Amber missed Krystal a lot….Correction, Amber missed F(x) but especially Krystal, a lot. She has been busy for these past months since the beginning of the year and she packed herself promoting her mix-tape. She was so busy but she was excited at the same time because she could release a mix-tape contains with her own songs, her style, her true colours. She didn’t really think so much because she was enjoying what she was doing, but when she finished, she couldn’t help but to feel that she was feeling a little bit lonely. Usually there were four of them and after promotion was over she could share the relief with her members with a laugh, a satisfaction and a proud feeling.

She hasn’t met Krystal for a long time. She was secretly thanking her busy days as she could get rid of her longing (that was too much sometimes) for Krystal, and at least they still kept their communication alive so it helped her frustration of not meeting Krystal. Amber was glad that everything was going smooth between her and Krystal. No ‘funny business’ between them now, although Amber knew that they will always have a special bond that she could not have with anybody else. Her communication with Krystal was great, and she swore she could sense that Krystal was flirting to her more than once. But she didn’t want to be too overly excited about that, sometimes she wanted to flirt back to see whether her gut was right that Krystal was indeed, flirting with her. But she was scared that those little flirting could lead them back to where they were, twisted relationship that can ruin everything.

The thing is, she was supposed to start thinking again about what to do with Krystal, thinking about how she feels about Krystal now.  But somehow.., she felt even more lost and didn’t even know what to think. Maybe because her lack of meeting Krystal and how distance they were right now, Amber felt her feelings was standing still, just walking in one place. She didn’t want to move forward but she also didn't want to move backwards. She was so confused, she missed Krystal so much, but at the same time she also felt lost?

On her day off, she decided to watch an old F(x) videos. Sometimes reminiscing her old days with F(x) can help her relax, although surely it will cringe her but she knew she will ended up laughing. When she started browsing on the internet, she played some of F(x) stage performance when they were singing their old songs. She shrieked by herself and feeling embarrassed of how she used to look like. When she saw young Krystal singing and dancing on her laptop screen, she couldn’t help but grinned. Automatically, her lips just stretched to the corner of . Krystal was so cute back then, young, energetic, innocent. How Krystal changed to become a mature woman now, prettier, ier, wiser. But it didn’t matter, young or mature, Amber loves both versions of her.

In the middle of admiring F(x) or Krystal to be exact, suddenly, one of friends barged into her room and surprise Amber.  

“Geez! You scared me!”, Amber put her hand on her chest.

Her friend laugh. “Sorry, buddy. We want to order pizza. You want? Is that F(x) videos that you are watching?”

Amber chuckled. “yeah. A very old performance. Look, look.. oh my God!! We look so ridiculous.”, she pointed to her laptop screen and squealed.

Her friend walked closer towards her and followed Amber to watch the videos. He was laughing out loud immediately when he fixed his eyes on the screen. “Gosh, Amber! What’s wrong with your hair? I swear to God please do not have that kind of hairstyle again.”

“tell me about it. And those outfit, it was so tight I almost could not breath at that time.”, Amber laughed again.  When Krystal’s face popped out, Amber pointed her finger again to her laptop and howled. “Aaahh… look at Krystal… she looked so young and damn cute, right?”

Her friend just smirked and gave Amber a look.

“What??”, Amber asked him in confusion.

“You watch these videos because you wanted to see F(x) or just Krystal?”, he asked suddenly and laughed.

Amber was caught off-guard. She felt hot all over her face and she was sure she was blushing. But why was she blushing? Did what her friend tell her was true? Did she really watch F(x) videos because she was actually just want to see Krystal?

“What?? N…-- No.. Of course not.. I ----“, Amber couldn’t understand why she was stuttering when she was actually can just give simple answer.

Her friend laughed again and tapped her shoulder. “You’re so easy to read, Amber. If you still love her, don’t be such a wuss and just win her back.”

Amber narrowed her eyes down and winced. “I do..—I don’t…”

“If I were you, I would not let her slip away from me. I mean come on, Amber… Krystal is gorgeous!!”, her friend cut her while Amber was still trying to find words to response. “Anyway, I will just order whatever pizza and you just eat it later, okay!”, he smiled and then walked away from Amber’s room.

When he was out from her room, Amber sat down again in her chair in silent and reflect herself. Did she really that easy to read when it comes to Krystal? As she watched her F(x) videos playing F(x) performance from the older to the newer one, she realized that everytime Krystal’s face was shown, she smiled. Everytime she heard Krystal sang, she smiled.

She remembered the first time she arrived in Korea, not knowing any people there and did not understand the language at all. But Krystal was there for her, saving her like a knight in shining armor (eventhough Krystal was always be a princess), making Amber felt comfortable in a foreign country, talked to her in English and teaching her Korean patiently, well… maybe not that patient but still. And until now, that kind of feeling, a secure feeling that she had whenever she was with Krystal, never went away.

She recalled that everytime she was feeling insecure about her looks and singing ability, Krystal was there for her, believe in her, convinced her that Amber didn’t need to change anything because she is beautiful, she was outstanding for being different than the other girl idol, she was unique because she can rap and sings. And the trust that Krystal has in Amber, it never changed until now.

Amber recollected how she fell in love with Krystal, and how she wanted to jump into the river due to the overly happiness when Krystal agreed to become her girlfriend. She knew their relationship was not perfect and full of fights. Regardless, Amber was sure the amount of happiness she had with Krystal was greater than the sadness. Amber thought when they broke up, she could get over it easily as she would described their relationship simply as a teenage young love. But apparently, how wrong she could be when her love for Krystal never left her heart.

Amber knew how annoying Krystal could be sometimes. She could be clingy, bossy, moody and Amber will back down whenever Krystal gave her an angry or icy glare. But surprisingly, Amber can tolerate that, she even sometimes finds it cute. Is that strange? Or is it because of love that Amber has for her so Amber can actually accept Krystal, just the way she is?

With that thinking, Amber took her phone and pressed Krystal’s number to do a face-time call. Suddenly she wanted to see Krystal’s face, she craved for Krystal’s voice.  

“Hellooooo…”, Krystal’s face popped out on her phone screen, grinning and looked happy to accept the call.

Amber smiled immediately when she saw Krystal. “What you doin’, princess?”

“Thinking of you.”, Krystal said playfully.

“Hey! That’s my line.”, Amber protested but she laughed anyway.

Krystal let out a giggle. “Does it make your heart flustered?”

“Did it make your heart flustered when I said it to you before?”, Amber asked her back, making Krystal blushed.

“It did, before I realized that you probably said that to every girls that you called.”, Krystal pouted, making Amber chuckled.

“It was truly what I felt from my heart. I didn’t dare to lie to a princess or she will hang me and lead me to my death.”

“What’s up, Am? Why suddenly call?”

Amber directed her phone screen to her laptop, where an F(x) video there can be seen. Amber can hear Krystal shrieked in surprise and laughing out loud.

“I am watching some videos of our old performance. You look cute but dumb back then.” , Amber said again while she focused her phone back to her face.

“YAH!”, Krystal complained and gave her a glare. “Do you forget you fell in love with that girl??”

Now it was Amber turn to be flushed. “Then you are right for calling me stupid. I am stupid for falling in love with that girl.”

“YAH!!!!”, Krystal glared again, scarier this time. “I will kill you when I meet you!!!”

Amber laughed harder, finding Krystal’s glare was really cute. How she missed making fun of Krystal. “But seriously, what are you doing?”

“I am just resting at home. Enjoying my precious days off before I have to begin shooting for my drama for next months.”, Krystal showing her house with her phone, indicating that she was just lounging at the sofa right now.

“Ah… yes I remember.”, Amber nodded her head. “The one where you will become a gangster.”

“No.. akh.., Amber. It’s not a gangster. Yes a thief, but I will be a talented driver and being in a group of the good guys too.”, Krystal tried to explain to Amber about her role in frustration.   

Amber raised her eyebrows. “Sounds like the same to me. A gangster, a scary one.”

“No! A thief, a driver and a pretty one too.”, Krystal corrected Amber once again.

“Alright, alright. A driver, but still a scary one.”, Amber smiled mischievously and earned another pout from the girl on her phone screen. “When is the shooting will start?”

“In September. But I will have like a photoshoot first for the role I guess. Then I will go to Europe again to attend some fashion events.”, Krystal explained her schedules to Amber, to which making Amber frowned hearing how packed Krystal’s schedule is.

“Europe again? I thought you were just back from Italy. Ah, I am so jealous. I wish I could go too.”

“Come then, I can spare an extra bed for you in the hotel.”, Krystal offered while she was giggling.

“I wish… I have a plan to release another songs in couple of months.”, Amber said and then sighed.

“Really? Wow that is great, Am!" Krystal replied, her face looked excited. “Is it a song about me?”, Krystal added and teased.

Amber narrowed her eyes, but she smirked. In her mind, she was trying to guess whether Krystal has been a little bit flirty with her since she picked up Amber’s face time call. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”, Amber teased back and laughed lightly.   

“Anyway, I am sorry, Am I wish I could talk longer but I have to go soon so I have to get ready.”, Krystal said, it could be seen that she was stood up from the couch and walked towards her room.

“Huh? Where are you going?”

“I have a date.”, Krystal winked to Amber teasingly. “Talk to you later, stupid.”, without giving Amber the chance to talk or ask anything further, Krystal just ended the call, leaving Amber dumbfounded.

“What the hell was that? She is going on a date?”, Amber mumbled to herself while looking at her own phone. Suddenly she felt..jealous? Angry? Lose hope? Just because Krystal will have a date with someone else? Did she meet someone new there while they were apart? Amber was sure there was a crack on her heart when she heard that Krystal was having a date, a regret came followed as Amber felt she should have make her move faster if she didn’t want someone else to have her princess.  

But before she lose her mind, thinking about Krystal and her date, suddenly a text message came and it was from Krystal.

Krystal: ‘Don’t be jealous. It’s a date with my sister.. Haha.’

“God dammit, Krystal. You got me!”, Amber cursed and talked to herself out-loud, but she smiled as her heart jumped in joyful knowing that Krystal was not going out with someone new.   

Then it hit her. She wanted Krystal. It was never change as she always just wanted Krystal. When Krystal dated someone else, she got her heart broken. When Krystal said she was going to have a date, she got jealous.

Amber was always about Krystal. When she was dating someone else, she still longing for Krystal. When she was doing interview, she never failed mention about Krystal. When she was watching F(x) videos, she just couldn’t stop admiring Krystal.   

Amber was lost, but actually she didn’t bother to look closer for the answer, she refused to look the answer. Now she came into a realization, that she was not lost anymore, she found her answer, she found her home, someone who actually never left and just waiting for her to comeback. She found Krystal and Krystal found her, as always. She didn’t have to be afraid anymore, because home are always a safe place for her, and her home is Krystal.  

All of a sudden, Amber heart was pounding hard, imagining what she would have if she will successfully start a new journey with Krystal. She knew she has to make a move, a bold one. It was scary when she thought about it, but she willing to do it with Krystal. She didn’t know how Krystal was feeling right now and she has no idea on how she would do it, but Amber will take the chance. Then first thing she did, she had to reply Krystal’s text.

Amber: ‘I am still jealous eventhough it was your sister. Because she get to see you and I wish I was the one who’s there with you’