It’s a whole month of hell for Ahn Yujin, her life changed once again after Minjoo ran away that very night. She was devastated— no, she’s beyond broken and devastated after all of that.

Bad habits started to resurface again.

That Ahn Yujin came back once again— the Yujin who can’t sleep without any alcohol on her system, the Yujin who finds comfort through smoking— although the Yujin who uses women for short-term entertainment didn’t come back. She tried one time, wait no, many times but she failed. Before she could even put the target on the bed, a certain face will appear on her head and she would back away immediately, even throwing up in the process because she felt so disgusted with herself, she thought this would only happen once but whenever she tries touching other women, Minjoo’s face and voice would appear on her mind resulting for her to stop before she could even graze her fingertips on other women.

It’s pure hell for her, the ache on her heart never faded— it just getting more painful and painful whenever she thinks of the brunette, it hurts so much to the point she would just lie up on the floor while curling herself in the middle of the corridor of her penthouse, sobbing loudly and asking the deities of why did she love Kim Minjoo so much like this.

She’s so pathetic, much more pathetic than she was years ago. The heartbreak was much worse when she and Minjoo broke up— it shattered her whole. When she thought that her girl would come back to her because she still indeed loves her, she decided not to choose going back into her arms and went to the person who she likes and made a promise to. That is like a bullet shot through her heart. Yujin would like to think of this as deserving punishment for her.

She can’t even function properly, it’s like she’s on auto-pilot, she only eats because Eunbi would call her and threaten her that she would go there and break her door if she won’t eat. She would go outside but only with the purpose of hoarding the alcoholic beverages at the convenience store nearby. She also doesn’t accept the phone calls from the executive nor from her secretary.

Because she can’t face her father and take the position of being a COO with this state, she begged Yena to talk with her father that she’s asking for a two-month break before she finally throws herself over the seat of being the COO of the company. Fortunately, Jinhyuk agrees but he would talk with his daughter.

Yujin can’t even make herself feel embarrassed facing her father with a messy state, she doesn’t care anymore. Jinhyuk is worried over his daughter but he could not understand why she is being like that so that’s why he visited her daughter for a talk.

However, throughout the talk, the blue haired woman wouldn’t even speak up resulting in Yena to explain what happened. Jinhyuk was very disappointed but he agrees that she’s not in a good position to start working, especially that the job she will take is very important, he just let his daughter be and scolded her to collect herself up and don’t be a cry baby but deep inside, he’s worried over her.

Their fear happened so quickly and they can’t help but to be alarmed and panic, even giving the blue haired woman more attention and comfort but Yujin declined it all after getting an affection once, locking herself to her room and just cry all day, begging them to let her be alone for quite a while and they did, even if they are worried sick, they are confident that Yujin wouldn’t do something very stupid that might take her life away in an instant.

Even if Yujin would refuse their comfort, they still tried their best to help the blue haired woman. They take turns on who would be Yujin’s drinking buddy and who would take care of her every day. They already gave up forcing the younger to stop her bad habits but Yujin would turn violent every time, she almost punched Yena back then when the CEO tried to take the beer away from her.

Wonyoung and Nako’s trip to Japan was also cut short after hearing the news from Yuri and immediately went home but Yujin also refused to see them in such a vulnerable state. They were so worried because it was nothing like this when Yujin is also heartbroken in London, they were the witnesses of that phase from the blue haired woman. Unlike Yujin when she was in London, she would openly talk her heart out and didn’t push anyone back then, just carefree and would only shed tears, and now, Yujin doesn’t even go out of her room or talk to anyone.

The change is so scary, they couldn’t even recognize Yujin anymore, she acts nowhere like the Ahn Yujin they knew, and her appearance had changed too, she got skinnier and the bags under her eyes are proof that she can’t sleep because she kept thinking of a certain someone until morning.

Yujin’s sanity is Minjoo, without her, she acts like she’s not herself. Like was said before, she’s just a lost girl in the dark that doesn’t know what to do without a light, a light named Minjoo. Her world only revolves around Minjoo. Only Minjoo, just Minjoo.

Her love for Minjoo is just indescribable.

The first week was just Yujin isolating herself from everyone, just drinking all day and refusing comfort from the others, and this is the week that she felt like she’s dead already. She didn’t even faze when Eunbi cried in front of her because of too much stress and worriedness over her.

Then in the second week, the blue haired woman started to go out every night to go to a club and drink there, hoping that she'd forget the brunette even just for an hour but of course, failing in the end. She dared to try to go down on every woman she took an interest that night but she would back down and run away then just drink until she passed out. Fortunately, a worker at the club she goes to is a friend of Hyewon so he would call the surgeon every time he sees Yujin is already unconscious at the counter, and thus, they would fetch the blue haired woman there then tuck her in the bed at her home.

In the third week, it’s almost the same as the second week but they can already have a proper conversation with Yujin. And that’s the week where the blue haired woman tried to accept the reality that she wanted to deny so bad. She can’t bring herself to be cocky and all, telling herself that she would able to move on from Minjoo and that she can live her life to the fullest without her because she herself well knew that she can’t, she already accepted the fate of ‘Kim Minjoo being her first and last’ long time ago. Loving Minjoo is both a curse and a blessing.

Minjoo is worth the unbearable pain and never-ending heartbreaks that she’s currently going through and would last for a long time. Kim Minjoo is just worth it.

And last week, Yujin finally got a grip of herself and promised not to go to the club and drink again, she’s still finding comfort through smoking but she still goes out secretly.

The IZ Cool Squad didn’t just take care of Yujin. They also comforted Minjoo throughout because the latter suffered a lot too.

Minjoo is nowhere better too either, she even filed a sick leave for a week because she didn’t want to break down in the middle of her work and worry Hitomi and Chaewon— and she thought she’s not ready to face the head manager, yes, they weren’t a couple but Minjoo felt she cheated on Chaewon and can’t help but to feel guilty, so she avoided her until she finally collects herself and her thoughts.

She would cry herself to sleep, they were heartaches too. She’s hurt because she shoved Yujin away despite of still having feelings for her, but she thought what she did was only right. A whole Kim Chaewon is waiting for her patiently and helping her heal, she would also not deny the fact that she already has feelings for the latter that’s why she’s so guilty.

But her heart, it aches and keeps yearning for Yujin, no matter what she does, the blue haired woman would suddenly enter her mind, her desperate eyes, her begs and pleads, it kept her fully awake at night.

Oh, why did their love become like this…

So messy, so painful, so chaotic, so… foolish

She still loves Ahn Yujin despite over the years, her feelings bloomed again, she’s just denying it.

Sakura tried her best to cheer her up even with a devastated state, she’s mostly the one who comforted her throughout until she can finally show herself again at work.

Chaewon, as expected was so worried over her and even got much worried when she saw how the brunette looks so pale, gloomy, and skinnier, the head manager doesn’t know anything and Minjoo would like to keep it that way, she doesn’t need to know. The brunette could just throw her a weak smile, guilt bubbling up into her stomach.

For a month, she still hasn’t gotten over what happened that night, it haunts her. She would just find herself spacing out and thinking of Yujin’s lips ghosting over skin even if a whole Kim Chaewon is in front of her, she felt so sick with herself.

She’s facing heartbreaks too, after all, she’s still harboring feelings for the puppy, she also had a hard time picking between them, but she just settled for the better. Yes, for the better.

When she heard Yujin’s state from Sakura, guilt started to take over her.

Always guilt.

It’s her fault that Yujin became like that, even though the blue haired woman would deny it and blame herself only, Minjoo is aware that she’s the cause, the only cause. But can you blame her? She doesn’t want any of this to happen too, it's just coincidentally that destiny and fate loves to play with her. Yujin suffered a lot because of her, but she suffered a lot too.

Just why?

After a whole month of hell, Yujin confidently announced that she’s capable of meeting Minjoo now, she also apologized to her friends for being a nuisance for a month. Eunbi cried out of joy at that time. But they are not so sure if she can already meet the brunette although Yujin kept insisting that she’ll be fine, they are reluctant because they are the witness of her being a mess because of Minjoo.

The blue haired woman gave them a cheeky smile. “I’ll be fine, I will be alright. I’ll be alright for Minjoo, I don’t want to worry her because I’m being pathetic, she would always feel guilty if I don’t show up looking better.” She insisted, taking a bite from her apple. Hyewon narrowed her eyes on her and sighed.

Always Minjoo. She would prioritize Minjoo over her own broken self. Oh, how unselfish has she became

She’s much more worried over Minjoo’s feelings than herself. It’s unhealthy but it’s Yujin. For her, it’s Minjoo over anything else.

“You are not ready yet,” Hyewon retorted, sighing heavily as she walked nearer to the pup who’s smiling already at the mention of Minjoo before holding her on her shoulders. “You’re still healing, you might break again.” She plainly said.

She got confused when Yujin’s smile widened, grinning like an idiot. “Yes, it might be true but,” She muttered with gloomy eyes. “I want to see her, my heart has been longing for her but this time, I wouldn’t do anything stupid now, don’t worry.” She reassured then smiled but it’s a pleading smile.

“Please, I don’t care if I would look like a masochist or whatever, then if I would break then so be it, but please, let me see Minjoo-unnie.”

—

“Have you decided?” Minjoo looked over her shoulders and curiously stared at the Japanese woman who’s lying down on her couch. Sakura decided to barge into her apartment again and said that she’ll stay in for a night because she’s lonely in her place. Her girlfriend is away for shooting since their dance crew was hired for being back dancers of a famous idol in a new music video.

The brunette turned her full attention to Sakura, leaving her work for a bit. “Huh? What,” She asked, confused because she doesn’t have any single clue of what the older is referring to.

Shifting in a sitting position, Sakura glanced at the brunette that’s on her study table. “Yujin or Chaewon?” She asked. “Have your heart decided?”

Minjoo froze, nervously looking away from the older and continued typing her paper works. “We’ve talked about this Sakura-chan,” She answered while gritting her teeth. “I already chose Chaewon. And why do you keep asking me that stupid question?” She fired back, getting a little bit annoyed over it because whenever Sakura asks that, the guilt would only rise up every time she says the same answer.

“Are you sure that she’s the one whom your heart wanted?” Sakura asked again in an indifferent tone. Minjoo hissed, clenching her jaw as her heart flipped at the question thrown. “Stop it. I don’t know what you are trying to make me