It started because SM requested it. Being blessed with good-looking face in their respective group, SM was planning to pair Krystal and Jongin for publicity purposes. When SM called both of them to discuss the plan, at first they were disagree. But in their own smooth way, SM can convince them to do it at the end, make sure that what they will do was a noble thing to boost up not only their individual career, but their respective group and the whole SM family. SM didn’t force them to date, they just asked them to be seen together in public more often, so the media can snap some pictures. So they did. They had a ‘little date’ along with their friends and it went successfully as planned. Media captured their moments and it was a matter of time before they released it.

Jongin was a nice guy. Krystal can’t help but to think that any girl would be lucky to have him. He was very gentle and caring when they went out together. But apparently Jongin felt something more after the ‘date’ and started keep contacting Krystal whenever he got a chance. Krystal didn’t mind and she liked having Jongin as her friend. But lately, she realized that she started to feel… things for Jongin. The way Jongin talked to her and the way Jongin treated her nicely slowly made Krystal’s heart flustered. She felt a different kind of spark, a different kind happiness with Jongin compared to what she felt towards Amber. But the important thing was she is happy when she was with Jongin.

At first she was terrified of this new feelings, she spent amount of time to figure out what she really feels and what she really wanted. But she and Amber were not going anywhere. They were afraid of the distance between them and too terrified of breaking what they already have. As a result, it brought them to a dead-end of their relationship and just stuck there as more than friends but less than lovers’ stage. Krystal thought that this is her chance to move on, to taste a new experience of love, to get a relationship where she didn’t need to hide from the world. So when Jongin asked her whether she wanted to try dating and getting closer to each other, she accepted it.

When Krystal and Jongin informed SM about their progressed relationship, SM was so happy and has set the date to release the news. Before anything, Krystal said to SM that she wanted to talk to her members to let them know about this first before they found it from SM or anyone else.

“What? I thought you guys were just friends.”, Luna widened her eyes when Krystal blurted out the information to F(x) members after their practice.

“We were, Unnie. But, yeah well.. he was so nice to me. So…I don’t mind trying.”, Krystal answered it shortly. Then her eyes turned to see Amber, trying to read Amber’s expression. Luna and Victoria automatically turn her gaze as well, as if checking on Amber on how she would take this news. Amber didn’t say anything, she just kept quiet and looked at Krystal. Although a little, but Krystal can catch a glimpse of disappointment in her eyes.

Victoria cleared . “Uhm… Do you really like him? I mean, SM didn’t pushed or forced you to date or in a relationship with him, right?”, Victoria asked. Luna and Victoria couldn’t lie but a bit shock of the revelation from Krystal. They saw it with their own eyes how close and how intimate Amber and Krystal during their concert time. They thought that Amber and Krystal wanted to slowly patch things up, but in their surprise, Krystal falls for someone else.

“No. As I told you, SM just asked me to be seen with him often for publicity at first. But it turned out into something more for both of us.”

Victoria nodded and smile. “Then I am happy for you. Tell me if he mistreated you and I will kick his . Nobody can mess around with my child.”, Victoria joked and hugged Krystal.

“Me too! Happy for our Soojungie.”, Luna also smiled and jumped on Krystal to join the hug.

Only Amber who were still rooted on her spot. She couldn’t force herself to move, moreover to congratulate Krystal on this. She couldn’t lie to herself, she didn’t like the news. She felt like she got a stab by a knife on her heart when the news came out from Krystal’s mouth. But she knew she couldn’t blame anyone. When she sensed that Krystal refused to talk about their relationship, Amber never did anything and play along with it. It was her who didn’t have a courage to face her own feelings, it was her who were afraid to lose Krystal and chose to keep her close by not talking about whatever happened between them. She couldn’t give Krystal her heart and soul for now, so Krystal tried to find it from someone else.

“Amber, can I talk to you?”, Krystal’s voice snapped Amber and bring her back from her thoughts. Victoria and Luna already broke the hug now.

“Uh..”, Amber scratched her head groggily eventhough it was not itchy. “It’s okay, Krys. I mean, you deserve to be happy.”, she backed down a little bit when Krystal was walking towards her direction. 

Krystal held her step when she saw Amber’s resistance. “Am..”, she said softly. But she didn’t know what else to say to Amber. She knew Amber won’t take this news easily.

Amber shook her head. “Really. It’s okay. You don’t need to explain anything to me.”, she said again. She just wanted to run away to wherever now, she didn’t want to hear anything further from Krystal. Not about the news.

Before Krystal can say anything, the door of their practice room was opened. Jongin came to pick up Krystal. He looked a bit confused as he felt the atmosphere was kind of weird in the room.

“Annyeong haseo!”, he bowed politely. “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something? I can come back later.”, he asked F(x) members.

“Hi, Jongin!”, Luna tried to cheer up the situation. “No, no. It’s okay. Come on in, we already finished.”

Jongin smiled. “Soojung, you ready to go?”, he walked to Krystal and grabbed her waist.

Amber really wanted to turn her head away so she didn’t need to see the couple in front of her. But she didn’t want Jongin thinks that she was rude so she forced herself a smile and waved her hand.

“Have fun, guys.”, Amber said and quickly get her bag, pretending to be busy putting her stuff into her bag.

Krystal couldn’t concentrate when Jongin told her about his activities today on their way to the restaurant in Jongin’s car. She kept spacing out and Jongin has to call her so many times before she startled and found herself looking down to her phone, thinking whether she should text Amber. She can’t really erase the image of sadness in Amber’s eyes earlier when Jongin was picking her up. But what does that mean? What else she can do when Amber has never said anything? Should she force Amber to confess her feeling to her or does she dare to confess to Amber about what she feels  and risking whatever they have now? But it doesn’t matter now, does it? She made her choice, to move on with someone else.

“Are you alright, Soojung?”

Krystal forced a smile.  “I am fine. Sorry. I think I am just hungry.”

Jongin took her hand and held it tight to comfort her. “Okay. We will be at the restaurant soon. Eat as much as you want, okay.”, then he smiled while he was driving.

There was not enough spark to create a butterfly in Krystal’s stomach when Jongin holds her hand. But it was enough to make her calm, it was enough to make her not feeling alone. While her left hand settled on Jongin’s hand, her other hand still holding her phone. She hold it tightly, trying to wash away her mix-up feelings to contact Amber.

On the other part of Seoul, Amber found herself on the comfort of one of her best friend, Eric. She asked him to meet for a coffee. Eric knew something was wrong with Amber eventhough Amber looked fine and used her laugh as a façade. He pushed Amber to open and poured her feelings out.

“Jongin?? You mean, Kai.. the Exo kid? Really?”, Eric asked in English.

“Stop acting surprise, dude. I mean, yeah. Who wouldn’t fall for him? He is good-looking, a good-dancer.. blablabla..”, Amber replied in the same language.

“I won’t fall for him.”, Eric tried to joked. “You will not also.”

“Yah!” Amber glared and elbowed him. Then they laughed together.

“But seriously, why do you just let her slip away like that? Really I thought you guys will get back together anytime soon.”

Amber drink her coffee to think. Her mind tangled and she didn’t know how to start explaining things between her and Krystal. “It’s complicated.”, finally she said.

“In what way complicated?” Eric retorted. “You both were single. You flirted. You even did what couples do. All you had to do is tell her how you feel.”

“That’s the thing …- ”, Amber paused. “The talking part is… too much.”, she said it hesitantly.

Eric just kept quiet. He didn’t want to interrupt because he knew Amber will continue talking, to release whatever burden she had in her heart.

Amber let out a long sigh. “I never opened a chance for both of us to talk, I always avoid if I sensed we could be trapped in a situation where we need to talk about things that happened between us. I never let Krystal know about my feelings and I never pushed my self to see what she really feels as well. And I think she does the same way. We just let things happened.”

Eric also sighed and lean himself to his chair. “So in other words, you both being cowards.”, he mumbled, but loud enough for Amber to hear.   

Amber chuckled bitterly. “I guess. To have a relationship with your groupmate,  not to mention you’re gay with an additional that you are under SM, is really a burden. You really have to sacrifice many things. What if we tried and we fail again? it will just hurt both of us more. I think that what scares us the most. I was too enjoying what we have now until I was blind to see that she fell for someone else.”

Eric nodded. He knew how cruel the Kpop industry could be.  “When they will release the ‘happy’ news?”, Eric made the gesture while asking.

Amber shrugged her shoulder. “Krystal said they will do it on April. But the date is not yet confirmed.”

“Are you really okay?”, Eric pat her shoulder, showing his concern.

Amber smiled weakly. “I am fine.”

They fell into a silence. During the silence, Amber mind’s playing a flashback on the image of Krystal and Jongin. She saw how Krystal glued to her phone and giggled when Jongin texted her, she saw Jongin came and gently put his hand on Krystal’s waist. Picturing Krystal and Jongin together made her world crumbles and her body felt weak as it hit her that Krystal was not, in a way, hers anymore. She belongs to someone else. Suddenly she choked and her tears abruptly falling down from her eyes.

“!!”, she cursed when she realized that she couldn’t hold her tears any longer. “Who am I kidding?! It’s Krystal. Of course I am not fine!”, she said before she started sobbing hard.

Eric just looked at his bestfriend, pitied her but he didn’t really know what to do. He patted her back, trying to comfort her. And Amber just crying and kept crying, finally let out her frustration that she had been held for so long. Hoping that crying can burried her broken heart.

One day before April Mop day, Krystal was being overly sweet to Amber when they attended Huangding Awards in Macau. Maybe she felt guilty, maybe she just wanted to be close to Amber before SM announce the news, or maybe she tried hinting that eventough she was someone else’s now, Amber would still be her favorite person. Krystal actually didn’t really like the idea of announcing her relationship with Jongin. She was afraid that she will get bashed from Jongin’s fans, knowing how popular he was. But what SM said was final, they need to announce it, they need the scandal to keep them at the top of the kpop world.    

“They keep insisting to publish the news. And I am sure after this I will be targeted by paparazzi. I don’t like it when the paparazzi keep following me everywhere I go. Like.. hellooo.. my life is not just about him.. So…”, Krystal complained to Amber when they were at the awards, just sitting down during the event.

Amber looked at her. She actually wanted to close her ear as she didn’t want to hear anything about Krystal and Jongin. But she has calmed herself down these couple of days. She pushed herself to accept the current situation and the fact that Krystal is dating someone else. She had to. Her mind trying to gather any words that about to come out from her lips, and it must not a bitter words.

She patted Krystal shoulder, leaned towards Krystal and finally whispered “I am happy for you.”,

Krystal frowned and looked annoyed at Amber’s response. “Whaaatt?”

“I am,”, Amber nodded and tried to let out a genuine smile for Krystal. Whatever happened between them, Krystal would still be her Krystal after all.

“Are you really?”, Krystal cupped Amber’s chin with her palm. She stared at Amber in disbelief that Amber just said that. With everything that happened between them, Krystal didn’t expect to get such response from Amber.

Amber nodded again. “Just be careful, and don’t let them ruin your.. erm.. date.”, she said again.

The rest of the event was truly a happy day for Amber. They brought back an award, Krystal was sticking to her everywhere she goes, Krystal being so attentive towards her. Everything was perfect. But she knew everything will change soon, when they publish the news, Amber cannot avoid seeing Krystal and Jongin’s pictures which will be flooding the internet anytime now. When they were back at the hotel, Krystal insisted to talk to Amber and let herself in to Amber’s room. 

“Hey, Krys.. what the.. –“, Amber was speechless when Krystal just followed her inside.

“I need to talk to you, Am.”, Krystal said sternly. “Just for couple of minutes”.

Amber plopped herself to the bed and let out a defeated sigh. She knew very well how stubborn Krystal was. If she wanted something, she will insist to do it.

“Do you really mean what you were saying? That you are happy for me?”, Krystal placed herself next to Amber. Looking at Amber’s eyes, looking for an honest answer.

“What? Krys… do we need to talk about this? Come on…”, Amber avoided Krystal’s gaze and hesitated to discuss about this.

“Am…”, Krystal’s hand reached out to Amber’s, making Amber startled and turn her gaze back to face Krystal.

Amber heave a sigh again. She knew she had to answer the question. “I am. I had to.”

“You… you are still my best friend, right?”, Krystal asked. Amber winced, her heart’s dropped hearing the word ‘best-friend’. Yes, that what it is. She is nothing more than a best friend for Krystal now.

“I mean… you will not go anywhere, right?”, Krystal tried to re-phrase her questions after seeing Amber’s cringe.

Amber looked at Krystal’s eyes. She still see her reflection there, on Krystal’s eyes, but somehow now is… different. It was fading away, not as clear as before.

“You’re always more than just a best friend to me, Krys. And, as I promised, I won’t go anywhere. Of course I will not.”, for once, finally Amber told Krystal the truth about her feeling. She squeezed Krystal’s hand to assure that what she was saying is truly from her heart.

“You are really mean a lot to me, you know that right?”, without waiting for Amber’s answer, Krystal kissed Amber’s cheek. She got up and caressed Amber’s head softly.

“Goodnight, Am.”, Krystal said before she close the door behind her.

“Goodnight, princess.”, Amber replied. She laid herself down on her bed when Krystal was gone. She stared at the ceiling, her mind went blank. Her heart ached, but she couldn't cry. She forced a weak smile, as if telling herself that she will be okay. 

The next day, the news about Krystal and Jongin are dating broke. But Amber has prepared for this day, she had to be strong, she will bear the pain, she will get through it. She had to.