As Hyejin’s head hit the bed, Wheein’s mind went into overdrive. Racing and thinking about everything at once. Thinking about what Hyejin just told her and the implications those words had. But, she knows Hyejin. She knows Hyejin won’t cheat on her. But she also knows that despite such a rational truth, emotions don’t see that. They need to be coerced in order to see reason. 

So that’s what she did. 

She still sat at the edge of the bed, looking at Hyejin while she tried to calm herself just enough to think things through. Looking at Hyejin always brought a sense of calm to her. Even now, not even Hyejin’s words could taint the sense of calm that washed over as she admired Hyejin’s sleeping form. She was so engrossed in memorizing every little feature on Hyejin’s face that her hand reached out to brush a lone lock of hair aside so she could get a better view. Seeing Hyejin’s sleeping baby face was just what she needed to see before she finally delved into the hell known as facing your inner fears.

She didn’t even bother moving to a different spot. Despite her main point of conflict being Hyejin, she still needed Hyejin around in order to calm her nerves a bit. Taking a sip of water, she finally began.

First, she started with how Hyejin started her confession about Sujeong. She thought about how she only heard about Sujeong, but never met her. Or just barely missing her. But, with the way Hyejin talked about her, she believed Sujeong to be just a friend. A fast friend. A fast friend who Hyejin happened to share a bunch of classes with. There was nothing wrong with that. She can’t, and won’t, control who Hyejin befriends. So, she already had an image of Sujeong just being a friend and that’s it. No matter how many times Hyejin talked about her. It was only reasonable, right? They share classes together so they have similar schedules so it’s only natural to hang out together. Hell, Hyejin does the same to Ji Yeon. But, there was something different about this.

As much as Wheein didn’t want to admit, she was a tad jealous. She kept it well hidden though. Her jealousy never reaching a point of controlling her actions.  But it was there. There in the back of her mind. Feeding the once defeated fear she once had. Feeding it and giving it new life. So much that now it was rearing its ugly head.

She tried to continue a rational thought process. Breaking down what Hyejin said and giving them enough thought so she won’t assume the worst. Even thought that’s what her fear wants. 

It wants her to feel unworthy.

Despite Hyejin’s declaration at the end, her fear made her focus elsewhere.  The fact that Sujeong was an ex felt like a threat. Yes, Sujeong lost her memory so she doesn’t know that she dated Hyejin at all so there are no lingering feelings. Hell, even Hyejin admitted that she just wants to be friends with Sujeong. However, the fear brought up a counterpoint that made her shiver.

If Sujeong could fall for Hyejin, and Hyejin could fall for Sujeong, once, then it could happen again. Just because it’s a blank slate for them now, wasn’t that the case before they got into a relationship?

Her mind took that point and ran with it. 

It’s easier to say things than doing things. Can Hyejin maintain that feeling of friendship for Sujeong? From what she could tell from her brief interaction with Sujeong, she was nice and caring. Traits that she knows Hyejin likes. And what about all the time they spent together so far during the semester? She doesn’t know what exactly happened during those times, especially during the times that Ji Yeon wasn’t there, so maybe something happened?

She violently shook her head at that thought. Thinking that Hyejin cheated on her pained her heart. It squeezed in agony that the one she loves no longer loves her enough to even be faithful. That the one she loves doesn’t love her.

But that’s a lie, isn’t it?

Wheein needed to move, her wailing heart begging for some sort of distraction as it was bombarded with those thoughts of Hyejin cheating and no longer loving her, so she finally got up and went to the kitchen. She unknowingly drank the rest of the glass. 

As she walked towards the kitchen, her mind continued to race. It continued to race and made her heart ache in pain at the thoughts that became the forefront of her mind. They were becoming overbearing. So much so that Wheein couldn’t feel anything anymore. As if she was just observing whatever her body was doing. Her hand touching the faucet? She didn’t feel the cold metal of the handle. The water that splashed on her hand? She felt nothing. Not even a tickle. Eventually her body stood still. There were no more tasks to do so it just froze. Wheein could see that she was frozen, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. Not with her mind being a whirlwind of thoughts. 

Thoughts that she wanted to get away from, but only the tears could escape. And so she stood there, in the middle of a dark kitchen, alone with her demons. Demons that told her she was unworthy of love. Demons that told her that if Hyejin couldn’t fully love her then why bother. Demons that told her to just give up and let Hyejin go before it's too late. The scariest part weren’t the words themselves, but it was the fact that Wheein almost gave in to them. 

A loud crash from the above apartment, or some apartment nearby, caused some of the items nearby to shake and shudder. Most of them were safe but a vase that they had on the counter started to fall. 

She caught it without hesitation, even if it meant getting a little bit wet. It was a vase that they meant to move but kept forgetting about it.

A vase with a collection of flowers that Hyejin got from a nearby florist. 

Wheein’s mouth twitched as she remembered how grumpy Hyejin was after coming home from the florist. The florist thought he knew better than Hyejin and constantly talked down to her. Such a memory quieted her demons and their words. She remembers how grumpy Hyejin was and she also remembers how excited Hyejin was when she gave this bouquet to her. Hyejin had a big and proud smile, with a hint of a blush on her face and the look of adoration and love in her eyes. The bouquet was made up of a hodgepodge of Baby’s Breath, Lilacs, Anemones, and a single deep red Rose. The demons were quieted even further.

Wheein checked the flowers and apologized to them for treating them so roughly. She finally moved to the dining room to place the vase on the table. Upon seeing the flowers, Hyejin’s words echoed in her mind. Hyejin’s words of love. Every single instance. From the time they first started dating till now. Her demons retreated further and further with each declaration from Hyejin came to mind. Soon enough, Hyejin’s declarations of love from tonight were the forefront in her mind now. 

She knows Hyejin will never cheat on her. She knows Hyejin will always love her. If Sujeong is back then she’ll just have to deal with being a friend. Especially if she gets her memory back. If at any point Sujeong thinks she has a chance with Hyejin, well, she’s got a big storm coming. 

As Hyejin said, she knows where her heart is, and Wheein knows where it is without a hint of doubt. 

Saying goodnight to the bouquet, Wheein finally made her way back to the bedroom. Back to where her own heart is. 

As she entered the bedroom, she couldn’t help but pause for a bit before turning off the light, letting the full moon being the only light source she needed to see. Pause in order to observe the scene before her. While she was gone it seems like Hyejin sleep thrashed her way to the other side of the bed towards Mr. Lion. The poor plush was currently in Hyejin’s death grip as she was curled in on herself. Like a curled up kitten clutching it’s favourite toy. There was only one thing wrong though. Hyejin’s face was pained.

Wheein’s small smile fell as she saw Hyejin’s face and immediately went to Hyejin’s side. Looks like the alcohol brings Hyejin’s own demons front and center. But Hyejin has to fight the demons in her dreams.  

Wheein immediately caressed Hyejin’s face with her hand in order to try to wake her up, but the moment Hyejin felt Wheein’s touch, her body and face became relaxed. She even nuzzled further into Wheein’s palm. Trying to get more of Wheein’s touch. Seeing Hyejin relaxed and trying to nuzzle herself into Wheein’s hand made Wheein chuckle a bit. 

Deciding to let baby lion sleep, they can always take a shower in the morning, Wheein joined Hyejin in bed. The latter sensing Wheein out and immediately tried to cuddle. A cat that can’t wait for its human to settle down before trying to give affection. A small bark of laughter escaped from Wheein’s mouth, but not even the sound of Wheein’s sweet laughter could bring Hyejin out of an alcohol induced slumber. 

Eventually Wheein became comfortable, even if Hyejin was halfway on top of her, but she didn’t mind. It was the perfect position to Hyejin’s hair and admire her sleeping face. It was serene. Especially under the moonlight the filtered through the partially opened blinds. 

While she waited for slumber to take her, she only thought for a little bit. She wanted to talk to Hyejin about tonight more in depth and her conclusion, if you can even call it that. But mainly she wanted Hyejin to open up as well. This isn’t the first time Hyejin said Wheein deserved better. That statement itself stung Wheein’s heart. 

She loves Hyejin so much. No one is better than her. Anyone could try but Hyejin will always be her choice. Even if Hyejin tried to push her towards someone who she thought is better it doesn’t matter. Wheein’s heart is with Hyejin and only Hyejin. And yet Hyejin still has that belief that Wheein deserves better. What could she do in order to erase such a thought from Hyejin’s mind?

 With these thoughts, she uttered her last words into the surrounding night and it’s cloak of darkness and moonlight.

“Night, Hyejin-ah. I love you.”

Kissing the top of Hyejin’s head, Wheein finally fell into the sweet embrace of slumber. The last thing she saw was the small smile the appeared on Hyejin's face.