Forever Rain

Not only was this morning's temperature the coldest it's been in a while, but the weather couldn't be any uglier. It reverberated gloominess and sadness; something that I knew all too well, but the atmosphere caused any hopes of my mood brightening up to go straight down the drain. The sun was nowhere in sight due to the numerous blotches of clouds that covered every crevice of the sky. It was grey, bland, and dark, inducing absolutely zero motivation in me to attend school this morning. I lugged an umbrella as a precaution, but to my surprise, it didn't rain the whole way.

When I left Jimin behind, he was still dead asleep--unmoving. He's been overthinking and stressing himself out lately, so he's been staying up working on that damn song he's cooking up. He's starting to doubt himself. There was no other explanation for his worries besides the chance of making a fool out of himself in front of his crush. I'm not that psyched to go and help him, but if there's a possibility that I get to witness him acting like a clown, then I'm up for it.

Only kidding.

Kind of.

On that note, being a decent friend is hard sometimes. Receiving zero sleep last night wasn't anything new, but it made my condition worse. I wouldn't have gotten up this early solely because of that, let alone the godawful weather that darkened today's aura. But, if it's for Joohyun to hand her some papers, then fine. My hands were tied on this one anyways. A favor's a favor, especially when I offered. 

Still, a mental complaint invited itself inside my head. I mean, Joohyun wakes up at an absurd time to go to school. I have no idea if it's a student government thing or what, but arriving before the crack of dawn? Not my thing, nor my style. What was even more unbelievable was finding her working in the courtyard by herself.

God, is she an idiot?

It's cold as hell, and she didn't bother to wear proper attire.

What if it rains? Where's her umbrella?

I sighed audibly. The complex was near to being deserted. There were only a few students in front of the entrance or walking around the complex. Her student council friends hadn't arrived yet, nor did any of the guys.

Yes, it was that early.

I mulled over the same question: does this woman ever sleep? I feel like all she does is work, work, and work.

It was heavily concerning.

As a best friend, I have every right to be concerned, right? It's not out-of-character at all.

Knowing of my experiences with sleepless nights, I can empathize with Joohyun. She, on the other hand, has it much worse than I do. The main difference is: I don't have a job to attend to or a leadership position as head of my own class. Let alone, all the schoolwork and other nonsense that she must have piled up in between her crazy schedule. I give her a lot of credit for upholding and continuing to maintain the amount of responsibilities that she has. 

I would not be able to do what she does, that's for sure. I can barely do the minimum; dealing with people and being positive all the while. I can't even muster a polite smile to random strangers without it seeming forced or sarcastic. Thing is, I'm not sure too many have the mental capacity to deal with the things that she does.

Plus, who likes being overworked to the point when you lose sleep?

Out of genuine curiosity with a hint of concern, I decided to ask her if she was okay, but it seems like she beat me to it. Perhaps my sluggish walk, my heavy eyelids, and the bags under my eyes were the main indicator of my tirelessness. Not only that, but I'm unable to form a coherent sentence, or think properly.

And, despite her current condition, she bothered to ask about my well-being. I lied to her face, and said I was okay; just sleepy. At least it was partly true. Her apology for making me rise out of bed so early caused me to roll my eyes. There was no reason for an apology; I look like this on the regular, anyways. I've learned to deal with it. If anything, I wanted to get up, as much as I don't like to admit it.

Why else would I offer to do a favor for her? I don't regret such a thing. Receiving an appreciative smile from her was all that mattered. If making her busy life easier was what I accomplished, then that's more than enough for me.

Curiosity itched at my soul, so I threw the question back at her: "Are you okay?"

Enveloped in her work, she muttered under her breath, absentmindedly, "why does everyone ask me that?"

Not the reply that I was expecting. It wasn't rude, but the way she said it—it was like a thought that wasn't meant to be said aloud.

"A lot of people ask me if I'm alright, too." It's true: Aunt Kim makes sure she asks me very morning and every afternoon. She does, in fact, think that I'm losing sense of life. "Plus, I figured it was only right to ask, too. It appears you're frequently buried in work."

"You're not wrong," she sighed exhaustedly, set her pen down, and looked up to find my gaze. "Sorry, I'm okay. I just have a lot on my mind right now. I do thank you for helping me out."

"I get it. It's not a big deal, really." It wasn't. I did cringe at how soft I sounded saying that. "If you need any help with anything else, I'm a call or a text away."

It appears that showing an abundance of kindness and consideration towards Joohyun has become a character-trait of mine. A gross one, in fact.

"A house away, too."

I laughed and nodded, agreeing with her statement, "very true."

For the millionth time, she thanked me, and I shrugged it off.

I couldn't resist any longer: "Not to be that guy or anything, but have you noticed how terrible the weather it is today? It's cold as and if it's not obvious enough—it looks like it's going to rain." I couldn't hold myself back from mentioning it.

"And?"

I scoffed in disbelief. "Well, you're not wearing a jacket to ward off the cold. Secondly, your work is spread out over the table as if it's a sunny day. Aren't you worried your things will get ruined?"

Again, she's on a roll with her unexpected reactions. Who laughs, am I right? Did I miss something? I don't recall saying a joke, unless she's hearing things.

"Why are you laughing?" I exasperated, only half-heartedly.

"Because, it's not going to rain yet, nor am I cold."

I blinked one-too-many times. "How are you so sure it's not going to rain in a span of two minutes?"

It's a valid question, because I don't recall her specializing in meteorology. Therefore, it's highly unlikely she's definite upon that finalization. Plus, not even forecasters can pinpoint how a day is going to go.

"I'm not--I'm merely relying on what the forecast predicted."

I crossed my arms over my chest and shot her an iffy stare.

"Well, that's not smart." I'm telling you; her decision-making and overall logic is sometimes very...fearsome.

"Shut up and stop worrying, Taehyung."

I was speechless, only for a short-term as I was baffled by her assumption.

Did I hear that right? Like, come on: me, worrying? That's what she presumed about my questioning? That's absurd.

"It's called being considerate and calling you out for being dismissive."

"Whatever you say: I'll be fine."

Yeah, until you get rained on and your work gets wet, am I right?

No, I didn't stop there: "Why don't you wait until the doors open?"

"Taehyung." Her demanding tone and intimidating glare insinuated that I shouldn't ask any more questions, so I held my hands up in mock-surrender and closed my mouth. It was silent for a while as she continued to jot down some notes and flip through the papers that I printed out for her. After a little bit, I figured I should stay with her until her friends had arrived. It was only right. Plus, I could offer my umbrella for the uncertain chance that it does rain, right?

I pursed my lips and sat across from her, sensing her immediate attention land on me. I simply ignored, since I didn't want to disturb her from doing her work. Could my thoughts and intentions be anymore considerate?

The silence that came had quickly left, because she, then, spoke up in a questioning tone:

"Are you going to help out at the beach clean-up this weekend?"

I cleared my throat, "It appears that I am, since I'm partly being forced, and well, it's not like I have anything else to do."

She rolled her eyes at my bitterness, scribbling some more nonsense onto her paper that was unbeknownst to me. Embedded in silence once more, I continued to focus on her, studying her mannerisms and movements. Her eyes squinted down at her work, flicking throughout the pages in utmost concentration. I wondered: how does she do it? How does she work this early in the morning without losing sight of what she needs to get done? Meanwhile, she manages to ignore distractions such as I and her other friends that are much worse in comparison. Her dedication was something to admire.

All I did was watch her, though. Again, disturbing her was the last thing on my mind. If she wanted to talk to me, then she would, right?

Well, I was right, because she eventually did:

"Are you staying for the festival?"

"Again, I have no choice, so yes."

Her eyes flitted upward and studied me.

She raised an eyebrow, "what exactly is making you stay?"

"Who do you think?" My cousin, of course. He can't pursue a girl without some help from someone else, and I had previously agreed on aiding him. There's no point in backing out.

"Jimin?" She presumed, "why is he making you go?"

"That's a topic that I can't speak about," It's true. It wouldn't be cool if I went around spreading the fact that Jimin has an enormous interest in Chaeyoung. Plus, it's not my place to say. "It's a secret, apparently."

"Well, let the secret stay in between us, then."

I smirked coyly: "Your nosiness is showing, again, Joohyun."

"Shut up, it's natural human curiosity."

"It may be so, but I'm afraid it's a subject that is not my place to talk about."

She contemplated for a moment—it was evident in the silence that accumulated. She bit down on her bottom lip and prodded the back end of her pen against her chin, before prompting a suggestion.

"Can I guess?"

"No."

She groaned in defeat, but it was more like a pout. Cute.

"Why not?"

"Because, if you guess it, then—"

"Does it have to do with Chaeyoung?"

I blinked several times at the accuracy of her guess. Due to my hesitation, my jaw slightly dropping, and my evident showcasing of awe, I knew she received her answer. I didn't have to tell her; my reaction said enough.

"So, am I right?" she flashed a hopeful, victorious grin that stumped me even further, throwing me into an even deeper pit of speechlessness.

I can't even lie at this point. That's why letting others guess secrets is dumb, because if they guess correctly, then there's always that moment of hesitation which makes everything too obvious to recover from. In this case, I'm just caught off guard.

Might as well give it a try and deny it. It's only right to do so; this is Jimin's crush, not mine. I'm not implying that Joohyun has a big mouth, but if that information started to spread, there's a chance it would cause chaos.

All-too-seriously, I retorted: "No, Joohyun, you're wrong. Although, now that you mentioned her, it got me thinking."

Her pretty smile deflated, but she half-heartedly believed it. I could tell. Plus, she's not an idiot. She'd be too gullible to trust me on my denial after that pocket of hesitation and silence. At least she didn't press the subject on--that would've aggravated me. There's nothing left to do but steer away from the topic of secrets a little bit. "Speaking of Chaeyoung, I have to ask you a question."

Joohyun is good friends with Chaeyoung, so maybe if I ask her if she likes anyone, she'll be honest. It's a general question, so I should be able to receive a valid answer of 'yes' or 'no'.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Does she, perhaps, like anyone? Or, maybe, be interested?"

I think that stumped her entirely, because she didn't give me an immediate answer. She appeared as if she was trying to figure out the string of jumbled thoughts in her head. It was understandable; it was a bit random.

She pursed her lips with a thoughtful countenance, before getting hit with realization.

"Wait, do I have this situation mixed up? Are you the one that's interested in her, instead of Jimin?"

I exasperated at the absurdity: "What? No, I'm not interested in Chaeyoung."

Her features softened and remained puzzled: "Okay...So, why are you asking?"

I can't tell her it's because of Jimin. The secret needs to remain one.

"I just want to know."

"Um, well, I don't know. She doesn't really talk about who she likes, besides boys that she thinks are cute."

Well, that doesn't help anything. Perhaps the only way to find out if Chaeyoung likes Jimin is if he confesses, or by observing their interactions close-up. Even then, it'd be difficult to determine such a thing, but there may be some hints that manages to slip out. I guess, we'll see when the weekend comes around. Now that I've settled a deal with Jimin and there's no way out, I might as well help him as best as I can.

Joohyun and I engaged in a bit of small-talk for the remainder of the time. I mulled over how in the world she could hold conversations while drowning in her work, but perhaps she's used to it. Either that, or she's just a great multitasker. Time gradually passed, and the rest of her friends were veering around the corner to bash her working-session even harder. It was Chaeyoung, Yeri, and Sooyoung. I bid Joohyun a simple goodbye and left her to continue whatever she had to do.

There was something that didn't leave my mind for the rest of the day.

It was Joohyun. She's become a focal-point of my thoughts nowadays. The more I spend time with her, the more she's on my mind. It's possible that since we're growing closer as friends, I need that human interaction to stay sane. Specifically, hers. If that makes any sense, at least. It's all confusing, really.

I mean, let's be honest: I enjoy her company and I'd like to continue to share moments with her.

Now, coming to terms with this: what does it all mean? Am I breaking out of this shell that I've built around myself ever since the accident? Is it possible that she's helping me branch out to others, especially her?

Could she be the key to filling--?

No, I don't think so. I think it'll take much more than that.

Hell, if I know much of anything anymore. It's all become too confusing.

Successfully dragging myself out of the Joohyun-topic, and now in current time: it was mid-day on a usual Thursday. It was like every other school day in terms of the lack of eventfulness and the constant case of boredom. Core classes drew on, driving me into a state of unconsciousness that we're all familiar with called sleep. Much-needed, by the way. Luckily, I wasn't awoken by any pesterers or crabby teachers. Art, on the other hand, was enjoyable as always. It's the only class that stands out to me. Over the course of the week, Seulgi and I started to sit at the same table and chat occasionally, or whenever we'd have group discussions about the lesson. It appears that she's insanely knowledgeable about art itself, like Frida Kahlo and Van Gogh, in which I was mighty interested in. She draws well, too. See, I knew that we were alike. At our frequent conversations, I've sensed that a possible friendship is arising, and I'm not complaining.

Jin and Namjoon were quite the rambunctious duo in English class, once again. Seeing them act somewhat normal outside of school is puzzling, but whatever floats their boat, I guess. Perhaps it's their goal to be irritating. They thrive off the attention they receive. Jin amps it up, though, especially since his crush is in the same class. What's her name, again? Dahyun. Witnessing those two is like watching a drama that entails an enemies-to-lovers theme. It's entertaining, now that I think about it. Jin's goal is to annoy her to his best ability, and she barks at him until he stops. Then, there's points where they can deal with one another. It's an obvious love-hate relationship going on, and I will stand by that observation until progress arises, or I'm proved wrong.

Speaking of Jin—

"Hey, what's up, Taehyung?" Great, he's invited himself into our half of the table—me, Hoseok, Seulgi, and Bogum, to be exact. The entire student government team was missing because they were busy with planning and setting up this weekend's events. Jimin, Yoongi, and Jungkook were helping with putting up posters and such, but that's because they insisted. I'm pretty sure Chaeyoung and Namjoon are with them, too. That's all according to Bogum and Seulgi, anyways.

If you were somewhat wondering, yes, ever since the beginning of the week, I've relocated myself to sit at the table where Jimin and the rest of his crew usually are. Don't think so fast: he practically bribed me with a supply of ramen and a week's supply of Hi-C's that are left in the fridge. I couldn't argue with that. My character hasn't changed with this diversion in location, though. For most of lunch, I listen to music or mind my own business. A true loner, indeed.

That is, unless I'm reeled into a conversation, but in this case, I was pulled out of one by Jin.

"Jin, don't bug Taehyung about tryouts," Jin opened his mouth to retort, but Bogum interjected him, once more. It's quite amusing how he already knew what Jin was going to yap on about. "Seriously, it's unnecessary."

"Fine, I won't bring it up," he deadpanned. "Happy?"

"I'm glad that you've finally took a hint."

An obvious one, I almost spoke up and added.

"Man, you're still bothering the poor guy about that?" Hoseok rolled his eyes, sending me an apologetic expression. "You know, one addition to the team isn't going to make the outcome any different."

"Extra help is a big difference." Jin defended, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's a baseball team, Jin," Seulgi, then, emphasized, "It's a team effort."

"I guess."

Directed towards Jin, I added: "I know that I said I was going to join you guys on the day of tryouts, but I'm going to be honest—sports aren't my thing."

Jin swatted his hand through the air. "Ah, it's whatever. I got a little too excited the other day. What are you interested in, anyways?"

"Anything that has to do with the arts."

"Like, drawing and stuff?" And, then some, but precisely.

Hoseok sarcastically muttered: "No ."

In response, I smirked in amusement as they started to bicker back-and-forth. It seems Jin hates sarcasm. I started to tune them out, since it was impossible to follow everything that they were going on about.

Bogum nudged my arm, grabbing my attention, and asked: "Hey, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

I only joked and said, "Possibly."

He laughed, and continued, "It's not a big deal or anything, but you know the coffee shop that Joohyun works at?"

I nodded as a reply.

"Well, you know my grandparents own the shop, right? Or, do you not remember that part?"

Ah, that's right, his grandparents do own that shop. Although, I can't say that I remembered that bit, if it wasn't for Joohyun. What does that have to do with anything, though?

"Joohyun did inform me of that yesterday," I answered. "What about it?"

"Well, everyone's thinking of heading to the shop sometime next week, preferably when Joohyun is off." I know exactly where this is leading to. "How about you come along and hang out with us? Maybe, you can greet my grandparents, too? Since you and I grew up together, they're looking forward to seeing all of us together, again--especially you."

Now, I'm in a total bind. If I agree to this now, I can't cancel. When the time comes; what if I feel like ? What if my mood isn't up to par?

"I don't know, Bogum," I said uneasily. There were multiple reasons why I was combatting his offer, and a major one was the uncertainty of a stable state of mind. I also don't recollect Bogum's grandparents; what am I supposed to even say to them?

"Hey, look, I know you're still going through things, and I get that it's a slow process." He attempted to understand, but in the end, he didn't. I respect his efforts, though. "You don't have to give me an answer right now, but if you're feeling up to going out, then come along, alright?"

I heaved a large breath of relief. It was comforting to have a friend like Bogum. He wasn't pushy, nor the type to demand an immediate answer like some people I know. And, I got to be honest: I don't have one.

"Thanks, I'll think about it."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Is the reason you're so hesitant because you'll feel out of place?"

"Not at all, I just worry if I'll be mentally up for it." It's a very unexpected thing. Like I've said before, my mood and my mentality have a significant impact on what I do throughout the day. Sometimes, I'll wake up in the morning and have an okay day, sharing smiles and engaging in conversations a little more than usual. But, other times, it doesn't turn out that way. "The internal struggle doesn't seem to go away, but it's not that I don't want to go. I just don't want to be the one that drains the life outta the party, you know?"

"I understand." He hummed, nodding. "It's your choice at the end of the day, Taehyung. Let's say you do accept my offer, though. How about you just sit with Joohyun and I? Would that make a difference?"

Oh, that's right, Joohyun will be there.

I had almost forgotten that she was going, but I'm glad he reminded me.

Somehow, that did make a difference.

At the mention of my other childhood friend, my insides twisted and turned in the weirdest way. It was a foreign feeling, so it left me in some confusion. It wasn't enough to drown me in wonder, though. All I could grasp was that it somehow felt like there was a little bit of excitement from the news that she'd be there. At least, that's what I think it was.

Suddenly, I began to change my mind about things. It was like a switch had been flicked on, and now I was having second thoughts. I was previously going to straight-up refuse Bogum's offer, but something shifted in my decision-making process.

How could my present doubts divert so easily at the mention of her? Was it because she was my happy pill, and the probability of being sad with her around is undeniably low?

Then, my mind reeled over the thoughts that I had about Joohyun earlier this morning, and again, that same question presented itself, once more. It was dangling inside my head, waiting for the answer. This time, I asked myself with zero doubt and hesitation:

Could she be the key to filling this emptiness inside?