a white night

"Did you make it glaringly obvious that you were jealous?" Bogum asks.

Whenever my emotions become a concern like this, I was never too keen about the implications. Either that, or I didn't want to face the truth.

Nevertheless, I stand with my beliefs and say, "Jealousy is a strong word. I'm not too sure what I was feeling earlier."

"Then? What do you think it was?"

That's a great ing question, so I purse my lips in thought. Being stuck at a crosswalk offers me enough time to ponder, decipher, and rationalize. As the streetlight changes from a blurring red to a bright green, car engines sputter, rumble, and groan. They whip by, some quicker than others. I train my visage upon the wispy clouds in the dark sky, streaks of moonlight shining through the cracks. I find myself getting lost in the night's view, because before I knew it, Bogum nudged my arm, signaling me it's time to cross, and so we did.

Once we reach the other side safely, I say, "I think I was just surprised to see them talking like they were friends." Then, I shove my hands into my pockets, shrugging. "She had always talked about how irritating he was, you know?"

"Yeah, tell me about it," he agrees. "From what you've told me, it seems like a pretty big switch up."

"You think he's pulling some kind of calculated act?" I did consider this. I mean, for a while now, he had made several advances towards Joohyun. He's failed time-and-time again. Hell, she didn't even like holding conversations with the dude. Now, according to her, his personality's done a 180. I swear, there's something fishy about it.

"What do you mean?" He lifts an eyebrow at me. "You think he's faking his whole personality to reel her in?"

"I don't know, man." I really don't—I'm just trying to make sense of the change. "I'm not trying to offend your cousin or anything. I only worry if he's planning something behind the scenes."

"To be honest? I wouldn't be surprised if he was."

I look over to see if the look on his face matched the seriousness in his tone. It did.

"Seojoon has been attracted to Joohyun for a while now," he begins. "As you know, Joohyun is different. She's not like one of his many fangirls who enjoys begging for his attention. She's not easily swayed either. Because I knew her the best and wanted to help him out, I've told him this. But he never understood that the overbearing, flirtatious approach wasn't it—that it wouldn't reach her like it would for every other girl he went out with."

"Have you ever had any doubts that he was serious about her?"

"Of course. The dude's half-jock, half-model, so girls were hanging off his arm everywhere he went." He lets out a short laugh. "Besides, she's my best friend. Although I know he's not a malicious guy, I was still protective of her."

"Right."

"But to see him retain my words and change his demeanor says a lot."

It means he's serious—serious about Joohyun and getting to know her. Maybe he's been serious all along. Perhaps this time, he's determined to change her mind. Thinking about it causes that weird twinge to return. It twists in my chest, making everything feel so wrong.

Before I could pay more attention to the insufferable feeling, Bogum and I reach our destination; the plaza. He stops in his tracks, right in front of the wishing fountain, and places a hand on my shoulder. "Don't let your thoughts get the best of you. I can see it in your eyes—it worries you, doesn't it?"

The eyes don't lie. "I can't deny that."

"I don't mean to burden you, but feelings do affect perceptions." He smiles a little in reassurance, and I listen, since he's more experienced than me. He's technically a relationship therapist. "Months ago, you probably thought a friendship transpiring between Joohyun and Seojoon was impossible—that them being together was hilarious. But now that something's changed within you, the same idea instills a different emotion. Seeing them act like friends makes you believe he has the chance to intervene, to ruin. It's okay to feel these sort of things."

"I don't know about that." I sigh through my nose, frustrated it has come down to this once again. "I don't know what I want, what I feel. Sometimes, I don't want to find out but it ing haunts me anyways."

He nods, like he's known all along, then says, "It's all a part of the process."

In adamance of my full disagreement, I shake my head. "I can't like her."

"Is that your head or your heart talking? They speak different languages, you know."

"It doesn't matter," I retort. "You know why I can't like her."

"Because if there's a chance she likes you too, you're afraid to hurt her?" He chuckles, like he's been there, done that. "If you avoid your feelings, you'll only hurt yourself."

"Well, I'd rather hurt myself."

He looks over at me like I'm insane; like I uttered one of the dumbest things anyone with unconfirmed feelings could say.

"No offense, but that's idiotic."

I beg to differ. "How is that idiotic?"

"Because that's ing selfish."

"No, it's—"

"Don't you get it? Either way, you would be hurting her, too."

Wanting a temporary distraction, I throw my attention towards the fountain, counting the various ripples in the water. Coins of silver and copper glimmer beneath. Memories of the day I was waiting for Joohyun flits back to me, causing my lips to quirk upward.

In a sense, it's true. If she likes me, she'd want to be with me. If I avoid my feelings and reject her for my own sake, I'd be pushing her away.

"But wouldn't I also be protecting her?" This is also the truth. "Like I said before, I don't know if I can handle a relationship. Hell, I can barely handle all these feelings."

Then, a wise Bogum answers with, "How do you know if you haven't even tried?"

Thoughts escape me, and my mind goes blank like every other time I'm stumped by my best friend's smart responses.

"I understand it's been tough. But you have to try, dude." I don't respond, as I was somewhat polarized. "And remember what I said earlier: don't let your thoughts consume you. They can be convincing, especially negative ones."

He's right. He's always ing right.

"Also, I just got a text from Sooyoung; they're almost here," he says, after sliding his phone into his back pocket. "Tonight's important. If there's still a percentage of you that's unsure, I suggest you listen to yourself when you're with her. Zone in on your reactions and your immediate thoughts. Note what you think and what you feel when you look at her. The only way you'll know is if you listen."

My mouth opens, then closes like a fish out of water. The load of information that had been spewed at me all at once was the cause of my hesitation. Because do I even want to listen to my heart and the things it says whenever I'm with her? Or, is it that I already know and denial is the defaulted result?

"Does the word 'date' scare you?" He, then, questions amidst the chaos running through me.

Well? Does it scare me?

When I think about dating, and Bae Joohyun is the one involved, negative emotions don't exist.

Due to the incoming cluster of nerves, mainly because of the thought I had just thunk, I cough out a light laugh.

"No, it doesn't scare me."

"Then, you can think of tonight as an unofficial one, since it'll mainly be just the two of you."

"What do you mean? You and Sooyoung are watching the movie with us." 

He purses his lips, like that would not be the case, and shakes his head to confirm my suspicions. "We're going together, but we're not sitting together." My eyebrows immediately furrow because I was not informed of this.

"You didn't mention anything about that."

"I didn't add that part on purpose." He winks slyly, and I balk.

He's planned this all along.

To offer some context, once Rose and I finished practice yesterday, Bogum invited me and Joohyun to join him and Sooyoung at the movies. I suspected it was a calculated double-date that my best friend and his girlfriend thought up, and when I told Joohyun about it on the phone, she considered the exact same thing. We even joked about it. But even as we did so, I couldn't help but feel exhilarated for today to come.

I, then, respond with, "Well, I think Joohyun will be happy about that. She doesn't like being a third—or, fourth—wheel."

"I'm sure she's elated." He smirks, and I barely catch onto it. He must've noticed the slight worry still etched over my features because after a short while of silence, he mentions it. "Is there something else on your mind?"

"Kind of." That's a lie. A lot of things were bothering me. "I'm just confused about how to initiate...things."

"I can't give you a step-by-step answer. If I did, it wouldn't be natural."

Funny thing is, I asked Jimin the same question yesterday. He said the complete opposite, going on-and-on about different ways to approach a girl, how to make moves, and some other unnecessary bull. I knew asking for his advice was mindless, especially when he gives the worst, and I've offered him better. But I wanted to gather thoughts and ideas from all the experienced ones in my life. Albeit, if my cousin hadn't gnawed my ear off, begging me to share Joohyun-filled details concerning my feelings, I wouldn't have asked him squat.

"If the right moment comes, you'll know it," he says with a small smile.

It comforted me, to an extent.

But I was still lost, confused.

I hope to figure it all out soon.

The only way you'll know is if you listen.

As meaningless as it may be, I forgot the overlooked thrill I received from movie theaters and their unique atmosphere. Though that might just be the inner child in me talking. It's been plenty of years since I stepped inside one, and I don't believe the amnesia is to blame, but I had no recollection of what I watched, where I was, or who I was with. Because of that, I couldn't recall that one-of-a-kind, simplistic feeling. But once the four of us purchased our tickets to see Loveless, it all came back to me–more so, the anticipation I used to get from seeing a movie on opening night. I had no knowledge of Loveless, of its plot, or of its existence, but it didn't matter. The feeling remained, building to greater degrees, even as we rushed into the snack line. Sooyoung and Bogum hastily bought several boxes of candies, because weirdly enough, they were both sugar addicts. Joohyun and I, on the other hand, enjoyed salty snacks more, so we bought popcorn–the default pick for a theatric experience.

With no sweat, we juggled our goodies and refreshments all the way to the theater room. We arrived extra early, so the commercials hadn't started yet. The room hadn't even dimmed. And upon entering, I couldn't help but sigh long and hard at my observations. It was packed with obnoxious teenage couples, occupying every seat in the vicinity, and we were lucky the tickets weren't already sold out by the time we arrived.

Because their seats were by the entrance and near the midsection, Bogum and Sooyoung had no trouble looking for them. Joohyun and I had to walk a bit farther, since ours were located towards the back of the theater. No one sat next to us–at least, for now. I wouldn't say they were the greatest seats but it was better than having to break our necks sitting at the front.

"Got any idea what this movie's about?" I ask at a normal speaking volume, given that the advertisements still had yet to begin. After Joohyun places each of our drinks in the cupholders and takes the seat beside me, I hand her the bag of popcorn she was so eager to chow down on.

"No clue," she replies, popping one, then two, in . "But I did hear it was based off a play." She, then, looks over at me, her beautiful lips quirked in a sinister smirk. "A musical play."

"Yeah, you're ing with me." She knows how I feel about those types of movies, so I doubt she's being serious.

I swear, if it's a goddamn musical...

She laughs softly, and it's music to my ears. "I wish I was. Bogum and Sooyoung were looking forward to this movie for a while now."

"They were looking forward to a romantic musical?" She nods in response, gulping down another handful of popcorn. I don't care if I'm being dramatic; this is devastating. Here I am, seeing a movie again for the first time in years, and I've been set up to watch one of the worst genres in cinema. "Jesus Christ, Joohyun." I pinch the bridge of my nose out of dismay. "Why didn't you mention this earlier? We could've bought tickets for something else."

"Hey, what if I wanted to watch it?" She's teasing for s and giggles at this point. Seeing me complain is the highlight of it all, and I can confirm that with the amused sparkle in her eye.

"Like I'd ever believe that." I resist the urge to roll my own. "You just find humor in my disappointment."

Once more, she laughs, albeit shortly, then says: "Just a little bit."

Nowadays, Joohyun manages to say and do the most unexpected things, at just the right time, and if she wasn't so bewitching, it would've blown over my head. However, that is not the case, because I'm captivated, and any small, meaningless gesture drove me insane. The full-blown question mark hanging over my head doesn't make anything better. It could be as minute as the brushing of our fingertips or her popping my invisible bubble by leaning in a little too close. And, well, a similar moment would be now, as she passes me the bag of popcorn. The quick exchange causes my fingers to touch hers, and that realization put my mind on overdrive. I found it pathetic that the slightest bit of physical contact would remain at the center of my thoughts, but I could never help it, could I?

In time, my prayers for a distraction were answered. The lights started to dim, cueing the beginning of the fifteen minute commercial reel that I never gave a about. I care even less now that I know I'm watching a musical. Then, the actual movie began, earning a round of applause from the audience, which I assumed were primarily theater kids.

Stuck in a daze, I stared at the screen, and not even ten minutes in, the actors and actresses belted out into a stupid song, matched with grandiose choreography. It had gone on for another hour, consisting of songs being sung in fifteen minute intervals, with little-to-no sustainable plot to keep me engaged.

Every time a performance would begin, I'd look away from the blinding screen, the pathetic scene. I groaned, sighed, and grumbled to myself, wishing the movie would end now instead of an hour later. At the sound of stifled laughter, I perked my head up and towards my left. My bestfriend couldn't contain herself, side-eyeing me. She loved my reactions and enjoyed my misery.

I liked looking for distractions, anything to lure me away from the catastrophic movie and its nonexistent plot. Because as soon as I looked over at Joohyun, my thoughts started to revolve around her, just like it was always meant to be. After having multiple conversations about her to Bogum and Jimin, I found it difficult to look her square in the eyes, almost like I've been trying to avoid her. To be honest, I don't even think I really looked at her tonight. These grueling feelings distracted me more than anything else, and the more worrisome they've grown, the less I was in tune with reality.

Although it was dark, the brighter moments of the movie gave way for better visibility, and when it did, I was enraptured. Because when I finally looked at her, I couldn't bring myself to look away. She possessed a beauty so undeniable that it frightened me. It frightened me because I've always been cognizant of her attractiveness and its spell-binding effect, but now it's different. I feel different, and there're so many things being thrown to me at once; the same things I couldn't begin to understand nor attempt to figure out.

It didn't matter though, whether I understood the complexities or not. Emotions were easier to grasp, and what I felt was bliss, tranquility. I liked how it felt, always did. I liked being able to look at her, admire her, and she'd turn to me, smiling that beautiful smile of hers. There was nothing to stress over, to be confused about. Those eyes calmed me, washing away the billion questions harboring the corners of my mind.

For those simple moments, because she didn't dare to break eye contact, I wondered if she could read me. The expression on my face and the look in my eyes may have been blank but it wasn't emotionless.

Oh, it was far from it but could she tell?

The smile that once graced her features had slowly disappeared, and replacing it was a countenance that matched mine. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking about, what she was feeling.

Had she, too, fallen in some sort of trance?

You ing wish, don't you?

It's true. She'd never be attracted to someone like me. It's stupid to think she'd look at me the way Sooyoung looked at Bogum. But why does such a thing matter? If I desired to repel the idea of relationships, then why do I ruminate whether or not she could feel something for me? 

I didn't have the answer, nor did I care. Like I said, now is not the time for complexities.

But the truth is, I was dying to know if I lived in her mind as much as she did in mine. The mere thought sent chills down my spine, and so did the way her tongue poked out to moisten her lips.

Entranced.

Confidence, a trait I hadn't known I possessed, bubbles up from within, somewhere deep down and unearthed. My body shifts and moves without my consent, leaning in close to her. My mouth stops before her ear, to say something, to ask something, but she finds this too unexpected. With shyness, she slightly moves away, eyes widening like saucers upon noticing our proximity.

"What are you doing?" She whispers, as tentative and careful as she's ever sounded. My throat goes dry at the implications, the possibilities.

Did she think I was going to kiss her?

Tangled with reassurance, a soft smile touches my lips. I inch closer once again, because that was all the distance I needed, and I hoped she wouldn't falter.

She didn't.

Though, upon feeling my breath hit her ear, she jumped.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I ask the question I've longed to ask, then pull back just enough to capture her doe-like eyes with mine. They were full of surprise, confusion, and hesitation.

Adorable.

bobs before she hums out a, "Hm?"

She's ing adorable.

"You couldn't hear me?" Or, did she just want an excuse for me to lean in close, again?

"Y-yeah, I heard you." She's stuttering because she's nervous. I've never been this close to her. "What about Sooyoung and Bogum?"

I glance in their general direction, catching the top of their heads, before I land my attention back on Joohyun.

"What about them?"

"I don't know," she murmurs, maintaining a lowered volume level. She cranes her head to the left and in front of us, presumably to check if we were disturbing anyone. I wasn't worried because we were damn-near secluded and out of earshot. Afterwards, she looks back at me. "They invited us to come along. Wouldn't it be wrong to leave?"

"I don't think so." I shrug my shoulders. "They're on a date together. The last thing on their mind is our whereabouts."

I sense her doubt and silent reluctance. Shrouded with uncertainty, her gaze wavers and searches my features, flitting up to my eyes, then to a lower part of my face. Rinse and repeat.

"It's up to you," I say to mend her occupied mind. "Do you want to stay and finish the movie?"

There she goes, again; analyzing me and every portion of my face with her beautiful eyes. It's like she wants to say so many things but she refrains. Then, making me dizzy, she bites down on her lower lip, and shakes her head.

"Then, why do you still hesitate?" I mumble, barely a whisper, barely even words.

This time around, I was surprised to see her closing the little-to-no space between us. I turn my head, lending an ear, to hear what she has to say. I try to focus on anything else but the sensation of her breath, the thought of her lips, and the sound of her voice, all mere centimeters away.

"The tickets were expensive." The tickets in-question were twenty bucks. They weren't expensive. "Are you sure you want to leave?"

"I don't care about the tickets. I consider this movie unwatchable anyways, so does it matter if I want to just get up and leave with you?" When I said this, I looked back into her eyes, and it seemed hers never left. "Besides, I don't want to sit in silence for another hour. It'd be better spent with you, talking to you."

Those borderline romantic words left my lips a little too comfortably, and it may have just been enough to make her wonder about the mysterious meaning behind it. Then again, there's only one thing to conclude about it, and it's that I've garnered a fat- crush on her. It also clearly implicates I want to spend every last minute with her, which isn't too great of an idea to plant in her mind, given that I'm her best friend and not her boyfriend.

Albeit, it left her falling into a pit of speechlessness, and for that, I was grateful.

After several moments of contemplative silence, she breathily said, "I agree," and I swore, she would've said more but my final words must've stumped her.

Upon reaching a mutual agreement, nothing else was said. We threw out our drinks and the empty bag of popcorn without sparing a glance towards our best friends. Leaving the theater and Loveless behind, she couldn't stop staring at me. I could feel them digging holes into the side of my face as we trekked back to the center of the plaza, where the lively wishing fountain was located. Because I was being a coward, I couldn't make eye contact with her, especially after blatantly stating how much I wanted to be alone with her. But now, as she stood before me, and no one was around to be my convenient distraction, there was no chance of avoiding her.

"Do you want to walk around?" She asks out of nowhere. Her tone was calm and collected, devoid of the timidity she resonated earlier. I had anticipated a question or two about why I was acting so sappy, but this is even better. "Or, did you have somewhere in mind?"

"I don't know, I didn't think that far ahead." I rub the back of my neck, feeling a bit stupid that I hadn't thought of a plan. "What do you want to do?"

She shrugs her shoulders and glances around the marketplace, in search of our next destination. But as I train my focus upon the wishing fountain for the second time tonight, I came up with a different idea.

"Why don't we stay here?" I consider, and her peaceful eyes land back on mine, almost instantaneously.

"Here?" Knitting her eyebrows, she pouts her lips in thought. Cute. "What'll we do here?"

"Talk." It leaves my mouth rather blunt and straightforward, but I found her expression of immediate understanding quite humorous. "That is, if you do have somewhere in mind, say it, and we'll go."

"Staying here sounds perfect to me."

While I take a seat on the concrete bench trimmed around the fountain, Joohyun eyes me like a hawk. I pat the open space beside me, and for a second or two, she hesitates, like her mind is running a thousand miles a minute. Eventually, she obliges, glancing at me from time-to-time as I observe the continuous flow of the water behind us.

"What do you think of superstitions?" I inquire.

She blinks a few times, confused of my randomness.

"What, like Friday the 13th?"

I nod. "Or, someone wearing their favorite pair of socks because they think it'll bring good luck." As one, we share a short, light-hearted laugh. "Do you believe in it?"

Appearing contemplative, it takes her a while to provide a final answer.

"Not really. At least, not to that extreme."

There're a lot of things that I like about us and our compatibility, but being on the same wavelength is my absolute favorite.

"It does seem a bit much."

"That level of superstition is. Because isn't it weird how people perform certain tasks in order to prevent future events from occurring?" It truly was thought-provoking, and whenever Joohyun talks about out-of-the-box things like this, she tends to make sense of her beliefs. "Why do people feel the need to knock on wood? Or, avoid the cracks embedded in the sidewalk?"

"When you put it like that, it sounds foolish."

"Because it is foolish." She laughs. "I mean, the last time I ever felt superstitious was when I was a kid."

"Enough said there."

She nods, sending me a gentle smile, then asks, "What do you think? Are you superstitious?"

"I'm in the same boat as you." I sigh, long and hard. "My dad was, though."

"Your dad?" When I mentioned my father, I hadn't taken a glimpse in her direction, but I could detect the shock in her tone.

"Yeah. I vaguely remember a conversation I had with him once," I pause for a moment, gathering my thoughts—more so, the details I'm able to remember correctly. "He would often remind me not to say negative things out loud because what you vocalize sends a message to the universe. One that could turn into a reality."

"I agree with that sentiment," she responds. "What sort of things would you say?"

"Stupid things I didn't mean," I say. "He didn't really understand my dreams of playing the piano, not like my mother did. He'd argue a lot about it, desiring that I'd take a different path, despite me being a kid and all. He was a business man, so I get it now, but back then, not so much. Because of it, I'd lash out, call him ty names, and then some." I didn't want to get too detailed. "Then again, I think a lot of negativity loomed over his head. He believed bad luck followed him everywhere he went."

"Did he ever tell you why he thought that?" Past-tense.

I shrug one shoulder, turn towards her, and let my eyes seep into hers.

"No, although I can only guess his many superstitions were to blame."

She hums, nodding in understanding. In silent rumination, I ogle at the side of her face. She had been too busy tending to her thoughts to even notice my stare, but I could tell she considered digging deeper into the topic. It lasted for less than a second, but a part of me wished she would've said something more. Maybe, if she had felt inquisitive about the past or my parents, I would've answered a question or two.

I, then, divert the subject: "Why do you think people make wishes and drop coins into fountains of water?" 

She wonders for a brief moment.

"It gives them a tiny sense of hope." Good answer; one I had expected. "Do you know the history behind it?"

"There's history?"

"Yeah." Then, she explains, "In ancient folklore, people thought spirits lived inside the water. They thought if they walked past it without offering a coin, it'd bring them bad luck." This girl's capacity of knowledge is endless because why the hell does she know about ancient folklore?

Nonetheless, I rummage through my pockets, pull out my wallet, and search for pennies. I sense my best friend's stare, followed by a soft laugh reaching my eardrums. Smiling at the sight of glistening copper, I grab two and lend one out to her. She makes eye contact with me, searches my face, then retrieves it.

"Don't tell me you're superstitious all of a sudden." She says sardonically.

"Not necessarily, but I figured making wishes sounded pretty fun." Hearing myself say this aloud was unexpected, considering that just a few days ago, I had been inwardly badgering all the people that made wishes and threw coins into fountains. "How about we do it together?"

"Sure." A permanent grin had been plastered over her features, full of mirth and delight, but I had wondered if I was the main cause of it.

"Have you already thought of one?" I tilt my head at her.

"Yup."

"Mind telling me? I need ideas." Fall for it.

"Nope, but nice try."

I hunch my shoulders in disappointment.

"Do you need time to think of one?" She asks.

"I don't think so. There's one that's been on my mind." Would it be wrong to revolve the wish around her? How would I word it in my head? Better yet, what would I even be wishing for? "I wonder if anyone's wish has come true."

"Mine did."

"Really?" I couldn't tell if she was bluffing or not. "What'd you wish for?"

She raises an index finger to her lips. "Secret."

I scoff, resisting an eye-roll. "Are we even best friends?"

She has plenty of secrets she never ends up telling me.

"If my second wish comes true, I'll tell you."

"Like, that'd ever happen." I mean, come on, two back-to-back wishes coming true? That's damn-near impossible.

"Something tells me it will."

"Well, I hope it does. Because if it so happens, I'd be convinced this fountain's magical."

Now, I know what you're probably thinking, and it's completely untrue. When I made up my mind on a specific wish, I did not base it off of her and her only. Indeed, she had a huge influence on what I wished for, so when the time came to toss coins, my inner voice simply spoke the words I'd hope would come true; that it'd remain forever. Joohyun said something about keeping the wishes a secret, because if it had been said out loud for the world to hear, it wouldn't come true. I found her adamance laughable, since she stated superstition wasn't her thing. Of course, I went along with it, because I felt like a sap just thinking about the damn sentence.

But, what I wished for was simple and ordinary. I wished for happiness, not only for me, but for each and everyone of my friends, my family. Come to think of it, it's a great thing we hadn't told one another because if I did, there'd be no end to her aww's of adoration, and the last thing I want to feel is embarrassment. But before we knew it, the moment came and went. Afterwards, we proceeded to ramble about our own perspectives, about the probability of our wishes being made a reality, and just about any other topic of discussion that tied into it.

We were open books for the hour spent under the moonlight. In the middle of our conversation, Sooyoung and Bogum sent simultaneous text messages to us. The movie had ended, and they were curious about our whereabouts.

Neither of us bothered to respond. We hoped they would get a clue and leave it at that.

Now, after a chat-filled night, Joohyun and I were making our way back home. I couldn't be any happier about it–about spending time alone, learning a little more about one another, and conversating about the trivial things in life. To enter her mind and explore her thoughts is something I enjoy most. Whenever she explains her beliefs and the reasons behind them, my inquisitiveness towards her grows. More often than not, she educates me. There's so much to this girl, yet I don't even think she knows it, and maybe that's why I can't prevent myself from trying to show her; to convince her. But then, there're times when the comfortable silence swoops over us, and I'm itching to think of something to talk about. And moments later, a topic comes to mind, and it ignites my entire being because it's the perfect excuse to hear the sound of her voice. It tends to calm me, take me to another place, and veer me off the rocky roads of stress.

So, to hear it before the night officially ends, I query, "Have you thought about what you wanted to do yet?"

"In life?"

Remaining silent, I nod my head.

Looming over us, the moonlight and the passing streetlights illuminate our path. The slightest chill sweeps past us, and as underdressed as I am for the incoming wintery months, goosebumps prickle at my arms. At this, I shove my hands into my pockets, and glance at Joohyun to check up on her. Unlike me, she was safe from the decently low temperature. I curse inwardly, wishing I had predicted like this, because now I'm freezing my off.

"I've thought about it. Just haven't figured it out." Well, she's got plenty of time. "I don't really know what I'm good at."

Did she seriously just say that?

"What do you mean?" I look at her as if she had three heads. If anything, there's not a single compartment she lacks in. "You're good at a lot of things."

"Like, what?" In all seriousness, her expectant gaze latches onto mine, and I presume she's curious of my answer.

"You're a great leader."

"Or, so I'm told..." she trails off.

"What, you don't think so?"

"I think I'm a decent one." She shrugs half-heartedly, and to see her doubting her capabilities destroys me a little in the inside. "That's all there is to me."

I beg to differ.

"That's false." Hearing her say this about herself is agitating. "Plus, I said you were good at a lot of things."

She's looking at me as if to say, "I bet you can't pinpoint anything else I'm good at." Oh, but little does she know, I have plenty. Prepare to get overwhelmed, Joohyun!

"You possess one of the greatest abilities I wish I had, which is being able to articulate your feelings and emotions well."

"You don't think you do?"

"No."

She scoffs, then dares to roll her eyes at me.

"What? I'm serious." I never knew her wordless response would irk me so much until now.

"Well, I disagree," she counters. "You obviously have a way with words."

"Not if they concern me and my own feelings."

A brief look of disbelief washes over her features. She doesn't bother to reply. At this, I take the chance to tell her what I think of her, her strengths, and her abilities. She deserves to know, and it seems she isn't reminded too often.

"Without a doubt, you're the smartest person I've ever met. In terms of the future, if you want to go for something in education, you'd strive. If you want to do something else, it wouldn't matter because you're ing talented." I repeat: all of this is a reminder, to reassure her, because she believes lacking a dream results in becoming an inevitable failure as a human-being. At least, that's what she's presenting to me with every reply being some form of self-deprecation. "Hell, you're even a beautiful singer." As I spoke, my overly commendatory behavior caused her to peer up and tune into every syllable I uttered, those of which carried truth and nothing but. Admiration and gratitude swam deep within her eyes. "I wouldn't be surprised if you became an idol or some , like Seojoon."

Out of pure amusement, she bursts out laughing. She goes as far as to shoving my shoulder, finding my comment completely ridiculous. Little does she know, a huge part of me had been earnest about the idea; the idea of her becoming a performer.

"There's no way in hell I'd become an idol." Of course, she would reject the thought–right off the bat, too. Who in their right mind would think becoming an idol was a reality? Surely not someone as logical and judicial as Bae Joohyun.

"Why not?"

We had reached our houses, but our arrival didn't mean the conversation was over. Because I wanted to drown myself in every future response she'd give, I halt in my tracks and face her fully. Hovering above, a streetlight acts as a helpful beacon. She had mirrored my movements and let her thoughtful eyes gravitate to mine. For several moments, amidst the peaceful, thought-provoking quiet, I ogle at her beauty; the most wonderful distraction. As she mulls over my question, I'd get lost in the beautiful color of her eyes, the shape of them, the light in them. There were several rapid moments when she'd catch me hopelessly staring, and her face would get red, as red as a damn tomato, and she'd force herself to focus on anything but me. I found it adorable; irresistible, even.

"I don't know," she states. "The chances of becoming one is extremely low."

"Doesn't matter. You'd blow the competition away."

She smiles, the blush returning to her cheeks. "I appreciate your unrelenting faith in me and my abilities, but I'm afraid there is better."

"But, you're different." Is it smart to keep complimenting her like this? And to this degree, no less? I've never flattered anyone, at least to this extent, so it's certainly a brow-lifter. "Your hardworking, strong-willed mindset would set you off from the rest."

"I can't tell if you're being serious about this or not." Her gaze narrows inquisitively.

"Your capabilities or becoming an idol?"

"Becoming an idol."

"I don't know. Maybe." I shrug. "If we were to check off a list of idol requirements in accordance to you, you'd have it all: the looks, the charisma, the vocal ability. I bet you could even dance."

"I..." Don't tell me she can dance, too. I swear, if she says– "I dabble."

Dabble?

Ladies and gentlemen, she dabbles!

"At this point, make an audition video and send it to the best companies."

"I will be doing no such thing, but thank you for the confidence-boost."

I still think she should consider the idol-life. It'd suit her.

"Well, now I'm curious." In an interrogative manner, I fold my arms across my chest. "Where'd you learn how to dance?"

"I never learned. I just do."

"So, what you're saying is, you're a ing natural."

"I said, I dabbled." She giggles at my awestruck reaction. "Never said I was good."

"I bet you are."

"What makes you so certain?"

"'Cause you're good at everything."

Joohyun doesn't answer right away, nor attempt to dissuade herself from the eye-contact we held so firm. Though, I do spot a familiar yet unknown emotion flash over them. I was uncertain if she was trying to read me, to detect any subtle lies, or if she was just caught off-guard. If the former is correct, she would encounter no such thing. The latter seems more probable; I've polarized her with my actions and my words more times than I could count tonight.

But the look she sent me was intriguing. When I attempt to make sense of it, those damn feelings would arise to torment my brain. At this extent, I ponder the reason why I was being affected by her stare. Then, after being enveloped for so long, I detect a sense of allurement. She reels me in, and there's no way I could shake her off.

This is to be expected, after all.

When you're attracted to someone, there's an energy, a force or a pull, that takes over. The mind is no longer in demand of your senses or your ability to move. Instead, the thoughts in your brain slow down, are put on pause, or even vanish altogether. You can't control it. If you dare to even try, it destroys any naturalness infused within the moment.

This is what Bogum meant.

Perhaps it's the heart that guides your limbs, bonded to the energy unseen by the human-eye. This is proven to be true, not by me, but from the person I longed for. Because in the seconds that followed, she takes one step closer.

Space; it's been a bothersome obstacle as of late, for me especially. Neither of us have made the effort to overcome it, not like this, but now that she has, it's become clear she's bolder than me. Because as pathetic as I am, it felt like the soles of my shoes were rooted to the pavement. The only capability I possessed was letting myself drown in her eyes. The rapid beating of my own heart was too quick to grapple with, and like every other time before, I considered it'd be the death of me. Thing is, I ing love this feeling. It's an adrenaline rush like no other, and attempting to predetermine every possible move she'd make was mind-bending. The first thing I expected was a hug, and the next was a kiss, but just when I thought I could handle the accumulation of emotions that'd embrace me, nothing could've prepared me for the moment her lips had brushed against my cheek while her gentle hand held the other.

The sweet, feather-like sensation left as quick as it came, but I so badly wanted it to stay. Because once you get the first taste of it, of what things could be, it permanently sticks to you–to the point you can't get enough.

Begrudgingly, I reopen my eyes, following the depressing withdrawal of her hand, then up to that beautiful, shy smile of hers. I had been frozen in place, unable to speak or think, but she knew exactly how to undo the spell. As soon as she moved an inch away, I clasped her wrist, planting her before me. I did not remove it; I couldn't.

"Where'd that come from?" I murmur, barely audible.

"I could ask you the same question." She's either referring to the numerous compliments I've thrown at her or the rather conspicuous way I acted at the theater.

"What if I said I didn't have the answer?"

"I'd call you a liar." My lips quirk.

"Well, how about you? Do you have one?" 

"Not a good one."

As if I possessed the ability to read her thoughts just by looking into them, she quickly strips her gaze away from mine. Now, her focus lays steady towards the ground, or maybe, our hands.

"Honestly? I didn't think." She had lifted her head up, but looking directly at me was avoided. The center of my chest was less intimidating. Perhaps the combined nervousness and natural timidity had played a vital role. "I just did."

I wanted to ask more, but something prevented me. I, too, felt an overbearing amount of shyness, but I wasn't going to let it suppress certain responses. Correct me if I'm wrong but a kiss on the cheek isn't a gesture that regular friends do, especially at our age. If I were to put it into perspective, I've (personally) never thought about doing such a thing to any of my girl-friends. Her, however? She's a whole different story, but does she think the same about me? The possible sad truth is, it could've been completely platonic, and it was just a way to show her appreciation. Guess, it'll remain unclear until it decides to unravel itself.

"But I also had a lot of fun tonight," she says, too softly, and it lulls me out of the slight daze I was stuck in. "Whenever I spend time with you, I'm usually at my happiest, and I don't know if this makes sense or not, but it was different this time around. Maybe, that's why I feel so...spontaneous?"

Out of fondness of her words and the way they made me feel, a small smile graced the ends of my mouth once again. But I can't let myself be fooled by minor assumptions or wishful thinking. That subtle confession could be absolutely meaningless in terms of how my mind portrays it. Yes, it could be an insinuative message, but we're best friends, and it's natural that we see each other in another light. It doesn't automatically mean what my heart hopes for.

"It does make sense. I feel it, too."

Once more, she peers up to look in my eyes, and since I vocalized mutual feelings, they were filled with relief. Perhaps, the purpose was to see my sincerity, but it had been evident in my delivery. Several seconds pass as we observe one another in the utmost quiet. I can easily abandon myself in the way she looks at me, but again, it all shatters once I wonder if I have the same effect on her. Her unbreaking stare not only made me apprehensive, but self-conscious. It also left me thoughtless, and maybe the same could be said for her. But because of these combined emotions, I release her wrist, and it snaps her back to reality.

An eternity flashes by before she clears and speaks up.

"It's getting pretty cold out. You should head inside." I wanted to refuse, to tell her that I didn't want to go inside. Hell, I wasn't even cold anymore. It may sound bizarre, but I felt the complete opposite. "I'll see you tomorrow at school, okay?"

At the implications, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.

"You won't be able to walk with me in the morning?" The disappointment attached to the question had been as clear as the day it was today.

She detects my slight despondence, and her lips curl downward.

"I can't. I'm sorry." There's no need to tell me the reason why because I already knew.

"How about in the afternoon? After my practice ends?"

She shakes her head. "I have work."

I refrain from sighing aloud.

What a bummer.

"Then, text me whenever you're free. I want to do this, again."

"'This'?" It's comedic whenever she's oblivious. "We do this almost every other day."

"I beg to differ." I cross my arms, smirking. "What'd you call this yesterday? A date? Yeah, I don't think we go on those often."

What I like seeing most is whenever her still features morph into that cackle of a laugh; the sign of true enjoyment, of contentment. I expected an immediate response of denial, but I received nothing of the sort. Instead, she retreats a few steps back, her elated gaze still lingering over me. Goddamn that look and what it does to my heart.

"You're ridiculous," she states through a smile that could illuminate.

"Hey, those were your words, not mine."

"Fine, then I'll text you when our next date is," she calls, reaching her driveway. I begin to backstep towards mine, crinkled eyes solely on her. "Don't stand me up!"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Once she disappeared and was out of the sight, the smile left my eyes, and in came a million regrets consuming me at once.

A/N: Hello everyone. I'm back with an update. Some developments have appeared in this chapter, some subtle and some obvious. There'll be so much more to come. This would've came sooner but I headed to Georgia for Blackpink's concert . Had a mini-vacation there, too. The concert exceeded my expectations, to say the least. Seriously, I had a blast.

I hope you all enjoyed!