Seulgi felt her blood run cold as she stare at Irene, unable to move or speak. Irene finally created some distance when she saw the mortified expression and walked towards the bench.

 

"What's with the expression, saint Seulgi?"

 

Still unable to speak, Seulgi staggered backwards and her breathing became ragged.

 

Does.. does she know?

 

"Yah, Kang Seulgi! You're creeping me out. Why are you so taken aback by my suggestion?"

 

"I-I can't-" Seulgi started but wasn't able to continue when she felt the pounding of her head.

 

Irene was suddenly beside her and held her shoulders, guiding her to seat. "God, Seulgi! Why are you so ing cold and pale? Relax. Breathe. Jeez."

 

She closed her eyes, trying to even out her ragged breathing and lied through gritted teeth, "I- I can't dance."

 

Irene's eyebrow cocked upwards, her lips forming into a knowing smirk, then she bursted out laughing. The high pitched laugh resonated in the quiet place and Seulgi could only look at Irene, asking if she knows or that she saw through her blatant lie.

 

"Oh my gods," Irene started to speak but clutched her stomach harder when she looked at Seulgi's stunned face. "Oh. My. God."

 

It took a while before Irene could stop laughing, and when she did, Seulgi's heartbeats were back to normal but there was still this fear that Irene might know.

 

"You're ing hilarious," she said while wiping the accumulated tears on the corner of her eyes.

 

"You thought..." Irene started to say but another bout of laughter ensued. "You thought... you're gonna dance, too?"

 

"Isn't that what you said?" Seulgi asked as low as possible.

 

Irene scoffed loudly, erasing the traces of smile and lightness in her eyes. "If you're lame as you look then it's apparent that you can't dance. Don't be dumb." She flicked Seulgi's forehead. "I'm not gonna ask you to dance with me. I don't want to ruin my chances on the program, you know. I'm not stupid."

 

She should be hurt and insulted but she was far too relieved to feel the pain of Irene's words.

 

Oh thank gods.

 

"Do you know Lalisa Manoban? The friend of Jennie?"

 

She thought for a moment before remembering the face of the girl. "The... the pretty one?"

 

Irene didn't speak after that, making Seulgi look at her to see what happened. When she caught Irene's hard gaze on her, she gulped and looked down.

 

"You think Lisa's pretty?"

 

She pictured the girl's face once again and nodded her head. "Yeah, she's pretty and she's an amazing dancer. Why?"

 

Her reply came short and biting. "Nothing."

 

"Why? Why did you ask?"

 

Irene was still when she explained, "She's gonna be the one who'll teach me how to dance."

 

"Joy said you can dance."

 

"I can but that doesn't mean I can choreograph my own. She's an amazing dancer, isn't she?" Seulgi nodded. "I've already talked to Jennie about her and Lisa accepted."

 

"She did?"

 

"Yes. I already have an idea on what to do so she'll just add or improve it or something. I guess she's that great."

 

It didn't sit quite right with her but Seulgi only nodded, letting her fists clench beside her, hidden from the sight of Irene.

 

"I guess."

 

Silence settled once again and but then she realized something. Unclenching her fists and breathing deep, she turned to Irene. "Then, what's my role here? If I can't help you with that then I have no use to be here with you anymore."

 

Irene rolled her eyes. "You really are stupid."

 

Before Seulgi could take offense, Irene started to explain her role. "You'll be the decoy."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Mrs. Lee specifically said that no one should help me but you, right? But all your suggestions failed and time's running short so I improvised."

 

"By cheating? Improvisation by deceiving Mrs. Lee?"

 

Rolling her eyes, she shrugged. "I want to be in this program as much as you want and Mrs. Lee wouldn't know, right?"

 

Seulgi couldn't believe what she was hearing. Irene was willing to go beyond what was allowed just to be accepted? 

 

Irene was one of the ace students of their university and the ing vice president of their college and she's going to do something like this?

 

"Are you serious? You're really going to fool Mrs. Lee?"

 

The other only shrugged in nonchalance while checking her lime green nails. "Why not? I've been an exemplary student here, this little cheating wouldn't tarnish what I've accomplished." Then she looked up, locking gaze with the monolid girl, "Besides, it's my last semester here so why not go all out, right?"

 

Irene looked at her with a small smile but Seulgi's brain and ears have stopped functioning when Irene gave her that shrug and answer.

 

Her mind was still processing that Irene was so willing to use people and deceive that sweet old lady who was always commending Seulgi's works and giving all her class high grades despite the art not being pretty.

 

"Wow," was all could Seulgi mutter. And after a few more seconds of thinking, she repeated, "Wow."

 

Irene's hard expression changed into a confused one but she shrugged it off and picked on her chipping nail polish. When Seulgi wasn't still responding, or saying anything, Irene grew tired of it and checked her watch.

 

The older stood up and dusted of her pants, "It's settled, then. I'll text you the de-"

 

Seulgi finally collected herself and looked at Irene. "Are you really really serious?"

 

"Yeah. Why?"

 

"You're really going to use me as a decoy?" She asked through gritted teeth, making the latter's brow twitch.

 

"Didn't I just say that? Gods, Seulgi, I don't have time for your slow mind. I need to go."

 

Irene was heading towards the Architecture's building when she suddenly halted from taking another step. The cause of it was Seulgi, who was laughing by herself as if there was something funny about what Irene has just said.

 

But there was nothing funny about it, or Seulgi's laugh held any joy. It was dry, and raspy and too bitter that it almost made Seulgi cough. She looked at Irene who was grimacing at the sound.

 

Then Seulgi smiled. It was too wide that her eyes just didn't turn into crescents like it usually does but it made her eyes disappear altogether.

 

"You're ing hilarious," Seulgi repeated the exact words Irene said to her awhile ago. "You're really going to stoop that low?"

 

"What are you talking about? That isn't stooping low. That's called improvisation."

 

Seulgi knew that Irene knows what she's talking about but as usual, the older would just pretend that she didn't. Irene was desperate and she could see that clearly.

 

Seulgi motioned everything around them and shook her head, "All of this... for her?"

 

"What?"

 

Still smiling, Seulgi stood up and briskly walked towards Irene, whose eyes faltered when Seulgi was too close- whose lips trembled when it felt Seulgi's breath fan her face- or when Seulgi took another step forward, Irene could feel her heat radiating off on her.

 

"She's lucky, isn't she? So, so, so lucky." When Seulgi spoke, her voice held something foreign to it. It was a tone that doesn't belong to the squishy cheeks or her bear like features.

 

Irene's eyes snapped towards her, the recognition of what her tone meant was evident in her eyes and it faltered upon seeing Seulgi's expression.

 

Seulgi knew- that despite of what she's feeling- the smile was still on her face, or if you can consider it that. She could feel the strain of her cheeks being tugged upward and the twitching of her lips. She could also feel the intense gaze of Irene on her, boring deep inside her skull. It was as if Irene knew- or was trying to figure out why was she smiling.

 

"W-who?"

 

Irene suddenly flinched when Seulgi raised her right hand, thinking that the taller girl- despite knowing she didn't have any violent tendencies- would hit her.

 

Seeing the reaction of Irene, Seulgi seemed to realize what she's about to do and lowered it, releasing a chuckle that was so similar to the one awhile ago.

 

"Go on then. Make me a decoy. Use me. Use me again and again and again because you just don't care about the people around you, right?"

 

"W-what? I never used anybody!" Irene's tone held conviction but Seulgi only nodded and took a step back.

 

"You never change," she took another step back.

 

She smiled again, smaller this time, less strained but still too... much. Too much for Seulgi's heart and too much for Irene to take in.

 

Because that little smile was enough to break an already broken heart.

 

"Just contact me when you need a puppet." Seulgi finally said and turned her back on Irene, letting her shoulders slump in defeat.

 

Everything was different yet the same.

 

Seulgi doesn't learn. She was still stupid.

 

Irene doesn't change. She was still that girl who pushed her on the swing and made her miserable.

 

But for a moment, she thought that maybe this time she was correct.

 

That maybe, Irene's persona was all just a mask... that maybe that girl inside the classroom was the real one.

 

The one who has conscience and a heart.

 

The one who smiled when she showed her sketchpad or the one who'd hum randomly while sitting side by side with her.

 

She was so sure about it but she remembered that life isn't an ally but a goddamn so it made her realize that she was wrong.

 

So, so wrong.

 

What was she thinking?

 

Seulgi was done and she decided to just go with the flow because at least in the end, she'll be in the States with Eunae.

 

//

"One, two, three, four," 

 

"No. No. Place your legs here. There and then-"

 

The longer she listened, the easier it was to zone out. The voices started getting muffled and soon, it became whispers as she stared at nothing.

 

Time went on and she didn't know how long she sat there, her back aching and legs cramping from doing nothing. The music, despite it resounding inside the whole room, was supposed to make her feel alive and want to dance but after awhile, it started to get boring. The want to dance with them dissipated as she watch the two figures go over the same thing again and again.

 

Yes, Seulgi was inside the dance room, watching and criticizing the small mistakes Irene was making all throughout the practice.

 

It was the fourth day already but there were still too many errors and groans and disappointed sighs that it was frustrating for Seulgi. She wanted to correct the small irregularities in Irene's movements or correct her facial expressions but she kept quiet and held it in.

 

After all, it wasn't her job. Her job was to be a decoy and watch and watch and stay in the shadows while doing nothing. So she let the dance instructor and fellow student, Lalisa to correct Irene instead.

 

It was better this way. To stay in the corner and just look at what's happening than to get in the way of Irene and make a mess and be hurt.

 

Seulgi was just a tool- a display at Irene's disposal and she's committed to stay that way until the end of the project.

 

A display, she scoffed.

 

The music suddenly stopped playing. She eyed as Lisa stood infront of the gasping Irene, looking worried. "Are you okay?"

 

"I am. I'm just- I'm sorry."

 

Seulgi didn't avert her gaze but she kept her silence and blend in with the background while listening to their ragged breathing and heavy pants while conversing.

 

Lisa chugged her water before speaking, "You got this part yesterday but you keep on messing up today. Is there something wrong?"

 

"No. No. I'm just a little preoccupied. Can we take a break?"

 

Lisa nodded and looked at Seulgi, "Are you okay there?"

 

She nodded silently and pretended to resume being busy on her phone that was almost dead. A prop to make her look occupied. Seulgi then heard shuffling of feet and the door closing. When she looked up, Irene and her were only the ones left in the room.

 

"She said she'll come back," Irene filled her in despite not asking.

 

Seulgi only nodded and was about to resume scrolling through her instagram account when she felt being watched. Looking up, Irene's eyes were on her, watching her using the reflection of the glass covered wall.

 

Seconds ticked by without looking away and she thought she could hold the stare longer but she couldn't. Seulgi looked away and without saying anything, she stood up and walked towards the door.

 

She couldn't take a second more inside. She felt like the four walls were like closing in on her and Irene's unfaltering gaze made her heart constrict, making it hard for her to breathe.

 

And it shouldn't feel like that.

 

It shouldn't be like this where her comfort zone feels like a battlefield- or an asylum filled with nothing but heavy breaths which were not her own and loud voices and thoughts. And silence.

 

The never ending silence between her and Irene.

 

Seulgi felt scared. And angry. Because for the first time, she suddenly feel suffocated in the place she considered her haven. The place where she could have her peace from her loud mind and... and from the very girl who was sitting in the middle of the room, still staring at her.

 

She could feel Irene's presence was already tainting her only refuge from the chaos of everything. That with every second that passes, every breath that escapes Irene's red lips colors the room blue and Seulgi hated it. 

 

She hated it so much that her knuckles turned white from grasping the metal knob too tightly, the cold metal biting her palm.

 

She really really need to get out there fast but Irene's voice made her still.

 

"Kang Seulgi," she heard. Despite it coming out as a whisper, it held Seulgi down.

 

Yah! Kang Seulgi! The voice was like a broken record in her ears.