Jimin. If that’s even possible, at least.”

Jungkook and Hoseok weren’t lying, nor dramatizing the situation. Because once we reached our destination, I was able to hear the intense commotion on the opposite side of the double-doors. From the sounds of distant shouts, excited screams, and fangirl-type squeals, you’d think an idol group was visiting the academy. Is it even that far-off to think Seojoon’s level of popularity was at the same degree? He is a model. Just like Jin mentioned, you can pick up a magazine at the nearby convenience store and he’ll be on the front cover of it.

Before I crack the door open, Bogum and I brace ourselves, exhaling a steady breath. With one eye, I survey the area, and it practically bulges out of my skull once I realize how drastic the situation really is. At least eighty percent of the student body was gathered in the courtyard, cohesively surrounding the superstar like a bunch of obsessive freaks. Is he used to this sort of psychotic treatment or something? How is he not suffocated by the amount of people trying to pounce on him?

Out of pure shock and slight fear, I slam the door closed. Bogum looks at me expectantly, drowning in a pool of impatience.

“Well? How does it look out there?”

“Didn’t you see?” I ask, stunned.

“No, you only cracked it open!”

“Dude, I don’t think you want to—” And he does it anyways. What he should’ve done is let me finish, then heed my warning. Nevertheless, his inquisitiveness bested him because in the moments that followed, he had nudged me aside and observed the catastrophe unfolding outdoors.

Petrified, he shut the door the same way I had.

“What the ?” He mumbles in awe. “Since when did he get so famous?”

“I don’t know but we got to get out of here,” My urgency spiked. “If not, we will get trampled.”

“Say no more.”

Then, I sigh in frustration at one particular realization: “Goddamnit, I couldn’t even find that kid.”

“Who? Jimin?” Bogum follows up with a head shake of doom. “Forget him. He’s done for.”

Reaching a mutual agreement, I call off the search operation. Spinning around on our heel, we head off to our homeroom classes; the safest place we could be.

“Guess, we should start planning the funeral,” I consider, increasing my pace to speed-walking.

“Yeah, he’s going to need it.”

“Oh, not for him.”

“Then, who?” He lifts an eyebrow, fear etched across his features.

“Joohyun.”

Joohyun’s Perspective:

“Yeah?”

With a sort of predicted excitement, Seungwan shifts in her seat to face me. She couldn’t hide the growing smile lifting the corners of her lips, and that only meant one thing.

“Have you gotten the chance to talk to Seojoon today? He was asking me about you during Calculus.”  Jumping into a topic about Seojoon was just what I expected.

“Not really but I’ve seen him around.” Whenever I see an obnoxious cluster of students huddled together, that’s when I know he’s stuck in the center of it all. And it seems like I’m the only one that hasn’t bumped into him yet. I’ve heard nothing but horror stories about today’s chaotic morning—all in different point of views. “Surprisingly, he’s in several of my honors classes.”

“You’re surprised?” Seungwan balks. “What, did you think he was just a jock with a pretty face?” To be honest? Yeah, I did, and it’s not that I thought little of him. For the most part. “He used to be class president before he transferred.”

How does she even know that?

Due to genuine shock, I almost choke on my own spit. “He was class president?”

“Yup, just like you.” Seungwan returns a tight-lipped smile—one that irks the out of me. She knows it, too. “Hey, what’s with that look?”

“Nothing.” If you wanted insight, it was the look of annoyance. “It just sounds hard to believe.”

“Why do you think so little of the guy? You don’t even know him.”

I wanted to say neither did she, but I held that one back.

“It’s not that,” I respond. “I guess, I just doubted he could be so perfect. Despite the incessant hype about him, I figured he lacked in something, you know?”

“Oh? So, you think he’s perfect?” Seungwan couldn’t help but drill that one in.

I groan. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Uh huh."

“Wan,” I shoot a warning glare her way.

“You’re always so serious.” She giggles out of enjoyment. “I’m just ing with you.”  That’s clear, but will she ever stop torturing me?

Instead of answering with words, I send her a skeptical look. I doubted she was messing with me solely for s and giggles. Though, in time, a pocket of necessary quiet invites itself in, bidding the antagonizing subject away. For the time being, at least. It’s nice not hearing Seojoon’s name for a minute or two, given that that’s all I’ve heard all day. Since this morning, the student population’s excitement has dwindled. Let’s hope it doesn’t ramp up, again.

It’s unfortunate that the silence only lasted for a few minutes.

“Do you know if he’s having lunch with us?” Upon Seungwan’s question, I heave a bothered sigh because why the hell would I? Then, I wince at the saddening possibility. Of course, he’s going to be trailing Bogum and the others like a lost puppy.

“He most likely is.”

“And if he does,” Seungwan continues, targeting me with her eyes, “You do know he’s going to make every effort to talk to you.”

“Sadly.”

She rolls her eyes at my disinterest. “I hope you’re not thinking about ignoring the poor guy.”

“Of course not. I’m not mean.” To this day, I still don’t understand Seojoon and his unrelenting intrigue towards me. Bogum insists it’s because I’m one of the few who doesn’t spare him a look whenever he’s around but I beg to differ. What, because I’m quote-on-quote “hard-to-get”, Seojoon’s fallen utterly in love with me? I don’t believe it. Frankly I don’t trust the guy or his intentions, and I find his persistency infuriating. Seojoon has a billion other girls at his beck and call, so why the hell is he waiting around for someone like me?

“Good. He’s a nice guy.” Then, there’s Seungwan who, for some reason, supports the idea of Seojoon and I together. “He’s so into you, you know. All he could talk about was how excited he was to transfer here, meet new people…” she trails off, “…and of course, get to know you better.”

“How are you saying that without an ounce of jealousy?”

“Because I’m not jealous. It’s not like I have actual feelings for the guy. I simply admire the out of him. I mean, it’s like you said a minute ago—he’s y as hell.” A part of me doubted the lack of jealousy, but I wasn’t going to question it. However, I did jump at my words being twisted.

“I did not say he was y.”

“But you implied it by saying he was perfect.” It’s useless to refute Seungwan; she never listens. Amidst the agitated scowl I couldn’t help but muster, she laughs once more. “Again, just ing with you.”

Let me rest my case: from the few times I was forced to hang out with Seojoon in the past, I’ve concluded he could be described as the “perfect guy”.  Maybe, not literally-speaking because no one’s perfect but in a girl’s fantasy-filled mind? Hell, yeah. He speaks with eloquence, encompasses a sense of humor, flows during conversations, and is, indeed, a respectful person. Not only is his looks out of this world but his personality raises him to another level. Again, that’s what he chooses to portray to others on a daily basis—the suave, calm-and-collected Park Seojoon. But what is he like away from the limelight? Not to mention the popularity maneuvering every word he speaks and step he takes. When it’s just him and someone else, is he the same Park Seojoon, or is it all just an act?

I don’t know enough about Seojoon to know. Maybe that’s why I reject his love-calls, or whatever the hell it is he’s doing. He’s too busy flirting, trying to impress me, to even get to know me.

An untrustworthy, random guy with a skeptical goal in mind isn’t what I want.

I want a best friend.

When I say that, I don’t mean to imply anything, nor towards anyone. It’s just the type of person I’ve always desired. But maybe implications wouldn’t be so bad, and would they be so wrong?

, it’s not the time to question myself. My mind’s split into two conflicting beliefs, and I’m not sure which one is the truth.

“Is there a specific reason why you don’t care about his existence?” Seungwan queries yet again, and out of the blue. “And does the reason point towards someone named Kim Taehyung?”

“Wh—I—No?”

“Damn, just saying his name makes you react like that? That’s probably the most I’ve ever seen you blush.”

My hands fling to my cheeks, shielding them. “I-I’m not!”

“Was that a stutter?” She cackles. “Oh, you’ve got it bad for your own best friend, don’t you?”

“I don’t,” I refuse to reveal any of my inward feelings to anyone. Not only are they questionable and filled with uncertainties, I also want to be hassle-free.

“Come on, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.”

“How do we look at each other?”

“Like you guys are the only ones that exist. It’s like tunnel-vision or some .” That’s so far from the truth. If anything, we look at each other normally! “Plus, you guys hang out twenty-four-seven, and when you spend that much time with someone, you definitely have a thing for them.”

“I disagree,” I say. “We’re best friends—that’s what best friends do.”

“True. But I still have my suspicions.”

“Bogum and I hung out all the time before he started dating Sooyoung—did you think we liked each other?”

“Of course, I did.” I frown at the inaccuracy of my expectations. “So did everyone in our friend group.”

Good riddance to this conversation because it’s not like I could confirm whether such feelings for Taehyung existed. So, as I sigh in defeat, I crane my neck over the sea of chatting students having lunch in the courtyard. My primary interest resides in Taehyung’s whereabouts, since I hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to him all day. Considering this, maybe Seungwan did have some substance to her beliefs. Huge emphasis on some. But it’s not like I could control the direction of my worries, especially after the events of the weekend. A vital part of me wonders how he’s doing. With his ongoing reluctance towards playing the piano again, it must’ve been difficult for him to make the decision to reconnect. Despite it, I’m glad I was able to aid him, and that my presence made it all the difference.

“Oh, there’s Yoongi!” Seungwan’s smile grew as she stood up and waved him over. Because of the shining look on her face and glimmer in her eyes, I had to turn the tables.

“So, Yoongi or my half-brother.” Staring up towards the sky, I tap a finger against my chin. “Which one is it?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Now that the roles are flipped, she wants to play dumb.

“What is everyone calling it, again? A love triangle?”

As Yoongi nears, Seungwan shushes me violently. “That’s not what’s happening.”

“Then, what is?” I cross my arms, initiating a semi-interrogation. “‘Cause they’re obviously both into you.”

“I know.”

“If you know, why are you leading them on?”

Resonating shame, she presses her lips into a thin line, and that’s when I realize...

“Who said I was leading them on?”

“Don’t tell me you—” Then, with a direct look, she signals for me to shut my mouth. I’ll abide by her wishes for now, but soon enough, my next move will be to scour for an explanation.

Yoongi finally enters the scene and sits down beside her, but not before we all trade greetings. In toe was Jungkook, Namjoon, and Seokjin with trays in their hands. As soon as they sat down, they dove into their lunches, too hungry for a mere “hello”.

After laughing momentarily at the ravenous sight, my attention was thrown back to a chirpy Seungwan and a chatty Yoongi. It was uncharacteristic for him to have plenty to say, but if it’s Seungwan on the receiving end, he becomes a damn socialite. I think it’s adorable. As they proceeded to talk, I tune into the way they peered at one another—it reminded me of how she described me and Taehyung. Regarding its truth, I curved a brow in doubt. Watching the pair had eluded so many questions.

Does Taehyung look at me like that? Several emotions were swimming in Yoongi’s eyes, and hers as well.

Adoration.

Affection.

I could say I’ve seen the same feelings conveyed whenever mine met Taehyung’s, but then again, our friendship is on another level—a closeness unlike any other. We have an immense amount of care for each other, and affection does exist between us. But affection can also be platonic. So, could it be misinterpreted as something more?

It was just like Seungwan predicted: once lunchtime had begun, Park Seojoon scurried to the open seat beside mine. It was unfortunate and disappointing since I longed for Taehyung to occupy it instead. Though it hadn’t mattered because my best friend never arrived at the courtyard. No one knew where he was—not even Jimin—and I found that a bit weird. Thinking nothing of it, I hadn’t pondered about his whereabouts for long.

The last time I saw Seojoon was a few months ago, back at the Karaoke House. It was an awkward encounter—one that Bogum and Taehyung still teased me about. Because of my past experiences with Seojoon, I wasn’t thrilled to talk to him. However, things seemed to have changed since then. Indeed, it had been a while, but the last thing I expected was a switch-up in character. It wasn’t minor either. The main reason why I disliked Seojoon was his approach—more so, his outright flirtatious attitude—but I didn’t see that today. Instead, he carried the conversation with ease and comfortability. It hadn’t felt like a drag, like I needed to force reactions or expressions. It just felt…normal. And if the topic came to an end, he wouldn’t rush to talk about something else. He would let the silence settle and linger, and if a new topic of discussion would develop again, he’d run with it until it was over. Almost like a cycle, and dare I say it, it was nice.

Most of our conversations were merely surface level. After greeting one another, I had asked how his first day was going, and how he dealt with the insane amount of buzz. He had been busy munching on a chicken sandwich, puffed cheeks and all. Stifling a laugh was difficult.

“Honestly? It’s been pretty damn hectic,” he said after swallowing.

“After hearing endless stories about this morning’s mini fan-meet, I don’t doubt it.”

He laughed in embarrassment. “Please, don’t remind me. I have no clue how I survived.”

“Neither do I. Since when did you get so famous?” I hadn’t recalled Seojoon being that popular a few months ago. “Bogum couldn’t believe the effect you had on everyone here.”

“I don’t understand how it all happened. I swear, it occurred out of nowhere,” he explained. “According to my manager, my popularity had been growing steadily, but now? It’s booming, and I don’t mean to act all high-and-mighty when I say that.”

“No, yeah, of course. It’s the truth, after all.” A moment of silence passed as I observed him, his actions, his expressions. It seemed so genuine, so real, almost like he wasn’t a superstar. It wasn’t the impression he used to give. “But fame will only progress, right?” He nodded in response. “So, why are you attending Kwang Academy? I feel like you belong at one of those preppy academies for idols and actors.”

He smiled, amused, then shook his head. “No matter how famous I get, no one’s going to take this away.”

“What’s ‘this’?”

“A semi-normal lifestyle.”

It may sound messed up to say, but at the time, I felt like I had been talking to his clone; a new and improved one. Given the past, it was so ing weird to experience. We must’ve gone on-and-on about his life and road to fame, laughing here-and-there. Learning and understanding a few things he’s gone through as an idol-like figure was quite enlightening. I never thought I’d think or say it but I did enjoy our talk, and I’m glad his arrival hadn’t turned out the way everyone thought it would. More so, him hounding me until I agreed to go out with him.

During moments of calmness, my jumbled mind would drift off towards different horizons. Because a part of me missed someone in particular, I would end up searching for them—the one person who claimed a significant percentage of my thoughts. But there was no sign of him.

Now, as lunch came close to an eventual end, Seojoon and I could be found roaming the halls before our next class would start. He didn’t know where the music room was located, so I figured I’d show him the way. As we made small talk, I felt like I could almost consider him as a friend. But before I make that decision, I’d like to confirm whether this is some sort of tactic. I need more conversations, more substance, and a better overall understanding of how he acts with no one else around.

So far, so good, I guess?

We turn a right at a nearby corner and reach our destination. Well, his destination.

“Thanks for showing me around a bit,” he says, smiling in appreciation. “First days are always so confusing.”

“I totally get it,” I reply. “It was good to see you. I hope you reach a state of comfortability here, despite the psychotic stares you’re constantly receiving.”

He lets out a hearty laugh. “It’s quite alright. I’m glad to be here, no matter the case.” The corners of his eyes crinkle in delight as a small smile remains upon his lips. I, too, return it once I'm reminded of how handsome he is. “But it was lovely to see you as well, Joohyun. I trust we’ll talk soon?”

“Sure thing.”

“But before I go.” He steps closer, and for a second there, I thought he was going to ruin it. Instead, he lowers his voice and continues: “Can I ask why your best friend's giving us death glares from across the hall?”

I send a brief look of confusion, knowing damn-well who he was referring to. He jerks his head with subtlety, specifying which direction the look was coming from. My eyes follow absentmindedly, only to clash with the best friend in-question. The distance between us made me doubt the detection of a “deadly glare” but his stare was questionable. It held confusion, or maybe a bit of blankness. Who knows, but I was eager to find out the meaning. For that sliver of a moment, I considered jealousy to play somewhat of a role. The direct look he gave—it reminded me of the day Suho lured me away to ask me a question. But then again, the chances of the Kim Taehyung being jealous was little-to-zero. He’s not that type of guy.

Once he was acknowledged, the unlikeliness of ever knowing the real reason had raised a caliber. It also made it more suspicious—forced, even.

The ghost of a smile, the small wave.

Is he doing that because he got caught staring? What if we never had noticed him?

Seojoon and I returned the gestures shortly after, but not before someone else entered the scene: Roseanne Park. She exited the music room and greeted Taehyung with the widest smile on her face. Those were all the details I needed to connect the dots. From Taehyung’s absence during lunch to finding him standing outside of the music room with Rose, it’s safe to say they were practicing for their upcoming competition.

Then, unexpectedly, Rose embraced my best friend in appreciation, or so it seems. He had returned it, though the energy was off. As those two bounded themselves to a conversation, I quickly turned away, feeling a weird sensation bubble up from within. It frustrates me that this unexplainable emotion returns every time I see them together. I wouldn’t go as far to say it’s jealousy, but it doesn’t feel right. It never does and it never will. But I guess, it’s due to the events of the past continuously haunting me, right?

“What’s Taehyung doing with Rose?” Seojoon frowns in puzzlement.

“They’re participating in a piano competition together. Pretty sure they were just practicing.” I bite my lip a little too hard. “Then again, I’m not too sure about the details.”

“Huh? You don’t? But aren’t you with him?”

I curve a brow. “‘With him’? What do you mean?”

“Well, judging by the way he was looking at me—or, us—I assumed he was your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” My eyes bulge out of their sockets. To make things somewhat clear, I wave my hands frantically, adding, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Really?” He seemed unconvinced but why the hell is he? “So, you guys are just friends?”

“Yes!” A little too hasty, Joohyun. Acting nervous makes the situation doubtful.

“Oh, damn, my bad.” He palms the back of his neck, embarrassed. “Did I get it twisted, then? Are they the ones dating?”

“No,” I reaffirm. “They aren’t.” It felt good to say that.

“Shocking.”

I pounce on Seojoon’s comment. “Why is it shocking?”

“Since I was wrong about you two, I feel confident saying they look into each other. That hug kind of confirms it.”

.

.

Damnit.

“You think?” I barely manage.

He shrugs. “Not a hundred percent sure about him but she's definitely attracted to him.”

Well, that’s not a surprise.

“But it looks like he’s making his way over, so I guess I’ll talk to you later.” Seojoon says rather quickly.

He takes several steps backwards, and I hurry to prevent his departure, “You really don’t have to—”

“Sure, I do!” He was gone without another word uttered, and all I could do was stare in awe at the place he once stood. Remaining in a perplexed state of mind, I squint my eyes at nothingness.

“Told you he’d be following you around,” Taehyung’s voice floats in the air behind me. I turn, meeting his glare-free gaze. A certain spark of amusement could be seen in them. “How’d you know to find me at the music room? I don’t remember telling anyone where I’d be during lunch.”

“I didn’t know, actually.” He raises a brow in confusion, urging me to explain. “Seojoon didn’t know where the music room was, so I volunteered to show him around.”

“Oh?” His eyebrows collide against his hairline. “Willingly?”

“Mhm.”

“You sure he didn’t beg for your help?”

“I’m sure.”

“That’s surprising.” Something in his calm expression changed, though it was only slight. “Since when did you start enjoying his existence?” 

“What do you mean?” Seojoon isn’t as unbearable as before, that’s for sure, but what makes Taehyung come to that conclusion?

“I couldn’t help but notice the smiley conversations you two were having before I came,” he says, grinning in a sly manner. “Felt like I was interrupting something.”

I narrow my eyes at him, trying to figure out whether his expressions were fabricated, but he took it as a threat to stop talking. His reactions, although short and temporary, conflicted his playful responses.

Is he trying to mask his truth or is my mind just making up?

“Well, you didn’t,” I say. “We were just talking.” About you and your weird- behavior.

He hums in understanding. A source of quiet consumed us both. With that wonderful opportunity, I decided to change the subject.

“So, I assume you and Rose were practicing together.”

He nods in response.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I was kind of waiting for you at lunch.”

“You could’ve texted me." He smirks.

“I didn’t think to do so.” I bite my lower lip. “Mainly because Seojoon and I were talking.”

“Did pretty boy make you forget about your own best friend?” He crosses his arms, humor dragging through every syllable. “That pains me, Joohyun. Truly a shot to the heart.”

“Shut up,” Although I laughed at his ability to be so dramatic, I did wonder if that bothered him. “You could’ve texted me.”

“True, true," he says, “I admit I should’ve given you a head’s up.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.” I prop my hands over my hips. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What, missed me already?” His responses grow bolder by the day, it seems.

Instead of denying it, I roll my eyes and say, “You know what I mean.”

“Right,” he murmurs. “But hey, think on the bright side: due to my absence, you’ve built this newfound friendship with Seojoon.”

“More like an acquaintanceship,” I mumble. “Also, I doubt your presence would’ve prevented him from talking to me.”

He shakes his head, adamant. “I don’t know if you noticed, but he tends to run away whenever I’m around.”

Seojoon did flee from our conversation rather quickly. “I’m guessing he’s threatened by you.”

“Him and every other dude at this school,” he grumbles. “That reminds me: has his henchmen—or, hench-women, gone after you yet?

I scoff out a small laugh. “Not really, but I’ve received plenty of glares from the freshmen. Guess, everyone knows Seojoon’s crushing on me.”

He snorts. “More like obsessing.”

“Shut up.”  Since something tells me things are different now, I was very close to refuting his claim.

He pulls out his phone and glances down at the screen. “Only a couple minutes before classes start.” He looks back up at me. “Rose and I are practicing again after school, so I won’t be able to walk home with you.”

“Is this an everyday thing?” I tried hard not to let my dismay be known.

“No, it’s every other day—more specifically, on the days she doesn’t have music club meetings.”

I merely hum in response, looking down at my wringing hands.

“Are you doing anything?”

I flick my eager gaze back up to his. “Tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Not that I know of.”

“Do you want to go out?” He smiles, albeit shyly.

“Like, on a date?” It seems I get bolder by the day as well.

“Huh? No! I just meant—”

“I’m just messing with you.” I giggle at his adorable, stammer-filled reaction. “But sure, let’s go out. What do you want to do?”

“Not a hundred percent sure yet.” The final lunch bell rings throughout the hallway, disrupting our conversation. “I’ll text you after practice ends to let you know.”

“You better,” I threaten. “No surprises, got it?”

“No promises.” He bites his lower lip, then laughs. The warmest, fuzziest sensations permeated throughout my chest at the sight of his cheeky smile. I try to ignore it but it’s too prominent.

And as I watched him go without another word, so many thoughts crossed my mind. Everything confused me, from the state of my own feelings to the state of his. It’s all dangerous territory.

When will I ever get rid of these feelings?

What if they never leave?

The wonderment never ends, and because of it, I’m caught at a crossroads, deciphering whether any of it is confirmable.

But then, as soon as I’m smothered in doubtfulness, the mental image of him and her standing close to one another, wrapped in each other’s arms, crashes through my chaotic reverie. I desperately try to shake it away. It disrupts my puzzlement, instilling anything but positivity to consume me. It frightens me to no end—this irritable feeling swarming within. It convinces me that there’s no need for inner turmoil, or confusion, or wonder anymore.

Because the more I sank into it, trying to understand it, I considered it was the confirmation that I needed all along.

A/N: I'm back with another chapter! Lots of things have happened these past few months in my life. It's been tough, to say the least. But I enjoy fading away into this story and using it as an escape. To those who are still reading and commenting, thank you so much. 

I appreciate you. I will be back soon. <3