"You're spacing out,"

"Huh?"

"I said you're- nevermind. What do you have in mind?"

Seulgi swallowed, feeling her hands become clammy under her coat. Averting her gaze towards the people that pass by them, she mumbled, "Can we- Can we talk?"

Eunae seemed to not hear her as she kept walking and gazing through stores, her face pulled into a jolly expression. She didn't want to do this. Believe her because even if Seulgi herself was torn with her feelings and guilt, Eunae doesn't deserve to be pulled into the mess she created and yanked back out harshly.

The younger deserve better. She deserve someone who wouldn't ask her to be her girlfriend just because of her own confusion and selfish reasons. She deserve someone who would only allow her to occupy her heart and mind and not wander to anybody else's when they're on a date. Eunae deserve better and Seulgi knew that she wasn't the one for her.

"Eunae-"

The words died on when a flash of hurt crossed Eunae's pretty features but as fast as it came, it disappeared just as quickly. She was smiling again, despite tears b in her eyes.

"Seulgi. Stop." She didn't look at Seulgi, eyes still on the glass window of her favorite shop.

"Please, not now. Give me a few more hours, okay?" Eunae took a shaky breath and bit her lips. "Give this to me, okay? Then we'll talk."

She wanted to say no. To protest that the longer they have to wait, the more painful it'll be but she couldn't do anything when the younger's expression was so reminiscent of that from the past... from the moment Seulgi left her inside the gym, from that moment she broke her heart.

And she'll break her heart again so who was she to deny what the younger was asking? Who was she to push Eunae to talk when she's the one who dragged her into this mess?

"Okay," she agreed softly, her heart breaking for the younger. "Okay. I'm sorry, let's go?"

The air around them became thick and her hands became more clammy but a glance at Eunae who seemed fine and was jumping from the things she saw inside the store or how her eyes light up when they pass by the food stalls made her push herself to forget.

Just today. Just for now, let her be the girlfriend Eunae deserves. So she removed all the intrusive thoughts away and focused on her girlfriend.

They spent their time wandering through crowded streets, hand in hand and pushing and pulling and playfully tugging each coats just for childish fun. They ate, they laughed, they bickered. It was like the past, when things were less complicated and soon, Seulgi found herself enjoying and with a earsplitting grin on her face.

It was starting to get dark and with the cold in their fingers and cheeks, they decided to seek shelter in a ramyun shop that sells the best noodles without breaking the bank.

Once they were settled, Seulgi was gobsmacked with the thought that this was it. After this, she'd confess and break things for the both of them.

"That's all you're gonna eat?" Eunae asked as she eyed the food infront of Seulgi. It only consisted of kimbap, spicy seafood ramyun, and kimchi as a side. "Order more, Seul. I know that's not gonna even reach your throat." She joked, earning a playful glare from Seulgi.

"I'm still full, and I-I don't think-"

Eunae averted her gaze and held back a sigh. Following Eunae's gaze, Seulgi saw that the sun was no longer giving them warmth as it already disappeared in the horizon and its wake was darkness and cold. She looked at the younger again and shook her head, giving her the most sincere smile she could offer.

Eunae turned to her and said, "But I'm hungry... will you help me finish everything that I'll order next?"

"Isn't that enough for you?" Seulgi asked while pointing at what Eunae ordered. It was tteokbokki, kimbap, ramen, fried side dishes and kimchi. "That's... a lot even for you."

Eunae shook her head and pouted. "But I haven't eaten here and I want to try everything. Will you help me?"

With eyes that was scrutinizing, Seulgi studied her and when she realized what the younger was doing, she nodded. "Okay. I'll help you. That's the least I can do, right?"

"At least you know what I have done for you," Eunae joked, her tone was light but there was a hint of something unspoken under her tone.

When her words registered on Seulgi's brain, it was like a er punch right straight into her gut. It almost rendered her speechless and breathless.

To stop herself from tearing up, she reached for the hand that was lying face up in the table, Seulgi gave it a squeeze and held it in her own. "That's why I'm thankful for you... I'm truly truly thankful."

She saw how Eunae's lips trembled and how her eyes quivered and softened as they gazed in Seulgi's soft ones. Seulgi just wished that it was enough to convey her sincerity and gratitude towards her despite what will happen later on.

They let Seulgi's words linger as they didn't speak anymore. The clatter of utensils and chatter of people eating inside were what surrounded them as they ate in silence. Seulgi kept stealing glances at the younger who didn't look at her again.

The food tasted bland and she forced herself to swallow the bile and the food and the thoughts that kept on knocking in her mind, which made her want to spit everything she's chewing and wretch at the guilt that was eating her.

She couldn't taste anything but bitterness in but Seulgi knew that the food would've tasted amazing, as she saw Eunae's eyes twinkled when she took a bite or the slow nod of appreciation when she swallowed her food. But to her, it tasted like styrofoam and cardboard which made it more difficult to ingest.

She tried to remove the thoughts and tried to chew carefully but her jaw hurt and her tongue was numb, making her clench her fingers tightly on her chopsticks.

Eat. Chew. Swallow. Then repeat. That was the mantra she kept telling herself so she would not shudder and heave from the effort of eating. And it worked because as the time dragged on, the food infront of them dimished until they cleared their plates.

"That was good, right Slug?"

"Hm?" She turned to her to see her expression morph, from bleary eyes to mischievous ones.

"I asked if you're going to pay."

"Oh, right right." She immediately reached for her pocket but Eunae only chuckled at her and reached for her hand.

"I was just kidding, Seulgi. I already paid them, see?" She said, holding up the receipt.

"You didn't have to... I was supposed to-"

"Hush. It's my pleasure to treat you... like maybe since this would be the last?"

The tone used was light and teasing, there was even a grin that was spread on the younger's lips but it made Seulgi's heart contract and weighed almost like a tonne. Her shoulders sagged visibly and eyes wavered when she met Eunae's sad ones.

The time has come. The dreaded end of the meal would mean that the elephant in the ing room will finally be acknowledged and Seulgi didn't know whether to run without looking back and leave the younger in its wake or wait for the ground to open to swallow her whole. 

As tempting as it was to do any of those two, she paused to breathe. She thought that she should face the music now and free the younger from the binds of her foolishness.

"Oh gods. I need to burn all these carbs I ate or else I'd have a problem running-" Eunae chuckled, pulling Seulgi to look at her but whatever was Eunae supposed to say was left unfinished. "So, do you want to take a walk with me?"

Despite having the intention of coming clean and telling Eunae what she wanted to say, Seulgi hesitated with the offer. The younger saw this and clicked her tongue, a hand offered to her.

"Come on! Don't be such a lazy , Seulgi. You're old but you're not that old, right?"

They may have entered the restaurant hand in hand but they left the establishment with a foot of gap between their bodies. Eunae let go of her hand when they thanked the owners and was keen on putting as much distance between them as possible.

"The night is still young..." she heard her mumble.

Seulgi wanted to reply but there was a lump in , making her swallow thickly instead. What came out was in between a croak of Yes, it is and an unintelligible word for the likes of Seulgi who was an avid reader.

The night is still young...

And so was Eunae... yet, here was Seulgi, a year older than the girl but was none the wiser. In fact, she was the one who was childish for holding on a love that never bloomed for so long and dragged an innocent and pure soul in the mess she created.

Seulgi held on to Eunae's without letting go of Irene.

For she was a fool to think that Eunae would save her from the black haired beauty that seemed to follow her wherever she goes. When in reality, Jo Eun Ae was supposed to save herself from Seulgi.

A cruel twist of fate. A sick joke for a kind woman.

And Seulgi was all to blame.

Maybe it had been hours since they left the ramen shop or maybe it only has been thirty minutes when Eunae's steps slowed and her breathing hitched.

Taking a deep breath and with her fist clenched, Seulgi braced herself to call for her attention, 

"Eunae-"

"Seulgi."

She was startled when Eunae called her the same time she did so she dumbly stood there while waiting for Eunae to continue.

In the cold night's air, and the wind softly whispering in her ears, Eunae spoke with a voice barely there. Her demeanor changed, her shoulders squared and her eyes bore holes into Seulgi's head which made the latter gulp and clench her jaws.

But she didn't expect what came out of . She didn't expect that the wind could be colder- that it could be more biting and sharp, making her eyes water and her nose runny.

Because at that moment Eunae muttered those words with wisps of cold air forming against her breath, Seulgi visibly shook with coldness from her heart and heaviness in her whole being.

"I'm breaking up with you."

Five words. It took five words to erpunch Seulgi that it nearly made her trip backwards and fall to never be whole again. It was ridiculous to feel this way when she intended those to be said to the other and not the other way around. She didn't expect it to hurt this much but it did.

Was this a sick joke that the fate was making her feel what Seulgi intended Eunae to feel? A dose of the ing bitter medicine that she'd shove Eunae's throat because she still has feelings for Irene.

It hurt so ing much especially when she saw Eunae's lips tremble, not with the cold but with the hurt Seulgi inflicted upon her.

"It's what you're going to say to me, isn't it? That you're going to break up with me." Eunae chuckled dryly, as dry as a frost bitten skin, aching, cold and so utterly painful. "That's why you're so attentive with me. That's why you took your time planning this date and that's why you finally managed to meet with me and that you finally stopped pretending to be so busy..."

Seulgi bit the insides of her cheeks hard, drawing out blood and tasting the iron on her tongue. But despite the tangy metallic flavor invading , it couldn't overpower the bitterness that surrounded her whole being.

She stepped forward, a hand reaching out to the now trembling girl. "Eunae-" she choked, unable to continue what she was about to say.

Seeing her movement, Eunae took a step back and wrapped her arms on her own body, looking so small despite being a couple of inches taller than Seulgi.

"Why?" She cried with tears making her vision blurry. "What did I do so wrong for you to cast me away again? For you not to choose me again? Why do you keep doing this to me, Seulgi?"

Why?

Seulgi also wants an answer for that.

Why couldn't she move on?

Why was her heart is still desperately hoping for something between her and the one she hated for years?

Why couldn't she forget Irene when their time was too short and too vague?

Why couldn't she... when Euna