Memories of Light Waves

Friendship.

It's a term that's been one of the main subjects of my mind as of late. It's for good reason, though. I always seem to delve into the wonders of it, then end up finding the answer in what it offers to me.

I've begun to train myself in attempt to counter the negatives that I face, and in return, I'll be able to steady the positives.

By doing so, I evaluate my progress on my mental state by checking in on myself quite often. I started to keep track of those nightmares by jotting the scene down on some paper, only hoping that if I rack through my brain enough, I'll remember most of the details. Recording my dreams in a journal; I'm uncertain what this will do. In order to rid of those, I read on the internet that I could start from there. Let's hope that it's not for nothing.

Luckily, the occurrences of those have lessened the more that I fill this emptiness with the presence of my friends. I think, that's the most important part that I need to remember. The goal is to heal, after all. Maybe, that's why I ponder about my friendships so often—to grasp a sense of reassurance that I'm not alone, perhaps? Making sure that I don't fall off the deep end is my main priority. So far, things have turned out well.

I've calculated the way my environment can affect my emotions. It's on the days that I'm on my lonesome or have nothing to do that I feel the worst—more so at night when I'm lying in bed or if I'm taking an early morning trip to the shop to grab my daily dose of caffeine. The horrible feeling and occasional overthinking that consumes me seems to go away as soon as I stroll inside and greet Yuna and Hyungsik. The same goes for when I arrive at school and have someone by my side, whoever that may be.

My further calculations have concluded one very important thing: the beauty of friendships is what makes things okay. No matter if it's temporary, it works to a great extent, and that feeling can last for a while. Drifting away from my mental breakdowns that the tragedy had caused, I've noticed that creating these bonds with others has been the necessary balance that I needed all along. It's what flicks away all my worries and distracts me from what I've went through. It distracts me from pain. It replaces the emptiness with a sense of being while enhancing this desire to step outside and enjoy what's around me. It diverted that rhythm of being cooped up in the crevices of Aunt Kim's home towards something more productive and meaningful. Don't get me wrong: I like my alone time, but my mindset is shifting, and it's leaning towards fully understanding the comforts of friendship.

Initially, I always thought that Bogum and Joohyun were the only ones that had the ability to instill that drive within me.

It turns out that they're not.

After broadening my horizons at the Karaoke House, visiting the coffee shop, playing volleyball during the clean-up, occasional talks with Jimin, and sharing classes with most of the others, I can tell that all these moments lead towards growing closer to those that aren't my best friends, too. Sharing history class with Hoseok, art class with Seulgi, English class with Jin, Namjoon, and Dahyun, and sitting at lunch with the whole crew has increased our bonds. With that, I can depend on the others, too. Maybe, not fully, like with Joohyun and Bogum, but time can get me there.

All these moments become memorable in the end, like it's something to look forward to. During first period, it's funny to hear Hoseok's random mumblings about Mr. Heechul. The guy's dating his mother, after all. Now that I've gotten closer to him and Joohyun, one thing stands out to me. I mull over Hoseok and Joohyun's relationship more often. I guess, the setup between families isn't too difficult to grasp—Joohyun and Hoseok are connected by having the same father. Knowing that I don't have all the details, and I shouldn't wonder too much to begin with, I force my scattered brain to halt there. There's no need to be what I loathe. That's hypocrisy. So, despite my mind racing to find clues of the situation caused by my natural curiosity, I focus on enjoying Hoseok's presence. And, I do. A lot. I've never looked forward to homeroom in my life until now. Hoseok's just a lighthearted and comedic guy.

I've mentioned once before that Seulgi and I share a lot of common interests, and what develops a greater friendship better than that? It's refreshing to talk to Seulgi about one of my favorite subjects: art. Sometimes, it seems like the conversations can run on forever since she's very knowledgeable about it. The topics vary every day—hopping from artists and painters—to the beauties of oil painting techniques. It's a joy to take a break and talk about things with someone that aspires to become an artist one day, too—just like me.

Guiding Jimin through this journey towards capturing Chaeyoung's heart has been quite a wild ride, to say the least. These frequent chats that are usually compiled with a game of a billion questions about girls has somehow heightened our understandings of one another. Making stuff up is what I've offered to Jimin, but funny enough, it somehow works in the end. Our hangouts and prior walks to school also provided me a bigger picture of who Jimin is.

In truth, I used to think he was agitating and unbearable to be around. I also used to think that he was never acting genuine with me. You know the gist. I'll be honest, after some time, I've concluded that my cousin's not as bad as I previously thought he was. He's still frustrating and can be a total dolt at times, but now that I've hung out with him so often, I can deal with his idiocy—for the most part.

As for Jin and Namjoon, my perspective on the prankster duo has never seemed to change. From my observations and the conversations that they always draw me into during English class, I'm more familiar with what they're up to, and why they're up to such bothersome antics. It's clear that Jin and Dahyun surely have something going on, as I had presumed, but the three of them are also incredibly close to one another. It seems that within this large group of friends, there're smaller groups that are much closer to each other in terms of connections and greater bonds. It's kind of interesting to see.

The absence of the others from my classes, like Chaeyoung, Jungkook, Yeri, Yoongi, and Seungwan, only offers the chance to converse with them during lunch. Sometimes, Sooyoung and Seungwan would be with Joohyun while they're up to their student government duties and inconvenient meetings, but it's clear that once the group gathers, it creates a very comfortable atmosphere. Moreover, the more that week's pass, the more involved and chattier I've become during these times.

Of course, although I've developed an array of different friendships overtime, my personality hasn't changed. I still gravitate to being alone, and I'm still quiet, so it's a shock to see myself exploring outside of my comfort zone with such ease. It's like I've mentioned once before—when I moved, I wasn't the type to go around and make friends with the simple snap of my fingers like this. It's an understatement to say that Jimin and the others excel at socializing and creating friendships. They're all praised upon, and considered as the 'popular crowd', but aside from their looks and the expected cocky attitudes from a select few, they don't carry much of the annoying stereotypes. It's refreshing. In a way, it seems like the more I spend time with them, the more they're molding me into someone that's like them.

I think that's a good thing.

Am I writing too much? Sorry to the reader, although no one should be reading this at all.

Thing is, it's a day like today in which I ruminate about the idea of making so many friends in so little time, as well as the importance of it. I feel like it's something that I should be grateful for, especially after having such a rough summer. It's—indeed—not a shock that I marvel over my friendships, and the confidants that I've encountered.

I guess, you can say, it's the change that I needed. In the beginning of the year, I used to say that change is frightening and unexpected. I could almost remember the first day of school; I walked with Jimin, and all I could recall is conducting a mental plan of how I was going to glide through the year without any attention on me. It turns out that change is—in fact—scary, but now that I'm flowing with the momentum of things, the negative expectations of my new life that I had unfairly deduced may not be the case, after all.

That's how I always thought, after all; like, my life was no longer filled with meaning, and the answer was to sulk and roll my eyes all day. Gliding through the rest of my life; that used to be a mindset—a tiringly difficult one. It's apparent that a lot has—in fact—changed, but it's no longer as dreadful as it was once before.

If I continue this journey with my friends, I'll find the answer to endless serenity. It won't be long before I do, I think. These nightmares will leave, too. I must remind myself of that, and never veer off this path of newfound positivity.

It's only a matter of time, right? Like, I always say?

The summer seemed to have gone by so slowly, but now that that's over, and I have others by my side, the school year has been speeding by without my knowledge. It felt like yesterday when I met Bogum and Jin during gym class on the first day of school, and later, I finally spoke to Joohyun in the courtyard. How can I forget about getting pissed at her for asking a simple question? Oh, how I continue to regret it, especially for how I acted. That statement doesn't only apply to Joohyun, but for the others, as well.

Thankfully, I sorted things out, because if I didn't, who knows what I'd become or how I'd be today.

Surely not walking home from school with a girl at my side.

+x+

It's the second day of October, now. At last, it's the start of a spooky season—whereas the leaves fall, its color change, and the trees grow bare. The overall atmosphere seems to have veered into an ominously dimmer aura—one that I endear very much so.

It's also another month for things to develop and become anew, whatever that may encase, but I'm all for enjoying the ride and exploring the outcome.

In no time, greedy children and bratty preteens will be dressed in some random- costumes whilst running around the neighborhood and yelling out, 'trick or treat' for the sake of snagging some candy from strangers.

It's a holiday that I pay attention to, because who the doesn't enjoy celebrating Halloween at the end of the month? It's creepy. It's haunting. It's exhilarating. There's no other holiday that could dethrone Halloween from being my favorite. Nope, not even Christmas. As a horror movie fanatic such as myself, you bet you'll catch me watching some slasher classics every weekend!

"How about that house over there, Taehyung?"

If it's of any importance, I thought you'd like to know that Joohyun's become my new and improved companion for the morning walks to and from school. Yup, no more Jimin! He's resigned as mine a while ago to pursue the love of his life, and although that's a dramatic way of putting it, it just meant that he was spending more time with Chaeyoung. Believe me, I'm not complaining about this change.

Joohyun's been Jimin's replacement for a good couple of weeks. Sometimes, Bogum would join along, but due to Joohyun and I living across the street from one another, it was easier to link up and walk together in the mornings. After school, too.

Now, what was this girl asking, again?

With a mouthful of chips, I hum quizzically, and look over at my best friend with a risen eyebrow. That was a wordless insinuation for her to repeat herself since I'm either too lost in my thoughts or too busy devouring this bag of corn chips.

Joohyun giggled, rolling her eyes. She, then, lifted a pointer finger towards a specific household in the neighborhood. To be exact, it was the one that was plopped directly in front of us. Just like that, my legs came to a complete stop, and so did hers.

"Isn't that house the coolest one on the street?" She asked, a little excitement found in the edge of her tone. Her hands are clasped together in anticipation of my response, like always. For once, someone's in a jolly mood this evening, and I'm surprised that my frequent attempts at frustrating her during the whole walk over hadn't ruined it. It'd be smart to appreciate this little pep in her step since encountering such an occasion is rare, especially when it's the end of a long and strenuous school day. "I saw it a couple of nights ago and was so excited for you to see it."

It's quite dim outside, as it is the afternoon. The only sliver of sunlight that illuminated the area, our path, and each other's faces was the orange hues that splash around the few clouds in the sky. The sun was setting, and night was soon to fall in an hour or so. With the help of the surrounding houses littered with decorations and artificial lighting, it made our walks from school much more magical.

It also seems like Joohyun and I are the only weirdos that take the time to notice the detailed decorum of each house that we pass by for a critical evaluation. For the entirety of this walk, I ended up giving each a star-rating from one to five, then she would join in and conduct her own rating.

Some houses have a cute yet ghostly setup that encompasses inflatable pumpkins and black cats that light up from the inside. In my opinion, those receive two or three stars, depending on the rest of the arrangement. I mean, if I'm being honest, placing inflatables on the yard receives an unimpressed reaction from me. I might as well dabble in a shrug whenever I pass one by. It can be very plain at times, what can I say?

In Joohyun's case, she wholeheartedly begs to differ. It's apparent that she loves that , judging by the way that she awards every passing house a generous five-star rating, and adding how cute everything looks. Perhaps, out of the kindness in her heart—the sliver of it left.

That's where we're different, I suppose.

I'm quite critical when it comes to these sorts of things. Scratch that: I'm critical when it comes to anything.

Though, what impresses me are the houses that shoot for the more realistic and gruesome approach. It's as if the compilation of props could be seen in a creepy haunted house that the public would pay to experience and walk through, you know? Those should receive a noble appreciation. It's the type of arrangement in which it tugs at the common eye, sends a shiver down the passerby's spine, but eventually, they'd give it a mental applaud for being undoubtably impressive. More so, the best house on the street type of inclination.

Then, there's those that have absolutely nothing to offer because they're either not interested in displaying anything or they're too lazy to even try.

Though, if this is the house that Joohyun was so excited to show me, then I must agree with her belief in it being the highlight of it all. Indeed, it was the scariest house. It didn't have a single inflatable on the yard that would usually deflate the potential to be the least bit frightening. It looks like the owner of this household had gone to a store of high quality or something. It was late enough for everything to be fully up for display.

It was amazing!

There was an abundance of quality lighting, window and wall décor, and even creepy-looking animatronics that stood on the porch and near the entrance walkway! Like, what the hell? Now, this is what I'm talking about!

My jaw was touching the ground the entire time.

"Whoa, wait a second. Is that a Michael Myers animatronic looking at us from the second-story window?" If it wasn't obvious enough, I was baffled, and nothing less. Could you blame me? I live for this ! The sight was frightening, as the face of the slasher classic, Halloween, was lit up purposefully to scare onlookers such as Joohyun and I. The chip I popped in my mouth almost fell out.

Yes, I was this amazed—stop making fun of me.

With eyes widened, I peek over to catch Joohyun's reaction. As expected, it was like mine. Although she's stunned by my findings, that weird look on her face implied that she was caught off guard by my horror movie knowledge.

Come on, who doesn't know who Michael Myers is?

"Who lives here, a psychopath?" Joohyun visibly shivers. It was laughably probable—maybe. Albeit, this presentation is to be praised upon. It was that scary. I mean, look at us, we're standing in front of this house like total freaks, staring up in awe. "This is surely a great way to scare kids off on Halloween, as well as keeping them far away from your house."

"You're not wrong," I smirk, very amused, yet still entranced by the details, "as someone who loves Halloween, whoever's living here is doing a great service."

"Nerd," she scoffs.

"Uncalled for," I hiss through a tight-lipped clutch on another chip that barely hung from my lips. Glaring at my giggly best friend, I knew that comment deserved an eye-roll. I start munching, again, still in a daze, but with a content smile, nonetheless. I think, I'm in love with this view. "Though, I must say, this is the best one so far. No doubt about it."

"I suppose, judging by the gawking and your geeky reaction, your rating is pretty high on this one. So, what is it this time? Is it the first to get five stars?"

Excuse me? Geeky reaction? What is that supposed to mean, anyways?

"How is my reaction anything close to being geeky?" I sounded offended at this point, and dare I say it, I was! I'm just fond with the appearance, that's all.

"Michael Myers animatronic? I mean, could you have made it anymore obvious that you're a nerd?" An offended hand flies to my chest. If Joohyun's words were invincible bullets, they just pierced right through me. This was unfair treatment. I'd like to not be harassed over my undying love for a movie genre.

"What's with the sudden words of abuse?" I stand tall and turn to her. As if I'm about to utter an oath, I raise my palm in the air and playfully announce, "No matter what you say, I'm proud of my diehard interest and unlimited knowledge about horror movies."

Pitiful laughter fills my ears, and not too long after, I offer my share to fill her own.

"You're so weird," oh, keep the insults coming! I can sense my self-confidence boost up a notch. In a melodic yet impatient manner, she mentions, "you still didn't answer my question, though."

Oh, yeah, about my rating. I scoff humorously and shoot her an incredulous look. "Do you expect my answer to be anything less than the highest?"

I shall give the house what it deserves: a billion-ing-star rating.

"Nope."

"There's my answer, then."

Silence crept in between us, like usual. It was always comfortable, never weird or awkward. I think, that's one of the few things that I liked about being with Joohyun, and even Bogum. Conversations came like a pleasant breeze; simple and natural.

During these times, I look over.

Joohyun's staring towards her shoes, kicking away some fallen leaves that litter the cement. I can already tell that she's thinking up either a reply or a proposal since this is what she always does. One of the major signs is the way her lips purse in contemplation. She holds one of her arms with the other. It's just like all the other times that she's had something on her mind, but her tendency to hesitate towards coughing it up gets the best of her.

She overthinks too much for her own good.

It's just like her. I've spent plenty of time with her to understand such obvious quirks.

I smile, realizing that she's wearing her glasses this evening. It came as a tiny surprise. She hadn't worn them this morning, that's why. Instead of her hair flowing over her shoulders like usual, it's pulled up into a loose ponytail. It's unable to hold back her bangs, so a few locks straggle on either side of her face. Her appearance is reminiscent of the time I saw her working at Yuna and Hyungsik's coffee shop. The addition of the glasses was perfect and very fitting for her image. It practically screams, 'I'm an honor student and the class president of my school'.

Ha, just inwardly teasing, although she can't hear my thoughts.

Considering that the look suited her very well, my gaze lingers.

"So, um." Oh, she's speaking. See, I told you that she had something on her mind. As it takes her forever to finally continue the rest, I started to walk down the path, again. It wasn't necessary to usher her to follow; she'll eventually snap out of her daze and hurry along. In no time, she's by my side. Like clockwork. "Hey, I was going to ask you a question."

"I can definitely tell. Sorry. I just don't want to stand around and cause Aunt Kim to worry—not even the slightest. I'm sure she's not driving herself too crazy, but we did take a detour to the coffee shop, remember?" I pluck another chip out of the hollow bag, and frown at the fact that there's not many left inside. I'm down to a few more before being faced with the heartbreaking sight of crumbs. Cue the audience sobbing for some dramatic effect. "Plus, you wouldn't speak up, weirdo. Now, what's your question?"

"That's fair," she sighs, pausing. "Well, I was going to ask you what you're doing for Halloween."

"Halloween?" What do teenagers do on Halloween, again? Go to a party, and what else? Nothing, right? Trick or treating sounds a little too childish, and attending a party...Well, that sounds like hell. "You're thinking that far ahead?"

"Well, of course. I always think ahead when it comes to planning things."

That's the truth. Asking such a question was dumb of me. It's an unmissable aspect of Joohyun that no one can possibly overstep about her. I mean, she's one of the leaders of our grade level. She's very on point with her scheduling and her duties whether it had to do with her presidential status or other subjects of importance that needs to be tended to.

"Right," I mumble. "How could I forget the life of Miss President?"

"I told you to stop calling me that."

Lies!

"That's the second time I ever have," I retort, rolling up the bag of chips to the end. Now that I'm feeling a bit parched, I shuffle through the pockets of my backpack and successfully fish out my Hi-C juice box.

"Well, stop. It's annoying." Mission accomplished?

Like, I'd listen to her, anyways.

I elbow her arm, puncturing the straw in the hole. "Stop yapping, will you?"

Absolutely having the time of my life, I resume slurping the contents of my juice box in a manner of conserving the delicious drink.

She huffs out a frustrated sigh, blowing her bangs in the air. "So? Are you doing anything?"

I thought about it for a moment, and teased, "I don't suppose that I am, since I'm no longer a child that goes trick or treating."

I catch Joohyun roll her eyes at my response, so I breathe out a light chuckle. I've grown to enjoy her reactions a lot, as well as getting a rise out of her, and with every single one that she gives me, it's become more and more amusing.

"That's not what I meant, Taehyung."

"I knew that."

"As always. I mean, is there ever a day where your goal isn't to make my life difficult?"

I pretend to think, tapping a finger against my chin.

"Nope," I, then, present her the goofiest grin that I could muster.

"Figured."

"I was only kidding," I said. "You and I both know that's not true. Although it is undeniably hilarious to see your face get red with anger, I do give you a break or two."

"I'm changing the subject before you have the chance to piss me off, again," Joohyun crosses her arms. "Now, onto my unanswered question."

"What makes you think I have plans in the first place?"

Joohyun looks at me, breaking out into a gentle laugh.

"Good point." I'm not offended. Nope, not at all. I did put this upon myself. "If you'd like to come along with the rest of the group and I, we're all setting up a weekend to go to this year's Fright Nights."

Where have I heard that before? It sounds so familiar.

Fright Nights.

Oh, that's right! The other day, Jimin and Bogum had told me all about it. It's an annual fair that occurs every weekend up until Halloween. It's for a limited time only, of course. It stretches for three weeks or so. The opening day is supposedly this weekend. I couldn't help but feel my anticipation rise the more that Bogum and Jimin would go on and on about it. I was aware that they're still sorting out a suitable day for everyone to collectively attend with no issues, and it seems that Joohyun just confirmed it.

"Fright Nights, yeah. Jimin and Bogum have mentioned it a couple of days ago," I said. "In that case, I'd love to go."

"Really?" Why does she sound so surprised and excited?

"Why so shocked? Can't you tell how much I love Halloween?"

"Yeah, I know. I just..." Her words stopped there, discontinuing the rest of her sentence. I didn't wonder what she was going to utter next, so I let her smother herself in her thoughts, again. As she did so, she was practically bouncing in each step that she took down the sidewalk. Was that a noticeable little skip, too? It couldn't be any more obvious that she was ecstatic about my decision.

I smile a little as I ask: "Now, why are you so happy for?"

"Because, you're coming!" So, my presence makes her so happy that she's skipping all the way home, huh? If it was up to me, I'd say I'm not that important. It's not like I raise the mood or enhance the atmosphere during any of our group hangouts. If anything, I add little to nothing.

I was curious. "And? Why would that make you happy?"

"Because," she sighed, growing frustrated. It must be the continuous shots of questioning. "This'll not only be your first time there in a while, but I...I'm just glad you're going."

I've been there once before?

"In a while?" If I wanted to be more agitating, I would've asked her more questions about why she's so glad. Though, my curiosity won the battle. "What do you mean?"

"Remember that day when I asked you to walk with me by the river? We were looking through that album that I brought." I nod slowly. "You pointed out a picture of you, me, and Bogum at an amusement park together, surrounded by these scary-looking mascots. That's the same place."

"So, that took place at Fright Nights? The three of us had gone there long ago?"

"Yes, but no," she smiled, and due to my confusion, I arch another eyebrow at her. "It's the same place, but on the day that that picture was taken, I'm pretty sure that it was during spring-time. Now, the only difference is, the whole park will be Halloween-themed!"

That explanation pieced it all together.

"Hm, the more you know," I mumble, surprised.

"I'm so excited," Joohyun half-squeals and half-sings. You should see it; she has the widest grin on her face. I scoff a light laugh at the sight of her clapping her hands in joy.

Cute.

I like seeing her happy like that.

It makes me happy, too.

"You want the rest?" I randomly ask out of consideration. There was a quarter left of some chips in the bag. I outstretch whatever was left towards her. Despite how upset I was to see that I was almost done with it, I'm too full to finish the remainder. Most of all, I couldn't dismiss Joohyun ogling at my snack any longer. It's certain that she doesn't eat enough throughout the day, like me.

"You don't want anymore?"

"Nope, you can have it."

Without a second's hesitation, Joohyun takes my offer, snatches the bag, and starts nibbling at a chip. It's a common thing that she does; taking small bites out of the things that she eats. We've gotten close enough to share our food with each other in the mornings, during lunch, or if we're eating snacks at the lake near our house. It only makes sense due to our unhealthy habits of not eating accordingly. Sometimes, neither of us must ask for each other's meals, and we'd just take it. It's reached that level of comfortability.

It appears this is truly what best friends do.

I observe Joohyun, again, only to find that she's scavenged the rest of it already. I can't say I'm not surprised since her small-biting technique works wonders at scouring her food quicker than I've ever seen a girl eat.

"Damn, done already?" I grin.

She glares, slightly embarrassed. "There wasn't that much left!"

I hum a teasing, 'riiiight'. "Well, you want the rest of my Hi-C, too? To drink it down?"

"I love how I don't need to ask."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get used to it."

Friendship.

It's a term that's been one of the main subjects of my mind as of late. It's for good reason, though. I always seem to delve into the wonders of it, then end up finding the answer in what it offers to me.

I've begun to train myself in attempt to counter the negatives that I face, and in return, I'll be able to steady the positives.

By doing so, I evaluate my progress on my mental state by checking in on myself quite often. I started to keep track of those nightmares by jotting the scene down on some paper—

That was yesterday's journal entry.

The nightmares: that's not the only thing that I've begun to write down and keep track of.

It was an unexpected and immersive idea that I brought up both on my own and from the internet. It came up while I was searching on how to stall these nightmares. I've started writing about my everyday life in a small journal that I bought a couple weeks ago. I write whenever I have the time to, and about whatever strikes me as important.

Literally.

That's been this week's prompt.

Besides following some thought-inducer topics, I mainly write down whichever moment that drives my day forward up until I go to sleep. During school, I keep it hidden away in my bag, and when I'm alone at home, I stock it under my mattress. Surely, no one could ever find it. I don't want anyone to.

For now, it's my own secret, and if anyone were to find out...

Hell, my heart would sink.

Whether it has to do with my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, or my past, I write about everything and anything in this journal.

It's technically the gateway to my soul and to my mind.

Even when I do start writing on a tangent, I don't surface back to reality for a while.

To put it simply, I could write forever.

Yesterday's entry was to describe something that was important to me.

My first thought: what the hell is important to me? 

Initially, I couldn't sum up to anything, sadly enough. The question was a generalization of what's important in my life or what I hold dear. It could be anything, and the fact that it's such a vast question is what stumped me for a while. I must've thought through every form of a possibility, whether it was something materialistic or simply a human being in my life. I must admit, it was difficult to grasp onto an answer, seeing as nothing came to mind.

That is, until a few things eventually did.

The first probable topic that I could've chosen was my future, as it was very important to me. I aspire to be and to do many things. Every day that passes, I only hope that this path will guide me to accomplishing my objectives. My ambitions are what's driving me towards it, and if I don't let my weak mentality or my emotions be the obstacle, I'd be able to reach it.

No doubt.

That was close to being crowned as the subject of my daily entry.

As you can tell, it didn't quite make the cut.

There was something much broader, and much heavier that weighed my options down. As I was figuring out what to write, the idea of the many friendships that I've made along the way managed to steal the show. I didn't want to talk about myself. I wanted to reach out to something that was aside from myself and my family; a different subject that I've hardly ever delved into. It's something that's so new to me, and something that I can infinitely explore. So many words and so many thoughts flooded into my mind.

I couldn't think of a better title than that: friendships.

It was a surprise to find that I had captured so many details about the people around me, and how in depth I could get, but it surely got my point across.

Today was a new day. There wasn't a topic that I labeled it with, though. I was just writing out my day on paper and letting my thoughts flow in whichever direction it desired to go. I suppose, that's what I wanted to do, but again, I can't seem to get my pen moving. My mind was frozen. My ability to describe my surroundings was on standby, weirdly enough. Every other time, it's so simple to paint my day using words.

It should be easy, right? Where has my creative mind run off to?

Just like that, Bogum's voice awakened me from my inner battle for inspiration.

"Hey, Taehyung. Why are you still sitting over there? Come join us, weirdo!"

My journal was sprawled over my lap, both pages as immaculate and untouched as they were the moment I got here. When I was still searching for a perfect overview of my day moments ago, I set my pen down to lay on the bridge in between pages. Out of pent-up frustration, my knees took turns bouncing up-and-down, and although Bogum was calling out to me from the edge of the river, I couldn't bring my gaze to connect with his. I couldn't even open my mouth to give a reasonable answer as to why I was sitting on top of one of those metallic tables under the pavilion, too engrossed in finding the perfect starting point for my entry. That's if I could get my thoughts rolling, I mean.

I shift in my seat, and without looking up, I find my voice, "I'll be there in a second, guys."

Yes, Joohyun's here, too. It wouldn't be a true hangout without the complete trio, right?

In a quick, glance-like motion, my head flicks upwardly to find Joohyun give me a thumbs up. Thereafter, Bogum yells out through his hands that cupped around his mouth, aiding in accentuating his words, "you better not be lying to us this time!"

I smile to myself, observing the pair delve into yet another conversation as they continue to walk by the lake. I exhale through my nose, picking up the stick of ice cream that laid beside my leg on the wooden surface. I skimmed over the title across the top end of it, and it read: Cosmo N' Tide's Atomic Blaze.

Bogum joined Joohyun and I on our walk home from school today. This time, we decided to head over to the plaza and grab some food. The three of us chatted and bonded, jumping from topics about our day to our plans for the next. None of us left the plaza before fetching ourselves dessert, so we visited the notorious parlor that I've come to love. After a lengthy, bickering war of rock, paper, scissors over who would pay for everyone's ice cream, I somehow lost. No, I'm not proud of it, but I don't mind.

The three of us were silent on the entire walk to the river, too occupied with the ice cream bars that gradually melted at our fingertips. Luck was not on my side today, as it seems that I got the worst ing flavor ever. I almost gag at the mere thought of the taste. According to Bogum and Joohyun—those that were entertained by my disgusted reaction—Cosmo N' Tide's Atomic Blaze was the worst. It was debatable, but in my opinion, it was. The entirety of the ice cream was just a straight up spicy cinnamon flavor that had a tangy twist to it. It was the weirdest combination ever.

I loathed it more than I should have. Joohyun was kind enough to trade ice cream bars with me. Thank God. Hers was much sweeter and delicate, like a wholehearted chocolate mix of brownie and fudge with a combative smack of vanilla and strawberry—my favorite flavors all morphed into one.

Bogum called me a whiner and a complainer for my opinion on it, but even if I were to clap-back, I'd be resting his case.

With a pleased smirk on my face, I raised the tip of my pen off the paper. It appears that the sight of the ice cream stick had enacted a spark of inspiration, and incoming was a load of thoughts. I let my eyes dance across every sentence, soaking it all in. I added little tidbits of information in the tight corners of the page with an arrow for direction and specification. I'd cross out any detected mistakes and quickly correct them. It's not like it matters, since no one else is going to read it, but I leaned towards rewriting what I jot down. Surprisingly enough, the words flowed perfectly together, creating one coherent scenery, and describing a single moment with ease.

It's a memory that I won't forget, and to recall the day, all I must do is reread it.

After slipping in the date on the top-right corner, I realized that the page was almost filled. The bottom half was still untouched by my pen, and just as I was trying to conjure more ideas to write down, every sliver left of my description of the moment had stopped there. I couldn't keep the train going.

Damnit.

"The hell is that? A diary?" I winced at the quizzical sound of a voice that was much closer than before. It was Bogum's, once again. I was so enveloped doing my own thing that I hadn't noticed the curious duo that no longer stood by the river, countless feet away, but instead—right in front of me. Mere inches away, may I add.

Their intrusive eyes were locked onto the page, so I shut the journal quicker than I could come up with a response.

Way to make it more obvious that I'm writing something secretive.

Joohyun's laugh echoes through the air, both of her hands placed on her hips. She tilts her head at me, then turns to Bogum. "Guess, you're right about that one. I thought he was doing homework."

"Correction: this is not a diary," I quickly step into the conversation. The last thing I wanted was assumptions to be made, and things to get embarrassingly out of hand.

"Oh? Then, what is it?" Bogum asks, glancing at Joohyun and winking slyly.

They're onto something. My guess? They're trying to undermine me.

It's working. I'm resting in the palms of their hands.

"Uh..." Why am I hesitating? Do I want to prove him right? "It's just homework, like Joohyun said."

Just this once, my tongue can't utter a believable lie.

This is not the time to fail! They've got the upper hand!

Not a second later, Joohyun covers to stifle another laugh while Bogum lets out an unconvinced snort. They're undoubtably amused. There's nothing worse than getting targeted by these two. Once they band together, there's no stopping them. The fact that they can see right through me doesn't help. Slipping up once already doesn't help my case, either.

I grumble under my breath, "I hate you, guys," and, to make things even more suspicious, I stuff the booklet under one of my arms.

"Don't blame us for being incapable of making up a convincing lie," Bogum laughs, bumping his elbow with Joohyun's to join along. Maybe, she'll change her mind and be on my side today? "You used to be so good at making up, too."

It's not like I can successfully hide anything from these two. Of course, besides a few specific things, they're great at knowing everything and anything. If I'm being honest, I don't feel the need to cover something up in secrecy but writing in a journal about all my experiences is something that's not for show. At least, not for now. I need to figure a few things out first.

I'm relieved to see that Joohyun hasn't tagged along in Bogum's plan to embarrass me:

"Hey, don't feel bad about it. I write in a diary, too."

I sigh. "Thanks for the reassurance, but to be fair, it's really not a diary."

Okay, who am I kidding? It technically is.

"Someone's getting defensive," Joohyun said, so I snarl at that unnecessary bit.

"I'm not getting defensive," I groan.

"Are you sure about that? It clearly looks like—"

"Okay, okay, enough. We're sorry for bugging about it." Thank you, Bogum. I've been inwardly praying for an end to this topic. The pleading look that I was giving them for the past five minutes must've done it. So, in genuine understanding, Bogum raises his hands in the air, which insinuates that he's surrendering to my wishes of leaving the subject alone.

Phew.

"Should we leave it be?" Yes, Joohyun, you should! For one, it's not nice to ask too many questions. Most of all, putting me in a tight, uncomfortable spot is a ty thing to do. "He's hiding something from us, isn't he?"

One-too-many things, I suppose.

"Ah, let's not embarrass the guy any further," Bogum had the nerve to whisper to Joohyun behind a discrete hand.

I'm lucky that my ears could catch onto secretive mutters.

"I'm right here. There's no need to whisper."

Bogum smiles, "yeah, we know."

"You're lucky that we're nice enough to give you a break," Joohyun playfully glares. "As your best friends, we have the right to press you for some of the secrets that you're writing down."

I chuckle, rolling my eyes. I become more protective of my journal as I slide off the table. To escape this never-ending whirlpool of questions, and possible outcome of disaster, I make my way across the field and towards the body of water that awaits me.

In no time, Bogum and Joohyun pop up on either side of me, as I add, "I don't have any secrets—none that you're expecting, at least."

"What kind of secrets do you think we're expecting, then?" Bogum starts backpedaling. His pace is a little quicker than Joohyun and I's. I wager that he's excited to arrive near the water's edge. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. It's been awhile since I've been back here.

"I don't know; a crush, perhaps?" I say, quite laughably. It was a fat- joke, and nothing less, but it seems like my best friends took my words as the truth. Halting their movements, their mouths fell open and their eyes widened in synchronicity. It was almost scary. "Guys, I was kidding. Would you stop looking at me like that? You're freaking me out."

Do I have to say it for the fortieth time? I'd be the last person to have a crush.

Even if I did, I wouldn't label it as a crush. That's stupid.

"Damn, I thought you were serious," Bogum wiped some nonexistent sweat off his forehead, and his temporary shock dwindled back to nothing, as did Joohyun's.

"Me, too," Joohyun laughs a little too loudly—so loudly that it sounds forced.

I curve an eyebrow at her, "weirdo."

"Anyways, I'm feeling a little curious now that we're on the subject. So, tell me, what do you think of the girls at school? Who do you think is the cutest?" This sounds like girl-talk to me and talking about someone that I may or may not find cute is not a topic that I care about having. Though, as Bogum hits his elbow against mine several times, and freakily starts to waggle his eyebrows in intrigue, it seems like I have no choice, but to cough up something, right?

The results are surprising. Now that I have a moment to think about his question, a couple of names had flashed through my mind. Problem is, they're all friends of mine, so it'd be iffy to just name one of the girls aloud.

Although that doesn't equate to being interested in them—romantically-speaking—I wouldn't want to risk anymore handful of unnecessary questions from Bogum or Joohyun. That'd be a nightmare. And, besides our group of friends, I don't take notice of anyone else. I do point out attractive girls and all, but there's not a single person that's been imprinted in my brain. Not a random one, I mean.

So, in simpler terms, my brain's unable to choose a name that's safe enough to utter aloud.

Let's buy sometime, shall we?

I rub at my nape, and ask again, "the cutest, huh?"

Putting on a façade, I purse my lips in thought, and pretend to muse over any possibilities that'd miraculously hit me.

"Yeah, you got anyone in mind?"

Again, one specific name is at the tip of my tongue, but it's not like I can say—

"Ugh, do you guys have to talk about girls, now?" As expected, it was a subject change by Joohyun. It was a hilarious pout of a complaint, so I couldn't help but laugh along with Bogum. It was true; this must be an awkward conversation to stick around for, but it's not like I could finalize my thoughts to get it started.

"Aw, feeling left out? Do you want us to ask you, too?" I tease, smirking.

"Oh, that's a perfect idea, Taehyung," Bogum applauds, before wagging a probing finger at Joohyun. He narrows his gaze at the poor girl. It's a pleasing sight, considering that she's the one being targeted, and it's no longer me. "As a matter of fact, she's quite secretive about these things. More so, who she finds cute, and furthermore, who she likes."

"I don't like anyone," Joohyun retorts, quite strongly, too. She, even, added a slight shrug. With that type of direct response, I'm not doubting it.

Bogum cackles as if he's just heard the joke of the year.

"Bogum," she says threateningly. "I don't. Now, leave it alone."

It almost seems like they've got a few secrets of their own.

Whether she's lying or not, encountering the answer to that would be pretty interesting.

It seems like our turnaround has Joohyun feeling attacked, as well as getting a little red in the cheeks. To see her so embarrassed is quite a comedic sight, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. It's simple to assume that I wouldn't mind trying to make it worse for her.

What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't, right?

"Someone's getting flustered," I cross my arms victoriously, mimicking her prior statement.

She rolls her eyes, like I imagined she would: "Shut up."

While I continued to fool around and make matters worse for Joohyun, Bogum would participate and prod the fed-up girl for answers to his questions. It was all for s and giggles, since poking at Joohyun's frustration and witnessing her dramatic reaction was a highlight of my day.

By the time we left her alone, the three of us had finally reached the water.

The view was priceless, like something straight out of a painting. Towards the far-off outlining of the river, the fronds of the palm trees swayed in the subtle gusts of wind that came and went. The sunlight bounced off the water, creating a serene and unmistakable beauty to strike the observer's eyes. Hypnotizing, even. It looks just like the day I visited with Joohyun, maybe even better. It was undeniable that the presence of my friends enhances the quality of the sight. I couldn't complain.

Bogum grabs my attention and asks: "Do you know how to throw one of these?" He outstretches his hand towards me, and I inspect what's embedded underneath his fingertips. There was a couple of rocks that he must've plucked off the ground while I was staring off into space, deep in thought.

"A rock?" To my left, I glance at Joohyun to check on her. She was squatting down, selecting her own share of rocks that are scattered around her shoes. It appears that they must do this often together: skipping rocks across the river. How cliché, but oh-so wholesome. "I can't say that I do."

"Ever tried?" Joohyun questions.

"Never."

"Truth is, you have," Bogum told me. "Believe it or not, long ago, we used to do this sort of thing together."

"Oh," I can't help but just frown. I feel bummed-out. I always disliked being unable to recall my past, but the more details that I'm informed of, it manages to impact my emotions much worse. Again, it not knowing, and not being able to relate to them, like I could've been under different circumstances. "Sorry, guys."

"Hey, cheer up," Joohyun smiles, grazing my arm with a comforting touch of her fingertips. "Don't be sorry."

"Yeah, it's not your fault," Bogum reassures, patting my shoulder. He gives me a knowing look, and I know exactly what he's referring to. "So, let's carry on, and show you how, instead. Just like it's the first time."

The closer that we get, the more that forgetting hurts. In truth, I shouldn't beat myself up. Like, Bogum said, it isn't my fault.

Or, is it?

No, not now. I don't want any more negativity to ruin everything.

So, I shake away the weird thoughts and focus in on the present.

As I admire my best friends for a couple of minutes, I cross my arms, and feel myself smile a little. It's just a guess, but I bet they're absolute professionals at this type of thing. It's telling in not only their posture, but the way they're cohesively surveying the water with the most stoic expressions. I can already envision all the competitions they must have had together.

I clear my throat: "So, you two do this often, I see?"

"Whenever we come," Joohyun shrugs, and Bogum nods in agreement. She offers me a decently sized rock, and as I lend out my hand, she drops it into my palm. I eye it for a moment, tossing it in the air a few times.

Standing idly by, waiting for my glorious failure of a moment to come, I observe Bogum and Joohyun take turns throwing rocks across the water. An array of giggles and laughs were shared, as one or the other had failed at doing so. Despite some throws not being too successful, it was evident that these two knew what they were doing. It was shocking yet exciting to see the rocks skip numerous times over the water, before eventually sinking at one point.

My past self must've known what to do here, but right now, I didn't have a single clue. I mean, there must be an underlying method or strategy in order to do this sort of thing perfectly, right? Like, was it all in the flick of the wrist? Or, was it in the way that you held it? Perhaps, both?

"Your turn," Bogum chuckles, presumably from my awestruck expression. It was intimidating how easy they made everything look. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, but..." Uh, can I have an explanation? "How do I do this without failing an obnoxious amount of times?"

"Right, I forgot about that," Bogum scratches his nape awkwardly due to his forgetfulness, then gestures towards the stone that lays in the palm of my hand. "Okay, so let's start out with the basics. Do you see how this rock is flat and even? It's not too heavy or too light, right?"

"Yeah," I ogle hopelessly at the stone, twirling it around in my fingertips for a while, before looking back up at Bogum and Joohyun. "It's perfect, I think. Is that the first step towards a successful throw?"

Joohyun smiles widely and nods her head. "Rocks that are too big or too heavy will sink. Those that are too light would also be difficult to throw far enough to get a good streak of hops in. Get what I'm saying?"

I nod in response, waiting for the next step. I appreciated the tips of advice from Joohyun and Bogum. A little depth into the reasons why failure happens is a great help for any other times I'd try skipping rocks in the future. Whenever that'd be, I suppose. Seeing as Bogum and Joohyun do this whenever they're here, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the first time of many. I'm hoping it is.

"The most important part is holding it right," Joohyun says in all seriousness, like it's valuable information. To begin a step-to-step presentation, she bends down and picks up another stone, choosing the best one as an example. While Bogum watches from the sidelines with crossed arms and a ghost of a smirk on his face, Joohyun flips it over, brushes some dirt off it, and showcases it to me. "Now, follow my instructions: first, place this side against your thumb, while the other end rests against the top of your middle finger."

"Like, this?" I ask, unsure, and watch the way she positions the rock on her own hand. I've thrown all my focus into making sure that I do this right and   retain every single detail that comes out of . It's not rocket science, but I'm feeling quite determined in doing this correctly on the first try.

Joohyun checks, and nods her head once, humming positively.

"Next, curl your index finger around it like this," I do exactly as she instructs. My eyes dart from her hand to my own. I was merely double-checking on my progress. Things were looking promising. "Looking good so far."

Bogum mentions: "Before you throw, make sure that you tilt your hand upwardly."

It seems that I tilted a little too much, since Joohyun was quick to correct my hold. With the most tentative and feather-like touch, I feel her fingertips brush against my skin while she adjusts the angle of my hand downwardly, but only a smidge.

I mutter a simple, "thanks," for the much-needed help, and turn to Bogum for further advice.

"That's much better," he nods, and explains: "The slight upward angle is for better aim, that's all. Lucky for you, that's all there is to it. So, now, we're onto the final step. Just throw it when you're ready, alright?"

"Don't be surprised if you fail," Joohyun reassures. "It takes practice."

Practice? There's no need for that. I can do this. "It's just a simple side-arm throw. Do you guys have any last-minute tips?"

"It's all in your wrist, so flick it," Bogum adds.

I nod and prepare. For dramatics, I take a deep breath and exhale thoroughly. I squint towards the water, combining all my mental focus and strength into this successful throw that I'm so hopeful for. It's all about efficiency and confidence in one's self, right? I totally got this.

Before I allowed Bogum and Joohyun to get too impatient and interrupt me, I gathered myself and began to throw.

This was it.

Consecutively, I stepped to the side and winded my arm back for a side-throw. I made sure that before I let go of the rock, I recalled Bogum's advice about proper wrist-flicking, as it was an important part. As soon as the stone left my grasp, I was so sure that it was going to be perfect.

I eyed the way it skimmed above the water, and it was as if I was watching it happen in slow-motion. I was so in tune with this moment, inwardly begging that I would do this correctly on the first try.

Guess, Joohyun's right.

To my dismay, it skipped once. Just once.

Then, it just sank directly into the water.

Well, so did my hunched-up shoulders, and that's not without heaving a very disappointed sigh. Failing was the worst, and in my opinion, that's what it was. I was just ashamed.

It's not like I could drown in that feeling for too long, since I was interrupted with the unexpected.

In a span of a minute, my mind conducted a train of events that I never saw coming.

The day in the memory was similar to the one in real-time: beautiful, sunny, and bright.

I was standing in the same place, too; staring out towards the water.

This moment was different. It was from the past. This time, the rock that I threw hadn't sunken. It was skipping and hopping numerous times, like I had hoped it would. To tell you the truth, I couldn't even count how many times it did. Hm, maybe, four times? It was spectacular and exhilarating, like it would somehow never end, or it was on a consistent loop.

I thought I was alone, but I wasn't.

"Hehe, I still beat you, Tae!" My head turns. With small hands on her hips, I found a giggling Joohyun whose cute grin only widens. I don't know if it was the nickname, or if it was the intuitive notion from the memory, but I knew it was her. It was weird; she wasn't a teenager. It was her younger, adolescent self. I'd presume that she was five or six, just like I was. Yes, like me.

As if I was watching a replay of a scene, I answered, "What are you talking about? Mine skipped more times than yours did!"

"Liar! Mine skipped five times, and yours was only—" she paused to recount the number of times with her little fingers, before whining, again, "—four times!"

"Think what you want. I'm still better than you, anyways," I pouted, crossed my arms, and stuck my tongue out at her, like the biggest brat ever.

This was surely the type of argument a few childhood best friends would have. Much less, any child at this age. The silly, back-and-forth bantering; it was all meaningless and dumb, but in a few minutes, it's like it was all forgotten.

Then, I yelped at a certain finding: "Hey, look, Bogum's here!"

With the widest smiles on our faces, Joohyun and I began to wave theatrically at a sprinting Bogum. He was making his way towards us with his backpack on. It bounced off his back with every step. It must've been an afternoon, right after school had ended. It was our usual meetup day by the river. I looked away from Bogum for a second and recognize the same pavilion across the way. Adults were seated there, but I couldn't tell who it was.

Then, it made sense. It clicked. We were children.

It was our parents—talking, laughing, and keeping an eye on us.

This memory almost turned into a bad one, until Bogum started yelling, almost in frustration:

"Did you guys start the game without me?"

"No!" Joohyun and I replied instantaneously, but our best friend knew that we were lying.

"Wow, thanks a lot," Bogum muttered, looking away for a moment, and kicking at a random pebble on the ground. It appears like he was feigning his disappointment, because he quickly regained that pep in his step from before, just adding a tad bit more cockiness: "Whatever, still doesn't change the fact that I'm the best around here. Let me show you how the champ does it this time!"

"Oh, brother," Joohyun mumbles, facepalming. "What a show-off."

I laugh out of pure joy. It's like I could feel that emotion emanating from my past self, and it hit me harder than it should have. As Bogum sprints towards the water's edge to get started on our weekly competition, Joohyun grabs my hand and pulls me along.

"Come on, let's team up and beat Bogum together!"

"Yeah, let's do it!" I'd respond through a giggle, tightening my grasp around her hand—she to mine.

I paid attention to that a lot: her hand against mine. We never withdrew or separated. It was as if it was plastered. It felt so vivid to recall this moment, almost too surreal. It was weird to point out a few important details; more so, how my past self was shaking in my boots at the idea of holding Joohyun's hand.

I was nervous. I was flustered. I was in a trance.

I marveled over a select share of thoughts that became prominent in my mind. That continued to throw off and consume me as Bogum started throwing an insane amount of rocks across the water. He'd pump his fists in the air at any insane throw, and it'd surprise Joohyun and I. Giggles echoed throughout the memory, and happiness was an emotion that was never overstepped.

The memory was short, but it was more than I could ever ask for. It was a glimpse of my past, and it's something that I could grasp—that I could finally ing understand. It was like I had a detail to offer to the table, and together, with my best friends, I could share it. It was no longer a moment that I was being told, but a little sliver of what I can hold onto, and most of all; that I can cherish.

Maybe, this won't be the last time that a memory will return to me.

Oh, I was hopeful that it wasn't.

Maybe, Joohyun was right, after all: memories, or moments, can come back. It's all bits and pieces of my past, but it will soon connect if I continue to partake in the things that made me, me.

"Are you okay?" As Joohyun's concerned tone renders in, I snap out of my head space and into reality. The memory must've drawn me away from my surroundings for a while, leaving me shocked, confused, and searching for any sign of another one. If only, right? "Taehyung?"

I turn to look at Joohyun whose face has leaned in a little too close to mine, but the proximity clearly shows how worried she looks. Her eyebrows meet at the middle, and her eyes are searching mine, waiting patiently for an answer to her question. As I stare at her, and take in her features, I remember the memory, again.

My heart: it skips another beat, just like it did in the memory. More so, when her hand held mine.

I look away, baffled by my thoughts.

That's when I realize Bogum's hand is on my shoulder, so I check in on him.

"What's wrong, man? Are you feeling alright? You were just standing there, staring off into the distance for a while."

It's time for reassurance, so I manage a smile and nod my head.

I can't properly explain how I feel, but one thing's for sure: I'm happy. Maybe, a little more than that.

"I remember."