Nothing.

That’s all she felt for the rest of the month.

Even as she desperately clung onto herself. Even as Ji Yeon held onto her. Even as she tried to rip her own crying heart out. There was no relief.

She was no longer with Wheein. And all that was left was the wailing as her own mind and heart yelled at her for causing such an agonizing reality. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No matter what Ji Yeon or Sujeong did, nothing could bring her out of her hallowed state. Ji Yeon tried coaxing her but Hyejin would just stare. Sujeong tried to bring up a favourite hobby, boxing, but Hyejin’s heart wasn’t in it.

The minute Wheein uttered those damning words, they knew this was inevitable. Hyejin’s dream was to always marry the one she loves. Some may call it childish and naive but it’s still a dream. A dream that Hyejin held dear to her heart. 

All they could do is support Hyejin even as she looked at the world with dead eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even as school started, the searing pain that numbed her very being wouldn’t go away. A perpetual state of pain.

Living with Ji Yeon felt like she was nothing but a burden, everything was cold and lifeless and Hyejin could barely stand it. But she had nowhere else to go. So, she had to live with her best friend and be haunted by memories of old as she looked at the last text messages she had sent to Wheein. 

Memories that soon morphed into nightmares in her sleep. 

Nightmares that all ended the same but were relentless nonetheless. It would start out with her during an outing with Wheein, like their first dates. Then, as the dream continued on, it began to warp. Flowers would begin to wilt and the world faded to grey. As she looked around and saw the world dying before her, Wheein was unphased. But, the moment she blinked and opened her eyes, she would be alone. Alone and cold as the void swallowed her whole in a raging fury as an unknown howling wind surrounded her.

Staying awake brought numbness.

Sleeping brought horror.

Being away from her friends brought her memories.

Being with her friends brought her aches. 

Try as she might, she found Wheein everywhere. The soft wind that moved through the buildings and ruffled her hair. The bright sun whose rays cascaded warmth onto the earth and brought out the colours in a beautiful harmony. Every little detail of the paintings in the business school. Everything showed her how much she took Wheein for granted without knowing it. 

“God, I know this class is half online and half in class but it doesn’t make it better since it’s still an 8 AM,” Ji Yeon grumbled as they trudged their way to class. 

Hyejin could only grunt as she struggled to find the will to wake herself up. Her body can move just fine, but mentally she’s in a fog. She felt nothing, not even the cold of the morning. 

There was no close bus stop to the business school so they had to get off the stop by the campus gym and walk another half mile, on an incline, just to get to the building. Hyejin couldn’t bring herself to look at the gym. Memories of exercising and training whirled around her head but it was the memories where Wheein was there with her that were the ones that stood out the most. The twinkle of Wheein’s eyes as Hyejin landed a solid blow. Wheein’s smile every time Hyejin made it a point to proclaim her love in the middle of the ring. Wheein’s laugh every time Hyejin did something questionable. Sharing those moments with Wheein warmed her, but, realising that no longer can she share what she likes with Wheein pierced her heart. 

“Hey, Hyej---” Ji Yeon started.

They barely passed the art building when they heard an angelic voice accompanied by a guitar. Despite the simplicity of the arrangement, the song sounded full and robust. And haunting. 

Giving the acoustics of the area, they couldn’t tell where the music was coming from, but they did recognize the voice. A voice that made Ji Yeon grit her teeth and made Hyejin’s heart flutter in a brief moment of pure bliss. And as they turned the corner, their suspicions were confirmed. 

Nestled off to the side, in a small alcove, was a small amphitheatre. Neither had paid attention to it before since there was no need, but now? Now it was all they could focus on. In the centre, surrounded by a small cluster of students, was Wheein and So-Yoon. 

Wheein’s ethereal voice easily wrapped them both in its warm and honey tone. Ji Yeon couldn’t help but be memorised. Hyejin had only hinted that Wheein could sing but never had she heard it before nor did she expect Wheein’s voice to be this beautiful. The way it seemed to be so full of life and so humble was something that she hasn’t heard before.

Hyejin’s reaction was about the same before her soul and heart ached. Hearing Wheein’s soothing voice lulled her into the blissful state to where she forgot that they’ve since broken up. Then she noticed So-Yoon and her heart cried as her mind started to accept the inevitable. Of course it would be natural that there would be someone else in Wheein’s life. Of course there would be someone that could get Wheein to do things that she herself could never get Wheein to do. Of course there would be someone that could join Wheein in what she wanted to do. Of course there would be someone that’s better suited for Wheein. 

Of course.

Hyejin barely noticed her tears falling before Ji Yeon dragged her away. And as she was dragged away, her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Parts of her felt anguish. Parts of her felt remorse. Parts of her felt pride. Anguish that she isn’t the one beside Wheein.  Remorse for even breaking up with Wheein in the first place. Pride that Wheein is finally branching out and doing other things that aren’t revolved around her. 

But out of all the feelings she felt, anguish was the dominating one that overtook her entire body. If Ji Yeon wasn’t here to guide her then she would be stumbling all over the place. If Ji Yeon wasn’t here then she would’ve been standing there a sobbing mess and making a scene. But there was a part of her that did want to cause a scene. A part of her wanted to run into Wheein’s arms and apologise a million times.

But what’s done is done. 

No longer will Wheein open her arms for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her favourite season finally welcomed her in it’s melancholic embrace. Spring flourished and it reminded Hyejin how alone she is. The warm sun felt cold and distant. The vibrant flowers that were scattered about town and campus sprung to life from their slumber and she couldn’t enjoy it. 

Everything meant nothing to her if she didn’t have the one she loves to share and experience it with.

During lunch on a particularly bright day, she was with Sujeong and some of their other classmates before class started. And as they ate, they reminisce about all the times they were put into piss poor groups since group projects were being assigned today. One by one they all told their own horror stories. Ranging from being in groups where no one communicated to being in groups where no one wanted to do anything, all terrible group tropes were hit. 

Then it was Hyejin’s turn as Sujeong nestled beside her. Sujeong was the one who kept Hyejin’s focus at the table by draping Hyejin’s arm over her shoulder like they used to. She saw who was on the balcony above and she knew how hard Hyejin had worked on keeping face in front of her classmates. 

Forcing out a cool persona, Hyejin smoothly retold her tale of having that one troublesome groupmate. Easily captivating her audience, she answered their questions as if she had been practicing. Even if they don’t know all the details, they believed her easily enough. 

Once the table went back to talking amongst themselves on how they hope they don’t get someone like that, Hyejin breathed a sigh of relief. It’s been difficult to keep up this cheerful and cool persona. None of her classmates know that she went through a breakup, and she would like to keep it that way. But it was getting taxing. Keeping up smiles and appearances as she maneuvered and made connections throughout her classes was starting to wear on her and some people started to notice how her smile didn’t reach her eyes or how her smiles seem forced or how she’s paying less and less attention in class. 

It was taxing and she can only wonder when she will break. 

Feeling the need to pop her back, Hyejin began to lean back, ready to blind herself in the sun. But feeling Sujeong snuggle closer, she paused. Blinking, she turned her head towards Sujeong but not before Sujeong snuck in a quick kiss on the cheek.

The sudden affection made her mind go blank. Blinking a few times, she finally turned to look at Sujeong with a raised brow.

“For good luck,” Sujeong answered Hyejin’s unspoken question.

“Good luck? Now?” 

“It’s not like I can give you a small peck in the middle of class,” Sujeong said with a smile. 

“That never stopped you before,” Hyejin countered as she began to recall all the moments that Sujeong seemed to forget what personal space is. 

“Oh my god, just take the good luck,” Sujeong playfully rolled her eyes. 

Hyejin could only hum before going back to popping her back. With each satisfying pop and crack, a memory with Wheein would flash in her mind. This weather would be perfect for a date. Maybe that new cafe that everyone’s been talking about. Wheein would’ve loved the landscaped courtyard. 

A tender smile found its way onto Hyejin’s face. Unnoticed by the other classmates, but Sujeong saw it immediately. Barely holding back a grimace, Sujeong shifted her focus to her drink. As much as she tried, nothing brought Hyejin back from this fog. Hyejin barely smiled anymore and she looked perpetually tired. She and Ji Yeon have dragged Hyejin out on multiple occasions just for a change of scenery but it was all the same. Hyejin would make herself presentable and put on a face so she wouldn’t be bothered by strangers or fellow classmates. Hyejin forced herself to be ok, to be fine, but the moment she was alone with Ji Yeon or Sujeong, the mask fell and Hyejin was back to being a husk. 

Sujeong’s grip around her drink tightened. Initially, she did want to get back with Hyejin. Hyejin was a tether to a past that was abruptly cut short and she wanted to pick up where she left off. But then she saw how Hyejin and Wheein interacted. She saw how Wheein made Hyejin smile just by doing the simplest of tasks. She saw how Wheein would talk to Hyejin. Never once was Wheein demeaning or condescending. Not even when Hyejin had her moments where nothing would make sense or when Hyejin had her bouts where her thoughts were too fast for and all that could come out was a garbled mess of ideas and words. Wheein took those moments in stride and easily pieced together Hyejin’s haphazard words, ideas, and thoughts into something more concrete. She saw how Wheein would fret over Hyejin and how she would constantly remind Hyejin to be careful but never did Wheein treat Hyejin like a child. She saw how Wheein valued Hyejin’s opinion, even in things that Hyejin had minimal knowledge about. She saw how Wheein loved Hyejin with everything she had.

Sujeong saw how much Wheein and Hyejin took and gave to each other in real time so much that her initial plan quickly faded into obscurity. Wheein gave Hyejin that stability of logical thought. Hyejin gave Wheein that stability of emotional intelligence. Wheein took Hyejin’s boldness and slowly began to apply it to herself. Hyejin took Wheein’s quiet nature and used it as a way to solve problems by listening first then speaking.

Both gave and took each other’s love. 

Sujeong sighed and looked at Hyejin, who was talking to another classmate about who knows what. Guilt ran through her veins. Ever since that night, she has berated herself over and over for being so stupid. Giving into the alcohol, she let her old plan manifest once again and asked that cursed question. She was fully aware of what she was doing but the alcohol numbed her ability to filter herself. She’s apologised over and over to Hyejin but Hyejin wouldn’t even get mad at her. Only saying the same thing over and over again like a mantra. The words that Hyejin whispered to herself at night as she kept looking at the last messages she had with Wheein before crying herself to sleep. 

“It was inevitable.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was with Ji Yeon’s encouragement that Hyejin actually went through with studying abroad. Going back home for the summer would be too much and she knew she couldn’t go back to the gym in the state she is in now. Hell, she doesn’t even know if she still has a job at the gym. 

So, she applied, and before she knew it she was boarding the plane to Spain. And all the while, before landing in Spain, all she could think about was maybe she should tell Wheein. After all, she did tell Yong in order to explain her absence but does that mean she should tell Wheein herself?

But why?

Would Wheein even care? 

Does Wheein even care anymore?

Nestling herself into the seat, her eyes slowly drooping, her last thoughts were of Wheein and how she is right now. Is she doing fine? How has her classes been? Has So-Yoon been treating her well?

From what she has seen, Wheein singing and trying out different art mediums like sculpting, Hyejin couldn’t help but be a little relieved. Wheein was fully developing into her own person. 

Maybe, Hyejin thinks to herself, maybe the break up was just what Wheein needed to grow. Even if it’s painful, as long as Wheein can move on then that’s all that matters. As long as Wheein can find someone that doesn’t hinder her then that’s all Hyejin could ask for. 

Her head bobbed up and down before Sujeong placed Hyejin’s head on her shoulder. And as her eyelids dropped, she could only think about how far Wheein has grown. Thinking how far Wheein could’ve gone if Hyejin herself hadn’t been an unknown inhibitor. 

A tear escaped her eye as she finally gave into the deep slumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her time in Spain passed in a blur. All she could remember was going to class, Sujeong dragging her out to spend some nights wandering around the city. Sometimes they would visit local restaurants, the type of restaurants that tourists don’t go to. Sometimes they would go to a club or two.

But there was only one incident that will forever be burned into Hyejin’s memory.

Taking the advice of one of the locals, Sujeong and herself took a trip to one of the neighboring small towns. Taking such a scenic drive made Hyejin feel at  peace for the first time since the breakup. For the first time in a while, Hyejin felt hope for the unknown. Maybe she can reconcile with Wheein. Whether that means they can have a talk and move on or maybe get back together. Now, Hyejin didn’t care about marriage. All she cared about was where she will be in the future. Will she be with the ones she loves? Will she be surrounded by loved ones? Is marriage really that important? But another factor to consider is that she doesn’t want Wheein to mold herself around her again. She doesn’t want Wheein to fall back into old habits. Old habits of making Hyejin the center of everything. 

They finally arrived at the sleeping town and they walked around with ease. The townsfolk were kind enough that they didn't feel like strangers. Everyone took a liking to Hyejin and everyone practically gave her a gift of some sort. Ranging from food samples to jewelry and finally to flowers. It was the flowers that caught her attention.

There was something almost familiar about them. As odd as it sounds, it was as if she had met these flowers before. The way they seemed so full of life and their vibrant colouring to show the world how beautiful they are, it was familiar. Like how the essence of the creator is always imbued into their work. 

After the third time she received a bundle of flowers, she asked, in her broken spanish, where these flowers were coming from. The elderly store owner smiled and pointed down the street. 

Hyejin smiled back, and gave her thanks before running down the street. And true to the store owner’s word, there was an obvious flower shop. The shop was small but it was surrounded by beautiful blooming flowers, full shrubs, and bushes of all kinds. It was like looking at an impressionist painting. The way the leaves and flowers blended together to make the building itself. Taking out her phone, Hyejin snapped a picture of the shop. And in the back of her mind, she knows that Wheein would’ve loved this. 

Stopping to catch her breath, Hyejin read the name of the store before finally heading in. The name was on an old piece of wood that seemed to hold a history that no written word could do justice to. For plastered on the wood was only two words.

Nekane’s Flowers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was only a couple of weeks before the semester started and Hyejin finally paid Ms. Manju a visit. Taking her bike, she went on an early morning cruise in order to clear her head. Had Wheein seen her already? If so, then what did she say? Did she tell Ms. Manju about the breakup? 

Coming into town, she went through the alley ways to park in the back. It was less bothersome, and it was easier to escape that way. It felt like a lazy sunday but also the kind of day that is perfect for an impromptu outing. So, if she sees Wheein and her parents, or even So-Yoon, then she can leave without making things awkward.

“The prodigal child returns”

“Ms. Manju!” Hyejin smiled and truly felt happy to see Ms. Manju but there was something that was eating her. Ms. Manju looked so old and delicate that Hyejin chastised herself for not visiting sooner. 

“About time you came by! I need help with this soil,” Ms. Manju huffed before hobbling back inside.

“Wh-what? Not even a hello?? Ms. Manjuuuuuu,” Hyejin whined but followed the older woman dutifully. 

“Ya haven’t stopped by nor have ya even called!” Ms. Manju berated her.

“I’m sorry! It’ just---” Hyejin paused. Just how much does Ms. Manju know? “It’s been crazy lately.”

Ms. Manju gave her a strange look. One that is a mix of doubt, acceptance, and familiarity. 

“Ah, that’s what happens when you have a broken heart,” Ms. Manju kept walking forward, not bothering to look back at Hyejin. 

“So, you know?” Hyejin felt herself deflate. It’s almost been a year and she didn’t even tell Ms. Manju. Someone else had to tell her. 

“With your absence and Wheein’s look in her eye, well, it was obvious,” Ms. Manju stopped by the supply door and pushed it open.

Hyejin gave a grimace. Was she wrong? Did she interpret what she saw as the opposite? Was Wheein also suffering this whole time? 

“Now, I had a new idea on how to organize this….”

For the next couple of hours, Hyejin carried the soil bags to their designated areas. Ms. Manju had someone open up the space underneath the raised beds just enough for some storage space. As Hyejin placed each bag of soil in the newly open space, she can only wonder her helped Ms. Manju clean up. 

“There!” Hyejin plopped the last bag down with a grunt.

“About time. For a while there I thought you would need help,” Ms. Manju said from her perch. She sat on a stool as she pruned some of the growing shrubs and bushes. Delicately bent over as she snipped with precision and as she softly muttered her apologies but she gave them a reason as to why they needed to be pruned. 

“Who else would willingly work with you?” Hyejin pouted as she went over to the counter to get the glass of water that Ms. Manju set out earlier before she began to prune.

“I can act like a feeble old woman and lure in other helpers,” Ms. Manju guffawed. 

“Is that how you got people to help you clear out some space?!” Hyejin questioned as she began to walk over to Ms. Manju.

“Yongsun made her kids help,” Ms. Manju stated with a simple nod. 

Hyejin said nothing as she looked outside the window. The town was slowly starting to wake up. People came out for their morning routine and had morning breakfast at the local restaurants. Everything was at peace. 

“What are you going to do now, kid?” Ms. Manju asked out of the blue. Her attention never deviated from pruning.

“I want to talk to her but it’s practically been a year….” Hyejin chewed her lip. Maybe she should just send a message and get it over with. Wheein is bound to have questions. 

“What will you say to her?”

“I’ll start off by apologizing for how sudden it was and how I didn’t even explain myself as she begged,” Hyejin shuffled in place. She’ll never forget how distraught Wheein looked that day. As if Wheein was witnessing her world crumble before her. 

“So you just left?”

“I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I tried to think, try to find my words, but everything was blank. Nothing would come to me. Only the feeling that I needed to get out,” Hyejin stared at her feet.

“Did you ever find your words?”

“Yea, in Spain actually,” Hyejin turned towards Ms. Manju, “He was the owner of this flower shop---”

Sirens that were quickly coming closer caught her attention. Looking outside she saw people running. She heard brakes screeching and looked right in time to see an out of control car coming straight towards the shop. Unable to tell the exact trajectory but that didn’t matter. Acting out of pure instinct, Hyejin grabbed Ms. Manju and only had enough time to lift her up.

Time seemed to slow as the car came crashing in after jumping the curb. Glass, cement, wires, soil, and plants, all became a tornado of debris. With no where else to go, Hyejin held onto Ms. Manju and jumped out of the way with all the strength she could muster in a panic. She barely made it. A second longer and the car would’ve hit her and Ms. Manju directly. 

She felt the glass and other shards pierce into her as she landed. But she didn't care. She made it a point to take most of the impact so if she gets injuries then that’s less for Ms. Manju. 

Skidding to a halt, Hyejin finally let go of Ms. Manju, unaware of the true damage she had suffered. 

“Ms. Manju?” Hyejin asked with a cough. Dust and who knows what else gently fell on top of them. 

Once Hyejin let Ms. Manju go she rolled off to the other side. Her face turned away from Hyejin.

“Ms. Manju?? Hey--” Hyejin saw one of the gigantic book shelves teeter. 

She paused, hoping that it would settle, but that was a false hope. With a moan, the book shelf finally started to fall towards them. More specifically, towards Ms. Manju.

Adrenaline and instinct was the only thing that made her scramble to get Ms. Manju again. But even she was too slow. She barely got Ms. Manju out of the way but she left herself exposed. 

The giant bookshelf slammed onto her leg but she didn’t scream. She didn’t have time to process what just happened. Another high pitch whine came from above as the long light fixtures began to falter. Hyejin only had enough time to look up to see one falling towards her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She faded in and out of consciousness. She saw as people came into the shop as the lights flickered. Blue and red lights flashed inside the building in a mock disco. She saw how she was put on the stretcher. Officers and paramedics moved in a blure. She saw how she was wheeled into the hospital. Nurses were frantic and she finally noticed how bloody she was. She saw all kinds of things with her out of focus eyes and she heard nothing but muffled noises.

She felt nothing so she didn’t even know what kind of injuries she sustained. For all she knows they could be minor or they could be life threatening. Her consciousness began to fade again. She thought of her family, of Ms. Manju, of her uncle, and of Wheein. She felt a pain in her heart as she realised a possibility. She never said any sort of parting words to them. 

She never said goodbye to Wheein.