Chaewon pulled the blankets up to her neck, observing as Hyejoo put on a baggy sweater over her body and sat by the window. She cursed after opening the window, and trembling hands lit up a cigarette hanging on her lips. She took a long drag, then expelled the smoke outside and sighed with a smile.  

Something Hyejoo always did after her time with Chaewon, ever since the first time.  

“Why do you always go do that?” Chaewon asked, a shiver running down her back as she watched Hyejoo shiver as well.  

“Hm?” Hyejoo looked back at her. “The after  cigarette is the best cigarette.”  

Chaewon shook her head with a giggle. “Why?”  

Hyejoo shrugged, breathing out a cloud of smoke, dissipating into the cold night air.  

“Is it weird that I find it… interesting?” Chaewon asked.  

Hyejoo irked an eyebrow at her. “Is that the word you want to use?”  

Her cheeks warmed up. “Forget what I said.”  

“Now I wanna know what you mean.”  

“No, it’s wrong because smoking is bad for your health.”  

Hyejoo waited for the end of the sentence that didn’t come. “But?”  

Chaewon sighed. “It’s just that… The sight in itself, it’s… you…”  

“Do I look cool?” Hyejoo wiggled her eyebrows.  

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Chaewon groaned. “It’s not like that, it’s just that I got used to it and…”  

“I look very aesthetic, I know.”  

Chaewon glared at her. “You better know that I’ll never approve the fact that you smoke, and I’ll be the number one supporter in case you want to quit!”  

Hyejoo laughed. “I know, but as long as you respect my decision, I’m fine with it. I’ve been smoking less, you know.”  

“Yeah, I noticed. And I’m happy.”  

“Actually, not only am I smoking less, I also quit weed.”  

Hyejoo extinguished her cigarette and closed the window. She took off her sweater and ran back to bed, snuggling against Chaewon’s chest, who was still trying to come up with something to say.  

“W-Weed?”  

“Yeah. I used to smoke sometimes, when the anxiety or stress was too much to handle, and before bed, because it helps me fall asleep. But since I’m with you, and because I get to sleep with you so many times, I barely feel the need anymore. Jungeun even asked me if I had stopped because it’s been a while since I asked her for more.”  

And in the million questions floating around Chaewon’s mind, she could only come up with - “Jungeun?”  

“Yeah, she’s the one that gets it for me. And for herself, of course.” 

Chaewon didn’t know what to say, and after a few seconds of silence, Hyejoo looked up at her. “What is it?”  

“I-I didn’t know you… did that. Isn’t that… a d-drug?”  

“It’s legal here, there’s no way we could even get in trouble by having it or consuming it, as long as we don’t do it in public. And you know it’s used for medical purposes, right? Now we don’t need a medical card to get it, so it’s cool because it really helps.”  

“Doesn’t it have other effects?”  

“It can, but every medication has possible side effects. Of course, it depends on the person, the amount, how you consume it, if you drink alcohol too or not, but I don’t do that.” Hyejoo paused, her eyes fixed on the void, then she shook her head. “I did it once when I was having a really hard time after a fight with my father back in Korea. Believe me, it was not a pleasant experience. If I drink, I don’t do weed. Simple as that.”  

“W-What happened?”  

“It was a really bad trip, I had hallucinations, almost jumped off my window-”  

“Dear God, Hyejoo,” Chaewon mumbled, hugging her tightly against her chest and caressing her hair.  

“My room is a first floor, maybe I would break a leg or something but it’s not that serious.”  

“Don’t joke about that!” Chaewon frowned and hit the back of her head.  

“Okay okay, I’m sorry! But yeah, so you see, since then I don’t drink and smoke. It’s okay if I drink like one beer-”  

“You don’t need to,” Chaewon interrupted, pulling apart so she could cup her cheeks and look at her eyes. “You said you don’t feel the need when you’re with me. I’m always here for you, whenever you need, so… If you ever feel the need, call me and I’ll be right here.”  

Hyejoo smiled and closed her eyes to Chaewon’s gentle touch, nodding.  

Chaewon leaned closer and rested her lips on Hyejoo’s forehead.  

“What else did you go through already, Hyejoo?” Chaewon asked. “While you grew up in a difficult and harmful environment, you learned so many lessons and that made the strong person you are today. I had such an easy childhood...” Chaewon said, but pain filled her voice.  

“But that’s good, right?”  

“Yes, and no. My parents always got along well, my dad is a police officer, my mom runs a small convenience store. They always wanted me to do my best so I could go to a prestigious school. But I feel like I didn’t do anything else other than studying all my life.” She paused. “I know nothing about life, I don’t have any experience, I never went through any hardships other than the normal school stress. I even feel ashamed when I remember how shocked I was when I found about all the girls liking girls thing. Have I been living all these years under a rock or something?”  

Hyejoo stared at her. “Not under a rock, but in a homophobic country, and a conservative and religious family. It’s not your fault, and you don’t need to feel ashamed about that. And it’s not because I went through what I did that you didn’t have any hardships. Didn’t you just say your parents wanted you to do your best? Let me guess, they were constantly telling you that you had to be the ing best at everything, pressuring you to get the best grades and telling you what you should do after you finish high school. Did you want to become a therapist, or did they choose for you as it happened to me?”  

Chaewon blinked. “They wanted me to go to medical school, but I convinced them to follow this path instead of being a doctor.”  

“See? And you were lucky, at least you got to choose something you like. But since you always lived with that mindset, you never really questioned it. If you look better into it, we went through similar things, just with different mindsets and backgrounds.”  

“I… Had never thought about that.”  

“It’s okay. Life anyway, so why waste time thinking about it and the past and . Well, now that I have you, it doesn’t so bad.”  

Chaewon smiled and kissed her lips. “Do I make your life better?”  

“You have no idea how much. I have a reason to wake up in the morning and strength to endure the day, and when I can finally see you, I know it was worth the wait.”  

“Where did you learn to be such a romantic?” Chaewon didn’t mind hiding the huge grin and let her cheeks become redder.  

“I’m a born romantic.” Hyejoo smirked. “But I’m being honest. If it wasn’t for you, I think I would have gone crazy already. I hope someday I can make you see how important and special you are to me.”  

“Even more than you already do?”  

“Yes, because you deserve to feel like the most special girl in the world. Like a true princess, just like your nickname.”  

Chaewon blinked. “What do you mean?”  

“Gowon. I said it didn’t mean anything special, but I was embarrassed to tell you what it really means. It’s a mix of classy and princess with your name. So you became Gowon.”  

Heat crept under Chaewon’s face. “Y-You’re so cheesy.”  

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”  

“I do. Now I love it even more.”  

“I’m glad then, Gowon.” 

--- 

As soon as her eyes met Chaewon’s, Hyejoo jumped from the bench she was sitting on, removing the airpods from her ears and giving her the biggest grin.  

“You’re in a good mood even with this gloomy weather.” Chaewon giggled as Hyejoo took a step closer and circled her arm around her shoulders.  

“Not even the wind or the rain or whatever the will bring my mood down today.”  

“Why is that?”  

“Because classes are finally ing over!” she said, jumping like a little kid.  

“Cute, but we still have our exams.”  

All the excitement on her face died in a second. “Wow, who knew Gowon would be the one bringing my mood down?”  

“N-No, I’m sorry!” Chaewon cupped her cheeks, but Hyejoo kept on looking elsewhere. “I didn’t mean to do that.”  

Hyejoo looked down and pouted. “I forgive you, but now you have to make it up to me and make me forget about that .”  

“Anything.”  

“Alright, movies and dinner, or Netflix and chill?” Hyejoo smirked.  

Chaewon peeked at her phone. Exams would be coming up soon and she had to study, but she could do that later at night, right?  

“It’s still early, why not both?” Chaewon smiled, grabbing Hyejoo’s hand.  

---  

They had just finished another episode of ‘Brooklyn 99’, and while Hyejoo was still laughing at the ending, Chaewon checked the time on her phone.  

“I should go, it’s getting late.”  

Hyejoo stopped laughing and turned to her. “Go where? We don’t have classes, and there’s still the chill part left.” She smirked.  

“I still need to study before going to bed tonight. And we have reading period.”  

“I’m not going to those.”  

“What? You need to go, Hyejoo. It’s important to prepare for the exams.”  

“Because going means I need to study.”  

“But you need to study.”  

“But I don’t want to.”  

Chaewon pursued her lips. “Why?”  

“Because you know I hate this, I don’t wanna do this, it ing !” Hyejoo said, her voice becoming louder.  

“I know you don’t want to do this, but you’re risking making this even harder-“  

“I don’t ing want to, Chaewon!” Hyejoo jumped from the couch.  

Chaewon recoiled. Hyejoo’s fists curled up at the sides of her body, and when she looked back and found Chaewon’s widened eyes, she let her body drop to the couch again with a loud sigh.  

“I’m sorry,” Hyejoo said, eyes down as she grabbed her hands. “You can’t imagine how anxious this makes me. I try, I swear I try to study, but whenever I sit down and look at my books, I have to fight back an anxiety attack. Every single time.” Hyejoo paused. “I’m lucky I’m smart enough to get decent grades with trying to pay attention in class, and that’s already damn hard. But decent isn’t enough for my father, and that only makes it a thousand times worse. I know I need to have better grades, but for that, I need to study and I don’t want to. But if I don’t do it, I don’t know how my father will react and, see, it’s a ing circle and I can’t get out of it!”  

“I’m here, I can help you.” Chaewon squeezed her hand, and cupped her cheek, caressing it. “I can’t really help you with law and all that stuff, but I can be by your side, while I also study. I’ll be there to hold your hand or kiss you or motivate you whenever you need. Will that help?”  

"I guess so, but I don't want to get in your way."  

"You won't. I study well with other people around, you don't need to worry about me."  

Hyejoo met her eyes. "Would you do that?"  

"Of course, I want to help in any way I can."  

"Okay. I'll try."  

Chaewon smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips. "Tomorrow we'll both attend our classes, and then we can have lunch and rest a bit, and then we study. Okay?"  

"As long as I'm with you."  

"I won't leave your side."  

"Thank you, Gowon, for real. I don't know how I would deal with this without you."  

"And you don't need to think about that." Chaewon pinched her cheeks. "Oh, I just remembered. There's something I want to tell you."  

Hyejoo nodded and hummed, turning her body towards her.  

"Sooyoung and Jiwoo told me about this Harvard LGBT association, and after gathering enough courage, I went there.”  

Hyejoo irked an eyebrow, but said nothing, only nodding for her to continue.  

"This is all still very recent to me, and you know I'm slowly accepting it, but it still goes against everything I’d believed all my life and it’s a lot to take in. I went there and met students who are also very religious, like Son Chaeyoung. She’s been dating her girlfriend for years! Taeyong and Ten were an adorable couple too and they told me how they also struggled with these thoughts at a point. Their families ended up accepting them as they are, so I hope mine will too... Someday, at least.”  

"I'm sure they will. But even if they don't, they'll be the wrong ones, not you. And be sure that I'll always be here to support you, and you also have your friends and lots of people who went through the same as you and I did." Hyejoo paused and looked down. "You know my father never accepted me as I am, and I don't think he ever will, but I'm at peace with myself because I know I did nothing wrong. This is who I am, if he doesn't like me because I'm gay, or because I'm not perfect or like he wants me to be, then him. I don't need his love or support, anyway. I would be better off if he didn't talk to me at all."  

Hyejoo always wanted to sound like she didn't care, but the more she talked about that, the more Chaewon realized it hurt her, even if she didn't want it to.  

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make this about me." Hyejoo shook her head. "I can't imagine how hard it has been for you, but I can see how hard you're trying to understand and accept all of this. I'm really happy that your efforts are paying off and you're accepting yourself more and more. You know you can always talk and rely on me too."  

"Yes, I know. I thought about asking you to come with me, but that would only turn things easy, and I wanted to try it alone for an instance. Will you come with me someday, though? They were curious to meet this Son Hyejoo that I talked about so much."  

"Of course I will. And what did you say about me?"  

Chaewon giggled, seeing her cheeks getting redder. "Who knows."  

"Yah, Park Chaew-" Hyejoo tried to protest, but she was interrupted when Chaewon pushed her back against the couch as she sat on her lap, making her in a breath. "D-Don't do that."  

"Why? It's so much fun catching you off guard," Chaewon whispered with a smirk painting her face.  

"If you wanna kill me, sure. So much fun. I'm still to find out how in the world you change into this so fast."  

"This? What's this?" Chaewon teased, scratching the back of Hyejoo's neck as she leaned closer, brushing her nose against hers.  

When Hyejoo tried to close the distance between their lips, Chaewon pushed her back once more, making her groan. "T-This!"  

Chaewon chuckled and kissed the corner of Hyejoo's lips before going for her ear, where she whispered - "The question is not how, but who." 

---

A/N: Hyejoo panicking is fun, isn't it? kekeke

Funny how Gowon is the main character, but only now you're learning more about her life ahahaha

Look forward to the next chapter!!! Not gonna say why kek