You sat next to Hyuck as you ‘listened’ to him talking about his relationship with Youngjae but actually, you were watching Johnny who was just standing there with a bottle of beer in his hand as he talked to Taeyong and Mark. You just couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. It didn’t take him long to catch you in your act, sending a wink at your direction as he took a quick sip from his beer, making you blush.

‘’You’re not listening to me, are you?’’ Hyuck asked.

‘’I’m not-‘’

‘’YAHHHH NOONA Stop ing your boyfriend with your eyes in front of my food!! At least I deserve some respect.’’ He said jokingly, hitting your arm.

‘’I’m so ing in love with him Hyuckie.’’ You said, hiding your red cheeks with your hands. ‘’and he loves me as much as I do but-‘’

‘’There’s always a ‘but. Noona, just live in the moment. He’s here, you’re here. Just be happy.’’

You stayed silent for a while before speaking again.

‘’What will happen if one day i-‘’

‘’Let’s not talk about that.’’ He patted your head. ‘’C’mon let’s dance.’’ He said standing up and holding his hand out for you to take it.

You got up, taking his hand and followed him as Johnny kept an eye on you while still talking to his friends.

You were jumping around and having fun with Hyuck and some other friends until you feel a familiar hand on your waist before it got wrapped around your waist. Johnny pulled your body closer to his chest, resting his chin on top of your head as he swayed back and forth with the music. He still had the beer that he was drinking in his hand as he dipped his head to your neck to leave some marks, receiving soft moans in return.

‘’Do you know how much I’m in love with you?’’ Johnny whispered in your ear with his husky voice.

You turned around to face him and wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands were on your waist. ‘’Hmm, I think I know but you know that I love you more right?’’

‘’Impossible.’’ He mumbled before leaning in and kissing you.

‘’5…4…3…2…1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!’’ you heard everybody scream after you pulled away from your kiss just for Johnny to catch your lips again.

‘’Happy new year, (Insert your name).’’ He mumbled against your lips, making you smile into the kiss.

January

‘’My chest hurts, Johnny. I don’t think I can go to work today…’’ you said over the phone as you lay down on your bed. You didn’t act like yourself after the new years’ party which was last week. You were always tired. It was hard for you to get up from your bed and go for your winter tours, so you stayed in it the all day.

‘’Do you want to go to the clinic? I can come and pick you up-‘’

‘I’ve scheduled an appointment at my usual Korean Traditional Uiwon, plus Johnny please don’t worry about me. Just concentrate on your work okay.’’

‘’Does it hurt worse than yesterday? How is your pulse? Are you taking your-‘’

‘’It’s more intense than yesterday but I got some painkillers, I hope that they will fix it.’

‘’Let me know every 10 minutes okay? Anyways, can I still come in the evening? I want to show you our Jeju-do vlog.’’

‘’Are you finally going to let me see it? Did you finish it?’’ He hummed in response. ‘’I can’t wait to watch it Johnny.’’

‘’It’s a special JCC vlog because it’s about you. About us. And our SM PR Team approved it to be uploaded on NCT DAILY Youtube channel."

‘Wahh Jinjja? Wanjeon daebak sagon. So are we gonna reveal our relationship to the public? Are you ready for your fans to see it? Oh my god.. what if they hate it. And what if they hunt me down. Omo what if they found out where I live? I’m gonna die.. I’m gonna dieeee’’

“(Insert your name), Don’t overthink things. We’’ll just go with the flow kay.. I love you baby’’ He said with a soft voice, making you feel reassured.

‘’I love you too Young Ho yah. Thanks for letting me love you.’’

‘’It’s an honor to be loved by you. I’ll see you tonight kay.’’

Johnny didn’t get to see you that night. Those were your last words to Johnny. It was the last time he heard your voice.

You were strucked with a sudden heart attack. It happened while Johnny was on a radio broadcast. He was looking through some pictures that he took of you when he received a call from Hyuck. He excused himself to answer it. Hyuck was sobbing and telling him to come to the hospital quickly. He grabbed his bag and ran to the company car, he requested for Manager-nim to drive him to the hospital as fast as he can. He didn’t care what consequences he will have to bear later on when he left the radio station. He just wanted to be next to you and know that you were doing alright, that you were still alive.

When he arrived in front of the ICU unit, he saw your cousin Hyuck and a few of your colleagues there. Hyuck was the first one to see Johnny, he stood up and ran to him with red eyes. He pulled his taller friend in a tight hug and started crying on his shoulder.

‘’S-She didn’t m-make it-‘’ Hyuck said between sobs, making Johnny’s world stop.

Johnny was frozen in spot. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t say anything. It took him a while to come back to his senses, hugging Hyuck back and patting his back. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry so badly but he couldn’t. He didn’t feel anything. He just stood there with Hyuck in his arms, crying over his best cousin’s death. Johnny closed his eyes, imagining all of this was a nightmare.

Hyuck calmed down after a while, sitting back down next to your colleagues and your father but now with Johnny by his side. Hyuck hugged Johnny tightly as your father was patting Johnny shoulders. Johnny was lifeless. He didn’t hear what your colleague was saying, he was so out of it. He still didn’t believe that you were gone.

‘’Did it hurt?’’ he asked randomly, again sounding lifeless.

‘’She was sleeping when it happened. The doctor said she shouldn’t have felt much pain because of it.’’ Your father replied, wiping his tears away. ‘’You were the last person she talked to.’

Johnny nodded at his response, still not knowing what do say or do. ‘’It wasn’t supposed to happen.’’

‘’Johnny… we can’t beat God’s will.’’ Hyuck said.

“I was just talking to her. I told her that I will see her tonight. How could she leave me without saying goodb-…..’’

Now Johnny was crying. He couldn’t finish his sentence and was sobbing even harder than Hyuck. He was on the floor, on his knees when your father came and pulled him into a hug. Your father had a hunch on what was bound to happen to you that he decided to just stay with you since his last visit in December.

‘’You can cry Johnny, its what makes us human.’’ Your father said, his voice cracking as he caressed Johnny’s hair. That was how you caressed his hair too. ‘’Do you want to see her?’’ Johnny nodded.

As soon as Johnny entered the room, he wanted to get out but he had to do it, for you. Your face was covered with the blanket until the doctor pulled it off, showing your lifeless body to him but you didn’t look lifeless. You looked in peace like the days Johnny woke up beside you while you were stay sleeping.

‘’I’ll leave you alone.’’ The doctor said before leaving the room.

Johnny sat on the chair next to the bed as he took your lifeless hand in his without thinking twice. It was cold.

‘’I’m sorry I wasn’t there when it happened.’’ He started talking, sniffing also. ‘’I shouldn’t have listened to you and skipped work. I can’t believe that you left me without watching my vlog but you know that I’m stubborn, that’s why I’m here. I know that you’re watching and listening from up there.’’ He chuckles to himself. He was talking to your dead body, was he going crazy? He shook his head and pulled out his phone. ‘’I’m going to play the video for you now. I hope you like it.’’

And then he started playing it. Crying.

Hyuck didn’t go back to Singapore after your death. He broke it off with Youngjae, telling her that he had to stay back in Seoul. He needed some time for himself to get back on track. His mind was busy with images of the time you spent with him. It wasn’t easy to let his best cousin go. Hyuck decided to stay in NCT’s Dorm, thinking that it would be better if he wasn’t alone.

Yes, it was hard for Hyuck but it was even harder for Johnny, especially the day after your death.

First, he denied that you were gone. He checked his phone time to time to see if you had texted him but he then threw his phone away when he realized what he was doing.

Whenever somebody came over to Johnny and told him that they were sorry about his loss, he got angry, telling them that they would forget about you in two days time but he would have to live with an emptiness caused by your death.

He drank more than usual.

He went through your pictures that he had on his phone.

He didn’t eat.

He didn’t speak that much.

He didn’t sleep.

He didn’t feel alive.

Hyuck took Johnny out for dinner just to get some air out of the NCT Dorm. NCT127’s schedules were all temporarily halted or postponed as paying respects to your death. You were part of their lives once and you will always remain as the supportive noona in their memories.

After eating Johnny and Hyuck went to your Gangnam Loft. They got emotional even when standing outside your house door, trying to pushed the passcode. Johnny let out a deep sigh before opening the door. He leaned against your door frame as the scent of your perfume filled his senses.

He didn’t enter it yet, he just stood there and looked around, taking the sight in. Slowly he stepped a foot in and walked over to your desk. He looked at the pictures of you and Hyuck; you and him… Then he went to your closet and opened it. It made him emotional to see the tshirt you wore when you first met him at the cafè, the jacket you wore when you came to watch the NCT members play basketball, the dress you wore the night you had with him for the first time in Jeju-do. But seeing his sweatshirt in your closet hurt him the most. He picked it up, holding it tightly as he smelled it. It smelled like you now. That was when he lost it.

He sat on the floor, hugging the sweatshirt tightly as he sobbed loudly. ‘’You went away so early.’’ He whispered to himself before Hyuck came to your room. He sat next to him, seeing that he was holding the sweatshirt as he continued to cry. Seeing his friend cry made him emotional and Hyuck felt a tear drop on his cheeks. Johnny had been so strong for him the other day, now it was time for him to stay strong for his friend.

‘’You know, (Insert your name) is angry at you right now.’’ Hyuck said after Johnny calmed down a little. ‘’She wouldn’t have wanted you to cry over her.’’

Johnny didn’t say anything but continued to stare at the sweatshirt in his hands.

‘’Let me tell you something Johnny. I was there when (Insert your name) quitted her toxic job in Singapore. She was depressed and decided to go on a solo trip to Seoul. Seoul was our comfort vacation home far away from home. She decided to include falling in love in her bucket list and that’s where she created the Dating Experiment deal with you. You made her then experiment came true. She fell in love with you Johnny and to her luck, you loved her back. Whenever she facetimed me, she told me that you were the best thing that has ever happened to her and you know that she meant it. Yes, you weren’t together for a long time but for her, it was enough because you were with her. YOU! Not me, not Jaehyun and not anyone else. She chose you Johnny. You were the most special person in her life.’’

That made Johnny cry harder than before. This time, Hyuck started crying too.

‘’She’s probably looking down and laughing at us right now, isn’t she?’’ Johnny said after a while.

‘’Probably she is.’’ Hyuck chuckled, pulling his friend in a hug.

Your funeral was probably the hardest. Most of his friends and the NCT members were present. Hyuck and your father didn’t leave Johnny’s side for a single second.

‘’Are you sure Johnny you wanna present the speech?’’ your father asked. He nodded in response.

‘’I’m probably going to cry but there’s no escape.’’ He replied before standing in front of the microphone.

‘’Eo Annyeonghasaeyo? Is this working? Great. Umm, I don’t know how to start or actually where to start. (Insert your name) always asked me if I was ready if something happened to her. Actually, Donghyuck was the original speaker but then the duty passed to me.’’ He saw Hyuck giving him a thumbs up. ‘(Insert your name) was my fellow youtube colleague, my best friend, my No.1 fan and most preciously important, My Beloved Soulmate. It hasn’t been a year since I met (Insert your name) actually. I wouldn’t have known her if I wasn’t introduced to her by my best buddy Jaehyun.”

“I was supposed to create an original video content for NCT Daily Youtube Channel. There was one thing she asked me in return. She wanted me to help her fall in love. Weird right? First, we attempted the Dating experiment she planned. She won the hearts of all of the NCT members. Including Dreamies. Afterwards my Best Buddy here Jaehyun came by, to be honest I seriously thought that she was going to fall in love with him but he didn’t happen. The last person on the list was… Me. A bit unexpected right?”

“I fell in love with (Insert your name) long way before she fell for me. I was drawn in how full of life she was. She didn’t care what people thought about her, she wanted to do everything in her way. I did fell for her when I met her. It was love at first sight. After spending every day with her, I learned new things. And as I learned more about her, I found myself thinking about her more and more. I’m proud of myself that I fell in love with her, there wasn’t another person made for just me in this world and I know there won’t be any in the future. She’s the one for me. She was my Soulmate.”

“Loving (Insert your name) was the best thing that has ever happened to me and it’s an honor that I got to be loved by her..’’ Johnny stopped talking when he felt his vision getting blurry because of the tears in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away to continue talking. ‘’The last thing (Insert your name) told me was ‘Thank you for letting me love you.’ And a few hours later, she was gone. She’d always tell us that when she was gone, she’d be watching us from up there. So I have something to say for her if you let me. (Insert your name), thank you for loving me with all of your heart. It made loving you easier.’’

The burial tooked place in Jeju-do where your heart was. 

Back in the SM Studio

‘’Jaehyun, I’m not going to do it.’’ Johnny said, standing in front of and the head editor.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’The vlog, I don’t want it to be published.’’

‘’Are you ing kidding me Johnny? Didn’t you work for this all year?’

‘’It hasn’t been a year yet…’’ he mumbled, getting annoyed at Jaehyun.

‘’Johnny, I don’t understand. Didn’t you want to upload for JCC? Isn’t (Insert your name) your girlfriend that you want to show to the world?’’

He shrugged at hearing your name. He still wasn’t accepting the fact that you were gone.

‘’It has become something more personal. I have some other ideas what to do with it.’’

i'm at loss of words.. i might need to go on hiatus after posting the prequel.. this chapter was inspired after watching No longer By NCT127 live concert https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l-SIplW4LE