Chaewon plopped on the couch, letting out a deep sigh. "I'm starving. Do you have something else other than beer on your fridge for me to cook, or do you want to order?"  

"I don't feel like eating anything, but I might have some cup noodles or something, so go ahead."  

"You're not hungry again?" Chaewon turned to find her fetching a beer from the fridge. "You shouldn't drink with an empty stomach."  

"It's okay. I'm not hungry, but I'm thirsty."  

Chaewon sighed, her eyes following Hyejoo as she sat by the window. Her dark circles were more noticeable each passing day.  

"You haven't been sleeping much, have you?"  

"Not really." Hyejoo shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. "But I'm fine. I was able to focus today on the exam, and in fact, I think I nailed it."  

"That's great, and I'm so proud of you. You've been working so hard, but you know resting is essential too, especially now."  

"Tell that to my anxiety." Hyejoo expelled a cloud of smoke outside the window.  

"I'm sorry I haven't been sleeping with you that much lately." Chaewon stood up and approached Hyejoo, leaning her head on her chest and her hair. "I'll stay tonight, okay?"  

Hyejoo's cheek puffed against Chaewon's chest. "It's okay, we have another exam tomorrow, you can go to your dorm and study. I should do the same, right?"  

"Will you be fine?"  

"Yes. I can't always rely on you, I should rely on myself too sometimes."  

"On yourself, or your weed?"  

Chaewon knew she shouldn't have said that when Hyejoo pulled away and looked up at her with a deep frown.  

"I thought I made myself clear when we talked about this." Hyejoo extinguished her cigarette and stood up, turning her back at Chaewon. 

"You're right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. You know I'm worried-"  

"If you were, you would know I used to smoke weed so I could sleep and relax from the anxiety, not because it's cool. And no, I wouldn't even smoke today, I'm out of weed for weeks, as I have told you before. I really meant relying on myself when I said that."  

Even though those words hurt, Chaewon knew she deserved that.  

"I know, I'm sorry, there's no excuse for my-"  

Hyejoo's phone flew across the room, crashing against the wall. Chaewon gasped and recoiled with the loud and sudden bang, her widened eyes fixed on Hyejoo's clenched jaw and gleaming eyes.  

"Why can't that motherer leave me alone?!" Hyejoo shrieked, her body starting to tremble.  

Chaewon couldn't freeze now. She rested a hand on her shoulder, as she called her name, but Hyejoo jerked and swatted her hand away. Hyejoo frowned, her lips trembling, her eyes begging for help.  

"Hyejoo, it's me." She tried again, slower, cupping her cheeks. This time, Hyejoo closed her eyes and leaned into her touch, letting the tears roll down. "Your father is not here, he can't do anything to you."  

Shaking arms circled Chaewon's torso, and a face buried in the crook of her neck in muffled sobs.  

"I'm here, and I won't go anywhere, so take your time," Chaewon whispered, holding her tight and caressing her black locks. "Focus on me and the moment."  

Hyejoo nodded and after squeezing Chaewon's body for a few times, her breathing slowed down.  

"Sit down, I'm gonna give you a massage to help you relax." Chaewon guided Hyejoo to sit on the couch with her head supported on the back.  

Chaewon stood behind the couch and leaned down to kiss her forehead, as she massaged her temples. They said nothing for a few minutes, while Hyejoo kept her eyes closed and Chaewon massaged her neck, shoulders, and ears.  

"I'm sorry." Hyejoo broke the silence. "I didn't want to snap like this, and I didn't want to talk to you like that. I hate this side of me, and I hate even more that you have to see it."  

A small smile appeared on Chaewon's lips. "I think everyone has a side that they don't want others to see. But when two people are together, they accept not only their qualities but also flaws, right? We're here to help and learn with each other, so don't feel self-conscious about it, okay? I know you didn't mean to do that, like I didn't mean what I said. See, we both showed the sides we don't want to, but it's okay because we understand each other."  

Slowly, Hyejoo opened her eyes and met Chaewon's.  

"What did I do to deserve you, Gowon?"  

"Picked up my luggage at the airport." She chuckled, making Hyejoo smile. "You're a great person that went through a lot already, much more than you should have. What you deserve is love, care, and affection. If I'm the one that has the privilege of giving you what you deserve, then I couldn't be happier."  

"Are you confessing to me?"  

Chaewon gulped. "Y-You know what I mean."  

"I do. Thank you, Chaewon."  

She had gotten so used to her nickname, that whenever Hyejoo used her real name, her knees would go weak.  

", my phone." Hyejoo's eyes widened.  

She jumped from the couch and rushed to where it hit the wall.  

"Good job, Son Hyejoo." She sighed, turning and showing Chaewon her used-to-be-phone all cracked up. "Good thing I always have all my contacts and files backed up. At least now I have a valid excuse to buy a new one."  

"Hyejoo..." Chaewon sighed. "I'm sorry. This only happened because I upset you.”  

"No, I ing snapped. I want to work on that. This time it was only my phone, but who knows what could have happened. You know I don't tend to be this aggressive, but when it comes to my father, I just..."  

"It's hard, I know. What was it this time?"  

"I didn’t even read it all. It started with something like ‘I know your exams are coming up, I expect you to be giving your hardest to make me proud’ whatever. Thing is, that was not meant to be encouraging, more like I better be the best or I'm ed. Give me a mothering break," Hyejoo cursed at her broken phone.  

"I don't understand why he would act like this."  

"Who the knows right? He says what is convenient for him. If the situation requires him to offend me, then I'm a disappointment, and I'm gay, and I'm this and that. But if we're talking about school, oh look at her, she’s in law school. Screw that piece of ."  

“Don’t let it get to you, you’re stronger than that." Chaewon massaged her shoulders once more, and a groan escaped Hyejoo’s lips as she closed her eyes. “I’ll stay the night.”  

“But-" 

“No buts, it’s decided. Unless you want to be alone.”  

“No, I would never, but I’m afraid you’re giving up on studying for me.”  

“I’m not.”  

Hyejoo beamed. “Then stay.”  

In fact, Chaewon planned to still study before her exam on the next day, but she wouldn’t tell her. Hyejoo was more important, after all. 

--- 

Christmas was around the corner, and Chaewon had no idea what to give to Hyejoo. She thought about some Patriots merchandise, but everything was too expensive. So, on a whim, she decided to buy some wool to knit her a scarf with their logo. It had been a while since she put her knitting skills to use, but a handmade gift was even more meaningful, right? That also required an extra task on her schedule, but she could manage.  

Chaewon couldn’t help but think where Hyejoo was getting so much energy from. Maybe her efforts to help and motivate her were paying off, and she could only feel happy and proud of herself.  

She wrote fast, revising for the nth time the contents for her next exam. The words on the paper were fading as she wrote, until her pen stopped writing at all.  

“Seriously?” Chaewon groaned. “Hyejoo, can you lend me a pen? Mine ran out of ink.”  

“Take one from my desk,” Hyejoo said, without taking her eyes off her book. “Good thing it ran out now and not on your exam tomorrow.”  

“I always take at least two pens to exams, I just happened to bring this one now.”  

There were no pens on her desk, so Chaewon opened the first drawer. A few pieces of paper laid around. She grabbed one to read what looked like... a story? It had names and small descriptions written with Hyejoo’s messy handwriting, as well as some sketches of swords and shields. Chaewon was about to go ask Hyejoo what those were, but as she lifted the piece of paper, something else stole her attention. 

Underneath the paper was a small, clear flask, with nothing written on it. And inside, white and blue pills.  

Did Hyejoo take any medication? Chaewon squinted, trying to see if there was something written on the capsules, but like the flask, there was nothing.  

If it was medication, it would have some kind of information.  

“Hyejoo,” Chaewon called, standing beside her with the flask in her hand. “What is this?”  

For a fraction of a second, Hyejoo’s eyes went huge, and she jumped from the couch, almost dropping her book to the floor.  

“Nothing.” Hyejoo took advantage of her taller stature to steal it from Chaewon’s hands.  

“Is that medication?”  

“Not quite, it’s for focusing.”  

Chaewon frowned. “Where did you get that?”  

“It doesn’t matter.”  

“It does matter. Please tell me, what is that?”  

“Nothing that concerns you.”  

Chaewon let her chin drop. “What? How does this not concern me?”  

“How does it?”  

“You can’t be serious, Hyejoo. If something’s wrong with you I have the right to know, don’t I? Are these prescribed to you? If so, then for what?”  

Hyejoo’s eyebrows rose. “Excuse me? First, why did you go through my things? Second, this helps me focus on studying, and third, you’re in no place to judge me if you don’t know what I’m going through.”  

Then, as Chaewon’s eyes widened, it all clicked.  

“That’s ADHD medication, isn’t it?”  

“Maybe, who cares?” Hyejoo walked to her room.  

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon grabbed on her wrist, stopping her. “Not even I will be able to prescribe such a thing after I finish my degree. You can’t be taking those meds on a whim and with no monitoring from a licensed psychiatrist. If you’re feeling difficulties in studying, you should visit a doctor yourself, not go taking someone else’s meds.”  

“You don’t ing tell me what I should and shouldn’t do." Hyejoo yanked her arm away from Chaewon’s grip.  

The air became so thick it was hard to breathe.  

“Can’t you see? That’s why you’ve been having trouble sleeping and no appetite at all. You’ve also been on edge, and snapping at me. You’re not like this.”  

“I don’t ing care. Don’t you understand that I need to get good grades on the exams, or else I have no ing idea what my father can do? Shouldn’t you be concerned about that, instead of caring if I take a few pills or not? The bottom line is this pill works.”  

Chaewon’s legs almost failed her.  

“You’re saying that I made no difference? All the efforts I did to help and motivate you, the nights I stayed to help you sleep... And you say it was all because of the pills?”  

“Do you happen to have some sort of superpower that will heal my anxiety and get me to study? ’Cause if you do, then, by all means, go ahead and then I will stop taking this crap. Until then, you should stop judging me for wanting to make something of myself.”  

Water fogged Chaewon’s eyes, as she took a step back and blinked the tears away.  

“I see.” She forced her dried throat to say. “Good luck on your remaining exams, then. I hope the pills continue to help you since I’m good for nothing.”  

Chaewon turned, grabbed her things and rushed to the door. She wasn’t sure if she heard Hyejoo calling her name as she closed the door, because the throbbing in her ears was so strong it almost deafened her.  

That wasn’t Hyejoo. It couldn’t be. 

---

A/N: well, it can't always be all fluff, I guess c: