August 19, 2014

"Yerin eonnie, would you like anything to drink?" The waitress had asked me, I turned away from my journal to smile at her. 

"No, thank you. I hope you are enjoying the event, I certainly am." She nodded with a pleasant smile on her face. As she left to attend to others, I looked back down at the table, sighing.

Today was my birthday, and I was at an event meant for me. I always found things like this sweet, so I decided to attend. The attendees all flocked to me, and it warmed my heart seeing the happiness on all of their faces. Despite it all, however, I was missing an essential someone to make the day perfect. While I made a point of not telling SinB about today, I had asked her if she wanted to attend the event with me, but she out to hang out with Eunha instead. She claimed that she wasn't 'into events like these' and would rather spend the day with Eunha since she hadn't had a one-on-one with her in a while. 

After getting rejected by SinB, I contacted Sowon since she never failed to skip my birthday to allude that she was a better friend than I in that regard. I don't think Sowon ever quite let it go even though I'd only ever forgotten her birthday once. Strangely, she wasn't picking up, which bothered me to no end. It wasn't like my birthday was the biggest day in the world, but I most certainly didn't want to be alone. I was with a room full of fans, that helped, but none of the fans could fill the void of a missing Sowon and SinB. 

"Is everything alright?" The concern of the man made me rear my head from the table. Smiling at him, I nodded, but the worry on his face continued.

"This event is for you, and your sitting at a table with your head lowered, I highly doubt everything is 'fine.'" An exacerbated sigh left my lips as I motioned for him to sit down, in which he happily complied. 

"So what happens to be bothering you, Yerin-ssi? If you don't mind me asking that is." He asked shyly, a small smile on his face.

"Well..." furrowing my brows, I began fiddling with the drink in my hand, passing it to the other every so often. "my friends decided to do their own thing today." His brows knitted in frustration, I smiled shyly shaking my head.

"I didn't actually tell them today was my birthday. Well, one knew–and hasn't failed to miss my birthday for the last ten years, but SinB-ah doesn't know." Mentally cursing myself for slipping, I hope he hadn't noticed. His brows stayed knitted, a hand finding it's way to his face, his chin.

"But today is your birthday, and you're quite popular...I think it would be hard to miss." He declared. Realization donning on me, I contemplated. Of course it would be hard to miss, which only added to the confusion that was slowly building up. 

"By the way, did you say SinB-ah? You two are friends?" focusing my attention back on the mystery man, I nodded, quickly realizing a lack in formalities on my part.

"I'm sorry, I never asked you for your name," I said cordially. 

"No need to apologize," He said with a smile that could save nations, "I'm Moonbin, I'm actually good friends with SinB-ah. It seems weird to me that she'd skip out on someone's birthday intentionally. She may get easily annoyed, but she would never miss something so important for someone she cares about." I knitted my brows, staring at him intently. The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't pinpoint why, additionally, I didn't understand why SinB had never brought up this 'Moonbin' before. 

"Is there something on your mind?" He asked curiously, snapping me out of my own confusion, I focused hard on him, searching his kind eyes. Inhaling deep, and just as profoundly expelling the oxygen, my mind began wandering. Truthfully, there was an exorbitant amount of things on my mind, all of which pertained to one person–Hwang Eunbi. 

"Strictly speaking, yes. I have had a lot on my mind for the past few weeks. But it isn't like my thoughts matter, I've been trying to live in the present day, not worrying about the past or the future." He nodded his head.

"The future can be a lot to take in, and sure, it's evident that people should focus on the present.," He leaned back into his chair, wrapping his arms around the nape of his neck. "But your thoughts do matter; if you have so much on your mind, shouldn't you express those thoughts to someone?" Heaving another sigh, I unconsciously played with the rim of my cup. 

"It's not as easy as 'expressing it.' If it were that simple, I'd have talked about it a long time ago." Empathy covered his face, a small smile formed on mine in hopes of diminishing his pity towards my predicament. 

"I was in love with SinB-ah." He said blatantly. If I had been drinking my coffee, surely an eruption of fluid would have occurred. In an instant, I realized why I recognized that name. Fear filled my heart, and the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head. 

"Relax, I'm no longer interested in her." Hearing his words, my body relaxed from its previous tension, and for the second time, a cup was crushed under the strength of my hand. Quickly sopping up the mess that was over the surface of the table, Moonbin let out a chuckle at my distress. 

"My point for telling you was so you don't waste precious moments." He looked at me, it felt like he was staring deep into my soul. A sense of connection waved over me like an understanding between Moonbin and myself that I couldn't pinpoint, but deep down, I knew what it was. Closing my eyes to bask in the unfamiliar feeling, images flashed through my mind, of my friends, of SinB, my parents who were no longer here.

"Yennie, it's time for school! You don't want to be late for your first day, do you?"

"No, eomma!" I called out, standing at the foot of my appa's bed, holding tightly onto his frail hand. His skin was pale, and clinging to bone. He weakly turned to me with a smile on his face.

"Have a good day at school." He said weakly, leaning over to kiss my forehead. His hand loosening its grip on mine, I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"Appa! Let's play a game first!" The smile never left his face as he continued looking at me.

"Appa?" The life from his eyes faded, his hand went limp in mine. 

There was an unbearable pain in my chest as I searched through the memories and through my heart. A wetness hitting my cheeks ever so slowly, which I could only determine were tears streaming down my own face, but I continued to prod and didn't falter. 

"Eomma?" I approached my mother cautiously, hoping to not disturb her slumber. Peeking into the bedroom, the first thing I saw were a pair of so