Life is Like A Boat

Joohyun's Perspective:

What is it like to kiss someone you love for the first time?

As someone that has never kissed, loved, nor been loved in return, it's a ruminative question that has an unrelenting grasp upon my psyche. Really, what is it like? Setting aside the fear, the doubts, and the regrets that may arise in the future, the warm feeling of shared affection understood by a mere touch seems like it's always beautiful. Everyone I once asked had said the same thing. But it's now, as I watch one of the stupidest webtoon-inspired movies on the planet, one that Mrs. Rinoa and the rest of my film class is so psychotically obsessed with, it really put the idea of romance and relationships into perspective. It's the exact opposite of reality, so I do take notes from it. It might as well have a preface saying, "This contains everything you shouldn't expect!", but I guess that's a given. Besides the fact that it's utterly fake and scripted, love is nothing like the movies or the television shows. There're few that get it right, but most of it is bull. And I don't need to be in a relationship to know that; it's rather blatant.

They make it seem so simple when it comes to love; that it's all about the tension, and the longing, and the pursuit, and all the other unrealistic aspects that it portrays. Those are just a small, small part of a greater whole because what happens when you finally reach it? What happens when it's already in the palm of your hands, the exciting pursuit comes to an end, and the intoxicating tension fades?

Love is layered, unexpected. It's so frightening but like everyone else, I want to experience every part of it—the ups and downs, the highs, the lows.

Am I already on my way?

I inwardly scoff at the thought.

Who am I kidding?

I sigh aloud, halting myself from thinking further. Both exhausted and confused, I bury my face into the palms of my hands, only hoping that this bothersome feeling would leave. My mind likes to fill itself with hopes of the future and its many possibilities, but I know the truth. It's unhealthy to think this way, isn't it? And to feel my own heart inevitably begin to change and warp itself somehow doesn't come to a shock to me. Or is it possible that it always stayed the same? Had those feelings laid dormant in the farthest corner of my heart and mind until I saw him, again?

Feelings are unpredictable and random.

Feelings change and evolve.

Feelings are... weird.

Because what are these 'feelings', exactly? What does it all mean? Is it a phase, a foolish crush, a developing attraction, or something much more?

Whatever it is, it's confusing me. If I were to be in control of my own heart, I'd dislike it. I'd get rid of it. Hell, it's only natural to love it; to crave it. Where should I even begin? It feels limitlessly beautiful and enticing. With every subtle touch and unwavering glance, it lures me in further, throwing me into this revolving door effect of the what ifs.

He could be engaging in a separate conversation, and no matter what, I'm unable to dissuade my eyes from gravitating towards him like moths to a flame. The only thing at fault is my heart, but sadly, that's something you can't control, is it? But whenever his dark eyes lock with mine, I notice the way they've gradually become a little gentler each time. That's what feelings do; they make you aware of everything the other person does, but are they what I think they are?

Nonetheless, because of that—because I'm so aware—I was able to distinguish when he was having a good day to when he was having a terrible one. He didn't have too many bad ones as of late. Maybe, he's just a good actor. Maybe not. But this morning, it was clear that something had gone awry. Perhaps it was the sheer blankness in his eyes that worried me. They were devoid of emotion, seeming empty, lost, and grey. It was reminiscent of the past and the way he used to act. That scared me further.

For the entire day, I attempted to understand the human puzzle that is Kim Taehyung. Capable of visualizing every detail, our morning interaction replayed through my mind in a constant reel.

"What's wrong?" It had been telling in the way his shifting gaze would avoid mine, the way he heavily kept his distance, and the way his soothing voice didn't match the words that he greeted me with. It had been weighed down by something else.

Besides a "good morning", he had been unusually quiet during the entirety of our morning walk to school, and even as I had asked that question, nothing came.

My hand had twitched to reach for his—to comfort him and to make him feel okay. Despite believing that it wasn't a good idea, I had done so, anyways. I regretted it once he had disregarded my efforts by purposely evading it. It pained me inside, not because he had rejected me but because there was something horribly wrong and it was doubtful that he would let me be there for him.

Avoiding my touch; it had been a reaction that was so unlike him.

"I don't want to talk about it, Joohyun."

That had been the last thing he said.

I respected his wishes but a part of me hoped I'd fought a little harder for a tangible answer.

Someone shakes my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts and back into reality. It was Sooyoung wearing a concerned smile. My thoughts posed as a distraction from realizing that the dismissal bell had rung, and the lights had flicked back on. The classroom was damn-near deserted, save for a few straggling students and Mrs. Rinoa clearing the white board.

"What's going on with you today?" Sooyoung asks as I pack up my belongings in a haste. It didn't take me long. It's baffling to see that my mind was dragged so far from reality that I hadn't noticed a thing. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," I lie, before we bid goodbye to Mrs. Rinoa and leave her classroom altogether. Sooyoung doesn't respond due to the sea of students crowding the hallway. Once the bustling conversations were behind us and we were met with the tranquil breezes that swept through our hair, that's when she chose to proceed with our conversation.

"You're completely out of it," she points out. "It has to do with Taehyung, doesn't it?"

I press my lips into a thin line, casting my pensive gaze away from hers.

"Figured. He was acting weird today." She crosses her arms and lifts a brow. "Did something happen between the two of you?"

"No." I adjust the sleeve hanging over my shoulder, then scanned the area for any sign of Taehyung. It was useless to. It's not like he's going to talk to me. "But something happened, and I have no idea what it is. Like always, instead of telling me, he chooses to seclude himself."

"That's not surprising," she says. "Have you tried asking Bogum? I'm sure he knows. Those two keep secrets, for sure."

They do keep secrets—a ton of them. Like I said before, I'd be lying through my teeth if I stated it didn't bother me. However, it seemed like this was a particular situation that Bogum knew nothing about. There's a good chance that he was covering up his knowledge, but I'll choose to trust my best friend.

"Yeah, I already asked Bogum about it. He doesn't know anything." I sigh out of aggravation, deprived of options and leads. "Apparently, Taehyung hasn't spoken a word to him, either."

Unless he was acting, Taehyung seemed to be doing fine yesterday. If anything, something must've come up after I left to help Suho, but what could that be?

"Ask Jimin. He's right over there." She points a directive finger passed my head. There he was, standing under the same towering tree that Taehyung always used to camp under. His attention was drawn toward his phone firmly gripped in his hand, typing away like his life depended on it. "I'm going to watch Bogum's baseball practice, so I'll call you later and we can talk about it, okay?"

That's if I find anything out.

"Sure thing," I say. "Have fun!"

Then, she leaves, spinning around on her heel and waving a hand as a final farewell. I turn towards Jimin's direction. He's still in the same spot as before. For a slight moment, I hesitate, deciphering if it would be smart to approach him or not. In a sense, I feel like he won't cough up the truth, no matter how much he tends to talk. However, this urgency to uncover what's going on with Taehyung is too strong to pass up the small possibility that Jimin could reveal something. And if he were to object to providing me with information, I was only hoping that I could somehow trick him into uttering a clue, but I guess we'll never know until we find out.

I breathe in, then out as some sort of preparation technique. My legs move onward by their own accord, and before I knew it, Jimin was quizzically staring down at me. Then, in a matter of seconds, it's like someone flicked the switch of realization in his mind.

"You're going to ask about Taehyung, aren't you?" asks Jimin.

At least, it went straight to the point.

I sigh, then nod. "Do you know what happened?"

"Of course, I know." He, then, smiles. "I suppose he hasn't told you?"

"No, nothing at all," I murmur. "I'm..." I pause, then gaze down at my hands that nervously wrung together. "Bogum and I are worried about him."

"I bet you both are." A ghost of a smirk tugs upwardly at his lips but I pretend not to notice for the sake of the topic at-hand.

"He's avoiding us, which is unlike him, and he was acting normal yesterday." Come on, Joohyun, think of ways to get Jimin to talk voluntarily. "It makes me wonder if either of us were the cause of it."

He waves a dismissive hand, shaking his head.

"Neither of you did a thing. Don't worry." I didn't believe it was either of our faults, but I figured crossing out any possibilities is the way to go. "You already know how he is, though. He shuts everyone out once something disrupts or ruins his momentum."

"Momentum?" I tilt my head in confusion.

"It's—Well—I'm referring to his mental state. He'll be okay for a while but once something gets in the way of his ability to be happy, he just shuts down like it's the end of the world." I become aware that it wasn't easy for Jimin to reveal that bit, much less go into detail. But the truth is, I've already noticed. "As you know, he doesn't like feeling vulnerable, nor does he like for people to sympathize for him. That's why he not only keeps things internal but avoids everyone until he sorts out. That includes those that he trusts the most, like you and Bogum."

"I know. I get it." Again, it's one of the very few things I've learned most about him.

Nevertheless, I stare downwardly, disappointed, eyes shifting from one crack in the pavement to another. Regarding the part about being one of the those whom Taehyung trusts the most, it's hard for me to agree with that statement (given the recent lengths he's gone to avoid me). But I suppose it is the truth. He's said it himself. Even so, I would like it if he did lean on me about things that may be hurting him. At least, by now, I would've expected something rather than nothing, right?

"I know you care, so listen. My mom found the detention slip." The given information was unexpected. In an instant, I look up at Jimin but I don't dare say a word. After he emitted a sigh, I knew he wasn't done talking. "He's a real for throwing it away in the waste basket in his room. She always empties those out while we're away."

Predetermining how the situation could've turned turned out for Taehyung, I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head.

"They fought about it, didn't they?" Idiotic question, I know. Although the answer most likely pointed towards yes, I had to double-check. But the longer I had thought about it, The more I ended up gradually raising a quizzical brow. "Wait a second. I'm sure that he mentioned that he didn't end up going—that Mrs. Asuna had retracted it, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Did she think he was lying?"

"She trusts him without a doubt, but whether they fought about it or not, I have no clue. I wasn't there when it happened." He, then, awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck. "What I do know is that the detention isn't the main problem. My mom already knew that he's had trouble sleeping for the past several months, but she never knew that the problem worsened to the point that it was happening during school."

"I see." But there was something else that Jimin wasn't telling me. "I know you mentioned you weren't there when it occurred but do you know if there's anything she might've said that caused him to isolate himself? Something that she mentioned to you?"

Jimin hesitates to answer. His jaw clenches, then relaxes while he looks off into the distance. If he was trying to hide the fact that he was leaving something out, then he failed horribly. His reaction, filled with discretion, only urged the idea that I hit the target on the nose. He knew every detail—or, most of it, rather. The hesitance in his eyes assured that he wasn't going to finish revealing the reason why Taehyung had been acting withdrawn. It's interesting to also notice that what I had previously asked had triggered Jimin's current silent state. With that acknowledged, it's fair to assume that it could very well be something that his mother must've told Taehyung. Hell, that was the only possibility. Even so, if receiving a detention isn't the real issue, and she knew that Taehyung had trouble sleeping in the past, what occurred to kickstart his hostility?

"There might've been. I'm not totally sure. My mom only told me the gist of it." Number one sign that he's bluffing; he's unable to look me square in the eyes. "And Taehyung doesn't talk to me as much as you think. I wish I knew what exactly triggered his seclusion."

My subconscious laughs. I had anticipated such an answer, and still, there wasn't a shred of me that believed Jimin. Whenever I try to dig too deep into a topic that had to do with Taehyung, I never get too far. That's because my best friend likes to keep things bound as a buried secret—one no one would be able to uncover unless he chooses for you to know. Thinking that Jimin would sputter the whole truth equates to getting my hopes up, so I made sure that I didn't. But that's okay. I'll find out everything eventually.

Working didn't do as great of a job at distracting me as I had hoped. If anything, it forced me to think and wonder for every second of every minute of every hour. It drove me insane, really. But it's not a surprise, since stressing over Taehyung's current state enacts this worrisome pattern. It also doesn't help that it's been two dull days spent without hearing his sarcastic remarks or catching a glimpse of that boxy grin of his.

Yesterday, after my inquisitive conversation with Jimin had ended, Taehyung was nowhere to be found in the courtyard. He usually waits for me at the usual spot, but he must've walked home by himself. I was disappointed for a while, even as I went to work and returned home. I must've made my inward dejection obvious because not only did Yuna, Bogum's grandmother, ask me if I was okay, but my mother did, too. Of course, I lied by saying I was fine, but deep down, I wasn't. Like I had promised myself earlier in the day, my objective was to offer Taehyung all the time he needed for himself. Considering his circumstances, reaching out to him would be pointless.

Then, last night, as I tried desperately hard to fall asleep, I remembered reassuring myself by believing that he'd return to his usual self once morning came—that he'll either send a text or give me a call. Thinking back on it now, I couldn't help but scoff. At least I was right about one part. Indeed, he texted me this morning, but it was to tell me that he wanted to walk alone to school. I complied to his wishes and carried on with my unusually lonesome day. My mind and my heart controlled my emotions, disabling me from realizing how realistically awkward it was between us, preferably during lunch and Mrs. Asuna's class. Even so, I tried my best to strongly avoid my pestering thoughts but as you can tell, it's not working out too well.

My shift ended moments ago. It wasn't too late into the Thursday evening. I slipped out of the booth, ordered a coffee, and spoke with Yuna and Hyungsik for a little while. After Hyungsik disappeared into the kitchen to check on things, Yuna asked me about school and what Bogum was up to lately. I'd mention he's with Sooyoung, but that'd lead to another list of questions that I don't have the answer to. However, while I was preparing to leave, Yuna had surprised me with a random question:

"Do you still visit that doctor across the street, Joohyun?"

Don't worry, I'm not dying. I often attend monthly doctor appointments for my grueling case of insomnia. It began when I was around thirteen. I refilled my prescription the other day and depending on the severity, I may go more than once a month. That was mainly the reason why falling asleep is like pulling teeth. If you're wondering why I hadn't bothered to mention it until now, I concluded a long time ago that it wasn't necessary enough to blurt out. I don't even think Taehyung knows, but I'm sure he's caught on. Nonetheless, it's unusual for Yuna to sporadically bring up the topic in question. At that, I raise a brow that wasn't meant for her to acknowledge.

"I do," I answer. "Why do you ask?"

She appears hesitant. "Over a month or so ago, I recall you telling me about how difficult it was for Taehyung to open up to you about things. Has anything changed since then?" That question swerved the topic of conversation away from the previous subject, but I believe there's a reason why.

I shake my head in a slow, pensive manner. "Kind of, but not really. He tends to shut me out, just not as harshly as before. I can tell he's getting there, though." Then again, I wasn't too certain about that. Nevertheless, Yuna nods in understanding. 

"How is he doing as of late?"

That's a hard question to answer at this time, but what leaves my mouth is the best I could do. "In general? Pretty well. In the last two days? I don't really know. He's been rather quiet." An understatement at best, but it was the gist of the matter and that was enough.

"I see. Considering what I've noticed recently, that makes sense." I send her an inquisitive look, hoping that she'd explain what she's referring to. She sounds like she knows more than I do, which tugs me closer to the conversation. "For one, he usually visits the shop every other day, even if it's just for a short while. If I remember correctly, and God knows my memory is faltering by the day, it's been almost a week and there's been no sign of that boy. Could it be he's strayed away lately?"

"Well, it's like I said. He's been awfully distant. Given his situation, I'd say it's understandable." That sounds rather vague, so it's only right to share what I know so far (or the lack of it, rather). "Details are limited, but I believe his change in behavior was caused by an argument that he had with his aunt."

Her eyes widen as if she just heard the most absurd thing. "Is that so? I couldn't imagine Taehyung getting into an argument with Mrs. Kim." Neither can I. That's why I believe there's a missing piece to this convoluted puzzle. "Do you have any idea what it was about?"

Ever since Taehyung met Yuna, they had grown close. He often told me the knowledgeable things she says and the words of advice that he took note of. She considered him as a second grandson. Always has. If anything, she deserved to be the first to know about Taehyung's concerning behavior. Who knows, maybe she could provide some sort of insight, guidance, or resolution. Before I could entertain another thought, I relay the small bits of information concerning Taehyung, from his aunt finding the detention slip to the recent lengths he's gone to be distant from me and Bogum.

"How unusual. It baffles me to hear that he's avoided you and Bogum ever since."

I agreed. "I wish I was able to help him but it's doubtful he'd let me." It's all very odd. At this point in time, she knows his behavior is unlike him. I can read it on her face. But there's something that she's holding back—something that she's not telling me. I sense that she's a sliver away from cracking.

"Yuna?" She's hesitant, again. Her calculating look never goes amiss. "Is there something on your mind?"

"Yes, actually." She sighs, then she lets everything go. "Like I mentioned before, I did notice something rather peculiar yesterday involving Taehyung." So, Yuna does know something that I don't. This surprises me, but it also intrigues me. She can do either one of two things: offer me some sort of resolution or a little bit of the truth behind the matter. I have one half of the story, now all I need is the other. Maybe then, I could finally piece everything together. "Although it may turn out to be nothing at all, it might be enough to answer some of your questions."

"Anything would be helpful."

"Of course," she says, then crosses her arms. "Do you remember that therapist you and your brother used to go to?" She didn't need to specify; it's the same one right next to the doctor's office across the street. At that, I respond with a nod. I believe I know where this is heading but I need more details to be sure. "Well, while you were working yesterday, I do believe I spotted Taehyung loitering nearby. Of course, I didn't think much of it, so I didn't linger long enough to see if he had entered but he was acting unusual. At first, he appeared as if he was searching for someone. He kept pacing, checking his phone, and looking around. He didn't seem paranoid, but he was alert. Initially, I thought he may have been waiting for you or Bogum, but I had doubted it."

She paused, giving me enough time to retain everything she said. It's possible that he could have been waiting for someone, but who could that have been? It may have just been a coincidence that he was lingering in front of Dr. Jung's office but let's consider the possibility that it wasn't.

Similar to my situation, could his sleeping patterns had worsened to the point that he needed to speak to someone about it? Then again, there could be multiple underlying reasons why he may be speaking to someone—reasons that I have no knowledge of. My thoughts polarize me for a moment. Even if it were to be true, why on earth would Taehyung talk to someone in the first place? He hates speaking about his problems. Unless...

I ask, "Did you end up seeing anyone at all?"

"Well, that's the thing. Before I left, a pretty brunette approached him. I'm sure you all go to school together—she appeared to be around your age. They had engaged in a short conversation before she left. I hadn't recognized her but all I know is that she looked over the moon about whatever they talked about. He, on the other hand, was the opposite. Sadly, that's all I was able to gather, but something about the interaction concerned me. Perhaps you may know more."

"I see. Thank you, Yuna."

My heart slightly wrenched for all the wrong reasons. Then, as foreseen of a feeling as it was, what took over was an uncomfortable sensation swarming in the pit of my stomach. That's all that remained, tormenting me. At times like these, when I know I shouldn't feel this way, I desired to get rid of it. It's fair to believe that the minor details surrounding the mystery girl Yuna mentioned was the cause. As soon as she described her as a "pretty brunette", the identity of whom she was referring to only became more prominent. In truth, that could've been any of Taehyung's friends but there's only one that Yuna's never met.

Once the slim possibility that it was her had slowly started to grow larger, it ruined the rest of my day.

With that, thought-provoking questions, worries, and uncertainties tend to invite seemingly endless bouts of overthinking, all in suffocating amounts. It's cruel to one's mentality, especially when night falls and sleep is no match against the busy thoughts.

To turn off my brain, to shut everything down, and to let the cloud of uneasiness disperse is a wish that I long to be granted. But due to the various things I've been told earlier in the day, I knew it was impossible. No, not when the human mind always creates its own conclusions and reasonings. It got tiring after hours and hours of pondering with no answers in sight.

So, whenever I'm struck with moments like these, I force myself to remember that I don't know the whole truth, nor do I know what's going on with my best friend. I may care too much about him, and maybe that's why I try so hard to piece two-and-two together, but the truth is, I won't be at peace until I hear it coming from him. To create deductions and hypotheses based on uncomfirmable sources is pointless.

It's better to wait.

Those floating words stayed as a continuous reminder until my train of thought was interrupted. At first, I figured I had either unknowingly drifted off to sleep or was on the verge of it, stuck in some sort of dream, but everything became clear once the repetitive sounds gradually became crystal clear. It rose me from the depths and spewed me back into a depressing reality.

The realization was instant. The sounds derived from my vibrating phone clattering violently against the wooden counter beside my bed. Once I pry my eyelids back open, it was loud-and-clear—unmistakable, even. After I lift my head off my pillow, I glance at my alarm clock. It's twelve in the morning.

Who the hell is calling me at this hour?

I reach over and grab the buzzing device that seems to never stop, before squinting at the glowing screen. Upon reading the name at the top, my eyes widen, my heart jumps, and my finger taps all at once. Three separate feelings and emotions had joined and mended into one upon accepting a call that I had least anticipated at this hour. My entire mind had been swept. Even as I raise the phone to my ear and lean comfortably against my headboard, all of the aggravation that I felt from the strenuous effort towards figuring out my best friend had flown out the door.  It was as if receiving a call from Taehyung was the perfect remedy for my chaotic mind.

"Taehyung." My voice barely worked, so his name left my mouth as a breathy whisper. Perhaps it was the combination of shock and excitement that caused it.

He emits a quiet sigh of relief.

"You're awake," he says so softly that it makes my beating heart launch out of my chest. "It's pretty late, so I wasn't sure if I should call or not. When I saw your light was on, I figured—"

"Thank you."

"Huh? For, what?"

"For calling me, idiot," I say incredulously. "At this point, it didn't matter when you contacted me; I just wanted to hear from you. It's been an unusual amount of days since I heard your voice."

"Sounds like you missed me." There's nothing to deny, so I don't. Not even in a playful manner. "Considering you're so quiet, it seems like my suspicions are right." It's like I could vaguely hear the slightest smile in his beautiful voice.

"I did miss you," I mumble, "."

"Two conflicting sentences," he pauses, the miscellaneous background noises and staticky murmurs filling in the quiet. "Sometimes, I wonder: do you hate me or do you like me?"

I viciously roll my eyes. He knows what's coming, and that's exactly why he's purposely spewing so many useless things out of his mouth. After all, he wants to avoid the most important topic—more so, the mysterious reason why he's been so distant.

I stare up at my ceiling and ask, "You really want to know the answer?"

"No need. I like mulling over the mystery that is the untold truth."

Oh, he's extra ing weird at this hour. Sleep deprevation must be taking a harsh toll on him.

"Taehyung..." It's high time that I delve into the situation at-hand. But before I could continue, he sighs dramatically. It's like he detected the dip in my tone. "There's a reason you called me at twelve in the morning and I'm pretty sure it wasn't to joke around or say weird ."

"What if it was?"

"I wouldn't believe you."

"Well, why not?"

"Because you're obviously not okay, and you haven't been for several days now," I answer in all seriousness. "For you to talk so casually while cracking jokes not only confuses me but it also worries me."

No response came. Only silence ensued. That is, until I broke it.

"You've been quiet and distant lately, and I have no idea why." Will I ever be able to know the reason? "I've been so worried about you that I drove myself insane trying to figure it out."

"I know. Jimin told me. Not only that, but I kind of noticed it the past few days." His dejected tone had lowered and dropped, no longer sounding the least bit energetic. It's almost like it was all a façade. Perhaps an act to mask his real emotions. He tends to do that whenever he's talking to me. "Do know that it wasn't my objective to make you feel like I was avoiding you."

"That's exactly what it felt like."

"I'm sorry." Those simple words sound so true, so genuine. "Really."

"Did you call to apologize?"

"No. I called because I missed you."

I froze.

He missed me, too?

Am I ing dreaming or something?

I'm blaming lack of sleep for that sweet yet subtle confession, because in what world would Kim Taehyung ever admit those words so earnestly? And without gagging, much less?

Or, is it true, after all?

"You did?" Truly an idiotic answer, but a vital part of me wanted to hear him say it again.

"Why are you so surprised whenever I say something the least bit kind? Yes, I missed you. Only sometimes, though, since we're always together. Because of that, I get sick of you more than I miss you but what can I say? You're my best friend." I pinch my eyelids shut in slight annoyance. Without a doubt, he ruined it. As expected. Once the final bit of his nervous ramble reached my ears, I felt the disappointment permeate. My hunched shoulders—no, my entire body—deflated with it. It's not a surprise that I reacted this way, especially when I have a great deal of conflicted feelings to tend to—ones that I can't even begin to understand. I hate it. I really do. Not only because something exists within my heart, but because it makes me act like this—foolishly giddy and smiley and gross.

"Yeah, I get it. There was no need to overelaborate." I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear the dismay that stuck to my tone.

"Sorry, I just..." He let his words linger for a moment or two, then resumed with, "What I'm trying to say is, as you are my best friend, I owe you an explanation."

Don't get your hopes up. "You don't owe me , Tae. Like I said before, you're not obligated to tell me anything that happened."

"I know, but I want to." He's...serious? "If we can meet tomorrow after school, I'll tell you everything. From beginning to end. No skips."

I was speechless, to say the least.

"Well, I am free tomorrow." My mind was too busy reeling to say much else, except for, "Are you sure about that, though?"

"Of course, I'm sure. I wouldn't be telling you all this if I wasn't." At least the token of reassurance comforted me.

"Right. Just making sure." I nod my head and trail off into a short-lived pocket of silence. "Before we hang up, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Will you be okay?"

"In general? Not too sure. It's kind of hard to say." I heave a sad sigh, a faint frown touching my lips. "But with a little more time, I believe things will look up. With your help, I think I can make it happen."

"With my help?" That brings me an abundance of unexpected joy. The kind that's inexplicable through words. "I...can help?"

"You do help." He laughs a little, so gentle and refreshing. The sound alone warmed my heart. But for a split second, I was shocked, considering his current state of mind. Albeit I didn't bother to inwardly question its sincerity. I highly doubted it was forced. "Anyways, don't worry too much. Just try to get some sleep. We'll talk more in-depth tomorrow."

"Okay," I say through a delighted smile. "Tomorrow, then."

I almost pulled my phone away from my ear to hang up, but his voice stops me in my tracks once more.

"Oh, and Joohyun?"

"Hm?" I hum in response.

"I'm really glad you answered."

"I'm really glad you called."

That night, I remembered thinking, He's the only person in the world that makes me feel so many things at once.

It was only a matter of time before I realized what that meant.

A/N: Hello, everyone! I hope you all are doing well. This chapter had lots and lots of Joohyun thoughts in it. Despite having this and future chapters mapped out, it was incredibly hard to write LOL. Not only that, but it's been really difficult to write and update in general. I am trying my best though. Next chapter will be a continuation of this one, obviously in Tae's POV.

Thanks for reading, voting, and commenting! Love you all. Hope you enjoyed. :]