"Prof. Park, did you see my earphones? I couldn't— Prof. Park?" 

Heechul halted when he noticed that his husband was looking a little off, only sitting on the bed with a book folded beside him without being attended to. He sighed and called off his plan to write some lyrics tonight. Putting his note in the drawer, Heechul glanced at his husband from the mirror and tried again, "Prof. Park?" 

But again, no answer. Heechul carefully climbed on the bed and just then Jungsoo finally acknowledged his presence. However, instead of asking him for a cuddle or simply initiating physical contact like he always did, Jungsoo went stiffened. He put his book on the bed and drew a long breath, making it even obvious that he was nervous.

"You're still studying? Do you want me to get you some drinks?" Heechul kindly offered, uneasy whether to point out the elephant in the room or beat around the bush. Jungsoo used to be so disclosed about his feelings and he had shown some progress along the way by bravely confronting him about whatever problems they faced. But tonight, apparently, Jungsoo fell back into his old habit. 

"Are you in the mood for tea? I think we have—" 

Jungsoo weakly shook his head, adding his worries. 

"Do you want to be alone? Should I leave?" 

On that, Heechul noticed Jungsoo's lips twitch. He hoped it was a sign that the latter would find his courage to open up. He smiled at him, assuringly, when his husband suddenly stared at him for some time that was too long than what he usually did, too long than what Heechul could understand. Heechul frowned and was about to ask again when he saw a lone bud of tear escape Jungsoo's eyes. 

"Prof. Park?" Heechul was taken aback when Jungsoo looked away, angrily wiping his tears. This was not right. Fears started to eat him alive.

"Did I do something wrong?" Heechul whispered, his voice almost inaudible. If they turned out to be facing another dispute thanks to tonight's situation, he should congratulate Nara for doing a good job. 

"I'm s-sorry, Heechul," Jungsoo uttered shakily. Heechul did not understand—it was another apology. He had heard enough of his husband apologizing but, today too, Jungsoo was not bored. 

"I don't know— I'm sorry. I was not aware of her intention. I thought she just wanted to— ," Jungsoo looked up, trying to stop his tears from falling. It was no use now. Heechul must be so damn fed up with his endless tears and useless apology. He was just a up. 

"I'm sorry for I never listened to you. You— you must have cried many times without me because I was just a moron who failed to see the signs," Jungsoo continued to sob harder, albeit his heart telling him to stop because Heechul did not need to see him breaking down from his own stupidity. 

"It pains me to think that you've been enduring everything on your own just to stay with us... With— with me, a man who couldn't even understand you." 

Heechul's eyes had already been glistening since all those apologies thrown at him all at once. And no, he would not deflect any of them because every single thing Jungsoo said was true. He had cried many times without him; he, too, was in an ocean of anguish from enduring the pain no one ever knew. Therefore, he would just willingly forgive Jungsoo's heartbreaking apologies for how many times he would say. 

"I don't know why you're still here, Chul. I only disappoint you again and again and I—" Jungsoo stopped when he felt that Heechul was hugging him from behind. He felt so filthy, insanely undeserved to get such generosity. But he could not help to be calm, feeling Heechul's sincerity engulfing him the way his arms circling his body. 

"Say, Chul. Do you want me to kick her out tomorrow?" 

Heechul smiled sadly, filling his chest with air because the heaviness was suffocating him. It was easy; he did want Nara to go as soon as the next second. But it was not a walk in the park, not for him, Jungsoo, and moreover, the kids. Things were complicated and he knew it was hard for Jungsoo as well. He shook his head and said, "It's not gonna be easy. She has so many reasons to stay, Prof. Park. She has nowhere else to stay and even though no one knows whether what she says is sincere, at least we know, the kids' needing their mommy is true."

And just like that—Jungsoo rose his hand to hold Heechul's hands, but his confidence flew out of the window—he would always question why Heechul decided to stay with this family even though the younger had thousands of reasons to just abandon them. He could not help but feel unworthy for his love. How many times he bragged to his coworkers what an amazing husband Heechul was, he would never be able to expect Heechul to do the same. Heechul was his lighthouse and he knew without him, his ship would have collapsed long ago. 

"Stop thinking and hug me back," Heechul grumbled impatiently. Jungsoo had been very quiet for too long. He would never let his husband drowned too deep in his agony. 

"I'll try to find her a place to stay tomorrow and then, I'll ask her to go."

Indeed, Jungsoo was true to his words. He would do anything to win his husband back even though he had to squeeze some solutions out of his messy mind. 

"Hmm, let's do that. Let's try to figure out something as we go."

They let a few beats of silence passed before Heechul had had enough of the gloom. He peeled his body away from his husband and slipped under the duvet, making himself comfortable. 

"Let's sleep, Prof. Park. It's already late." 

"Yeah. Goodnight, Heechul," Jungsoo said, a little hesitant, and lied down awkwardly, facing the other direction. 

"You're not going to hug me, still?" 

It surprised him the way Heechul sounded a little sad. He wanted to. He wanted to be always embracing his husband. But he had caused a lot of trouble for Heechul to even dream of having everything the way it used to be. 

"Do you still want me to hug you? Even after all—" 

"This is why I stay, Prof. Park."

Heechul moved closer to Jungsoo and draped his arm across his body. He sighed in contentment and was about to drift off to sleep when Jungsoo finally spun his body around and cuddled him like usual. 

"It's better," Heechul mumbled sleepily. Jungsoo smiled a little and rewarded his lovely hus