On the day when F(x) had to perform at the SM Town Taiwan, Krystal was whining to Amber that she wanted to have an ice cream. Amber, being a big fan of boba drink, certainly used this chance to also find the best boba drink in Taiwan as the hometown of boba.

“Okay, I will accompany you to eat ice cream. But after that you must go with me to find the best boba drink in this town!”, Amber said happily to Krystal, tried to make a deal.

Krystal smiled widely. “Fine. But ice cream first, yes?”

“No problem. As long as I can have the best boba drink!”, Amber nodded enthusiastically.

Krystal giggled seeing Amber who can be pursued that easy when it comes to boba drink. Truthfully, Krystal missed hanging-out with Amber so much. Since the early of 2015, Amber was so busy with other things outside F(x) activities. Her solo just came out and of course, her new relationship with Ellin took most of Amber’s time. At first, it was hard for Krystal to accept Amber’s new relationship with someone else, it was heartbreaking for Krystal to see Amber’s smile now was formed not because of her, but because of someone else, and it was weird to see Amber’s hand holding someone else’s hand, the hand that used to give Krystal assurance, protection and love. But Krystal knew that she can’t be selfish, they had choose to be friends, so Krystal has to accept it, whether she liked it or not.

But today, Krystal wanted to be selfish. Few days ago before they went to Taiwan, they got a chance to hang out together, just the two of them. And Krystal felt that she was never been that happy since the earliest day of 2015. Krystal wished to feel that kind of happiness again, so now she chose to be selfish, she didn’t care and she wanted Amber just for her today.

When they walked on the street to find an ice cream, Krystal suddenly linked her arms to Amber’s arms and held it tight. Amber was astounded, her face tightened as she felt a familiar gesture that she used to love. A tingling sensation was formed in Amber’s stomach. She didn’t understand why she feels that, maybe.. she still love whatever gesture Krystal made towards her or maybe she missed having Krystal this close with her again. Amber couldn’t figure it out, but all she knew that she was feeling so happy right now.

They finally found an ice cream place that Krystal seemed to be interested. They picked their ice cream and they opted to eat it while finding a boba place as they only have limited time before they go back to the SM Town venue for rehearsal.  

“Buy it for me, Amber.”, Krystal said while her ice cream when they reached the cashier.

“What?”, Amber bent her eyebrows hearing Krystal’s request. Krystal just looked at her with a cute smile and Amber ended up paying for the ice cream anyway, like she always did. Some things were never really change between them and strangely, Amber didn’t mind it at all.

Krystal positioned her body too close to Amber when they walked again, now to find a boba place. Amber can feel that their fingers brushed sometimes and she had to hold the urge to intertwine their hands together. She knew holding hands with Krystal would be too much as it is too intimate for an ex-girlfriend level, plus she has someone else now who definitely will not be pleased at this kind of closeness between her and Krystal. 

“Do you know where to find your boba drink? I don’t want to get lost ‘coz we need to come back as soon as possible.”, Krystal asked in English to Amber while and enjoying her ice cream.

“I did google it and I think it is around here somewhere. But…. I am not sure. Wait, let me check again.”, Amber grinned and took out her phone trying to google it again.

“What? Then hurry google it.”, Krystal turned her face to Amber and gave her a glare. But instead of getting scared, Amber chuckled to find that there was an ice cream on the side of Krystal’s mouth.

“Why are you laughing??”, Krystal asked in confuse face.

“You’re so messy. You have ice cream on your face.”, as if it was a usual thing to do, Amber’s hand automatically touched Krystal face and she used her thumb to clean the ice cream from the corner of Krystal’s lips.

Krystal blushed and her cheeks turned slightly pink. It is been a long time since she felt Amber’s gentle touch, which, never failed to make her heart flustered. Amber suddenly realized what she just did and abruptly withdrew her hands from Krystal.

“Uhm, I am sorry. I was just…. I want.. I mean…”, Amber stuttered nervously, she feels that her cheeks also turned hot as she was embarrassed at her impulsive act towards Krystal.

Krystal smiled awkwardly. “It’s okay. Thanks, Amber.”

Amber quickly turned her gaze back to her phone and tried to focus to find the way to the boba place on the google map again. She need to do whatever she can to avoid this sudden awkwardness between her and Krystal.

“Ah, found it! We just need to turn left there.”, Amber pointed to a three-way junction signaling that the boba place is not that far away from them.

“Okay, then. Let’s go there, pali.”, Krystal said and again, she just casually linked her arms to Amber’s, making Amber felt a little bit uncomfortable. Not because she didn’t like it, but because she loved it too much.

Once Amber got her boba drink, she kept bragging like a little kid on how good the boba drink taste. Krystal rolled her eyes whenever Amber praised the boba drinks too much, but she ended up laughing at Amber’s antics, not to forget to think on how cute Amber was in this kind of situation. Amber kept asking Krystal to try and drink her boba and finally Krystal gave in after few times rejection. On the back of Krystal’s mind, she couldn’t help but to feel a little bit disappointed when they arrived back at the venue as she wish that she can spend her time a little longer with Amber today.

Time really flies after they finished their rehearsal which was followed by the concert itself. Being overloaded with happiness, Amber excitedly took videos during rehearsal and kept taking pictures with the other groups at the encore stage. Krystal has informed her members that she will not join the encore and the members tried to understand that maybe Krystal would probably feel sad if she join the encore without her big sister’s presence. The members tried to make Krystal join the after party to cheer her up and have the fun together, but instead, Krystal chose to stay at the hotel.

“You sure you don’t wanna come, Soojungie? It would be fun!!”, Luna grabbed Krystal hand tried to dragged her to the party.

Krystal shook her head and just smiled weakly. “I am tired, Unnie. I think I just going to rest. You guys have fun.“, Krystal then looked at Amber and she can see something on Amber’s eyes, an expectation and a hope that she will change her mind and come to the party with them. But Krystal knew she must end her selfishness as she couldn’t let herself lingered too much to Amber. She already had her splendid time with Amber today and it should be enough.

 “Okaay, Soojung. But let us know if you suddenly change your mind, okay. I will ask someone to pick you up at the hotel.”, Victoria said as she caressed Krystal hair and then signaled her members to get into the car to leave.   

SM has reserved a big private room at the restaurant/lounge for their after party. It was full with food and booze. Victoria was chatting with Super Junior members and Luna was eating and drinking her alcohol with Shinee members. Despite all the fun at the party, Amber found herself sitting alone at the table drinking her beer. She didn’t understand why she was not being her usual self. She was surrounded by many people and friends, but Amber felt so lonely. She let out a long sighed and dialed Ellin’s number, tried to wash away her loneliness. She thought that maybe she missed her girlfriend so much.  

“Hi, babe! How was the concert??”, Ellin greeted in a happy tone on the other line.

Amber smiled. “Hi! It was fun, as always! I am at the after party now. The place is huge, SM really does have money.”, Amber then let out a small laugh.

“Aah, are you drinking? Don’t be naughty, okay Amber??”, Ellin gave Amber a warning, but in a cute way that it didn’t even sound like a warning.

“I am just drinking beer, babe. I will be a good girl and just drink alone at the corner.”, Amber joked and earned a hearty laugh from Ellin.

“Is…is Krystal there?”, Ellin asked carefully. She tried not to sound too jealous.

“No. She isn’t here. Don’t worry.”, Amber knew Ellin would definitely feel uncomfortable if Krystal was there and Amber tried to understand that. Who wouldn’t be feel uneasy if your girlfriend was in the same room with her-ex, at the party full with alcoholic drinks where there was a possibility that can happen?

There was a short pause at the other line. But Amber quickly change the topic and tried to talk about the concert earlier. After 15 minutes conversation, they ended the call and Amber thought that Ellin had cure her loneliness so she was ready to mingle now. But apparently, when she put her phone back to her pocket, she still didn’t move from her chair. She wanted to move, but not to anyone or anything at the party, she wanted to go to find someone who were not here. Although Amber tried so hard not to admit it, but she then realize that she was feeling lonely because she was longing for Krystal.

A guilty feeling clouded her as she misses someone else, a.k.a her ex, when her heart was supposed to belong to her girlfriend. She hurriedly took out her phone again and typed ‘I wish you were here’ and sent it to Ellin, trying to amend herself from the guilty feeling she had. But somehow, she moved her feet anyway, dragging herself out from the after party and went back to the hotel. Next thing she knew, she already knocked on Krystal door’s room.  

“Amber?!”, Krystal's face looked shock when she opened the door and found Amber standing in front of her. “What are you doing here? Isn’t too early for the party to end?”

“I ---“, Amber didn’t know what to say. She actually surprise herself that she, in fact, can convince her mind to bring her body back to the hotel and worse, to Krystal’s room. She wanted to say that she missed Krystal, but she was unable to get out the words and her tongue felt numb suddenly.

“I feel so lonely. Can I stay here?”, instead, she blurted out the words that sounded like desperate plea.

Hearing that, Krystal’s jaw dropped a little bit. She examined Amber a little while and she was sure that Amber was not drunk. It was rare for Amber to show this kind of vulnerability, especially when she was sober. Krystal didn’t know whether Amber was feeling lonely because she was away from her girlfriend or whether because she missed Krystal. But Krystal didn’t want to think too much, this day has not over yet and if she can have Amber for her a little bit longer, she would.

“Come on in.”, Krystal grabbed Amber’s wrist and guided her to come to the room. But suddenly Amber threw herself to Krystal and hold her tight. Krystal was stunned at first but she finally circled her hands on Amber’s waist and hugged her back. Krystal could feel it, Amber missed her. But she quickly denied that thought because there was no point of having that kind of feelings at this state. They stayed like that for a while until Amber broke the hug.

“I hope you bring a normal pajamas for me because I didn’t bring anything when I came here”, Amber chuckled lightly, trying to act normal.

“Well, it’s your fault you just showed up at my door like that. You just need to accept whatever kind of pajamas that I will give you.”, Krystal laughed cheekily and open her luggage to find any pajamas for Amber. Luckily, there was a shirt and a long pants of sleeping attire that was suitable for Amber’s liking.

“How was the party?”, Krystal asked after Amber finished taking her shower.

“Yah well, as usual. I think Luna tried to flirt with Onew. “, Amber tried to gossip and Krystal laughed hearing that.

“Luna Unnie is so persistence when it comes to love. I will ask her tomorrow, hopefully she succeed tonight”, Krystal relaxing herself and slumped her body on the bed. Amber joined her not long afterwards.

A silence settled between them as they placed themselves lay in bed face to face, just admiring each other’s figures and appreciating the moment. Amber moved her head a little bit closer to Krystal. Krystal swore that she can felt that her heart was pounding hard when she saw Amber’s face was just centimeters away from hers. She needed to stop this, she didn’t want to cross the line.

“Goodnight, Am.”, she whispered, but loud enough for Amber to hear it. But she unconsciously closed her eyes, her mind went blank as she just wanted one thing, she wanted to taste Amber’s lips.

But before their lips can meet, the feeling of Krystal’s warm breath at the tip of Amber’s mouth suddenly awaken Amber from this sweet moment. Amber snappishly pulled away and started panicking.

“Oh my God. I am sorry Krys.. I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to do….this. I don’t know what I am thinking. Please don’t kick me out from your room. Please, I am so---”, Amber blabbering non-stop realizing what she just did or almost did few seconds ago.

Krystal cupped Amber’s face and just smiled, silencing Amber with her touch. She shook her head slowly, still smiling.

“Stupid.”, Krystal chuckled, then she turned her body away, not facing Amber anymore.

“Goodnight, princess.”, Amber whispered, looking at Krystal’s back as her view now. Amber really wanted to stretch her arms and hugged Krystal from the back, she craved for Krystal’s scent, she wanted to feel Krystal’s warmth when she sleeps. But she must reminded herself that, someone else in Seoul was the true owner of her body and soul.

“Sleep-well, Am.”, Krystal replied. She really wanted to turn her body back to face Amber, getting closer to her and sleep on Amber’s embrace. But she needed to remind herself that what just happened now, it was merely because they caught up in a moment. It should not be more than that and they need to keep reasonable distance between them. Krystal closed her eyes, trying to drown herself to sleep. Maybe in her dream, this sweet moment with Amber will continue.